I hate it when you say "Merry Christmas" to someone and instead of an equally friendly reply; you get a scowl and any number of possible condescending comments:
"Hmph. I don't celebrate Christmas."
"Whatever, it's all been commercialized anyways."
Some people will even frown and say they're Jewish. Which really confuses me, because being Jewish ain't all that bad, so what's with the frown? But I suppose that's a whole 'nother subject.

A few years back, I came up with my own retort to these folks: "Don't be a dick." Look, if someone comes up to you and says "Happy Cinco de Mayo", non-Mexicans don't scowl and say "Whatever. I'm from Wisconsin." No. You say "Hell yeah! Let's go get some Coronas!" Same with Octoberfest. Granted, I've got German lineage, but my friends still don the lederhosen, eat a bunch of brats, down some Hefeweizen, and occasionally wake up next to a member of the '76 Olympic swim team. Why? Because it's just a fun celebration.

And this applies to us all. I mean, if someone came up to me and was like "Happy Kwanzaa" I'd be like "Thanks." I might even say "Let's go sacrifice some goats!" Just kidding, you kwazee Kwanzaa kids. Oh Christ. At any rate, if someone wishes you a "Happy Whatever" and it's not a holiday you celebrate, try not to be a dick. It only makes you look like a dick. And nobody likes dickotry.

Posted by: shank at 03:41 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 257 words, total size 1 kb.

By request.

I can't lie around in silk boxers every day.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 07:43 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 21 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Alrighty then, since were fully immersed in your embarrasing house attire, I expect the story of how a pair of such hideous pantaloons came into your possession. Yes, pantaloons. If any article of clothing ever deserved a pansy name like pantaloons, it would be those things.

Posted by: shank at December 13, 2005 07:46 PM (jfEhX)

2 I don't actually sleep in them.

Posted by: Paul at December 13, 2005 07:51 PM (fz+XU)

3 A while back I had my appendix out. As I was recovering I was taking a shitload of prescription pills for the pain. Now fast forward a year. One day I’m looking in my closet for a pair sweats and I see these things lying there on a shelf. I had never seen them before in my life. Naturally, I grab them, go find the old lady and give them to her. “Are these yours?” “No, they’re yours.” “Where the hell did they come from?” “You don’t remember?” “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “When you were in the hospital your mother flew down to see you.” “I remember that.” “She gave these to you.” “I have no memory of that.” “Well, you must have been flying pretty high because you wore them every day for a week.” She swears it’s true, but I have no memory of getting or wearing these hideous things. Now they're my house pants. And not for nothing, but I look pretty fucking good in them.

Posted by: Paul at December 13, 2005 08:03 PM (fz+XU)

4 Now that's sad. If they were Spidey, or Batman, they'd be okay. But Snoopy? Grow a pair, man! LOL

Posted by: jenE at December 13, 2005 08:08 PM (K0Tmz)

5 Ummm Paul? If you wear those outside to get a bottle. I"LL do what ever you want. That's priceless. Or tasteless take your pick.

Posted by: Tiffani at December 14, 2005 09:04 AM (KE4Gu)

6 Back off Tiffani. I've got it taken care of. Thanks anyway.

Posted by: Quality Lady at December 14, 2005 10:29 AM (jmktO)

7 Sorry...my bad.

Posted by: Tiffani at December 14, 2005 12:00 PM (KE4Gu)

8 Thank you for honoring my request. You are the best - now I can really laugh my ass off at the fact that you didn't take your wife up on that sweet deal... dang! You are a wimp. (Said in only the nicest way, of course) See, though you generally understood the context, you may not have understood that she was serious... but you know her better than I do. Did you try anything when you got home??

Posted by: Wendy at December 14, 2005 12:20 PM (8RKIo)

9 I am officially turned on.

Posted by: DeAnna at December 14, 2005 12:57 PM (IdVP4)

10 I'm not.

Posted by: Victor at December 14, 2005 02:48 PM (L3qPK)

11 What has become of our Paul? First you ask for a new BMW then this? My husband came home with a new SUV one day and I didn't even blink. I'm sure you do look all hot in them but for God's sake man, go to Old Navy and get some manly jammy pants for 14.99. If you are still wanting to live on the edge, there are some red ones with gingerbread men on them.

Posted by: Jackie at December 14, 2005 08:40 PM (iErNK)

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