I'm pretty used to getting a couple of comments a week on the original Pimp My Ride post. What's surprised me in the past week or so are comments asking me to pimp somebody's ride and these comments are actually on Pimp My Ride posts that ridicule people for asking me to pimp their rides.

How.Stupid.Are.These.People?

As they didn't follow the established form and they commented on different posts I'll follow their leads and give some freeform responses.

Name: mikime jackson

mtv please pimp my ride my sitter have a old jeep she got for collage in it got no radio, the handle to the were you put it in park and drive is broken off, the back seats are kinda dirty, the air dont work, and the platic windows keep comming off. the zippers are to rusty so they wont zip up. please please please pimp my ride zip code xxxxx galevston 7200 xxxxxx lane apt#xxxx

Mikime lives in 'galevston', which I believe is in Texas. If anybody from Texas is reading here, please go smack Mikime in the head. Thanks. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:21 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 1001 words, total size 6 kb.

Jesus Mohamed was a streetie we encountered occasionally on our treks through Berkeley. Jesus Mohamed wore a natty robe and not much else and he SPOKE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. He was VERY CONCERNED about the environment and the fact that we young people DID NOT GIVE A RIP. He had MANY PLANS to save the world, if only the TEACHERS AND RICH PEOPLE would listen to him.

Why do I mention Jesus Mohamed here? Well, apparently he figured out how to use a computer because this nut who wants me to Pimp his Ride sounds exactly like him. The 'ride' in question is his wheelchair. Wouldn't it be freaky if this really was him? Maybe a few years ago he got hit by a car so he's in a wheelchair now. Maybe the kindly tree huggers out there in Berkeley took pity on the poor soul, brought him to the library and showed him how to use the computer so he could share his message with the world instead of just the Navy pukes on their way to dorm parties where they would steal away all of the hot co-eds from the hemp sandal guys.

In any case, I can't take the chance of being polite to this guy. As there's an outside chance that it's really Jesus Mohamed I have a tradition to uphold. His incredibly long and rambling messages are in the extended entry. Due to their length and general meaninglessness (is that a word? it should be) I've summarized for him:

From: Terral Green

PEOPLE CALL,ME THE THINKER,BECAUSE I,THINK A,LOT,,,,I AM,A,VET,THE,MILITARY,KIND NOT THE ANIMAL KIND I LOVE ANIMALS I HAVE THOUGHT OF 46 THINGS BUT THE RICH PEOPLE WONT LISTEN,TO ME I RUN THE SYSTEM I WORKED,TWO JOBS,BUT,AM,NOW DISABLED VET,I WANT TO BUILD A CASKET,OUT,OF,GARBAGE,SO OUR KIDS WILL BE HEALTHY,BIG CO LIKE JCPENNY AND USATODAY WON'T DO IT,,,,PIMP MY RIDE IT IS A WHEEL,CHAIR,THANKS,,,THE STORY IS I AM DISABLED I WAS HIT BY A DRUNK DRIVER AND DECAPITATED AND DIED IT WAS OUT OF BODY I MET GOD,PIMP MY WHEEL CHAIR,THANKS,,,,THE THINKER

To which there's really only one applicable response:

From: Xzibit

Subject: Home BOY! What you up to?

Jesus Mohamed, is dat you? I know it you, doggggg!! It's Smappy Mo-D here. You remember me, right? We used to hang out in the grounder park in Berkeley when the punks from the university tried to chase us down, remember? Used to pick lice outta each other's hair and shit? Good times, homey. Good times.

So what you up to now? You said you a Crip now? Man, I hang with the Bloods so I don't know if we can hook up if you know what I'm saying. Can't be having no Cripples on the show neither no how. We owned by AOL and they don't tolerate any of that handi-capable stuff. Prime beef only. Dongs and Hos, know what I'm saying? Can't be showing no ugliflesh on America's channel.

You still in contact with that bitch what wore the tank top and plastic flip-flops all the time? Man, she ran off wit my burrito once. I still wanna find that skank and show her what that burrito meant to me. Never should have married that ho, I tell you what.

Take care homey and don't be a stranger. With email I mean - don't you fuckin come within a state of me in the real world. I got a gat and a posse now. I'm just sayin.

Peace, out!
Xzibit

Is Terral Green really Jesus Mohammed? If not, will Jim be able to determine which of them is more insane? Stay tuned to find out! more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:12 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 1277 words, total size 7 kb.