When I got home last night Lovely Wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive. So I took her to the gas station.

Ba dum bum

(Disclaimer: In real life that's probably the second to last thing you'd ever hear from my Lovely Wife. The very last thing being along the lines of "I certainly am enjoying this ninety-five degree weather" or something similar. And the joke was from Dopple-G anyway so blame him not me, m'kay Sweetie?)

Posted by: Jim at 07:05 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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... and orders a beer. As he's waiting for his drink he hears a voice say "Nice shirt Buddy". He looks around but doesn't see anybody except the bartender.

"Hey, barkeep, who just said that?" he asks.

The bartender replies "Oh, it's just the peanuts. They're complimentary."

(Ba-dum-bum)

Posted by: Jim at 08:09 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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If alcohol is your passion, then clearly you are underage. Alcohol should be like an old friendly woman that you fuck. You know just how far you can go, just how much you can take, and sometimes, after spending too much time with her, you never want to see her again, but you always come back because it turns out you donÂ’t have anything else to do that night. ThereÂ’s no passion, just a nice mutual comfort. ThatÂ’s true commitment to alcohol, folks, so donÂ’t act like you love it unless you really do.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 04:29 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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