HereÂ’s a headline from AP this morning:

Wilma Roars Toward Yucatan, Southern Fla.

As of this writing, the fucking thing is wobbling around at seven MPH. Seven MPH is not roaring. ItÂ’s also nowhere near Florida, itÂ’s currently not heading towards Florida, and I suspect that these pinheads have no idea where itÂ’s going to end up.

I even have some proof.

For the past three days IÂ’ve heard and seen nothing but one forecast track, the published conglomeration of models interpreted and published by NOAA. Last nightÂ’s 5:00PM discussion, which can be found archived here, shows not only the unpredictability of hurricanes, but the ineptitude of forecasters. Witness, then, what happens when they throw their hands into the air:


“AGREEMENT AMONG THE TRACK GUIDANCE MODELS...WHICH HAD BEEN VERY GOOD OVER THE PAST COUPLE OF DAYS...HAS COMPLETELY COLLAPSED TODAY. THE 06Z RUNS OF THE GFS...GFDL...AND NOGAPS MODELS ACCELERATED WILMA RAPIDLY TOWARD NEW ENGLAND UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF A LARGE LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM IN THE GREAT LAKES REGION. ALL THREE OF THESE MODELS HAVE BACKED OFF OF THIS SOLUTION...WITH THE GFDL SHOWING AN EXTREME CHANGE...WITH ITS 5-DAY POSITION SHIFTING A MERE 1650 NMI FROM ITS PREVIOUS POSITION IN MAINE TO THE WESTERN TIP OF CUBA.”

Emphasis mine.

Today theyÂ’re back to the old track, most likely because they have no clue and are afraid to say so.

Wouldn’t it be better if they just were honest about it? Just once I’d like to hear them say, “Look, man, this thing’s heading west right now, but we don’t where it’s going or when it’s going to get there. Our educated guess says it hits the Yucatan on Thursday, but after that we just shake the magic eight ball.”

I bet that any one of us could predict where this thing lands with as much accuracy as the National Hurricane Center.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:38 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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"ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - The author of a new state law that allows felony charges against owners of dangerous dogs was hospitalized over the weekend after his own dog attacked him."

I rarely laugh out loud.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 09:00 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Drudge, who gets more pathetic with each passing day, gives us this:

MADONNA WARNS: ALL WILL GO TO HELL IF DON'T TURN FROM WICKED BEHAVIOR

Not much of a story, really. Three lines about the old trollop turned Nostradamus. He also adds, “Developing.” Yeah, you definitely want to keep your eye on that one.

Twenty seconds of my life, gone the way of the dodo.

Mofo.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 03:30 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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After reading this I had an inspired idea on how to improve the show Iron Chef America.

Currently, they have three judges. Two are usually food critics of some sort, and the third is usually some minor celebrity. On my version of the show, theyÂ’ll have six judges. Three will be proven food people. The other three? Hobos.

Surely they can find three hobos who can use a hundred bucks and meal. Meanwhile, the entertainment value goes up tenfold. ThereÂ’s no reason why hobos canÂ’t be food critics and just think of the potential. YouÂ’ll have some world class chefs being judged, likely harshly, by bums. Those fragile egos will be put to a serious test.

Maybe they can give the bums each a new suit of clothes, a bath and a shave so that they donÂ’t stink the place up too bad and then let them comment and fill out scorecards like the other judges. It would be interesting and probably hysterically funny to see hobos critique and articulate their views on haute cuisine. IÂ’m telling you, this would be huge, especially if they start hollering and have bad table manners.

The chefs, for theyÂ’re part, will have to satisfy both astute food industry people and the hobos.

Maybe I’m just fascinated by hobos put into close contact with “the beautiful people.” Is that wrong? I mean, it’s not like I’m calling them vagrants or anything.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 03:15 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I was in a position to watch a great number of people this weekend, being in a very crowded place, and IÂ’m sorry to report that the incidents of inappropriate attire people don for public display has not lessened.

I witnessed several instances of heavy women wearing low rise jeans or shorts with a skimpy top that bares the midriff. The problem with this particular style of dress on a heavy woman is that when they squeeze into those jeans, the fat gets pushed up and over the waistband creating a “muffin top.” I had no idea there was a specific term for this until my old lady enlightened me whilst pointing one out.

She elaborated.

“The problem is, almost everything is cut to low rise for women nowadays,” she said. “But you have to have a great body to pull off the bare midriff without the muffin top. That’s why a lot of girls wear a top that covers it. As you can see, some people either don’t know or don’t care about the muffin top.”

It was enlightening.

Aside from the muffin tops, I saw a lot of other disturbing attire. Guys wearing Capri pants. I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it. Someone needs to explain to me to me how a guy can walk around in Capri pants and not feel like a total dickwad—because the guys I saw looked like total dickwads.

Some people wear what I like to call the “designer costume”. That’s where every piece of clothing they wear has DKNY or Hilfiger stamped all over it. I’m not a fan of obviousness. Guy’s do this more than girls and it makes me cringe.

Then there’s “the juicy chicks.” Women who wear shorts with the word “juicy” written prominently across their ass. While that may work for women in decent shape, the majority of women I saw should really know better than to draw attention to their fat asses by boldly printing slogans across it. Some of these broads could have a whole paragraph written back there. What could they possibly be thinking?

DonÂ’t think IÂ’m against heavy peopleÂ… thatÂ’s not the case at all. IÂ’m against heavy people wearing clothing thatÂ’s clearly inappropriate. If I had a big beer gut, I wouldnÂ’t wear tight fitting shirts or take my shirt off at every available opportunity. For some reason fat guys love to take their shirts off.

On the bright side, I saw a hot chick wearing some kind of spandex, half body suit that fit like a second skin. It was black and red and I didn’t see her until my kid pointed and called out, “There’s Mrs. Incredible!” And that’s exactly what she looked like. Yes, one could say it was inappropriate attire, but at least it didn’t repulse me.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 09:18 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I miss Bill. His curmudgeonry was legendary, and his absolute contempt for just about everyone around him was an inspiration to the misanthrope community. However, there's something about Bill that he hasn't been telling us. Maybe because he's embarrassed (I know I would be), and maybe because it shows a side of him that others might see as weak. But we're all real people here Bill, and we all have little things about us that make us look stupid.

Below the fold, for the not so faint of heart. more...

Posted by: shank at 11:05 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I rarely bring up politics or world events, but I may have stumbled on to something quite by accident.

From here:

“A man holds a woman by the hand and dances with her in front of everyone. Does that serve the national interest?”

Who gives a shit? Nothing these assholes do serves any real national interests. I think the reason these people are so full of hate is because theyÂ’re not getting laid. TheyÂ’re so repressed by Stone Age beliefs that they probably need to be taught masturbation.

After controversies when a Hamas-led council halted a dance festival and Islamist gunmen stopped a rap band performing in Gaza, Dr Zahar defended the enforcement of a strict interpretation of Islam.

Okay, so theyÂ’re not into hip-hop. I canÂ’t fault their judgment on that, but they need to loosen up. LetÂ’s face it, weÂ’ve seen this all before. Remember Footloose? Kevin Bacon wasnÂ’t having any of that no dancing bullshit, and he taught that town a valuable lesson.

DonÂ’t you think these people want to make out? I mean, if a guyÂ’s got his arm around a chick and heÂ’s trying to get his other hand up under there itÂ’s hard to hold to a rifle. If given a choice between making a bomb or maybe getting to third base with some chick at a party, who the hell would choose the bomb? I think what the majority of these people want is a six pack of beer and a box of rubbers. Kevin Bacon may be the answer to this entire problem.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:39 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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As if the world needed it, here's yet another reason to hate the French. Here in the South, that kind of behavior is reprehensible, consider most of us prefer the company of a Black Lab or a Redbone Hound to that of just about any person. But damn, those French fishermen are fucked up.

Posted by: shank at 04:31 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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