Completing a treacherous thousand-mile exodus, an ill and exhausted Brigham Young and fellow members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints arrived in Utah's Great Salt Lake Valley on July 24, 1847. They were ill and exhausted because everyone had eight to twelve wives who simultaneously bitched at them and told them they were lost and to "pull over and ask for directions for Christ's Sake!". This went on for a thousand miles. The Mormon pioneers viewed their arrival as the founding of a Mormon homeland, hence Pioneer Day. The Mormons, as they were commonly known, left their settlement in Nauvoo, Illinois, and journeyed West seeking refuge from religious persecution because they were a bunch of psycho, polygamist whackjobs.

July 24 is still celebrated as Pioneer Day in Utah and several other Western states. The bravery of the original settlers and their strength of character and physical endurance is commemorated with festivities including games and music, speeches, parades, rodeos, and picnics. Their physical endurance is still tested when the menfolk have to fuck and perform cunnilingus on each of their fifteen wives one after another until everyone has climaxed. This goes on for eight days and is known as Mormonukkah or The festival of Cum. Mormonukkah ends when the last candle is lit and a Mormonic dreidel is ceremoniously jammed up the oldest childs' ass.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 03:57 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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