January 27, 2006
Online Personals SBD Edition
shank being The King of Curious is wondering what ever happened to that lost lonely girl who's heart he broke back in high school. He then invited contributors to submit a profile of what my old
classmate's love muffin's life is like now.
I gotta tell ya folks, the truth is stranger than fiction and after a bit of digging there are some N-V-T-S nuts out there. I found shank's long lost love on one of the interweb dating sites. Her profile is of course presented in the extended entry for your viewing pleasure.
About Me
Name: shankless in Seattle
Gender: Woman seeking a Man
Marital Status: Single - never married, damn you shank
Body Type: Ton O' Fun
Height: 3' 6"
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Brown
Ethnicity: Cracker
Sense of Humor: Dark
Social Setting: Mostly alone in my parents basement
TV Watching: Reality show addict man I love my Springer, one day shank and I well start in our own episode.
Smoking: Crack only
Drinking: Drinks regularly it helps to quiet down the voices
Living Situation: Alone in my parents basement
Have Kids: Twins, I think they're shanks, or maybe the bus drivers
Want (more) kids: Only if they're with shank
Education: 11th Grade
Employment Status: Mostly Nights
Occupation: Exotic Dancer / Massage Therapist
Political Views: Liberal
Astrology: Aries
Languages: English and Klingon
Interests: Star Trek, Online Gaming, Playing with my shank Voodoo Doll and Chatting Online
In my own words
Ever since that fateful dance at prom I've know that shank was the one for me. Alas he has promised his heart to another and I've been forced to drown my sorrows by consuming vast quantities of deep fried twinkies and head cheese. Most people think I am kind of weird, but I think that is much better than being boring, plus it means I'm different than any other girl you've ever dated! I am looking to settle down. I have been praying that I will find a man to settle down with for a while now, so I am putting myself out there so a good man can find me, then maybe, just maybe I'll be able to get over that heartbreaking bastage shank.
Posted by: phin at
10:08 AM
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Post contains 374 words, total size 3 kb.
Posted by: shank at January 27, 2006 10:59 AM (+H1yK)
2
BTW, that's the FIRST TIME EVER that someone has
not capitalized the 's' on shank. I've always left it uncapitalized on purpose, but everyone else always capitalized it - especially you, because it's probably a pet peeve of yours or something. But it's finally correct! I am
validated!
Posted by: shank at January 27, 2006 12:00 PM (+H1yK)
3
The really scary part, this:
Most people think I am kind of weird, but I think that is much better than being boring, plus it means I'm different than any other girl you've ever dated! I am looking to settle down. I have been praying that I will find a man to settle down with for a while now, so I am putting myself out there so a good man can find me part was actually pulled from an online personal.
I am validated! I kind of figured VIOLATED is the word you'd have chosen.
Posted by: phin at January 27, 2006 12:11 PM (Xvpen)
4
Name: Nikki
Gender: Woman seeking a Man
Marital Status: Single - divorced
Body Type: Athletic - read, flexible.
Height: 5' 6"
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Brown
Ethnicity: Cracker
Sense of Humor: Yes Please
Social Setting: Hang out around the barracks with the rest of my platoon
TV Watching: Guns 'N' Ammo, American Shooter
Smoking: Marlboro Reds
Drinking: Whiskey and Beer, preferably right after one another; and while on shoreleave in Hong Kong. Gets the taste of Thai man-whore out of my mouth.
Living Situation: USS
Arleigh BurkeAPO/FPO
Have Kids: None
Want (more) kids: Not when there's muslim extremists left to kill
Education: Naval War College, Norfolk, VA
Employment Status: Active Duty Navy
Occupation: Aegis Missile Specialist - I like to blow things up.
Political Views: In this world, there are enemies and there are missles. I'm just the matchmaker
Astrology: Scorpio
Languages: English
Interests: I've got an award winning collection of historic and antique weaponry, I enjoy going out to the range with the shooting club, and I've recently joined a roller derby league.
In my own words
I'm a brutally honest person, and I think that turns some people off. I made a man cry once, but really, what kind of man can't handle a little honesty right? I'm looking for a guy who's tough, because I'm a tough woman. He needs to be a good shot, or at least be able to clean his own rifle. But he better be able to cook too, because there's nothing I love more than a big homecooked meal when I hit town. And a foot massage. And the
goddamned remote.
Posted by: shank at January 27, 2006 01:07 PM (+H1yK)
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