Confucius say: Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Posted by: phin at 08:04 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.

7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Posted by: Denise at 07:26 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 So true! LOL!

Posted by: Sue at May 23, 2005 08:08 AM (eReAI)

2 Thank you, thank you! (bows)

Posted by: diamond dave at May 23, 2005 04:50 PM (QrT+O)

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Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE (or PMS) does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! . . .

I'm sorry What was the question?

Posted by: vw bug at 07:01 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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The husband had just finished reading the book, "MAN OF THE HOUSE".

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The fucking funeral director!"

Posted by: vw bug at 06:44 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 This was the BEST joke I have read in a LONG LONG time...

Posted by: Wendy at May 23, 2005 08:19 PM (lVGGv)

2 Glad you liked it!

Posted by: vw bug at May 23, 2005 08:24 PM (V4mW3)

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Confucius say: Man who cook carrots and pees in same pot very unsanitary.

Posted by: phin at 10:00 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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What's brown and sticky? more...

Posted by: Victor at 09:00 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I kind of feel bad for pickin' on Jim. Here he was nice enough to loan me a set of keys to his place and I went and poked fun at him for wearing Manties. Ever since that post I've been feeling guilty, but you can't un-ring a bell. The only thing I could think of was to post something to sooth his possibly damaged ego.

But what to post. IÂ’m new to the gay blog scene and unsure of how to "stroke" the ego of a gay blogger, sure I know Jim isn't gay but he is listed by spidergay. So I called a couple of gay bloggers I know.

The one thing they said that always makes them feel better is when someone talks about the size of their cock in a positive light. Luckily I was digging through JimÂ’s archives and I found the picture in the extended entry, which unlike the others is definitely work safe (ScoutÂ’s Honor, I Promise it is really!!!). more...

Posted by: phin at 08:38 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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As most of you know JimÂ’s run off for a while to a wedding in Spokane. He hand picked the best writers on the internet the six knuckle heads that actually took the time to fill out the request. Using his powers of telepathy Jim could tell that you, the faithful Snooze Button Readers could miss him. So he sent me the photo* with a note scribbled on it (its in the extended entry and Not Work Safe) that I wanted to share with you.

I must warn you a bit though before you take a look at the photo that itÂ’s a tad bit disturbing. I had always thought that Jim was joking when he said he looked like Matt LeBlanc**. And from his recent post an Argument for Creationism I had assumed he was a breast man (not that he had a pair). Well maybe heÂ’s just fascinated will all facets of the human body since in his next post he was fixated with his ass. I just didnÂ’t expect him to send us a photo with it on display (in red Manties no less).

So go ahead read the note Jim sent***, but donÂ’t say I didnÂ’t warn you. more...

Posted by: phin at 04:00 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Today is two for one!

INVESTING FOR YOUR RETIREMENT:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

Continue in the extended entry for the rest of this humor and the second truly tasteless funny.
more...

Posted by: vw bug at 02:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Kids if you've been paying attention this week we learned earlier from Victor that States can no longer ban out of state wine shipments.

Every seeking to help our reader in their daily lives The Snooze Crew™ set out on a mission to review the best screw top wines available. After several trips to the corner mini-mart we determined the results of this wine review site were accurate.

With the help of the wines mentioned in the review you too can drink any woman pretty; even her.

Hat Tip: Confederate Yankee for point out referring us to the Wine Review mentioned above.

Posted by: phin at 01:03 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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For those interested in filling out applications:

Hello - we are a team of award winning producers working on a film for a major cable network about women's progress - as well as our "unfinished business" and dreams.

We are currently seeking women in their mid-40's to 60's who might be interested in sharing their recent coming out stories on camera. We believe that, by focusing on the personal and workplace conflicts and concerns of women who recently came out, we can illuminate the important struggles, triumphs and hopes of the lesbian community and of courageous, individual women.

Sure they're looking for women, but I figured what the hell I'd apply too, I'm a Lesbian trapped in a mans body (so I'm half of what they're looking for).
If you're interested in filling applying, here's the contact information.

There that should help firm up Jim's standing in the gay community. No matter what anybody else says IÂ’m here for ya boss.

Posted by: phin at 12:41 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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A good-ole-redneck boy staggered home late after another evening with his drinking buddies.

Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway.

As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing to suppress a yelp, he sprung up, pulled down his pants and examined his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway, then managed to find a large full box of band aids before proceeding to place a patch as best he could on each place he saw blood.

After hiding the now almost empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed.

Morning, he awakens with screaming pain in head and butt to find his wife staring at him from across the room, and hears her say: "You were drunk again last night!!!"

Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied: "Now Hon, why would you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," she said, "there is the front door left open, the broken whiskey bottle glass at the bottom of the stairs, the drops of blood trailing through the house, your bloodshot eyes, and all that blood in the bed, but, mostly.... it's all those band aids stuck on the mirror downstairs!"

Posted by: vw bug at 10:21 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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What do Britney Spears and Michael Jackson have in common? more...

Posted by: phin at 09:30 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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