Firstly, this site reached it's 10,000th comment tonight. May we all wonder at the tidal wave of comment spam; and those of us in hats, tip them to the new revolution. Well, that and the fact that the 10,000th comment probably belonged to me. Becuase I'm a whore. In unrelated matters, I think I've realized a grim truth. Hopefully, as usual, I am wrong here.

It seems to me, that there's almost no reason to ever get to know anyone you don't already know. I mean, those really good friends and family; the ones who, even though you don't see them so often, can understand you (and vice versa) across those periodic blank spaces in your shared timeline; are really all you need.

In the past few years, it seems I've literally had to go out of my fucking way (by hundreds of miles) to meet a new person who's goddamned decent (I define 'goddamned decent' as someone you would let take care of your children). Now, if shit is so retarded that I can't locally find a plethora of folks with enough character to trust with a mere babe...then W.T.F?

Moreover, why in the hell is it that everyone out there feels like they have something to prove? The next time someone shows up at my fucking house for a barbecue wearing a collared shirt and shiny leather shoes; or creased khakis, I'm going to shit a big fat brick. It's going to be roughly the size of a Yugo and it's going to smell like burned bean soup. For fuck's sake, it's a barbecue. I've got a grill going and a bonfire lit. If you show up in 'business casual', you're probably going to end up in one of those two fixtures. I'm surrounded by these kinds of pricks for an unbearable amount of time each week, and I dread ever having to share any personal information with them.

I mean, seriously what the fuck is wrong with these people? They have all the trappings of a normal family life: families, nondescript suburban lifestyles, minivans/SUV's, job security. And yet they continue to push the envelope of what amounts to character assault:
"When are you two going to buy a home in the neighborhood?" Never. Good God, this place is the ninth circle of hell. How much debt do you have to keep leveraged to live in this place?
"Have you thought about children? They're a great tax deduction!" Well, I had no idea. Maybe I should just start pumping my wife like a fucking slot machine. Which reminds me, we've got better things to do. Dear, let's go, shall we? Woo-hoo! Gravy train, here we come!
"You're looking for a new car? You should totally try these new $50K SUV's!" What are you, fucking retarded?
"Can you believe Joe and Mary got divorced? He was seeing other women you know!" I doubt it. Joe probably didn't have the balls to tell everyone that he'd rather spend the night sleeping in a movie theater than hanging out with you fucking morons. Speaking of which, I think there's midnight showing of Gigli this weekend; so no, I won't be able to make your garden party on Saturday.

Gag me with a spoon.

Posted by: shank at 12:07 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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