UPDATE: March results are in the extended entry.

Want to know what it's about? See the Shamming/Sharing intro post.

Is this anecdote a sham or a share?

I've mentioned previously how I protected myself from a lot of the harassment that smaller kids typically get heaped on them. Basically, I just went ape when somebody did something (a noogie or charlie horse or whatever) and attracted a whole lot of attention while making the bully feel like a moron. It worked well. What it didn't protect against was people who actually wanted to beat me up. That happened twice - once each in two different schools.

The first time was when I was a hormone addled new teen. On the walk home from school I got jumped and beat on fairly well. My mother raised a holy shit fit but that didn't do anything except embarrass me further. A few weeks later in the middle of the lunchroom with a full gaggle of spectators (and supervising adults who could break up a fight pretty quickly) I unloaded on the kid. A tray to the face followed by me jumping on him over the table and some spectactularly poorly executed punching took him by complete surprise. I said that he had called my mother a whore and that was why I beat on him. We were both suspended for a day. I didn't get into any other fights for two years.

The other time was as a sophomore in high school. I pissed off a jock and got a sucker punch in the gut that left me gasping for breath and with tears coming out of my eyes. Later the same day I took a full bookbag and swung it like I was doing a hammer throw and connected with the back of his head. He was sent loopy and couldn't stand up. I went up to him and asked if we were cool now and he said yes. Nobody ever tried to hurt me physically (with mean intent) for the rest of my high school days.

Current Standings:

Four Correct
jim
MojoMark
Sue

Three Correct
Helen

Two Correct
Brian Jones
Mike the Marine
mitzi
Rob
Simon

One Correct
Jeremy
Lovely Wife
Mutinousdoug
Susie
Tiffani
Tommy

Zero Correct
Everybody else

This one was a sham. I did get into two scraps sorta as described but there was no calculating revenge on my part. I'm more of an instant reaction type and if I don't react right away my revenge later probably will not be physical.

The first fight did happen in the lunchroom but there wasn't any tray involved and it wasn't retribution for a previous beating. This guy said something about my Mom and I jumped on him. We both did some wild ineffectual flailing and then got pulled apart.

The second scenario is correct but he didn't gut punch me to start it. He cracked me in the jaw so hard I saw stars. I was the woozy one, not him. As soon as I could focus (which seemed like hours but I'm told was just a couple of seconds) I went for him. I didn't land anything effective (I blame latent wooziness) and we were pulled apart and calmed down by classmates before anything else happened. Later he apologized for cold cocking me and offered to take a punch if I wanted to give him one. I forgave him and passed on the freebie (no sense letting him know how bad I punched, right?). He was shocked that I passed on the punch and said he was impressed by how fast I came back after him and I said it was probably because he punched like a girl. We got along pretty well after that. The reputation I got from taking that punch kept me safe through high school. Well I suppose being the goalie for lacrosse helped too - only true psychos do that.

Helen, tommy, Simon, mitzi, Sue, Brian Jones and jimi weren't fooled. Better than two thirds got it; I'm going to have to brush up on my prevarication skills. Since this was the last sham/share given in March our final standings are:

Five Correct
jimi
Sue

Four Correct
MojoMark
Helen

Three Correct
Brian Jones
mitzi
Simon

Two Correct
Mike the Marine
Rob
Tommy

One Correct
Jeremy
Lovely Wife
Mutinousdoug
Susie
Tiffani

Zero Correct
Everybody else

Sue and jimi tied for the gold and they'll both get 8 points. MojoMark and Helen tied for bronze and they each earn 2. Congrats to all and thanks for playing. April's Sham/Share will start up presently.

Posted by: Jim at 12:45 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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