Well. I guess there you have it.

If you're a McCain voter, I suggest this quoted post at Ace's.

If you're an Obama voter, I suggest you spend my tax money wisely. You may not be recieving it for very long at all.

Posted by: shank at 11:59 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 One word for you shank: Waaa

Posted by: Oorgo at November 05, 2008 03:43 PM (ZUQGo)

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Check this shit out:

Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and the Democrats adjourned the House and turned off the lights and killed the microphones, but Republicans are still on the floor talking gas prices....

...GOP leaders opposed the motion to adjourn the House, arguing that Pelosi's refusal to schedule a vote allowing offshore drilling is hurting the American economy...

...Democratic aides were furious at the GOP stunt, and reporters were kicked out of the Speaker's Lobby, the space next to the House floor where they normally interview lawmakers....

...Republican leaders just sent out a notice looking for a bullhorn and leadership aides are trying to corral all the members who are still in town to come speak on the floor and sustain this one-sided debate....

...Update 4 - The scene on the floor is kind of crazy. Normally, members are not allowed to speak directly to the visitor galleries, or visitors are prohibited from cheering. But in this case, the members are walking up and down on the floor during their speeches, standing on cheers, the visitors are cheering loudly. Some members even brought in visitors, who are now sitting on the House floor in the seats normally filled by lawmakers, cheering and clapping. Very funny.

Democrats faced a choice here - should they leave the cameras on and let Republicans rip Pelosi & Co. on C-Span, or should they leave the cameras off and let the Republicans have their "tantrum," as one Democratic aide characterized it, with the cameras off. So the cameras are off, but Republicans, and the crowd, are clearly enjoying the scene...

I'm a little surprised that the Democrats have decided to die on this hill. This is something that a surprising majority (70-75%, depending on your poll of choice) of people support. Now they look like selfish, do-nothing's who won't represent their constituents. Hmm.

You know, the more I think about this, the more I find it irritating that the Democrats have basically walked out on the people. It shouldn't matter what side of the aisle you're on, when 70% of American's want a ban on offshore drilling lifted, it should get at least a voting opportunity. I mean, come the fuck on, people! I hope the Republicans make a huge scene about this. They're finally speaking for the vast majority of Americans, on an issue that is central to all of us.

Update, from the same article:

Update 6 - Rep Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) just pretended to be a Democrat. He stood on the other side of the chaber and listed all of the GOP bills that the Dems killed.

He then said "I am a Democrat and here is my energy plan" and he held up a picture of an old VW Bug with a sail attached to it. He paraded around he house floor with the sign while the crowd cheered.

I can't believe no one's getting this on video.

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Nine. Percent.

Posted by: shank at 10:35 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Ron, come here buddy; it's time for a little man-to-man.

I just want to say a few things up front. First, we really like your style. You've got panache and you've got balls, two qualities that some politicians lack.

Now that we got that out of the way, let's get down to the nitty gritty. That is to say, why are you such a fuckin' fruit loop?

Seriously man, what is your damage? I mean, we really think it's cool that you've pretty much locked down the MySpace voting block. You've gotten the kiddies involved in politics, and that's a noble deed. Unfortunately, this just makes you look like the mayor of Kooksville. Once people realize that we're trying to elect the POTUS and not the President of the Lollipop Guild, they'll rejoin the rest of us on planet earth and vote for someone who can actually win. I know the truth hurts Ron, but do you really, honestly think the Ron Paul Magic Carpet Ride stands a chance against something like the Hillary Clinton Bonestripper or the Obama Second Coming of Christ? Campaigns like theirs take great, almost sexual, pleasure in dismantling moonbat parades like yours.

I feel for you Ron. I mean, here you are at your pinnacle; the zenith of your nutty, fucked up outlook on life. You lay your policies, ideas, and passion out for everyone to inspect, and all they can say is "Oh. Cracker off his meds."

I just want to say, it was nice meeting you. Well, it was entertaining anyways. We wish you luck in the future, even though you're probably never going to see public office again. But take heart, tiny dancer; because there's always reality TV.

Posted by: shank at 08:53 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The New York City Council, which drew national headlines when it passed a symbolic citywide ban earlier this year on the use of the so-called n-word, has turned its linguistic (and legislative) lance toward a different slur: bitch.

First off, how does a 'symbolic citywide ban' work? Does its symbolic status mean it creates an unpunishable offense? Or that it's just not going to be enforced? And furthermore, bitch has got to be the least offensive derogation in modern English, second only to something like 'dork'.

The term is hateful and deeply sexist, said Councilwoman Darlene Mealy of Brooklyn, who has introduced a measure against the word, saying it creates “a paradigm of shame and indignity” for all women.

Ten rappers were cited in the legislation, along with an excerpt from an 1811 dictionary that defined the word as “A she dog, or doggess; the most offensive appellation that can be given to an English woman.”

Oh I get it now, she was using a 200-year-old dictionary when she developed this ridiculous, boondoggle-of-an-excuse for legislation. Sister, in the past two hundred years 'the most offensive appellation that can be given to an English woman' has come quite a long way. You may want to take this waste of taxpayers' money back to the drawing board, and try to target words like cunt, whore, jizz dumpster, or cum guzzling gutterslut.

I'm just saying, if you're going to throw time and money at a 'symbolic' gesture to restrain free speech, at least go after words that might get a modicum of support based on their shock value.

As she circulated her proposal, she said, “even council members are saying that they use it to their wives.”

And probably a certain one of their fellow counsel members...bitch.

The thing that really got me was that this woman gets a salary composed, I'd assume, of tax dollars. On the outside chance she doesn't get a tax funded salary, I'd imagine her office space and supplies are composed of tax dollars. Which, in either case, means she's spending someone else's hard earned money on a 'symbolic' project.

Personally, I thought it was a revolutionary way to look at work and compensation; so I tried to implement the tactic in my own workplace. In my weekly meeting with my VP, I told her I'd have to hand off some of my current tasks in order to work on a symbolic project for the organization. She said she applauded my symbolic initiative, and gave her full support of my pursuit of symbolic improvement for our division; as long as I was willing to accept a symbolic paycheck. Did you guys know that they actually make symbolic money? They call them foodstamps, but you can actually get real food for them! What a deal!

Posted by: shank at 12:48 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I'm not a big governmental buff, so could someone please explain to me how a bill that has 22% public approval gets passed by a majority of our Senators? I was made to understand that we're governed by a democracy - you know, for the people by the people - and I assume that means our wants are supposed to be at least approximated in congressional representation.

It just doesn't sound like democracy to me, more like maybe an oligarchy or just a straight up dictatorship. The motherfuckers are forgetting what happens when you piss off the masses.

Posted by: shank at 03:48 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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So yet another kid popped up in the neighborhood who is lactose intolerant. And it got me thinking. No, not about how every other kid born in the last 15 years is either allergic, asthmatic, AD, AH, AHD, AHAD, DAHA, HAHA or in some other way socially and genetically inferior to kids from my generation. I was thinking about tolerance itself. Somebody who is lactose intolerant can like dairy products just fine but they just can't stand them physically. Except that this isn't usually how it goes. The real skinny is that people use "whatever intolerance" as a way to avoid things they don't like while casting themselves as sufferers.

If that doesn't have "PC gift from above to all politicians" written all over it then I don't know what does. Expect to see some of these in the soon to be inescapable campaign barrage:

* Senator Byrd's days in the KKK weren't really his fault. He had a bad case of blacktose intolerance.
* Hillary isn't frigid. She's just fuktose intolerant.
* Speaking of which...it's not Monica's fault that she didn't swallow. She is spunktose intolerant.
* Kennedy isn't a boozer. He's sobrose intolerant.
* Obama isn't myopic. He is cluetose intolerant.
* Jesse Jackson? As bad a case of truthtose intolerance as I've ever seen. Well...next to Bill Clinton anyway.

Yeah, I think I'm on to something here. Anybody else detect 'ose intolerance out there? more...

Posted by: Jim at 05:42 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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As an MBA, I'm always interested in new and creative ways to increase income, protect investments, and minimize expenses. However, I never ever thought I'd learn anything about that from Al Gore.

To recap: First, one of these Learjet Liberals has the gall to tell us all that we're all ruining the environment. Then we find out that he's actually one of the top offenders, gobbling up over 220,000kWh a year; about 20 times the national average. Such usage is defended by the claim that he purchases carbon offsets to counter the damaging effects of the coal burning plants that supply his power.

Well check this shit out, via Ecotality:

Frickin' genius! So not only does he get to run his fucking mouth about how we should all use less while he uses a metric shit ton more than average; but he gets to justify his position by boosting his investments, and maybe even garnering a wage as co-founder and chairman. The mind reels.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised at the discovery that a politician turned out to be an utter prick; but it just burns me up. Here I am using compact flourescents, burning approximately 30 gallons of gas (in total, for both of my automobiles) a month, keeping my thermostat at 68 degrees; right? Just cruising along, being mindful of what I use; and my efforts are completely negated by one person: the dicksmack who made a movie about how much I was consuming.

Al Gore can kiss my red state ass.

Posted by: shank at 10:51 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Lot's of people make the mistake of thinking tax day is in the middle of April. Not so. That's the day when the red hot poker gets inserted. It gets put in the fire tomorrow on voting day.

Before you pull the lever, consider your candidates. Picture them reading the poem below. Decide if they would smile knowingly, laugh maniacally or withdraw their nomination. Vote for the ones that would withdraw.

Tax his land, Tax his bed,

Tax the table at which he's fed.

Tax his tractor, Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes are the rule.

Tax his cow, Tax his goat,
Tax his pants, Tax his coat.

Tax his ties, Tax his shirt,
Tax his work, Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his cigars, Tax his beers,
If he cries, then Tax his tears.

Tax his car, Tax his gas,
Find other ways to Tax his ass

Tax all he has, then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till he's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he's laid.

Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom..."

When he's gone, do not relax,
Its time to apply the inheritance tax.

Posted by: Jim at 10:41 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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And I'm speaking specifically of those other than Jenelle (BURN!).

I saw Michael J. Fox on TV the other day promoting the advancement of stem cell research and the congressional candidates supporting it. My first thought was "It's a good thing you're not behind the wheel of that DeLorean these days Marty, because it would take more than 1.21 gigawatts and Doc Brown's kooky ass to get the mangled wreckage back to the future." Which was immediately follwed by "Oh, Parkinson's. That explains the shaking," and "Note to shank: get buried in Bermuda shorts, because it's going to be hot down there." I was surprised by how much he was shaking, but then I figured that's Parkinson's for ya.

Then today on CNN or something they were talking about Rush Limbaugh's accusation that Fox was off his meds for the spot to exaggerate the tremors that result from Parkinson's. Now, I know I'm a crass individual; and I can be downright rude on occassion; but you've got to have a real pair of brass nuts to accuse a guy with an incurable disease of putting a shine on. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you man? That's something you say to your friend when he calls in sick on a perfect day. Hell, even if he was off his meds it wouldn't matter, because the issue isn't Fox or Parkinson's or even congressional elections. It's stem cell research stupid.

They went on to mention that after the ads aired, public approval of stem cell research jumped up 5%. Which is kind of sad if you think about it, because Fox didn't say anything that hasn't been said a million times.

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"He walks like John Wayne." - Hugo Chavez

As opposed to, say, walking like you've got the fist of your Islamofascist puppeteer up your ass?

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"[T]hose who study jihad will understand why Islam wants to conquer the whole world. Â… Islam says: Whatever good there is exists thanks to the sword and in the shadow of the sword! People cannot be made obedient except with the sword! The sword is the key to paradise, which can be opened only for holy warriors!"
-Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini

Wow, that's nice; real nice. How very 12th century of you, sir. Quite the, shall we say, pre-Renaissance man you are. It must be for this reason that TIME Magazine chose to distinguish yourself as one of the 100 Most Remarkable People of the last century.

I do have one question though, if I may. When we get down to it, are a bunch of raisins really worth all the effort? I mean, let's be honest: raisins really aren't all that tasty, nor are they rare. So I ask you; is a jihad really a jihad if, instead of becoming your holy warrior and recieving a just reward in paradise, any old infidel can buy the very same rewards for $1.49 a box at Food Lion? And that being said, does that make the uncovered woman on the SunMaid box just another one of the Great Satan's whores?

Posted by: shank at 03:57 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The Pope recently quoted a 14th century Byzantine Emperor when he spoke of Islam's tendency, to say the very least, to walk a fine line between religious zeal and incendiary violence. Several Muslim communities and nations around the world were pretty pissed at his insinuation and responded with, of course, rage. Hm. Fancy that!

"Anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence." - Pakistani Ministry of Foreign Affairs Spokesperson Tasnim Aslam.

Black shirt - $13.50
Green Karate Kid bandanna - $5.00
Raging in the streets to prove you're nonviolent? Priceless.

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For me, the damning thing about all these 9/11 consipracies is that they make no allowances for coincidence.

A light spot on the bottom of an airplane in a blurrily zoomed image is a missle - not a blurry reflection.
The manor in which the towers collapsed proves it was demo, not just a building falling in on itself. I mean, how else do you expect a building that's barely leaning over to fall? It's not a tree being chopped down fellas, it's a building whose core has been partially gutted and substantially weakened.
The fact that a man had a conversation about death with his child the day before he boarded a doomed flight is proof that he was in on the plan - not just happenstance. How often do we all have such coincidental conversations? Seriously.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that more often than not minor details are minor details; even when there's a lot of them. I mean, take for instance the appearance of the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich, or a bagel, or a potato. Is it some kind of conspiracy? Or might it just be an odd little coincidence.

The real flaw in it all, however, is something that every well devised plan (as the attacks of 9/11 were a major undertaking) always requires. Motive. In the late nineties and early 21st century, the US government had nothing to gain by attacking it's own nation and fingering a terrorist organization that was virtually (at that time) unkown to the public. Al Qaeda on the other hand, a group who (still) operates under a transformational ideology supported by a violently twisted religious belief; not only had motive, but has since claimed responsibility and pride over the events of that day and many similar events since. Motive bitches. Motive.

See, these consipracy buffs are searching for something that will complete the picture for them, tie up every little loose end. But as the Virgin Mary might tell you, sometimes a grilled cheese sandwich is just a grilled cheese sandwich. For something to make sense it has to work on a macro level as well as an operational level. Because if it doesn't, it's just a bunch of Loose Change. And as we all know, that and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee.

As an aside, I'd have to be pretty damn desperate and lonely to cash in your fifteen minutes on something that makes 2/3rds of the US population think I'm an assbag.

Posted by: shank at 03:27 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I was working on this longwinded post regarding geopolitical strategy that cited recent global developments and intelligence reports from StratFor.com; but halfway through it I figured "Fuck that. It's Friday."

more...

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Goldstein, in true form, brings the front lines into our living rooms. Interstingly enough, though, was a quote in the page he links to at Hot Air that I disagree with:

A friend of mine just e-mailed to say he’s been discussing the situation with an Israeli analyst, who told him the problem with attacking Iran is that “you can’t scare a prostitute with a penis.”
To which I replied, “You can if it’s big enough.”

I humbly offer my correction: "You can if you put it in the right place. Hard."

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*And by free we mean, you can say whatever you want as long as a violence veto is not in place against said speech. Oh, and if We define it as intolerant, well, We'll just gather a mob together and destroy it. Because that's what America is all about. more...

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Bumper sticker seen on the I-85:

I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than drive home with Ted Kennedy.

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Okay, let's clear the air here: The guy accidentally shot his hunting buddy. Big fuckin' deal! Could happen to anyone; especially if your the sixty five year old survivor of four heart attacks and your hunting buddy is seventy eight. I mean, let's get real here, neither of these guys could see well enough to shoot, nor could they hear or move well enough to get out of the way. Can you imagine being a secret service agent on this trip? "Hey 007, your assignment is to accompany the Vice-President and the only man on this Earth who probably has less business being out in the woods than he does. Oh, and they'll be carrying around loaded shotguns. Presumably shooting them. Might want to bring your vest."

Seriously though, I don't understand why it's such a big deal. If I went hunting with a friend of mine, and got sprayed with a little birdshot, I mean; as long as everyone survives it's a funny goddamn story. "Hey Tom, 'member that time you tried to blow my fucking face off? You shoot like a schoolgirl!"

Posted by: shank at 08:17 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 I thought that was one of the perks of being vice president - you get to shoot people. Now I hear that this isn't the case. WTF? Why would anybody want to be vice president if you don't get to shoot people?

Posted by: Jim at February 16, 2006 05:42 AM (oqu5j)

2 It was really an unfortunate accident, but damn, it's amazing how polarized this thing is. The left thinks he tried to kill the guy and the right keeps glossing over it like getting sprayed with birdshot is simply an inconvenience. You take few bbs in the face and then tell me how it's no big deal. Christ, most people go berserk if they get hit in the face with a rubber band. And Jim, the VP is only allowed to shoot people if he's wearing black leather gloves and using a handgun. I believe they took away his right to use a shotgun years ago, unless it's sawed off and the VP happens to be Sicilian.

Posted by: Paul at February 16, 2006 08:39 AM (vbP6L)

3 I was in the bar one night, and this disgustingly drunk homeless/crackhead-looking guy was talking about this one time he got hit with a shotgun blast of rocksalt. I mean, he didn't seem to think it hurt all that bad. Well, he didn't have any scars anyways. And in the end, I bet telling the difference between birdshot and rocksalt is like trying to seperate gnat shit from black pepper.

Posted by: shank at February 16, 2006 09:24 AM (+H1yK)

4 Jim, when I'm president and you're my veep, I'll issue an executive order that you're allowed to shoot people. As long as you'll back me when I nuke people. As for this particular case, if I were the secret service, I would switch their shells with blanks and shoot birds for them from the bushes on the side. That way, they get the fun of walking around and making loud noises and toting back dead birds and no one gets hurt.

Posted by: Trey Givens at February 16, 2006 10:11 AM (gKBKR)

5 That just gave me my first laugh of the day. Maybe the week. Good job. And Jim....your comment forced coffee out of my nose. Excellent work, my friend.

Posted by: Pam at February 16, 2006 12:05 PM (ynQ75)

6 That's an excellent idea Trey, make them feel like they're doing something but they're just emitting loud hot air, as usual. You could even make it more efficient, the dudes in the bushes could be snipers with 800x zoom.

Posted by: Oorgo at February 16, 2006 05:44 PM (lM0qs)

7 I don't get it... this kind of shit happens all the time in the hunting world... why is it any different when the VP does it? I mean, he is a person too... shit happens people. Get over it!

Posted by: Moodie at February 19, 2006 11:24 PM (10FwA)

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So, as much as I hate to say it - they should let Tookie Williams live. Yes, he killed four people, yes he was a bad motherMM-MM back in the day. He's completely given up that life though, and has committed himself to destroying the glorified gangster image. Who knows how many people he could positively effect. He's certainly made an impact on many already. Yes, he will never be able to erase gang life or the Crips from the urban environment. But you know, maybe that's his real punishment. Knowing what he created, trying to destroy it, and knowing he'll never succeed.

The Miami Airport bomb incident - Lessons Learned:
1. Don't travel anywhere with a loved one who's off their meds - unless they're bound and gagged in the backseat and you're on the way to the doctor's office.
2. Don't yell "I have a bomb", unless you're looking for a permanent solution.
3. The only way to get blood off of the carpeting in a jetway is cold water, an oxidizing detergent, and light scrubbing with a bristle brush.

Additionally, any man who wouldn't sleep with Ann Coulter lives a life FAR too driven by prinicple, and not enough penis representation on the conscience committee.

And Iran's new president, whose name I won't waste the time trying to correctly spell, believes not only that Israel is a "tumor" on the middle eastern map, but further alludes to the idea that the Holocaust never happened. How do these people get into leadership positions? Muslim nations want to be taken seriously in the modern world, but they elect leaders with this kind of twisted worldview?

Also, hit CNN, some plane just crashed the shit out of an intersection in Chi-town. Relish this, because events don't usually get that current here at SBD.

Furthermore - has anyone noticed the duality of SBD? Silent But Deadly? Snooze Button Dreams? Oh yeah, you're thinkin' it, I know ya are.
more...

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