Well, here we are again - Ash Wednesday, the only Holy Day in the Calendar year when you can smoke in church. And two days before Christ is beaten up by the Italians, spit on by the Hebes and then crucified by his own father. His father then forsakens him as well, adding insult to injury.

But it is also a happy time. A time for spiral hams, peeps, dyed hard-boiled eggs, patent leather shoes, frilly bonnets, jelly beans, pastels and polyester, bunnys, and of course, your annual visit to church. Ah, happy times indeed. Except the church part that is. But once you're done with all that blathering voodoo, what better than a few cocktails and a nice brunch. And to start off that brunch, or as a light snack while you get drunk, try a little Cheeses Christ. Enjoy!

Cheeses Christ

1 pkg. Cream Cheese
½ c. Sour Cream
½ c. Ricotta Cheese
1 pkg. LiptonÂ’s Onion Soup Mix
1 Tbs. Chives
¼ c. Pimentos Chopped

Mix all ingredients thoroughly. Form into the shape of a cross. Serve with a light Eucharist, unleavened bread or Ritz crackers.

Alternatives

Cheeses, Mary and Joseph

If youÂ’re feeling creative and have some artistic ability, double the recipe and, using your favorite picture of Joseph and the Virgin Mary, sculpt the cheese mixture into a likeness of the two. Closely place individual kernels of corn around their heads to form halos!

Update: By the way, Snooze Button Dreams doesn't have a monopoly on the "cheeses" thing. I was doing that shit years ago. Yes, I just stole from myself but that's not the point. The point is, SBD is stealing from me...from 2002. You think you assholes are so fucking clever. I guess you are - stealing five year old shit from the master. Nice!

And you're welcome.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 11:27 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Some moron actually spent a (relatively) considerable amount of time and effort developing paint that blocks wireless signals.

That's a wonderful idea if you live in a windowless building; ya dipshit. Do I need to paint the ceiling too? I'd bet a finski that it comes in a range of vibrant colors with oddly similar sounding names: deep charcoal, moonless midnight, and Wesley Snipes.

It also seems to have slipped by this forward-thinking product development department that houses have interior walls. So there you are painting your entire house one color, fervently preventing the hordes of hackers at your virtual gates (because your home network is, apparently, the best in the universe); and you can't even get signal in your own living room because the three rooms between your dumb ass and the antenna are covered in Information Age prophylactic. You dickass!

Still, this is probably the best alternative you have. Honestly. I mean, until someone comes up with a way for you to protect your network with a key...or maybe a password...if only there was a way!

Posted by: shank at 08:39 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 184 words, total size 1 kb.