And you thought there were only supposed to be Four Horsemen.
Spice Girls Reunite For World Tour

"Hey everybody!! We're back!! Can you believe it!!" Ginger, Sporty, Posh, Scary and Baby Spice announced on their Web site.

Actually, I cannot believe it. In a world already turned upside down, God has to go and send us this?

The five-member band is the latest in a long line of pop acts to bury past differences and reform, hoping for success where many others have failed.

And why did they fail, you ask? Obviously, from a serious lack of GIRRRL POWA!

I liked this little bit at the bottom:
Meanwhile, Melanie "Scary" Brown largely disappeared from the public eye until a high-profile paternity case involving Hollywood star Eddie Murphy.

Earlier this month a DNA test confirmed Murphy as the father of Brown's newborn baby girl after he declined to publicly acknowledge paternity.

In the face of damnable evidence, even Eddie Murphy won't admit to hitting that.

Posted by: shank at 08:00 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Apparently, Apple has come out with a cell phone that is going to revolutionize...cell phoning. Or something.

It takes calls/photos/video, texts, and surfs the web. That way, you're never without your youtube collection of manualists farting their favorite tunes or animals doing stupid stuff; all on a tiny, grainy handheld screen. Thank God for Apple! Where would we be without these guys, eh?

And although texting is fun when you're drunk, I don't really see the point of it. You've got a cell phone, they've got a cell phone; and yet you're opting to push the tiny keys with your fat, dumb fingers. I think there might be an easier way to get in touch with someone in that circumstance.

How about a cell phone that never drops a call? Or a phone that's waterproof? You're telling me that they can put all manner of useless shit on a cell phone, but they can't make them affordably waterproof or aggregate their networks? That might actually be revolutionary. This shit they're trying to sell us is just another distraction for the gadgetry set to add to their collection.

If I can get a phone that does all kinds of circus tricks, why can't I get a phone that actually performs well as a phone?

Posted by: shank at 11:08 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I will always remember today as the day I have officially heard it all. Here's a link, if you dare.

Posted by: shank at 10:37 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Well, everyone else is doing those "get to know you" surveys, so why not follow them right off the cliff?

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Not really. I have the same middle name as my mom and I've been through several last names (mom's issues, not mine!).

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Right before I took my boards. Mainly because I was sure someone was going to sabotage my chances of passing. And because, in my fragile mental state, when hubby mentioned my car was dirty, I was sure he hated me. Yeah, girls are a little nuts.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Nope. But it's better than some. There is a girl at the bar I work at that dots all her "i's" with hearts. It really annoys me for some reason.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Salami. Hard salami. None of that soft Genoa crap. I like the hard salami...

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Do my farting, spilling, setting the house on fire husband and vomit machine cat count?

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I guess it depends if that other person was clincially insane as well. But yeah, I guess so.

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
No, I pretty much just come out with both guns blazing. Hence the nickname "pretty bitch."

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Nope. The docs got them when I was 3. This medical fact prompted my little bro to ask me "can you still play tonsil hockey?" My my, how much 4 year olds know!

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Uhmm, I'm all talk. I'm always like "yeah, lets dooo-etttt" and then I puss out at the last minute. Plus, I work in a place where people regularly come in with all sorts of nasty head wounds and all I can think is "wow, it must have been fun until the rope snaped." (not the bar, a hospital)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I think my favorite is something like Lucky Charms or another sickly sweet kids cereal. However, I have only Kashi in my cupboard. Because I'm giving in to the societal pressure to not be disgustingly obese.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Nope. But then again, I really only wear flip-flops. I have at least 10 pairs. On rare sneaker wearing occasions, I just kick them off.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Physically, not really. I can carry a few cases of beer and move kegs, but not much beyond that. I'm working on it. But mentally, I'm...okay, I'm mediocre. Me and Freud have some work to do.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Eady's mint chocolate chip with rainbow sprinkles. I'm 5 years old again-such an easier time.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
I think their overall appearance. Are they all punk or thung? I think it comes from working at the bar and having to make quick judgements about the people that come in. Or I'm a judgemental bitch.

RED OR PINK?
Pink...like the bing on your cherry...

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My feet. They are huge! They are really wide and I have pudgy toes. I can also spread said toes into a fan, monkey style. The peeps at the bar call me "frodo toes."

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My JaJa. He was my granddaddy (JaJa is polish for grandfather). He was cool-always gave me candy corn and told me when "the neverending story" was coming on HBO.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
No shoes, just pink boy cut shorts. I just got out of bed.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Ham and cheese sammich, tortillia chips with hummus, and fruit salad.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
ER re-runs. They are like my crack.

IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
I've always thought this is a weird question. Like "if you could be any food, what would you be?" Gee, if I wanted someone to eat me, I'd like to be a burrito so they shit fire on my way out. But I guess if I had to choose, it would be Jungle Green. It sounds like a ferocious color, but it's actually a bright, happy green.

FAVORITE SMELLS?
My hubby's cologne, freshly bathed babies, fresh cut roses, ripe strawberries, the ocean, outside right before a thunderstorm hits.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My brother in law; we had him on speaker phone and were hammering out trip details.

FAVORITE SPORTS?
Buffalo Bills Football. Is there any other sport?

HAIR COLOR?
Brown

EYE COLOR?
Varying shades of green. Sometimes brightened by the shade of eyeshadow or color of my shirt.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No. I have great vision. I'm supposed to wear reading glasses but I don't. Probably related to reading under the covers with a flashlight when I was a kid.

FAVORITE FOOD?
Hummus, filet mignon (medium rare), corn on the cob (grilled), crab legs, scallops, salad.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I like scary movies, but lately all the "scary" ones turn into "how gruesome can death be" flix. I want to be scared, not puke up my popcorn. So I got to go with happy endings. They may be so sappy sweet I get cavities, but at least I'm not voming orville redenbacher.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Pirates of the Carribean: The End of the World. Three and a half hours but it was great!

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Green bathrobe. Like I said, just got up.

SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer. My tan is much better, though I could do without the humidity. I like the snow, but I've never been much for frostbite.

HUGS OR KISSES?
Kisses. But not the wet sloppy kind. Unless their from a cute doggie.

FAVORITE DESSERT?
Chocolate anything. And creme brulee.

MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To flowers and candles.

LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Slapping my leg with your manhood.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I have several going right now. The Weatherman is one, the other is Emergency Nursing, 1998 version. A textbook, but still interesting. I'm kind of a geek.

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It's a dell pad that came with the puter. A corner is cut off because my cat used to chew on it and it was all bumpy and my mouse got stuck on it.

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Last Comic Standing and a Dateline broadcast about Il Mostro, an italian serial killer. Last comic was hilarious, dateline disturbing. A great night of television!

FAVORITE SOUND?
Babies giggling, waves crashing on the beach, the doctor saying "your tests came back negative".

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles. End of discussion.

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Paris when I was 12. It was awesome. I could buy wine and they didn't even blink! Of course, I was terrified when I was going through customs on the way back.

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Yes and it has caused people to remark "Wow, your husband must really love you!"

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Buffalo, NY

WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Everyone. These are hokey but a good time killer!

Posted by: Singultus at 11:20 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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From the Spinster, because I love doing these little questionnaire things.

more...

Posted by: shank at 10:09 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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From the Spinster. I had a dream about her last night.

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I was named after my grandfather. ItÂ’s a complicated naming tradition that goes back centuries. It starts to get messy after the third son and second daughter.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I donÂ’t know. Maybe the Tony Romo incident.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I block print and even that is illegible.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Prosciutto. After that, most other salt cured meats.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
I do.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes. I make no demands of people. I am an island.

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
IÂ’m more of a cynic.

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes. I’ve never even met anyone who had them out. I think that who “get your tonsils out” thing is an urban myth.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I donÂ’t see the point. The risk vs. reward factor is horribly warped. Adventure is never fun while itÂ’s actually happening.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Frosted mini wheats.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
For sneakers, no, but I untie them before I put them back on. I wear loafers a lot—no laces. I dislike people who call sneakers tennis shoes. How many people who wear sneakers play tennis? A very small percentage I’ll reckon.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Strong like a horse. I dislike hard labor, but I can hump heavy shit all day long if need be. If you mean gym strong, I donÂ’t know.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
I canÂ’t get that excited about ice cream. Chocolate? I do like when the cone gets all soggy with from the ice cream near the end though. One of lifeÂ’s small pleasures. IÂ’m also a fan of the waffle/ice cream sandwich.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
If their eyes are dead or alive. Some people look like the lights are on but nobodyÂ’s home, other people have expressive eyesÂ… it looks like somethingÂ’s going on in there.

RED OR PINK?
Green.

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I cab be picky and critical.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Charles Bukowski.

WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Kacki shorts. No shoes.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Cornflakes.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
OliverÂ’s Army.

IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
I dislike crayons. I dislike waxy stuff.

FAVORITE SMELLS?
Napalm? Actually, I like the smell of steaks cooking, new cars, fine leather, a baseball glove, and a woman wearing this. And the smell of Hawaiian Tropic gives me instant wood.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
It was a business call.

FAVORITE SPORTS?
Football. Beach volleyball. Football.

HAIR COLOR?
Dark brown.

EYE COLOR?
Hazel. I donÂ’t even know if thatÂ’s a color, but thatÂ’s what IÂ’m told.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No.

FAVORITE FOOD?
Pizza, calzones, fois gras, rabbit, venison, bouillabaisse, steaks.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
IÂ’m a big fan of historical fare, when done right. And thrillers.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Oddly enough, Pleasantville.

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Grey pocket T.

SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer. I like everything about it.

HUGS OR KISSES?
I prefer licks.

FAVORITE DESSERT?
Chocolate mousse.

MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To genital caresses.

LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
To teeth on penis.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
The Pathfinder. James Fennimore Cooper.

WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Crumbs.

WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Hells Kitchen. God, how I love that show. Screaming, insultingÂ…

FAVORITE SOUND?
A turbo kicking in.

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles, but I dearly love the Stones too.

WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
China.

DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I have this move that ends with a swirl. Actually, I have a gift for music and languages.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
NYC

WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but I donÂ’t think heÂ’s a reader.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:43 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Global Warming = Cats Getting Lots of Ass

I gotta call shenanigans on this tripe. Cats balling other cats with abandon is not a function of global warming so much as it's a function of cat owners not following the advice of Bob Barker.

Sometimes, that HoverRound just ain't got enough balls.
Apparently, it's so boring in Paw Paw, Michigan (who woulda thunk it?) that wheelchair-bound guys are riding around mounted to the front grilles of passing trucks. Yee-Haw! I love how the dude isn't even phased; "It was quite a ride." That, my friends, is the statement of a repeat offender.

Paris Hilton, the human punchline.
Paris, probably the most widely despised criminal in recent history, has been sent home due to 'medical issues' after serving only 5 days of her (reduced) sentance of 23. Al Sharpton is all up in arms about racial and economic favoritism. Al, let's be honest here bro, exactly what in the hell did you think was going to happen? You can't honestly tell me you're suprised by this turn of events. Personally, I'm intensely curious about this generic 'medical problem'. Are we talking about simple Blackberry Withdrawal? Or the existing condition of, how do I say this, Chronic and Incapacitating Mental 'Lethargy' that Paris seems to suffer from? Or could it be that she just got the crap beat out of her so bad that she had to go home. My professional medical opinion is that a bar of soap and a tube sock would probably do considerable damage to someone who weighs in at roughly six and a half pounds.

Posted by: shank at 11:41 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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