A quick note on comments

H lost her comments today. In the interest of fairness in our current Mapwar I have sabotaged my own comments. Well, not really sabotaged, per se. And it really wasn't in the interest of fairness at all to be perfectly honest. Basically all I did was reorder them so the most current comment shows at the top when you open a comment window.

Posted by: Jim at 02:48 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Mapwars

So, it appears that H has surged into the lead in our little Mapwar. I am not afraid. You see, we have different blogging styles and different reader types. Everyday Stranger readers are looking for an orgasmic experience. They want instant gratification. Pleasure now! Of course they are signing her map right away, it is their very nature. Snooze Button Dreams readers, on the other hand, have an involved and accute sense of humor. They are merely waiting. They will let H think she has this thing well in hand (no pun intended) and then yank it from her lubricated fingers at the very last moment (okay, that might have gone a bit too far).

Attention SBD readers with involved and acute senses of humor: Knock it off! Don't be so cruel, sign my map now. Have mercy on poor H. Don't string her along like this. We have a chance to be kind and magnanimous in victory by crushing her now instead of giving her false hopes throughout the week. Can't anybody think of the children?!?

G says I should surrender now. He doesn't think I can compete with a gal writing sexy stuff.

To quote a Tim Allen character from one of the worst movies I've ever seen: "Never give up! Never surrender!"

Did Lee quit? I mean before that Appamatox thing. Scratch that.

Did Jared quit? Did he get the munchies 5 months into it and just say "Forget this crap. Gimme a half dozen meatball subs!"? No, he didn't! How's that for willpower, by the way? Quite an accomplishment on ol' Jared's part, I must say.

But the important thing is he didn't quit and neither are we! That's right, I'm grouping y'all collectively into this. We win together or we lose together. Sign the map (it's on the right side, just under the picture of me orally pleasuring a cow). Support Snooze Button Dreams! Do it for the children! Do it for Jared!

Posted by: Jim at 02:38 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Dogs of war don't negotiate

H has declared war on me! You see that white box in my right sidebar? The one that says "View the Guestmap"? Well H has a guestmap as well and she has declared that she will have more signatures than I do! The affrontery! The hutzpa! The balls! This is made more astounding based on the fact that she currently does have more signatures than I do.

Let's get it on! It's Mapwars I. Take no prisoners and may the best man win. (H - I'd say let the best person win but that would be like saying whichever of us is better should win. That's not what I'm about at all. I want me to win no matter how outclassed I am so I'm keeping that as "best man wins". Thanks for understanding.)

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I beseach you. Will you let this wonderful and comedic site be defeated by some uberwench with pictures of her hot, lithe, young body on her blog? No! Will we be distracted by stories of just how many times she had an orgasm over the weekend when her hubby was away? Heck no! Will our determination be weakened by her erotic writing and sometimes humorous rantings? No freakin' way!

Help me combat this darkly seductive female by clicking on that "View the Guestmap" box in my sidebar and signing my map. And whatever you do, don't support her cause by signing hers or checking out her hot kilt picture or her weekend orgasm summary or the Swedish Dentist Sex Cult and especially stay far away from the Layne inspired sex fantasy.

And if, by some chance, you should find yourself on her site, and should also feel compelled to leave a comment on anything, please use small words. She's a woman so she won't get the big ones and she's in Sweden so there's nobody around to explain them to her. (Sorry, H. Had to get at least one dig in there. It is a war after all!)

Thank you for your support. General Peacock out.

Posted by: Jim at 07:57 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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More fun with searches

I think I've found a new hobby. Trying to figure out what the hell people are doing looking for the stuff that they are apparently finding on my site. I am a helpful sort though so let's see if I can assist these misguided folk:

habanero peppers sensual feelings
I see where you're going here but even Vegans stop before "relating" to their vegetables in that manner. In any case I would recommend a cucumber over a habanero pepper any day of the week. They are a better fit and have far less incidence of damage. For an idea of the dangers involved with habanero intimacy, read this.

Bacon's Recourse email addresses
Bacon has no recourse. It is food. Dead food. Even if it did have a recourse I doubt it could use email. I mean, have you ever tried to type with bacon? It's terribly difficult.

CARING TIDBITS
Euphamisms ahoy! "I am tantalized by your caring tidbits." "Did you see the tidbits on that chick?"

canadian press jiggling bra
It's not the bra that jiggles, it's the caring tidbits that are concealed within. If you're looking for jiggling Canadian tidbits, try The Canadian Ballet.

"joe theisman, broken leg picture", "joe theisman broken leg video", and "joe theismann leg"
Apparently I'm an expert on Theismann's leg injury now. I'm also the top search engine return for joe theismann the slut whore

Man, I love this stuff.

Posted by: Jim at 10:09 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Snooze Button Dream stuff now available

I've opened up a Cafe Press shop to provide y'all with your Snooze Button Gear. All the prices are $1 over cost and any dollars I get from it will go toward moving off BlogSpot and supporting SBD out in the wide wide world.

If anybody wants anything that's not in the store just let me know. I'll whip it right out for ya.

Posted by: Jim at 10:13 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Mark is honorary King of SBD for a day

Just got an extremely helpful email from a reader who has solved my Mozilla display issue. Thanks Mark!

Posted by: Jim at 06:42 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Small overdue stuff

Just a bit of blogmaintenance today. Had played with collapsible lists for the links and it'll just be too difficult to do here on Blogspot.

A big welcome to Tom Bux and Officer Bob, the two newest entries in the blogroll.

The Daily Reads section of the roll has been split up. The new section (Constant Reads) is full of the Dailies that serve with RSS.

Updated the Best of section (finally). Figured the two posts that have resulted in about 10,000 incoming visits should probably be on there. Plus, just for Ilyka, I put links to the poop posts in there.

Of course I can't verify that any of the new links work right now because frikken Blogspot won't serve anything except the default page. I will just cross my fingers and send a prayer to the Blogfairy.

Posted by: Jim at 01:33 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Welcome readers of the Jewish World Review

Joanne is sending 'em my way again, this time from a link in her article at Jewish World Review. Thanks again Joanne!

New visitors please note that the vitriol in some of today's posts is generally reserved for pedophiles and the Miami Dolphins. This is normally a happy place.

Posted by: Jim at 07:20 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It's Poll Gin Time Again!

(Apologies to KISS)

It's about time to retire the SNL poll and put up something fresh. Any suggestions/ideas/bribes?

Posted by: Jim at 02:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Who's looking for this stuff?

The things people search for (and apparently find on my blog) continue to amuse and frighten me. Here's the last crop:

• how many fish did the boston tea party kill (Only two but Samuel Adams multiplied them and fed the entire angry mob.)


• rape fantasy (Surprised this didn't also have "highschool football" in the search.)


• Shay's Rebellion lesson plan (No plan is really needed. It's been over for a loooong time. Try one of those "Instant MOB" things - it's the closest you'll get to rebellion these days.)


• female porn stars methods (Screw that. Try "female porn stars addresses".)


• bearded clam synonym (Must. Resist. Too. Many. Female. Readers.)


• interpretation homoerotic dreams (I'm not a psychiatrist but I play one on my blog. Send 'em in, I'll interpret for you.)

UPDATE: I guess I was doing this wrong. H tapped me gently with a clue by four in the comments so this post has been updated to be a lot less dull.

Posted by: Jim at 09:52 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I'm on Fox News!

Sweet!

My post on wrods wtih srcmelabd ltetres bieng radeble has been linked from FOXNews.com.

I'm a journalist!

UPDATE: The article is by the lovely Joanne Jacobs, who has already funneled more than a boatload of visitors to my site from her own blog. "Boatload" being the unit of measurement greater than a "Whole heap" but less than an "Instalanche". She's over there in my suck up section the top referrer section on the left sidebar.

Thanks Joanne!

Posted by: Jim at 09:04 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Googlewackin'

For anybody that doesn't know what Googlewhacking is, it's when you put two real English words into a Google search and it returns one, and only one, website. It's supposed to be pretty difficult but I didn't have a big problem with it. Just pick one very esoteric word (medical terms would work very well) and then match regular words until you get it right. I got a Googlewack on my first try (very lucky) and then again after a couple dozen more.

sanguinous + pimple = Googlewhack
sanguinous + dentifrice = Googlewhack

Posted by: Jim at 09:21 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Happy Crappy Post Day!

Yes, it's Crappy Post Day. Yippee!

I spent my writing time this morning in trying to fix the blog to display well on non-Borg browsers. Everything except Mozilla should be seeing things normally now. I've tried every trick I know but I can't get Mozilla to see straight. It seems to have some real issues with CSS and div tags.

For those Mozilla users out there - my apologies but it's going to be freaky probably up to the next Mozilla build. The content is still there, you'll just have to continue scrolling past the whitespace to find it.

New: Added a "Top Referrers" section in the left sidebar (entries are listed alphabetically instead of numerically - I just like to be different). I'll update it whenever I feel like it about monthly. I put up 12 instead of the traditional 10 since Instapundit and IMAO are on there and they're likely going to be permanent fixtures.

Crappy posts to follow! It is Crappy Post Day after all. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at 09:55 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Blogspot. Speh!

Blogspot is pooched again. Grrrr.

Formatting is screwed, total blog death this morning, preview and actual blog look totally different.

At least it made it through my Instalanch in decent shape.

Get me outta here!!!

Posted by: Jim at 10:09 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Got me a guestmap.

This is pretty neat. It's free (as are all elements of this blog - remember how cheap I am) from Bravenet and I found it at the Everyday Stranger. Give it a whirl.

Posted by: Jim at 08:32 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Look out below!

It's an Instalanch! I was going through my RSS feeds catching up on the Instaposts and was shocked, nay I was stunned, to open a link and find my own blog. Yes, the mighty Blogfather has linked to SBD. I will now take a few moments to wallow in the hits. Oh yeah, it feels so good.

Posted by: Jim at 08:22 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Today's Forcast

Partly bloggy with a chance of postage.

Yesterday was really light postwise and today promises to be similar. Busy, busy, busy. There will definitely be one largish post for Voices coming up later but that's all I can guarantee today.

Posted by: Jim at 07:26 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Google Wacked

I'm not sure whether to feel amused or violated. SBD is a search return for some wierd, wierd searches:

Have I ever mentioned this houri? My mind fails me.

Um...yeah. Sounds interesting but I stopped supplying harlot email addresses when my ex/whore changed hers.

Cool! My made up terminology is irresistible, isn't it?

I'm not sure how all of these are supposed to fit together. Is this guy (it has to be a guy) looking for a comparison between the laser and the toothbrush methods of hair removal as used by porn stars? Oh, wait. It's minus laser and toothbrush. He's specifically looking for porn star hair removal that doesn't use lasers or toothbrushes.

I guess I asked for this one with my Why do I love women post. What the heck, the more the merrier! Welcome all searchers of homoerotic fantasy!

I think I'll stick to feeling amused. Start taking this stuff seriously and I could end up in a funny farm. Or Congress.

Posted by: Jim at 07:49 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Comments are down

And they're making the page load take for-freaking-ever so I've temporarily removed them. I'll put 'em back later.

Update: They're back. The problem with the load was Blogger. Who'd a thunk it?

Posted by: Jim at 07:37 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Nothing funny today

Sorry folks, just too busy. There'll be some editorial and/or serious stuff later since I can pump that out without thinking. Humor is harder and I have to give it actual concentration and effort. Real stuff just sort of forms in my head while I'm doing other stuff or it is from carpool conversations with G so I'm basically just transcribing when I write those.

Posted by: Jim at 07:29 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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