Today is MozartÂ’s 250th birthday. IÂ’m a fan. I even went to the Salzburg Festival once.

And even though a talent like that is extremely rare, I offer you another, of equal greatness. He never became as famous as Mozart, but I consider him to be his equal.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you, Le Pétomane.

For some reason, this line made me laugh out loudÂ…it just seems so out of place.

“Later he opened a biscuit factory in Toulon.”

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:46 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Rob tagged us with the Gang of Four thing.

Four jobs IÂ’ve had in my life
• Marketing Director
• Sales & Marketing Director
• Pizza Delivery Twerp
• Dishwasher

Four movies I can watch over and over
• Blue Velvet
• Reservoir Dogs
• Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
• The Godfather 1 & 2

Four places I have lived
• The OC
• NYC
• Miami
• Philadelphia

Four TV shows I love to watch
• Seinfeld
• Ali G
• The Sopranos
• Entourage

Four places I have been on vacation
• Oberammergau, Germany
• Tokyo, Japan
• Napa Valley, California
• San Sebastian, Spain

Four of my favorite dishes
• Sicilian Pizza
• Bouillabaisse
• Fois Gras (no searing, please)
• Subs (on really good bread)

Four websites I visit daily
• Imagine life without Google?
• SBD
• I really hate to admit it…Drudge
• Pretty much everybody on the blogroll

Four places I would rather be right now
• Ireland
• Lake Tahoe
• Bordeaux
• Las Vegas

Four bloggers I am tagging

None. Bloggers get all the glory. IÂ’m tagging regular people without blogsÂ…do it in the comments. Go ahead, letÂ’s have some fun.
Tiffani, weÂ’re waiting.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:33 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I'm a Porsche 911!

You have a classic style, but you're up-to-date with the latest technology. You're ambitious, competitive, and you love to win. Performance, precision, and prestige - you're one of the elite,and you know it.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Via Bane

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 12:45 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Why is it so hard to get a doctorÂ’s appointment? When youÂ’re sick, youÂ’re sick. You need to see a doctor right away, not in two fucking weeks. Christ, by then whatever youÂ’ve got is either gone or has killed you. Most of them now have about six offices they run between when theyÂ’re not out cashing checks and playing golf.

Dramatization

“Good morning, Dr. Robert’s office.”

“I need to make an appointment with Dr. Roberts.”

“Have you been here before?”

“Yes.”

“When would you like to come in?”

“As soon as possible.”

“How about the 12th?”

“Of February?”

“Yes, we have a morning and an afternoon.”

“I was hoping to see him today…can’t you squeeze me in?”

“No, sir. February is the earliest appointment we have.”

“You don’t understand. I’m in horrible pain! I have shooting pains in my side and I can’t eat anything because of the vomiting.”

“I can call you if we have a cancellation before then…”

“But my pee is black!”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but—“

“Lady, I’ve got the goddamned plague! Don’t you understand…I feel like I’ve been fucking SHOT in the side. My pee is black! I’ve been coughing up shit that looks like tripe!”

“Would you like to take the appointment on the 12th or not, sir?”

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 09:12 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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It seems like a very long time ago.

IÂ’ve gone my entire life without ever seeing the word Sudoku in print or heard it spoken, and in the last week itÂ’s everywhere I look. I have no idea what it is, nor do I want to know.

In other news, can too much cranberry juice turn your poop yellow? A friend wants to know.

TheyÂ’re playing every episode of The Sopranos in order on HBO, one episode per night. ItÂ’s pretty much the only thing IÂ’ve got going for me right now. Big Pussy has it coming to him any day now.

HereÂ’s an interesting fact. I have never seen any of the Lord of the Rings movies. For some reason the whole thing never really appealed to me. Now it seems daunting to try and catch up. I feel like if I donÂ’t have all the DVDs in my possession along with three days off work it will be a disjointed hassle. I probably have some serious mental health issues.

TodayÂ’s lucky number is 29.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 03:01 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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An old man sits at a large oak desk. A roaring fire blazes away, drying his greatcoat which hangs nearby. His mind is focused on a portrait hanging over the fireplace. He glances around the room, his eyes falling on other portraits that hang against the dark wood paneling. He takes a sip of brandy and his thoughts return to his letter.

Working by candle light he dips his quill and in magnificent script signs his name on the bottom of the thick heavy parchment. After blotting his work, he folds the letter, places it in a large envelope and drips the aromatic wax across the fold. Finding his large seal, he firmly stamps his crest into the wax. Knowing that the letter may take months to arrive at its destination, he sighs and rings for his valet to hasten it to post.

###

And here I sit with a little plastic machine, almost instantly receiving hate mail from cowardly little pricks who canÂ’t spell.

The contrast is depressing.

###

The above post was written a few years ago on my first blog. In fact, it was one of the first things IÂ’d ever posted. It was then and continues to be a pretty accurate portrayal of my feelings. I found this yesterday whilst going over some of my stuff and decided to write a short story around it. IÂ’m giving myself until Friday, so long as things donÂ’t get too crazy.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 11:08 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I rarely link.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:22 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I wanted to write a post about how much I hate sports bars but I just canÂ’t do it justice. The passionÂ’s not strong enough, and I think itÂ’s because these things are so damned innocuous that people no longer realize theyÂ’re in a sports bar.

As far as I’m concerned they’re cookie-cutter, stereotype shitholes with lousy menus and too many televisions. For some reason most of them have green décor—why I don’t know. Do sports fans only eat chicken wings? Do sports fans have to completely lower their standards of cuisine?

Most sports bars are basically open from lunch to sometime after midnight. There are not enough sports on during that time to fill the slots. ThatÂ’s why half the time their showing goddamned curling.

Hell, I donÂ’t know, maybe itÂ’s just me. I like the NFL. Sixteen games and youÂ’re done with it. But Jesus Christ flipping flapjacks, some people watch the NBA, NCAA basketball, baseball (the all-time most boring spectator sport the world has ever known), hockey, golf, tennis and who knows what else.

Whose life is that empty that they need to completely fill it up with the accomplishments, drama and competition of other people? Because IÂ’m here to tell you, keeping up with all that shit is a full time job. And thatÂ’s not even counting the shit they call sports thatÂ’s not really sports. The stuff that takes no athletic ability like poker and darts. Sports? You must be shittinÂ’ me.

My God, I hate sports bars.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:16 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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