IÂ’m inventing a meme. I donÂ’t know why I havenÂ’t thought of this sooner. Why follow when I can lead. And IÂ’ve got nothing anyway.

Here goes:

1. YouÂ’re fucking with your iPod and slam your car into some other poor bastardÂ’s in the parking lot of the liquor store. No one sees you and the owner of the other car is nowhere in sight. What do you do?

a. Leave a note with your contact info
b. Leave a note with your bosses contact info
c. Fucking flee

2. YouÂ’re a guest in someoneÂ’s home for a dinner party. You excuse yourself to the restroom during dinner and have an episode of explosive diarrhea. Before you leave the bathroom you:

a. Spray that can of flowery stuff that doesnÂ’t fool anyone
b. Just leave the room smelling like a chemical fire

3. YouÂ’re sitting at a traffic light thinking about your sad, mundane life. You witness a minor traffic accident where no one is injured but plenty of damage is sustained to both vehicles. You clearly saw who was at fault. When the light turns green, you:

a. Pull over to give a statement when the cops come
b. Report the accident on your cell phone
c. Just drive the fuck away

4. You and several friends stop to pick up another friend on the way to a party. Your friend comes out wearing something that makes them look ridiculous, like a transvestite or you can clearly see a naughty bit sticking out somewhere. Do you:

a. Tell them right away, even though they may be embarrassed
b. Wait to see if someone else says something
c. Point it out to everyone at the party

5. YouÂ’re sitting in the conference room awaiting the start of a meeting. Six people are in attendance. Just as the handouts are coming around you hear audible flatulence, loud enough to be heard by everyone and certainly unmistakable. Do you:

a. Lower your eyes and say nothing
b. Laugh or make a joke
c. Say, “Who the fuck was that?”

6. You are on your way to the store. Your wife/husband/other asks you to get them something. Due to your own inability to either listen or think about anyone but yourself, you forget. When you come home, you:

a. Tell them you forgot
b. Lie and tell them you couldnÂ’t find it/any

6.5 When they ask you, “Did you ask someone who works there?” You:

a. Say, “No, I never thought of that.”
b. Lie and say, “Yeah, they said they were all out.”

IÂ’m not tagging anyone with this, but it would make my day to see it on someone elseÂ’s blog. That and five points to anyone that has the balls.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 09:23 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 472 words, total size 3 kb.

1 1. Depending on the damage, I could do any of the above. Serious damage and I'd probably sit there and wait for the person to come out. A scratch or ding and they wouldn't even know I existed. 2. At a big party, I'd try to escape leaving the caustic fumes ungarnished by air-fresheners. If it was an intimate gathering, I'd be screwed anyways because they would have heard my screams of agony. So I guess either way I'd just let it ride. 3. a - Give a statement. In most instances, when given the chance to not give a fuck about others, I'll gladly take that opportunity. But auto-wrecks can be such an unbelievable pain in the ass, that I don't think I could live with myself knowing that I could have helped out a bit by acting as a witness. 4. I would laugh, but tell them "Hey, it's just me. What the hell do I know about fashion?" Since that's the truth, they'd probably not change their outfit. I would laugh about it at the party, but if they don't think they look stupid, I guess that's all that matters. 5. If it's my meeting, or a meeting where I'm not low-man, I'd call the person out. If I was the low-man in the meeting, I'd just stare everyone down until I was sure I knew who it was. Then I'd tell all that person's employees that they're a disgusting sonofabitch. 6. a - tell them I forgot. They won't be surprised. I do the same thing to myself all the time. 6.5 b. Lie and say, “Yeah, they said they were all out.” If I had lied in the first place, I would most likely continue to lie. I'm not a big liar, because I'm too lazy to give a shit most of the time about pleasing other people, but when I do lie, it should be important enough to maintain the lie for the rest of my life. In that case, I'd probably come up with much more elaborate, fool proof, well thought out excuses. If you're going to lie in any situation, it should become an airtight strategy. Which is precisely why I try not to lie too often. It can be fucking dispicable.

Posted by: shank at March 01, 2006 10:19 AM (+H1yK)

2 Those are trick questions. The correct answer to all of them is "D: Do what Brian Boitano'd do". Or maybe "E: Continue on your merry way".

Posted by: Jim at March 01, 2006 10:59 AM (oqu5j)

3 I don't have a blog so I'm posting here. 1. C - Flee flee flee...Pay backs are a bitch. Do you know how many effin times people have done that to my car? Why would I be nice and leave a note? So my insurance can go up? 2. A - Use the spray man! (I keep getting the visual from dumb and dumber.) Flower poop smell is way better than just plain ol' raunch. 3. C - Drive the fuck away they'll sort it out. No use sticking your nose in other peoples bidness. (true -story...a year ago I witnessed a minor accident. I saw who was at fault. But I kept going because I didn't want to be late for work) What? I'm a dedicated employee. 4. A - This is clearly an unspoken truce when it comes to girls. I would have to say I'd let them know that their nipple is peakin out and waving hi. 5. C- Even if I knew what the fuck that was. I'd still say "what the fuck was that"? I mean come on.... if the person was brazen enough to fart "loudly" in front of his collegues than there needs to be attention drawn to the tool box who has no regard for the poor sap sitting next to him. 6. B- Lie. 1st lesson...never send Me to do YOUR errands you lazy bastard. 2nd lesson...you want something done right do it yourself. Enough said. 6.5 B - Lie..see above. Never admit a thang

Posted by: Tiffani at March 01, 2006 11:28 AM (KE4Gu)

4 Tracky Backy Delayed: Here ya go.

Posted by: phin at March 01, 2006 11:57 AM (Xvpen)

5 Your blog will have to serve as my blog, will I still get five points? 1. I'm with shank here. Minor dings or less, I'm gone. More serious noticable damage I'd do the honest thing, I hate to be a dickhead like too many people who wouldn't hesitate to run after totally smashing my car. 2. a - If available, I'd spray. I would probably still blame the stench on the next poor sap that decided to go in there and come out gagging (OhmiGOD!! you stunk up the place so bad you made YOURSELF sick? EGADS!). 3. If I wasn't in a rush, I'd pull over and give a statement. Otherwise, I'd just report it on the phone. 4. a - I couldn't wait, the humiliation would start immediately after they got into my car. 5. b - Probably say something semi-smartassed like "Okay, no more Taco Bell for you." 6. a - Tell her I forgot. It wouldn't matter, I'd get blasted no matter what the excuse. 6.5. See above answer.

Posted by: diamond dave at March 01, 2006 05:13 PM (OPflN)

6 Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Used to be, when you had nothing, you'd post about that and the bitching would be pure genius. Now you're reduced to inventing fucking memes. God help us all.

Posted by: Ted at March 02, 2006 07:35 AM (blNMI)

7 this was the funniest shit i have seen in days... i found myself torn on several of them... but damn it was hilarious - thank you again for being so incredibly hilarious!

Posted by: Moodie at March 02, 2006 10:57 AM (8RKIo)

8 It apparently doesn't like my ping, so here's my entry:

Posted by: Oorgo at March 02, 2006 07:24 PM (lM0qs)

9 Okay, I had to update because a "situation" happened in my classroom (I teach 7th grade) and now when I read question #5, I can't help but laugh... In class, last week, a student farted - now they do this all the time so normally it's no big deal - but I reacted... looking up (not knowing who did it) I said, "Who was that?" (not thinking) thereby sending the entire class into a laughing fit. Somehow this escalated into a full-blown discussion about farting (I teach Health, btw) and other sex-related questions. How this happens is beyond me, but... I now know the answer to #5!

Posted by: Moodie at March 06, 2006 10:39 AM (8RKIo)

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