Blue Velvet: On a scale from 1 to 10, this movie ranks as "Some seriously fucked up shit".

Posted by: Jim at 12:04 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Early yesterday evening I realized I was completely out of scotch. My wife was out Christmas shopping so I called her to ask if she would be kind enough to make a stop on the way home. She didnÂ’t answer her cell phone. Since I was already undressed I was dreading the thought of having to go out and procure my own liquor.

At 6:30 PM she walked through the door, arms full of purchases. And I mean loaded down with bags full of stuff. I had two important questions to ask:

1. Will you please go buy me some scotch?
2. What the hell are you using for money?

I didnÂ’t want to know the answer to number two so I asked about the scotch.

“I’ve just completed the Christmas shopping. It’s done. Finished. Without you going anywhere, do anything or even offering suggestions. Tonight completes a week long endeavor and I’m not going back out. Go get the rest of the shit from the car.”

I couldnÂ’t really argue. I contributed nothing this year except the cash and I expect that ran out earlier in the week.

Then she added, “I’ll make you a deal.”

“What kind of deal?”

She pointed at me. “If you go to the liquor store dressed like that, I’ll do anything you want.”

I looked down at myself. I was wearing Snoopy pajama bottoms. Goofy looking, sky blue, ankle length pajama bottoms. Snoopy was printed all over them, wearing a nightcap and carrying a candle. I hate peanuts and I hate SnoopyÂ…the origin of the things are another story.

To compliment the bottoms, I was wearing a wife beater and a pair of sad old slippers. IÂ’m a pretty big guy (not fat) and I looked like a real asshole.

“What do you mean you’ll do anything I want?”

“Whatever weird, perverted, sexual thing that you’ve ever wanted but were afraid to ask for, I’ll do it. All you need to do is go to the liquor store dressed like that. Exactly like that. You can’t take the slippers off.”

I walked into the bedroom and put on some jeans. There was no way I was going out looking like that. Not to the liquor store I go to. I guess that makes me a wimp. ThatÂ’s what I felt like. But you know, I really couldnÂ’t think of anything that perverted we hadnÂ’t already done. In hindsight, what I should have done was asked her to throw something out there on the table. I can't believe I let that get by me. Christ, IÂ’m slipping.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 09:40 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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I really appreciated the emails, trivial as they might seem. Today, I'm in an unsually good humor; probably because of all that light beer I drank last night. Turned me into a right pussy I'd imagine. At any rate, I decided to make a note of the folks who sent me Friday Greetings, and say a nice little blurb about them. I figure it's a nice thing to do (see! Unusually good humor. Odd), plus my blogging consultant once told me that "everyone likes to see their name in lights". Yes, I have a blogging consultant. I didn't develop from 20six.co.uk to SBD in a year because I'm charming (obviously), it's just good management.

Victor - Vic really loves rats. Granted, rats may seem a little grody to some of you, but a life without passion is no life at all. Besides, anyone who can set aside the social stigma and love the hell out of some rats probably ain't a bullshitter; and as Martha would say "That's a good thing." Now get over to his site and help him win a bucket of Iowa crap.

Tiffani - Tiffani is probably a hottie. With a name like Tiffani you just can't go wrong. Additionally, Tiffani leaves her work email attached to her comments, plus she puts her work signature at the bottom of her emails. Tiffani is an unabashed office blogger. A hot, (possibly) well-dressed, office blogger. I'd hit it.

Posted by: shank at 04:29 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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