An original composition for your enjoyment. Don't read this one to the kids:

That pole to the north is a nasty old place
Where elves take their turns sitting on Santa's face.
Mrs. Claus lays around passing her gasses
while reindeer jerk off with corn cobs in their asses.

The geese are all too scared to sit
They know if they eat they'll end up on a spit.
The turkeys, all hens, have now formed a coven
To keep their collective ass from the oven.

The angel atop the ol' Christmas tree
Performs sexual favors, of course there's a fee.
In the workshop they're making some last minute dolls
but the Barbies are mad 'cause the Kens have no balls.

The Kringle's away, in his bathroom he's toking
The Feds want to know what it is he is smoking.
Rudolph and friends might be ready to fly
But Santa got baked and is already high.

The night wears on long but no Santa appears
So the reindeer put back the corn cobs in their rears.
The elves check in and find Santa a snoozin'
They vacate their jobs and start seriously boozin'.

Will Christmas have to be cancelled then?
No presents, no tree, and no Christmas hen?
What happens when it turns out Santa don't give a fart?
Don't worry kids, there's always Wal-Mart.

(See the full post at Ho ho holy shit!)

Posted by: Jim at 10:16 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 243 words, total size 1 kb.

Senator Hillary Clinton was flying cross-country last night and had to make a crash landing in Texas. She was unhurt but reporters were able to get a picture of the wreckage before it was hauled away (in extended entry). more...

Posted by: Jim at 08:49 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 52 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I was initially happy to read that headline, then very shocked at myself for being so happy (because that really just isn't right) only to be fooled by the obvious joke... Good one Jim - you got me.

Posted by: Clancy at December 22, 2003 08:52 AM (EGVPL)

2 Brilliant. Love it.

Posted by: Lawren at December 22, 2003 10:15 AM (L9mwf)

3 ah... very good...

Posted by: pylorns at December 22, 2003 11:41 AM (oMGhn)

4 lol... I love this joke )

Posted by: Air Girl at November 26, 2004 03:46 PM (6STEz)

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The hottest selling new political bumper sticker comes from New York State:

"RUN HILLARY RUN"

Democrats put 'em on the rear bumper...

Republicans affix them to the front bumper.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 07:02 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 39 words, total size 1 kb.

Pretty much everybody has heard of how Los Angeles County legislators have banned contractors from using the terms "master" and "slave", a very common bit of IT jargon. Fortunately, they've found a workable solution to the problem.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 07:01 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 47 words, total size 1 kb.

This is a wierd one. I guess it would be classified as the "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy Scam". more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:06 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 504 words, total size 3 kb.

1 yeah i get that email all the time Actually I got 4 of those emails the ones about the Daughter or whatever in Africa trying to smuggle money out. This time it was only 20% of the money. What gives!

Posted by: pylorns at December 01, 2003 09:21 AM (AhTDr)

2 Methinks you missed it, Pylorns. It's a joke.

Posted by: Jim at December 01, 2003 09:28 AM (IOwam)

3 You people must be populait because I never get shit like this.:-)

Posted by: LW at December 05, 2003 08:42 AM (fkewd)

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