There once was a man from Iraq,
With holes down the side of his cock.
When he got an erection,
He'd play a selection,
From Johann Sebastian Bach.

What's your favorite dirty limmerick?

Posted by: Jim at 06:24 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE". Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the Plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories--those who are no longer accepting new patients and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the Plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the Plan and accepting new patients, has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 02:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I couldn't resist. I asked the Googlegods what they thought of my weblog.

sbd is the backbone of the allied air to ground
Support our troops!

sbd is still considered "under development"
There's always room for improvement.

sbd is a very real threat
Um...Dude, calm down. My writings tend towards humor, I'm not out to overthrow the government or anything like that. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:34 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Have you seen the commercials for these new Clearblue Easy Digital pregnancy tests? They're really neat. Instead of a line or colored mark that might or might not appear depending on whether you are or aren't pregnant, these give you your results in plain english on a digital display. The downside is that test results can be a bit irregular.

Posted by: Jim at 08:05 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Dear Abby,

My husband is not happy with my mood swings. The other day, he bought me a mood ring so he would be able to monitor my moods.

When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

Sincerely,
Bitchy in Boston

Posted by: Jim at 08:25 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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What's your fav, I say what's your favorite Foghornism? What I mean is what's your favorite cut said by Foghorn Leghorn? Cut, that is.

My favorite:

Boy's about as sharp as a bag of wet mice.

Runner up:

Pay attention, boy! I'm cuttin' but you're not bleedin'!

Posted by: Jim at 09:49 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 49 words, total size 1 kb.