Okay, it's time to tally the points from the 'Donate a Name For Our New Blogger' contest.

Susan - I liked this one at first, because it was so simple. Then I decided it paled in comparison to what would become the competition. -5 for tommy.

Slutbucket and Slaptasm - Slutbucket is something you hear drunk bitches screaming at eachother in a chick fight; -2. Slaptasm, although creative (+2), doesn't make any sense to me without further description. Total score, 0.

Fuckhead - Funny, but then I realized I was just playing favorites. As such, Paul will incur no penalty, but I'm now -7 for being a nepotist. Unfortunately for the rest of you, I'm also +142,398,756 for being a member of this oligarchy we run at SBD.

The Suck - Very creative. -8.

Susan Spermblogger - Firstly, - ∞ for not sharing links regarding said pornstar. However, I appreciated the compound name (one of few); so I grant thee +147,293 points. Which is a drop in the bucket on your way back to zero.

Fart Rooster - Personally, I loved this one. It made absolutely no sense at all, but my mind kept trying to put these two familiar words together to form a mental picture. I'm not sure it really suits Bill, but +9 for something that made me laugh.

Patsy - That's my sister's name; you ass. Go to Hell, and minus whatever Bill says you deserve.

THE Tinkey Winkey - Humorous, but I'd have a problem referring to some dude with a phallic psuedonym.

Ron Jeremy's Cock - See above, minus the 'Humorous' part. Besides, why would you want to be named after something that's been in and out of more whores than a herion needle?

Bumhole McFingerin' - I like that it alludes to said blogger's penchant for having his ass stuffed by strangers, but I don't want to think about fingering butt holes when I think about Bill. Even though it's pretty much already that way, thanks to him.

Sally Scrabby Raphael - Maybe if it were Sally Scabby Raphael. +1 for the full name.

Bill - Look, the whole point of this is to come up with a funny name. And goddamit, if I wasn't afraid that Bane would creep through my house while I slept and slice off my nutsack; I'd dock him points and maybe ban his IP. However, I am absofuckinlutely terrified that he will do exactly that; so he wins the contest hands down. Hey, what can I say. I love my balls right where they are.

Snibbley Fartwobbler - Another good, creative name. Except the Snibbley part. That sounds like something out of a Disney movie. +1/2 pt.

Cindy Brady - I thought this was hilarious. Firstly, Bill's a total whiner. It's what he does best. And secondly, those fucking pigtails he insists on wearing make me want to hit him with a spiked bat. +9 for Ted.

Lola - The name was good and all, so I give you +2 for it. I also give you +17 for the job hunt. I hate job hunting. However, you did win last year; which means you start this year at -37. Sorry, it was in the contract you signed. Yeah, down at the bottom...the fine print...see.

And lastly, if you don't think your submission was judged fairly and without prejudice against your person; there is an appeals process. You see, this is SBD - a website that believes in 'liberty and justice for all'; as you can see on the right sidebar there. So if you feel you've been slighted, please feel free to go fuck yourself. It's your celebrated, god-given and protected right.

Posted by: shank at 08:17 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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