February 29, 2004
Exsmoking, Day 1
Thanks to the Welbutrin there wasn't any shaking or unbearable fits. Lots of lung cookies as the ol' breath bags tried to clean themselves out.
I did have some moody periods this morning. Until the mail came. With the awsomest and unexpectedest spirit lifter ever! Helen, you rock my world. Thank you from all the clan. That's a pretty prodigous thank you, you know. Seeing as there are five of us and all.
To the winch, wench!
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Susie said there was some kind of quit smoking contest going on over here. I am now 2 months smoke free. No wellbutrin, patches or whatever ... just six months of weaning until I was down to 5 a day, then quit on New Year's Day when a friend of mine did. I do find that sucking down a couple of strong mint drops assists me greatly when I feel the need for a cigarette lift. The mint gets down into my throat and gives me a sensation like hot air going down my throat. Good luck, Jim. After more than 30 years, I am so glad to get that monkey off my back. I play the song like an alcoholic going to AA neetings, though: One Day at a Time (without Valerie Bertinelli, regrettably).
Posted by: Tiger at February 29, 2004 10:53 AM (G5PGV)
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We quit before,cold turkey,no aid....I am still waiting for the apartment complex to send me the bill for the huge hole in the wall,that I so professionaly coverd...flying chairs I remember so well.....name calling,cousins beeing yelled at and attacked (almost)...
those were the days....
NAH.....gimme the freaking Wellbutrin!It works,no cutting down...it just makes them taste NASTY and you WILL stop weather you want it or not.BELIEVE ME THEY TASTE NASTY!!
Plus the fact that I don't like answering to anyone or beeing anyones slave.
I eat a lot of Wrigleys now.And Pilsbury rolls....and candy....and I gained NOTHING!uahahaha
My name is LW and I am an EX smoker for over a WEEK now!
Well,JIM BEAT THAT!(just don't move somewhere again for a week!!)
:-P
Posted by: LW at February 29, 2004 11:06 PM (saeHM)
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Just to clarify that "move somewhere for a week" part for all you folks playing at home:
That was when I came down here to Georgia to start the new job and find a place for us to move into. This was the stressful time that ended up with both of us independently returning to the cancer sticks after many a month of non-smokage.
Posted by: Jim at March 01, 2004 07:41 AM (IOwam)
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I understand that people who are quitting with the smoking-age are a bit testy (I myself have never been a smoker, but at least I am not one of those rabid anti-smokers).
So...allow me to whistle my support over here, in my far away corner, where no chairs can reach me
Posted by: Helen at March 01, 2004 08:13 AM (H8Q/6)
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Watch out for phones too. As I recall we lost a couple of phones when quitting smoking previously.
And a footboard.
Don't ask.
Posted by: Jim at March 01, 2004 08:42 AM (IOwam)
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Ah....the old footboard.How could I forgot to mention it?
It is amazing how much adrenaline your body produces when you are on nicotine-withdrawl.Its also amazing how easy it is then for a woman to bend metal..
Posted by: LW at March 01, 2004 10:38 AM (saeHM)
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February 27, 2004
The Grande 2004 Peacock Invitational
I'm a quitter. A lowsy quitter, granted, but a quitter nonetheless.
Kate's a quitter and so is
Kelley. I quit for almost a year and a half back 'round '96 and Lovely Wife and I quit together for better than half a year in '01. I've tried quitting solo quite a few times over the past 16 years, never with any real success. Lovely Wife and I have also tried quitting together a few other times, also without success.
This time it's going to work. See, I'm quitting again. Lovely Wife already did and has been nicofree since Monday. In support of her courageous effort I've refrained from smoking around her or even bringing the deadly tempting cancer sticks into our domicile. This weekend will be the first days of my quitting for real since I'd be an absolute idiot if I started up again on Monday after going without for the entire weekend, returning only to this crazy half-smoker state where I get a mini withdrawal each and every day.
So I'm looking for support. Not moral support, financial support. Here's the thing - the absolute best I ever did was that year plus stretch. It was a year plus because I quit with my Dad, Brother-in-law and Brother-in-law's brother-in-law and we had a bet. Anybody who smoked again, even a puff, for the next year had to pay each of the others $25. The thought that my next cigarette was going to cost me $75 was instrumental to fighting down the urges when they hit. (Incidentally, Bro-in-law and I made it. Dad didn't make it and paid us our blood money. Bro-in-law's bro-in-law was a jackass and renegged on the bet.) So I'm going to go back to what worked and inviting y'all to come along.
more...
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Congrats on the quitting! Wish I had the willpower to do it myself. The lure of other people's money isn't even tempting me at this point. But I have a couple helpful hints for you, and any other quitters out there, who may not want to invest in such items as nicorette gum or the patch.
Drinking Marjoram tea doesn't exactly curb your desire to smoke, but it will act as a deterrent (or perhaps an irritant). Marjoram tea dries the throat, so you won't enjoy the cigarette as much. A half cup when you'd normally have your first smoke and a half cup when you feel a strong urge to smoke.
Sucking on a clove can also eliminate a craving.
Other than that, good luck to anyone who decides to be a quitter.
Posted by: Sue at February 27, 2004 03:12 PM (0SrUW)
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I'm in--"Quit" 2 days ago and the hot flashes are starting now.
Posted by: Tiffany at February 27, 2004 04:49 PM (rDyup)
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Woo hoo! Who's next? Plenty of room in the pool.
Posted by: Jim at February 27, 2004 05:24 PM (saeHM)
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I'm in.
I "officially" quit last November, but I haven't been such a good boy about it. I'm here to say that, as of March 15, 2004, I won't suck another piece of flaming nicotine for at least a year (and hopefully well beyond that).
Put me down and hold me accountable.
(Need to go suck down another pack or two while there's still time.)
Jim, let's go out and grab a beer and a few smokes on the eve of the Ides, whaddaya say?
Posted by: Joey at February 28, 2004 01:27 AM (Sk2Wf)
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Alright, Joey. Welcome aboard!
No can do on the beer and smokes, my fellow Georgian. Smokes ended yesterday around noon for me and I'm off alcohol too for a month or so. Change of habits to help quit the tobaccy plus I'm on the Welbutrin and it reacts poorly with booze.
A celebration eve down the road could be workable, though!
Posted by: Jim at February 28, 2004 07:29 AM (saeHM)
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Im in.
I quit on sat (see my blogger for insane nicotine free ranting) and have made a vow not to smoke another cig until my daughter is walking (shes due on the 21st june). Hopefully by then the cravings will have gone though.
So im well up for it, count me in.
Posted by: Jeremy at February 28, 2004 07:49 AM (FTWUX)
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Okay, Jeremy! That makes a party of four already. Very sweet.
And congrats on the upcoming joyful bundle!
Posted by: Jim at February 28, 2004 08:48 PM (saeHM)
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Hmm. I'll have to have a chat with hubby about this. We tried to quit last year -- I chewed on so many straws, I hurt my teeth. Being that he's a crusty Scot (they part with money only under great duress) this just might work!
Maybe -- just maybe -- by the time the Ides of March we can jump in.
Or am I too late to throw my hat in the ring?
Posted by: margi at February 29, 2004 08:10 PM (kpNlZ)
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Plenty of room in the pool, Margi!
There's no maximum number of participants. If 20 people want in, or 50, or 100, it's all good. The bet for each person never goes over $100, no matter how many total participants there are.
Any you can join right up through Ides of March Eve (that's the 14th by midnight, whatever your time zone is).
Posted by: Jim at February 29, 2004 08:18 PM (IOwam)
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I have not smoked now for
Two months, one week, four days, 22 hours, 15 minutes and 32 seconds. 2517 cigarettes not smoked, saving $503.49. Life saved: 1 week, 1 day, 17 hours, 45 minutes. I love my
SilkQuit meter. (My quittin' was just one agonizin' hour at a time for a while, but now it only amounts to just a couple of excrutiatin' minutes a day I easily deal with by pullin' out strands of my remainin' hair. I have to admit that seein' my aunt walkin' 'round hooked up to an oxygen bottle this past Monday was stark reminder why I decided
now was the time for me to kick that nasty habit.)
Posted by: Tiger at March 12, 2004 11:23 PM (G5PGV)
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February 26, 2004
Anybody know a good lawyer?
No, that wasn't the setup for a joke. An aquaintance needs a very good lawyer in the Augusta and/or Atlanta area. The issue involves a student and a school and said school's policy that improperly forced said student into a youth detention center. Any help/leads would be appreciated.
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February 25, 2004
My dirty little secret
I had got a problem that very few people know about. It was a habit that sometimes affected my life. It was soemthing I wasn't emotionally committed to but just couldn't stay away from. It was not an addiction! I am a mature person in total control of myself. I'm no addict. Anal retentives don't get addictions, we get compulsions. Well, maybe you could call it a need but only occasionally. Definitely not an addiction!
It's not like it filled my entire day or something. It was just one in the morning, maybe another at work, one or two at night. Maybe some practice while I was having a cigarette or on the crapper. You know, when I wasn't otherwise engaged anyway. It's just something I used to keep my mind occupied when I was bored. Well, okay, sometimes I got a bit lost when I was doing it and didn't realize that Lovely Wife was talking to me. And maybe once or twice I didn't hear a kid screaming while I was doing it. Does it really matter that I zoned a bit when I was concentrating? Isn't that the mark of a committed mind?
And so what if I did it a lot? I'm good at it so why shouldn't I have? I don't think anybody ever went up to Jordan and said "You know, Mike...you're playing an awful lot of basketball. Maybe you should give that a bit of a break and try something else for a while". Damn straight they didn't.
more...
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low possible to win: 625
Hi possible: 745
Hi Loser: 720
Posted by: MojoMark at February 25, 2004 05:30 PM (E+LQu)
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Jim - now you can finally get that life you've been missing.
At least it's not like my family, where my Ma, Pa and brother had nightly arguments over who could play Hearts.
Posted by: Simon at February 26, 2004 12:34 AM (UKqGy)
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Simon-my family used to get VICIOUS during Hearts games. It got ugly. Knives thrown, souls sold, the works.
As for me, I am currently nursing a Freecell addiction-I even dream about matching black and red things.
I am a loser.
Posted by: Helen at February 26, 2004 01:52 AM (I9OSd)
Posted by: Jeremy at February 26, 2004 04:45 AM (6TQoy)
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MojoMark - You got at least one but not all three correct. I won't say which one(s) yet so people can still guess.
In my family it was Pinnochle. Gram was an evil player. When I stayed with her on visits we would play all day and night. We played two man with a dead hand. The dead hand was named "George" after my Gramps. Yeah, that's how serious a player my Gram was.
This prepared me for the vicious games of euchre that occupied the majority of my high school days. Gram cheated like a wench and taught me everything I know so I was a killer euchre player against the lightweights I played against.
Then in the Navy it was spades. Lots and lots of spades. Then more spades. I tried to introduce euchre and had a little success but eventually I gave up and turned to poker since that has almost universal acceptance. I made a lot of money off of my fellow sailors.
Ah, those were the days.
Posted by: Jim at February 26, 2004 05:18 AM (saeHM)
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Sounds like an intervention is called for. I know my mother definitely needs to get checked into the Betty Ford Clinic for Solitaire Rehab. They force you to occupy your time by playing backgammon. The shakes go away in a few days I am told.
Posted by: The Bull at February 26, 2004 06:18 AM (Q/NXM)
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I'm gonna say Shamming. No one would ignore their family over a stupid card game.
oh..my bad we're not voting on this one
Posted by: jimi at February 26, 2004 10:11 AM (zE10C)
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Since you haven't revealed the answer yet, can I get a point for saying that 745 highest possible is right?
Posted by: Harvey at February 26, 2004 01:20 PM (tJfh1)
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Nope, but I'll confirm that that's the only one MojoMark had right. I'll reveal the answers and hand points out in about an hour.
Posted by: Jim at February 26, 2004 01:38 PM (IOwam)
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subsequent to my posting I figured one was wrong, so I'll be interested in your response.
Posted by: MojoMark at February 26, 2004 01:38 PM (E+LQu)
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The answers are:
Highest points possible (with a win): 745
Lowest points possible with a win: 20
Highest points possible with a loss: 705
Solitaire points are scored like this:
5 points when you move a card from the deck to the field.
5 points when you uncover a card in the field.
10 points when a card is played to the waste (the Ace to King piles).
When the cards are dealt out there are 7 already exposed. These cards can generate a maximum of 70 points (by playing them to the waste). The other cards can each generate 15 points (5 for uncovering in the field or playing to the field plus 10 for playing to the waste). 45 cards times 15 points is a maximum of 675 points. 675 plus 70 makes the highest points possible 745.
Playing a card from the waste back into the field costs you fifteen points. Therefore you can always reduce your score to zero (it won't go below zero) by playing a card repeatedly from the field to the waste, back to the field, etc. The catch is there have to be at least two cards in the field because as soon as you put the very last card in the waste the game is over. So you have zero points and your last two cards in the field - those two cards will get you 20 points when you play them to the waste.
The highest points possible with a loss is a bit tougher because you have to figure out the best (or worst?) possible scenario for an almost win. This requires 4 cards be left in the field, 1 exposed and the others unexposed underneath it. The cards are a queen - the up card, the card immediately below that in the same suit (to prevent the stopper from being played to the waste) and the two cards higher than the stopper of the opposite color (to prevent it from being played off of the hidden cards). For example, the queen of hearts is face up in the field. Underneath it is the jack of hearts, king of spades and king of clubs. 4 cards haven't been played to the waste so the maximum possible score with a lost game is 705.
Note that there are many scenarios where you could be stopped and have more than 705 points but all of those can be corrected by playing cards back from the waste. They aren't lost games they're just unfinished ones.
One point for MojoMark
Posted by: Jim at February 26, 2004 02:04 PM (IOwam)
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Points in solitare are meaningless. My office has set up the solitare-speed-challenge.
And the current record for a winning game of standard (draw three) solitare, is held by ME.
68 SECONDS, baby. You can't touch this...
Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 26, 2004 03:27 PM (UJiSP)
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I thought Jim's complete points analysis of the game was extremely sad, until I read Mike the Marine's post.
Now I think you're both sad.
Cut free of the cards, friends.
Posted by: Simon at February 27, 2004 02:06 AM (GWTmv)
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It's not a bug, it's a feature.
Posted by: Jim at February 27, 2004 04:45 AM (saeHM)
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February 20, 2004
Playing hooky
Well it's a gorgeous day here. We're pushing 60 degrees with a very nice breeze so I'm taking the rest of the day off and going to the park to fly kites with the boys.
Cross your fingers and maybe Ilyka will show up to entertain y'all in my absence.
By the way - Munuviana will be moving to its new high powered home this tomorrow evening. The site won't look any different but there won't be any posting or commenting for the duration of the transit. Maybe 4 hours or so.
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must.resist.urge.to.comment.on "flying a kite"
Posted by: jim at February 20, 2004 04:29 PM (zE10C)
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Um, the site looks... Slightly different. Oops.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at February 21, 2004 01:27 AM (jtW2s)
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February 19, 2004
Gay Marriage
I haven't really written about this issue for a couple of reasons. First, unless I somehow catch homosexuality from one of my gay friends it isn't likely to ever be an issue for me. Second, it's one of those issues where nothing that anybody says is really going to change anybody's mind one way or another. People have decided their position either emotionally or logically. There's nothing changing in the debate to affect a logical decision and you aren't going to change somebody's emotions via your arguments.
So why am I piping up now? Because I've heard "to preserve the sanctity of marriage" one time too many. Every time I've heard this particular argument I've cringed a little bit at the hypocrisy of the statement. I've run out of cringe room. (Plus the retort finally came to me earlier today at Trey's place.)
The people who are arguing for amendments defining marriage as being a union between one man and one woman do not care one whit about the sanctity of marriage. The people fighting for laws defining marriage as being a union between one man and one woman do not give a damn about the sanctity of marriage. The people who are fighting against any and all legislation that would make homosexual marriage legal couldn't give two shits for the sanctity of marriage.
Want to know how I know this? It's because if they actually gave even the slightest weight to preserving the sanctity of marriage they would be fighting for amendments, laws and legislation to bolster marriage instead of this hypocritical hogwash they are involved in.
Want to preserve the sanctity of marriage? It's easy. Make that "til death do us part" portion for real. Make the marriage contract an actual contract. Make marriage a rare and precious thing instead of the "discard after use" recyclable it has become.
Imagine if marriage was permanent. First off there would be a hell of a lot less of them. People wouldn't be getting married for idiotic reasons any more. Britney would have stayed single. Rock stars and celebrities wouldn't count their spouses with sillhouettes on their car doors. People would be forced to actually deal with their partner and make things work. No quick outs.
So if you care about the sanctity of marriage stop putting your efforts into keeping people apart and start putting it where it should be: keeping marriages together.
more...
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I'm for getting government out of the marriage business altogether, personally, but excellent point on the hypocrisy issue. And I still think that if someone's marriage is so fragile that the marriage of two gay guys next door is a threat to his or her fidelity, that person has got much, much bigger problems than the two gay guys next door.
Or two lesbians next door. Whatever.
Posted by: ilyka at February 19, 2004 05:08 PM (I/zh8)
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I'd rather have two lesbians next door. Not real lesbians, of course. I mean the hot nubile ones like in the movies that are really just waiting for that one special guy to lure them back to the home team.
Damn, was that out loud?
Posted by: Jim at February 19, 2004 05:13 PM (IOwam)
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In all states, a marriage performed by a licensed person already IS a contract under civil law, whether also done as an action in a religious setting or not.
Posted by: MommaBear at February 19, 2004 05:13 PM (JTLjb)
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Then put some terms on that contract. Term minimums of a decade or so would be relatively effective.
Posted by: Jim at February 19, 2004 05:19 PM (IOwam)
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I'm with Ilyka on this. I don't like that the government is in the business of sanctity at all.
Posted by: Trey Givens at February 19, 2004 08:29 PM (8d3PJ)
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Damn. I was going to address gay marriage next week and you beat me to it.
I also agree that the government should get out of the marriage business-in Europe, the government is not involved, gay marriage happens, and everything is ok.
It hasn't always been like that-as recently as 10 years ago Norway castrated homosexuals, so it's not like everything is hunky-dory here (and they still do it to the clinically insane, in a nice touch of "let's further the horribleness that is your life.)
But I disagree with one thing you wrote-that we should work hard to keep marriages together.
Yes, marriage is work, hard suffering, flinging dishes and adulterous relationships, inter-mingled with grandchildren sitting at your knee, Christmas presents and whipped cream fights. But marriages change and bust due to the nature of the person-ask any of the Baby Boomers parents, and they'll tell you that had they had the option, they would've definitely divorced.
I think of divorce as a sad fact of society, but then I don't see that marriage to someone that it's not going to work with should equate to a prison sentence.
Posted by: Helen at February 20, 2004 02:20 AM (3nEic)
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Hi, I noticed you were talking about a sexual health matter. If you'd like to submit your page to SH Directory, please do ;-) (http://www.shdir.com)
Posted by: SHDir at September 12, 2004 10:59 AM (CxqOL)
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February 18, 2004
Snagglepuss
I've never been a flosser. It could be because I come from a family of non-flossers or maybe it's because my teeth are fairly tight and when I tried flossing way back when it was too uncomfortable. Maybe the seeping blood from your gums if you misjudge and hit them with the
razor wire floss just turned me off. Whatever the reason I've just never been one to floss. I made up for it by being a militant tooth brusher. Once as soon as I wake up, once before leaving for work, once when getting home from work, once before bed. I used to also brush at work after lunch. I'll still add another brushing in there as needed if my mouth feels nasty.
Bear and Bacon recently had dental hygienists into their school to teach the kids how important tooth care was and to give the basics on brushing and flossing. Now anybody with kids will know what that means. They learned something in school that we didn't do at home. This became the absolute most important thing in the world to them. If they didn't floss then all of their teeth were going to fall out! They'd be overrun by plaque! Their breath would stink so bad that they could conceivably kill the birds with the poisonous gasses issuing from their orifices. (Personally I think that this was a bit over the top. If the birds could live through years of babies with crap pants I doubt they'd kick the bucket from nasty breath. Anyway...)
So Lovely Wife found these neat pre-loaded floss doohickeys. No fumbling around with the wax string and shoving fingers into mouths. Oh, no. Not with these sexy dental beauties. They are slick, easy to use and very efficient. So I tried 'em out.
My teeth are still very tight and it was hard to work the string on down between them. I still misjudged a couple times and was rewarded with crimson spit as my gums protested being sliced by the razor wire floss. And my efforts were rewarded as I dislodged some unidentifiable thing that smelled vaguely like raw sewage. I gagged. Seriously. I fought down the urge to puke. I then realized that I had just found evidence that there was something rotting inside my mouth. I fought down the urge to puke again.
I am now a militant flosser in addition to being a militant brusher.
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February 17, 2004
Nagodobo is a liar and a thief!
I was cleaning up some old emails this morning when I ran across a gem of a conversation between
Ilyka and myself. It was from the time when she was hosting the
Bestofme Symphony and suffering the deluge of spam that goes with temporary stewardship of the public submission address. As this email was right next to one from Nguzo Makagbo I took it as a sign that this must be shared with the world at large.
Ilyka: I've received one other submission, so the forward's working okay.
Oh, and spam. Definitely have received some spam. Want to go into business with a Ghana national who only needs your bank account # in which to transfer the secret-secret proceeds from his father's failed kingdom?
Jim: Sorry about the spam. One of the drawbacks of a publicly posted email address. At least you can be comforted that the spam stream will be flooding someone else next week.
PS - Never reply to the emails from Ghana, they're all a bunch of thugs and liars. The Nigerian classic is the way to go.
Ilyka: I don't know why you have to be hatin' on Ghana like that. They didn't invent the spam; they just perfected it! And Mr. Nagodobo assured me that he is a well-bred gentleman of royal descent. He gave me his WORD.
Jim: Mr. Nagodobo? I don't know if I'd trust him. I had a message from Doctor Ndroge's widow and she told me all about how her good husband the doctor had loyally served the insurgent government while acquiring a fortune of several million US dollars only to be slain in a royalist uprising. She had to be telling the truth BECAUSE IT WAS ALL CAPITALIZED. The poor thing needs my help badly as both the good doctor's former employers as well as the royalists want her inheritance.
Beware Nagodobo. He's probably just using you to find Ndroge's hidden funds.
Ilyka: Oh--you know I can't top "She had to be telling the truth BECAUSE IT WAS ALL CAPITALIZED." I'm out.
Jim: Sorry I had to GO CAPS on you, but you know what they say - a weapon unused is a useless weapon.
The morals of the story? Stick to the Nigerian scam - the original and still world leader in online scams.
And don't mess around with Jim.
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Why is that Dorito green?
Because it has the
Bold hint of guacamole! The bold hint of guacamole? Yes, that's right.
The commercial talks about the bold hint of guacamole.
Let's get a couple things straight. First, there is no such thing as a bold hint, okay? It's an oxymoron like "government efficiency", "PETA cares" or "French courage". Either it's bold or it's a hint but never the twain shall meet. Secondly, guacamole cannot be bold. It's a squashed avacado. Avacados are nature's milquetoasts. Finding bold guacamole is about as possible as finding a rational fundamentalist.
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The boldness of guacamole is function of the ratio of onios, garlic and jalepeno peppers to avocado. Clearly you're getting guacamole with far to high a avocado count.
Posted by: Stephen Macklin at February 17, 2004 11:38 AM (UquFN)
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Advocado is but one of the myriad ingrediants in a decent guacamole. You want bold? easy, up the chilli and the garlic... The last batch I made was so bold it couldn't be kept in a plastic container ... or in the house for that matter!
Posted by: Robert at February 17, 2004 11:54 AM (kXZI6)
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February 13, 2004
I got nuthin'
Those of you who read yesterday's post on my hosting problems may have noted that we were taking the boys to the dentist. I took off a half day of work for it. I invested 4 hours of my precious time off to take my kids to the dentist. I figured that three kids, all at the same time, all of them dental virgins...there's going to be some seriously good material here! Who wouldn't take off from work to gather amazing writing fodder like what was guaranteed to be generated in a situation like that?
I was so freaking robbed. The kids behaved the entire time. The staff was great. The place was great. No screaming. No tantrums. No whining. No. Freaking. Anything. No material whatsoever.
Well, I could maybe bitch a bit about the mounds of paperwork but that'll just make me a whiner. I mean you've got two ways to go with paperwork bitching: tragic and humorous. Tragic doesn't work here because every one of you have done idiotic paperwork so you're not going to feel a bit of sympathy for me. Humorous doesn't work either - what's funny about a pile of tedious paperwork? That's like trying to make being smothered by a pillow into a funny anecdote. Just doesn't work.
So I've got nuthin' for you. I had planned on having some fantastic humorous or touching material for y'all to read today but we were stiffed. Despite sacrificing an entire half of a work day to the cause we've got a net zero. Why did my kids have to pick this of all days to behave? Why, God? Why?
I swear, next time I'll amp them up on coffee and candy bars before we take them in. I won't let you down again.
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yeh.. the dentist's office is a lot friendlier these days, not like it was when we were kids - (does that give you any ideas?)
Posted by: jim at February 13, 2004 03:15 PM (lN8eP)
Posted by: Harvey at February 13, 2004 03:16 PM (tJfh1)
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Happy Early Valentines day Jim. Sorry I made you cry earlier.
Posted by: Tiffani at February 13, 2004 05:58 PM (xpNFK)
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I don't have any bad memories from my own childhood dental experiences, Jim. No ammo there unfortunately.
Dang. Harvey's right. That's serious Bonfire material there.
Thanks, Tiffani. Don't worry - I only cried for an hour or two anyway.
Posted by: Jim at February 13, 2004 07:20 PM (saeHM)
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Stop eating that crazy beef!
PETA, through one of its sham front organizations, is getting the message out to
just say NO to mad cow beef. PETA wants us to avoid eating beef, totally concerned over our health and the dangers of mad cow disease, right? But we really, really, really like to eat meat. Is this an impasse?
Heck no! I'm always trying to help folks out and I think I have the perfect solution here. Any time you were going to eat beef, substitute veal instead. See, it takes quite a few years for mad cow disease to manifest to a communicable state. If we kill the cows when they're babies we'll be safe, just like PETA wants!
Just say NO to those 100% USDA all beef burgers. Go for veal burgers instead! Meatloaf is a no-no. Cook up some wholesome and satisfying vealloaf! Beefsteak, no. Vealsteak, yeah!
There are some great side benefits to removing beef from our lives and going for veal instead. All those cows don't have to spend agonizing years in miserable captivity (PETA's very sad about this). They'll only spend a fraction of the time that they are now since they'll be slaughtered for veal while quite young. With the demand for beef going down and the demand for veal going up the price of beef will rise (this will make PETA happy) and the price for veal will decline (this will make us safety concious diners happy).
Everybody wins if we switch from beef to veal. We're safe from the dangers of mad cow disease and PETA doesn't have all of those grown cows to fret over! Support the cause, eat a vealburger today!
(Hat tip to Michele)
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Posted by: Robert at February 13, 2004 12:05 PM (kXZI6)
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Look, I am tired of being the last darn vegetarian out here.
Stop eating beef.
Stop eating veal (which was NEVER ok)
Stop eating poultry.
Stop eating fish.
Then your life will be going as well as mine will.
Uh...maybe that's not a good pitch line after all.
Posted by: Helen at February 13, 2004 02:59 PM (FpwZc)
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If god hadn't wanted us to eat cows he wouldn't have made them so slow and tasty.
Posted by: Jim at February 13, 2004 07:33 PM (saeHM)
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What about Bird Flu? Should we start eating chicks instead of full grown chickens?
Helen, I go vegetarian at least one meal a day whether I want to or not.
Posted by: Johnny Huh? at February 14, 2004 12:05 AM (N2L3o)
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I feel so bad...I had chicken nuggets yesterday and a buger on thursday.:-O
I also abused my kids.They had the same stuff for dinner and my oldest actually had a birthday party at McDonalds yesterday.He ate a burger.BUT...my friend baught it for him and paied for it,so I am out of trouble there...
;-)
Posted by: LW at February 14, 2004 12:16 PM (saeHM)
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I can't spell.It should be bOught,not bAught.
I guess its my parents fault because the fed me meat as a child...
Posted by: LW at February 14, 2004 12:23 PM (saeHM)
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actually it was more the "buger on thursday" that caught my eye but never mind
Posted by: Rob at February 14, 2004 04:19 PM (SbrGl)
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Ooops!
Mijn excuse:
I am German.:0)
Posted by: LW at February 14, 2004 06:39 PM (saeHM)
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With 138 cases of human involved mad-cow world wide, I think I got a better chance of winning the lottery *while* geting hit by lightening *and* eating a nice, juicy steak dripping in lemon and browned butter, maybe wrapped in bacon, like they used to do with filets ...er, where was I?
Posted by: Claire at February 15, 2004 07:49 PM (l1oyw)
Posted by: Jim at February 16, 2004 11:07 AM (IOwam)
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Although PETA is evil, there is no need to kill baby cows...for food. Just kill 'em for any old reason. Looking into picking up a hobby? Try killing baby cows! That's what I do.
I wish a baby cow would fellate me. I have issues.
Posted by: YESSSSSSSSS! at May 26, 2004 10:05 PM (2v7Fr)
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Hey, noooooooooooo. [hope I spelled that right]
Are *you* young? Tender?
Do ya move a little sloooow? [--like ya think]
hm mmmmmmm?
Posted by: Sarah Bellum at May 26, 2004 10:36 PM (l1oyw)
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This is crazy........I am thinking about not eating at all anything ever???? OK maybe a protein shake??hahaha
Posted by: lisa at June 17, 2004 09:55 PM (PcgQk)
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February 11, 2004
What's the difference between art and porn?
The other night things got a bit frisky at home and Lovely Wife and I got a bit happy with the old digital camera. Hey, it's a free country, it was the privacy of our own home and the kids were all asleep. While reviewing the resulting incriminating evidence it became apparent that we had a difference of opinion. I thought that they were very beautiful and considered them artistic photos. Lovely Wife thought they were basically porn and that I better not even think of posting them.
Since I'm naturally contrary and I've got a good 8 hours or so before she can physically harm me I've decided to post a select couple of pics. I'm not trying to showcase the Peacock Family nudity here, I'm genuinely interested in whether you think these are artistic or pornographic.
If a female spreads her legs is it automatically porn? View image
If it's tastefully done can a penis be artistic? View image
Let me know what you think.
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1
I didn't even have to look and I knew what was in those pics. (You're getting predictable, Jim!)
The only way I can see this backfiring is that people may be afraid to open them for fear that they are not work safe.
Posted by: Clancy at February 11, 2004 12:20 PM (EGVPL)
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Also - it appears that you've played the p0rnolanche game again too! Heck you might be up to 200,000 hits by March 2nd...
Posted by: Clancy at February 11, 2004 12:24 PM (EGVPL)
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Nah - I was careful this time. It's all inferred stuff avoiding the naughty key words so should avoid a pornolanche.
Posted by: Jim at February 11, 2004 12:34 PM (IOwam)
Posted by: Harvey at February 11, 2004 12:47 PM (tJfh1)
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Best laugh I've had all day !
Posted by: Sandcrab at February 11, 2004 02:51 PM (AkUpj)
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My God, my eyes! My eyes!
Put a XXX warning on those next time, will ya'? Some of us have delicate sensitivities!
Geez. Bordering on the perverse.
Posted by: Helen at February 11, 2004 02:55 PM (QNq2h)
Posted by: Susie at February 11, 2004 04:54 PM (0+cMc)
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Glad there are some that agree with me.;-)
PORN!!
Posted by: LW at February 11, 2004 05:00 PM (saeHM)
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Y'all just have no artistic sense.
Posted by: Jim at February 11, 2004 05:04 PM (IOwam)
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Oh, the exquisite lighting, the subtle tonalities, the delicate juxtaposition of....
Who am I kidding?
Puppy Porn!
Posted by: Light & Dark at February 11, 2004 10:15 PM (Hrm9v)
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Well, I'm sorry to say that while I wouldn't call them porn, I think those photos are looonnngggggg way away from "beautiful and artistic".
But they are pretty funny . . .
Posted by: Anita Pomerantz at September 22, 2004 05:34 PM (Iadgk)
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February 10, 2004
What do you stuff a camel with?
A lamb!
Which begs the question, what do you stuff a lamb with? Chickens, obviously.
Does the recipe for stuffed camel put you in mind of The old lady who swallowed a fly?
(Hat tip to Dopple-G)
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February 05, 2004
Don't you dare Gallify my kids!
From
Zero Tolerance for Violence in Schools blogged at
Zero Intelligence.
And just last Friday, Janae Thorpe claims she was trying to break up a fight between her sister Ashley and another student at Groves High School when Janae was stabbed in the eye with a pen. All three girls were suspended and are also awaiting an expulsion hearing. "I didn't do anything," said Janae, who feels the school's policy is "stupid."
more...
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This is wierd because there actually is a law that can punnish you for refusing to provide help in certain situations.
What a bunch of crap.
Posted by: LW at February 05, 2004 12:41 PM (saeHM)
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February 03, 2004
Do you bite your thumb at me?
This is not a political blog for one basic reason. Politics (and specifically politicians) generally disgust me. I do my duty and keep informed. I vote. I'll discuss particular items with interested parties. I'll joke and make fun of them. What I don't do is get involved in battling against the retards and asshats that get off on the partisan bullshit screeds that so pervade the blogoshpere and the Internet at large. I'm making an exception.
Sue is an AOL user and died* in the wool Kucinich vigilante who befouled my comments with a 500 word rant ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS!WITHOUT SPACES BETWEEN THE SENTENCES!AND ENDING EVERY SINGLE STATEMENT WITH AN EXCLAMATION POINT!IT WAS, ODDLY ENOUGH, IN A REGULAR WEIGHTED FONT!MOST LIKELY BECAUSE SHE IS NOT INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO USE THE [BOLD] TAG!
MY FIRST INCLINATION (oops, let's take that "caps" button off) was to just blacklist this mentally deficient character and be done with it but I decided to draw swords instead for a couple of reasons:
- Although she's a retard it's quite possible that she is an honestly misguided retard. Too long under the aluminum foil and anybody could be convinced to put the Kucinich gun deep into their oral cavity.
- I'm pretty strongly against censorship. This was pretty obviously a cut and paste screed so I wouldn't really feel bad about deleting it but there's still the principle of the thing. I was offended by the comment but I certainly wasn't harmed. It was also a reply to a post where I critized Kucinich for his heartless assault against our GIs so it was at least correctly placed.
- I think that it's important that people who pretend to be a "Sue" be exposed for the idiots that they are, when they make it oh so apparent exactly what idiots they are. I know a bunch of "Sue" types and all of them are bright and lucid. It's painfully honest that whatever this freak is, she isn't a genuine "Sue". If I let this go unpunished I would be doing a disservice to the "Sue"s that are being impersonated.
- How can I pass up the opportunity to pour out buckets of backloaded vitriol on such a worthy target?
Disclaimer: My political beliefs center around the concept of an elected official performing their job well and doing so within the bounds of the constraints laid upon them. For the President these constraints include little things like the Constitution, the Legislative Branch and the Judicial Branch. As Kucinich has openly stated he has no intention whatsoever of giving even lip service to those three (and others) I have classified him and anybody who supports him as a nuckfut. If you are a Kucinich supporter then you are a nuckfut. Yes, really honest and for true. Therefore, nuckfuts will quite likely be highly offended by reading the contents of the extended entry. I guess it's quite possible that they've already been offended by my words above as well as from being called out as the nuckfuts they are and I should probably have put this disclaimer way up at the top of the post for it to be the most effective. But that's okay - like I really care about offending a bunch of nuckfuts.
The Real Disclaimer: This is a long fisking. I was pissed when I wrote it. Seriously pissed. Over several days. It is not a jocular taking to task of a misguided commenter, it is a furious diatribe against a target of opportunity that has provided me with an outlet to unload months of accumulated pissedoffedness. I did not open a can of whoop-ass here, I tapped a keg. If you love Snooze Button Dreams for my lighthearted quirky humor, anecdotes of life & family and the occasional kooky jack-ass maneuver recorded for posterity then this is seriously not the entry for you. You've been warned.
With that said, let us continue to the extended entry where I fisk this jackass's screed.
more...
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I have no clue where the title comes from but you crack me up here!
I bet you'll never hear from that one anymore.
Posted by: LW at February 03, 2004 03:32 PM (fkewd)
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Awesome fisking, Jim. Seriously awesome.
Posted by: Susie at February 03, 2004 03:40 PM (0+cMc)
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Post title is Shakespear, isn't it? "Romeo and Juliet"?
BTW - excellent bitchslapping.
Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 03, 2004 04:11 PM (IOX+E)
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Monty Python's Search For The Holy Grail.
Posted by: DarthVOB at February 03, 2004 04:22 PM (Llw4/)
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Thanks for the support, y'all. :-)
Mike's got it. Opening scene of Romeo & Juliet where the Capulet boys piss off the Montagues with the ancient equivalent of flipping the bird. 2 points for Mike the Marine!
Posted by: Jim at February 03, 2004 04:35 PM (IOwam)
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Geez, Jim, you'll lure me back to blogging if you keep this up. I knew the dark side would get you eventually!
As for this:
Regarless of whether it was right or wrong to go in, pulling out now and abandoning Iraq would be the absolute most inhumane and monstrous thing that anybody could possibly do there.
Want to know the difference between Sue and my brother (also against the Iraq invasion from the first, and no fan of Bush)?--My brother understands that leaving prematurely would be a disaster for all concerned, but especially for "the innocent civilians of Iraq" Sue claims to care so much about.
Ah, beautiful. A levelheaded centrist type like you should get screedy more often. Think of it as helping to drown out the wingnuts and moonbats.
Posted by: ilyka at February 03, 2004 04:49 PM (FvbgP)
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Bravo of the fisking.
I knew the damn Shakespear line too - but got here too late.
Posted by: Stephen Macklin at February 03, 2004 10:41 PM (CSxVi)
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WOOHOO!! SCORE!
And seriously Jim, I think you should do like a bi-monthly politcal smackdown. Nothing set in stone or anything, but about once every two weeks just have a total blowout on the jackass of the moment. Think about it... 24 posts... nothing to order or buy... you can cancel at any time... and you'll receive the Super Ginsu Knife for Idiot Evisceration if you order now!
Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 04, 2004 01:53 AM (r8Ldc)
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OK, like many high school texts, I didn't get to the end. But, again, like high school texts, the bits I read were right on.
It's a good job you weren't really angry.
Posted by: Simon at February 04, 2004 02:28 AM (OyeEA)
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I so would've had the two points. Mike, you fast and clever man you!
I don't really feel qualified to comment on her stance, since I have no fucking idea who this Dennis guy is (a perk of living overseas and really not caring about it), but I have to say this: she did major disservice to her comments by the horrible method of inputting them-all caps, all bad grammar.
I saw we send her "Hooked on Phonics". She needs it.
Posted by: Helen at February 04, 2004 04:49 AM (AejSW)
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Act 1, Scene 1 Abraham to Sampson ... and bravo on the fiskfest! I'm sure there must be a way to detect if you have typed more than 100 chars in block caps... and react accordingly.
Posted by: Robert at February 04, 2004 06:13 AM (kXZI6)
12
Yeah! Why didn't the spam filter kick her?! It kicked me for typos! Why not her for Caps Lock?!
Posted by: Mike the Marine at February 04, 2004 11:35 AM (IOX+E)
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