I've had it with this metrosexual nonsense. This new fad is an attempt to take the grit out of manhood - to subtract from the essence of man. It's a crock of shit. James Bond, Frank Sinatra, Cool Hand Luke, The Duke - these men had grit. They also had style, but they didn't need designer clothes, facial cleansers, or spring salads topped with tangerine slices and walnut crumbles to achieve it. So I've decided to embark on a journey to remind us all that men don't need Paul Mitchell, The Queer Eye Crew, or pastel colors to be a modern man. We'll cover cooking, clothes, hygeine, music, all kinds of crap; so keep checking this category.

Dressing Like a Man
Firstly, take notes from the penultimate man heroes. Bond wore black and white tuxes - to everything. Don't worry about sprucing up your formal wear, man. Black and white is timeless, elegant, and is the masterful balance of unassuming yet sophisticated. As far as dress shoes go, I prefer a parade gloss black shoe or black and white wingtips. Sinatra wore wingtips. Sinatra. Wingtips.

When dressing for the office, stick to monocrhomatic shit. If you've got brown shoes, wear a brown belt. Black shoes, black belt. Easy to remember, right? Always go with neutral colors for pants - black, grey, off-white. Not only are these easy to find, but they'll go with just about any matching shirt/tie combo. I can't match colors for shit (probably because I have a set of balls) so I usually take my wife with me for shirt/tie shopping. Notice that you'll hardly ever find a straightup grey pair of pants; same with brown. They usually have little threads of other colors woven in. Find a shirt that hints at those colors, but isn't too dark. Then pick a tie that alludes to these same colors. It all sounds very complicated, that's why I suggest taking a wife or sister along. They just have an eye for that subtle color shit.

As far as casual wear goes; if you actually pick this kind of stuff out, you're beyond help. If any real man had his druthers, it'd be t-shirts and jeans for every occasion. Really, if you have to think about what you're going to wear on Saturday afternoon or something, you've been completely corrupted by BS. Pick a pair of old shorts, a grimy undershirt, and those sneaks you've had since you were in college and get your but out there and mow the lawn or change the oil. Please tell me you know how to do that.

Next time we'll cover grooming. Or maybe cooking. But who knows.

Posted by: shank at 07:24 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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