This week's Cheddar is going to be weak. It's a nifty concept, I just suck at it. See, we're supposed to do poems for the answers. The extent of my poetry knowledge is the repertoire of Andrew Dice Clay. Well, let's see what we can do.

1. What is your favorite poem or verse? Why?
There's no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
There's no knowing where we're rowing
Or which way the river's flowing
Is it raining?
Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a-blowing?
Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of hell a-glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes, the danger must be growing
'Cause the rowers keep on rowing
And they're certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing.

That messed up poem that Wonka said
Gave me chills and feelings dread.
When young it made me shake and shiver
Even now it sets me all aquiver.

2. Describe your family.
A Lovely Wife so tall and fair
A rugrat boy that we call Bear
The Burger boy is our third son
And number two we call Bacon

3. What line in a song or poem do people always screw up that drives you nuts?
I must admit,
I am not teasin'
There's no such line
That gets me seethin'

4. Are there poems or songs that you intentionally change the words to?
Yeah there was a special one
Idol's Mony sucked
Billy really should have sung
Y'all get laid get fucked

5. Make up a standard limerick about something funny that happened in the last couple of days.
A beautiful day in Lawrenceville
We took our kite atop the hill
The spool was lost
The kite was tossed
But all was saved by puppies' skill.

(Lovely Wife lost the thread spool and the puppy chased it and held it up long enough for her to grab it again)

6. How about a haiku about your last intense emotional moment?
Quitting smoking now
My blood cries for nicotine
Fury ebbs slowly

7. What's caught your eye in the news lately?
Bush says marriage is for guy and girl.
An amendment for this? I'm gonna hurl.
Kerry keeps talking out both sides of his face.
He'll say anything he thinks will win his race.
The Georgia House's resolution
Makes mockery of our Constitution.
Idiots on global warming last night
This morning Atlanta's covered in white.
Politicians snipe and root like hogs.
Fuck em all, I'll read weblogs.

Bonus: Whoever can figure out what rhymes with orange gets the bonus prize this week!
Whate'er it is you think you hear
With strained and tender youngster's ear
The sound of pogo bouncing high
As playmate comes approaching nigh

To bounce then fall to bounce again
Its springy coil so serves and then
The sound you hear, that "pornge, pornge, pornge"
Still yet not quite doth rhyme with orange

Points?: None this time around. Sorry folks, I almost had an aneurism just writing a half dozen verses. Imagine what might have happened if I had to put devious thought into one! I'll make it up to you later.

Posted by: Jim at 06:17 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I first saw something like this over at Ilyka's and now Michele's getting into it too.

What are the first 10 songs that come up if you put (insert your music playing program) on random? Here's mine:

1. Metallica - The Shortest Straw


2. Heart - Who Will You Run To


3. Green Day - Basket Case


4. Scorpions - The Zoo


5. Dan Fogelberg - Longer


6. Beastie Boys - Brass Monkey


7. John Cougar Mellencamp - Hurts So Good


8. Nirvana - Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle


9. Aerosmith - F.I.N.E.


10. Sister Hazel - We'll Find It

And number 11 (My playlist goes up to 11)
Commander Cody - Hot Rod Lincoln

And just in case you're interested (and who could blame you?), here's the first 10 from my last non-random playlist (Playlist title is "Crap Code Mix"):

1. 10,000 Maniacs - Candy Everybody Wants


2. Alien Fashion Show - Detroit Swing City


3. Megadeth - Symphony of Destruction


4. Sarah McLachlan - VOX


5. Bad Company - Fist Full of Blisters


6. Metallica - Breadfan


7. Brahms-Piano Concerto No.1 (Maestoso)


8. Sinead O'Connor - Just Like U Said it Would Be


9. Brian Setzer - Gettin' In the Mood


10. Concrete Blonde - Bajo la Lune Mexicana

And number 11:
Gipsy Kings - Bamboleo

So, am I odd or just eclectic?

Posted by: Jim at 01:08 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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...so is the Cheddar X of our lives.

Similar to last week, one of the answers here is a bald faced lie. Can you spot it?

Update: Answer to the lie is at the bottom of the extended entry. more...

Posted by: Jim at 05:50 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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1 Number 3 im sure its not natural to be that excited about work

Posted by: Jeremy at February 20, 2004 08:08 AM (hBMbi)

2 Who could restrain their excitement when there's a ping-pong table and a dart board? I'm talking ping-freakin-pong here!

Posted by: Jim at February 20, 2004 08:36 AM (IOwam)

3 I have to go with #9. I think Edwards' 'free year of college' idea chaffes you as much as it does me, and that you woul not seriously consider voting for hm, if for thothing else thn that reason.

Posted by: tommy at February 20, 2004 09:08 AM (MhJXW)

4 My vote is number 1 again. I'm sure you've done a good deed. Your a sweetheart, how can you not do a good deed. (does major sucking up count?)

Posted by: Tiffani at February 20, 2004 10:06 AM (xpNFK)

5 Education isn't on my radar for this election and Bush's rampant spending has taken away the disadvantage I'd normally apply to the Dem candidate for general fiscal matters. Plus Edward's a good ol' boy so my normal dislike of Noreast politicians wouldn't apply to him. I can just about guarantee that I've done some good deed sometime in my life. I mean, I was a boyscout and it's mandatory, right? I just have no memory of any good deed done for a stranger (excepting the courtesy/good manners stuff already noted).

Posted by: Jim at February 20, 2004 10:16 AM (IOwam)

6 I'm going for number 4 even though I did know you lived in arizona for a while ... what ... it could be a trick question!

Posted by: Rob at February 20, 2004 10:24 AM (kXZI6)

7 #6 is "out" if we count that whole PeakTalk-censored-my-post debacle, but "in" if we recall that it was mostly me bitching out Trey while you maintained your usual civility. None of the rest, however, seem like lies to me. Tricky tricky, as usual, but I'll stick with 6 for lack of any better candidate. Oh, and since you mention Edwards, did you see Allahpundit's campaign poster photoshops on him? My favorite was "Edwards '04: Yeah, I Guess."

Posted by: ilyka at February 20, 2004 11:40 AM (PTsag)

8 Methinks the Snooze doth protest too loudly... I'm going with Number 1 as well, so slide over Tiffani!

Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 20, 2004 12:04 PM (UJiSP)

9 I was thinking of that debate with Trey, actually. I don't think it could be considered a commentwar. Yes, it did pop up on a couple different blogs but it was over after a couple hours with a general concensus. And, as you pointed out, I maintained my decorum throughout. Mike - I shall attempteth to protesteth lesseth in the futureth.

Posted by: Jim at February 20, 2004 12:33 PM (IOwam)

10 hey man, say it don't sthpray it.

Posted by: Rob at February 20, 2004 12:38 PM (kXZI6)

11 I'll say #2's a lie. How could someone hurt you like that? A man with such integrity, virility, humility & comedy. Besides, you're the best teet sucker I've ever seen.

Posted by: MojoMark at February 20, 2004 01:28 PM (E+LQu)

12 My teat sucking was perfected with that one, too. Go figure!

Posted by: Jim at February 20, 2004 08:29 PM (saeHM)

13 Play fair, Jim--I shouldn't get points on that one. It wasn't your "intentional" lie, number one, and number two, a proper comment/blog war is never settled amicably within 24 hours (and with that one it was less). I'll just try to guess more smarter on the next round. Students of blogwars should see Olsen, Dawn; Slade, Madison; and of course, Esmay, Dean, but only if they have strong stomachs and absolutely nothing at all better to do for half a day.

Posted by: ilyka at February 23, 2004 09:45 AM (ULuzT)

14 I was trying to play fair! :-P Okay, with Ilyka surrendering her points that'll be 7 for 2 people. Mike and Tiffani both get 4 points. (Always round up to a whole number - you'll thank me.)

Posted by: Jim at February 23, 2004 09:57 AM (IOwam)

15 ha HAAAA!!! Back on top! Of the points, not Tifanni. Get your mind out of the gutter... or was that just me? Oh... nevermind.

Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 23, 2004 02:18 PM (Zw7Hl)

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Updated 16 Feb: Contest results are in.

This is a very special edition of the Cheddar X. It's about SEX!!! Everything you've always wanted to know about my sex life but were (quite intelligently) afraid to ask. Ever wanted the truth behind that cow picture? The story of how I lost my virginity? How many partners I've had? Well you won't find answers to any of those but there's a lot of other titilating stuff.

There's also one answer that is a total and complete lie (and I don't mean the ones I brushed off humorously either). Can you spot it? more...

Posted by: Jim at 06:14 AM | Comments (27) | Add Comment
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1 13's a lie. Autofellatio? #1- ew. #2, men aren't usually that flexible, even with assistance, and, #3 what is so shocking about asking a babysitter to lick your penis?

Posted by: MojoMark at February 11, 2004 06:50 PM (E+LQu)

2 Ah, but remember my youthful state. Kids are very limber. Plus she put sugar on Mr.Happy to encourage my efforts.

Posted by: Jim at February 11, 2004 07:22 PM (saeHM)

3 I have to vote for autofelatio also. and you beat the .1 mil mark.

Posted by: tommy at February 11, 2004 07:29 PM (MhJXW)

4 you must've been listening to too much Def Leppard back then.

Posted by: MojoMark at February 11, 2004 08:24 PM (E+LQu)

5 That was many a year before hair bands arrived. To give you frame of reference, I graduated high school in '87.

Posted by: Jim at February 11, 2004 08:35 PM (saeHM)

6 16. How long have you gone without sex with another person? Almost 19 years. Man, I hope that never happens again. That's my vote. I'm betting you "lost it" sooner than that. The babysitter thing?--Just sick enough to be, potentially, true. I'm going to get my mind off that by contemplating your cow picture some more now.

Posted by: ilyka at February 11, 2004 10:13 PM (Dh+eB)

7 Or relax with some nice artistic photos! ;-)

Posted by: Jim at February 11, 2004 10:25 PM (saeHM)

8 I was through basic training and corp school before my cherry got popped. I did have oral sex before then but the first time I dipped my wick was after my 19th birthday.

Posted by: Jim at February 11, 2004 10:36 PM (saeHM)

9 Just to get the rules straight - if I'm commenting on the one that's a lie I'm going to lie some more. Otherwise y'all would have no problem figuring out which one's the lie, or I'd have to not comment at all and that would be sad.

Posted by: Jim at February 11, 2004 10:39 PM (saeHM)

10 The lie-you start at the ankles and work your way up on the porn. Total lie. Did I win?

Posted by: Helen at February 12, 2004 05:17 AM (DGQl+)

11 OHMIGOD! According to your site meter, you are at 100,148! You hit the 100k mark! Who has won?

Posted by: Helen at February 12, 2004 05:18 AM (DGQl+)

12 I'm a genuine leg man so if they're shown, that's where my eyes are going to start from. Margi's the big winner. She's queen over 4 lesser winners. It's like a belated birthday present!

Posted by: Jim at February 12, 2004 07:34 AM (saeHM)

13 I think you're trying to pull another fast one on us. #9 is the lie. You made that shit up for Writer's Noose - don't try to pawn it off on us as the real deal now! (like I know... I just want points!)

Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 12, 2004 11:06 AM (IOX+E)

14 The trick here is guessing not only which one is a lie, but which one of the lies Jim is willing to admit too. :-) Anyway - if 16 & 17 are true, then 13 must be a lie.

Posted by: Clancy at February 12, 2004 01:56 PM (EGVPL)

15 Clancy - Trying logic again? We saw what that bought you in the .1 Million Invitational. hehe Mike - I wish I had the imagination to make up stuff like that. I'd be writing for Penthouse instead of doing all this boring QA stuff every day.

Posted by: Jim at February 12, 2004 02:24 PM (IOwam)

16 DAMMIT ALL! I coulda sworn you were fulla crap on that one. Actually, I'm just really jealous....

Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 12, 2004 06:38 PM (r8Ldc)

17 I could be full of crap on it. We won't find out until the weekend. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at February 12, 2004 09:43 PM (saeHM)

18 I think you're lying on #11. "Not to the best of my knowledge?" Come ON! That's the standard response of a politican. I think you know for absolute certain whether or not you have had same sex activities.

Posted by: Christine at February 13, 2004 07:50 AM (Q/NXM)

19 Ah, but the politicians use it because it works so well. To the best of my knowledge I've never smoked the bologne pony and my sphincters are all still in virgin condition.

Posted by: Jim at February 13, 2004 10:05 AM (saeHM)

20 I vote for #1 - Is Peacock really your or his last name?

Posted by: Tiffani at February 13, 2004 10:16 AM (xpNFK)

21 Yup, and I have the emotional scars to prove it. A name like that is just begging for teasing and boy did I get it. To make matters even worse, my family was cruel enough to call me "Jamie" instead of "Jim" so I got loads of crap for that too.

Posted by: Jim at February 13, 2004 10:46 AM (saeHM)

22 You poor thing...

Posted by: Tiffani at February 13, 2004 10:52 AM (xpNFK)

23 It's okay [sniff]. I don't even think about it any more [sniff, sniff]. It only brings up bad memories when someone callously reminds me of those terrible, terrible times [sniff]. I'm okay [sniff]. Really, I'm fine [sniff, sniff].

Posted by: Jim at February 13, 2004 10:59 AM (saeHM)

24 I think 11 you either have or hav'nt "dont know" is just a cop out (see Tony blair "45 min dossier")

Posted by: Jeremy at February 15, 2004 08:56 AM (tpyGa)

25 #14.....you HAVE paid for it...and I ain't talking $5 titty suck....

Posted by: Mitzi at February 15, 2004 10:37 PM (k93mu)

26 WINNA WINNA CHICKEN DINNA!! ROCK ON!! WOOHOO!!

Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 16, 2004 02:51 PM (r8Ldc)

27 Dern! If only I had found this blog sooner! I had visited Niagara Falls once and gone to the Skylon Tower. When I was there, there was an emplyee riding the elevator with all the people. So I knew that #9 was the lie.

Posted by: Maxigumee at February 28, 2004 08:40 AM (dIP/S)

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The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart, the better you feel.
So eat cheese with every meal.

It's Friday, so bring out The Cheddar X! more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:12 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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