June 29, 2005
Teleconfusications
We have a multi-tiered phone system at work. For inter-office calls we use our own lines or VOIP. For external calls we use Sprint. This normally works pretty well. Yesterday it did not work well.
My cube neighbor popped over and asked me if I knew what the light on the phone meant. One of the unlabeled buttons on the phone was lit up with a red light. The lights are always red when lit so the color itself wasn't a concern. What was a concern was the fact that an unknown light was lit.
I pressed the button for that light. The phone did nothing. I picked up the receiver and pressed the button. The phone display changed to "Sprint unplugged". Interesting.
My first thought was that Sprint had followed in the hallowed steps of Nirvana and other lesser rockers and released an album sans electrics and were simply taking advantage of their wide distribution of phone services to market it. Then I recalled that Sprint is a telecommunications company and not a rock band. And apparently they are a telecommunications company that only has one plug.
I hung the phone up, picked it back up and pressed a button for an outside line. The display changed to "Cannot find ARS". Now that made perfect sense. Sprint simply can't find its own ass.
Posted by: Jim at
02:31 PM
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Now, there's a simple fix to this, tell them to use both hands (very important the using both hands) and look for a hole in the ground.
:-D
Posted by: tommy at June 29, 2005 11:50 PM (OJ+GI)
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June 26, 2005
Educational isn't that fun.
Jim thinks he's hot stuff because he got
this.
That is mere tripe. I just got these and believe you me: Monkeys in costumes, driving cars and playing golf, are a lot funnier than catchy songs and educational cartoons.
Posted by: Victor at
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Well as long as everyone is happy (Rachel Ann prefers horror books and musicals, but what does she know)
Posted by: Rachel Ann at June 26, 2005 01:18 PM (rBvjj)
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The green eyed monster rears its ugly head.
Sad. So very, very sad.
Posted by: Jim at June 26, 2005 01:28 PM (oqu5j)
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Hardly jealousy, Jim. Just bragging because I have Lancelot Link and you don't.
Posted by: Victor at June 26, 2005 02:51 PM (IBRcA)
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June 24, 2005
Jim Says...
...that
Kitty rocks!
I just received this fantastic little number in the mail.
Many hours of educational enjoyment lie ahead. If the kids are good I might even let them watch it.
Thanks Kitty!
Posted by: Jim at
09:52 AM
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Posted by: pylorns at June 24, 2005 04:05 PM (FTYER)
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Awww, I love SHR!!! I should try and get a copy!
Posted by: Sissy at June 25, 2005 09:00 PM (uXS+O)
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Conjunction junction, what's your function?... Hooking up words and phrases and clauses...
I loved that stuff as a kid. I think I may have the CD.
Posted by: Bou at June 25, 2005 09:13 PM (J9A1R)
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:: writhes around in jealousy ::
Posted by: Margi at June 25, 2005 09:45 PM (nwEQH)
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Thanks! I'm so glad you like it.
I'm just a bill, yes I'm only a bill, and I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill, well it's a long, long journey....
Posted by: kitty at June 26, 2005 02:29 PM (uFhgB)
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June 22, 2005
Project sex
I had two little projects. They had a lot in common and seemed like they would get along with each other really well. So, I played matchmaker and put them in a meeting room together for a couple of hours.
It's a week later now and I just assisted in the birth of a mega project.
Damn things breed faster than bunnies.
Posted by: Jim at
01:40 PM
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Obviously, the majority of your readership aren't project managers. Your admirable attempt sounds like scope growth to me......arghh! AVOID AVOID
Note to self: Never do this again.
Posted by: knpepper at June 22, 2005 09:57 PM (iqwGf)
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Nope, this was a realignment during discovery. Two separate projects that could be solved with separate but related custom programs or...implementation of a module of the SuperMegaERP system. Since we already own the SMERP system there is much happiness that we now have justification for implementing this module.
Posted by: Jim at June 23, 2005 06:37 AM (oqu5j)
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Hmm, every time I lock projects up in the meeting room they eventually die of either dehydration or kill each other off. I couldnÂ’t imagine them giving birth to a super mega project.
Oh wait, never mind, its sales reps I keep killing off.
Maybe IÂ’d best go slip some nabs and a diet coke under the door.
Posted by: phin at June 23, 2005 10:16 AM (Xvpen)
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Damn. And here I am hoping you hosted some awesome p0rn or something. Work sucks.
Posted by: shank at June 24, 2005 06:49 PM (jfEhX)
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June 14, 2005
Second verse, same as the first!
This worked so incredibly well* that I'm going to dip into the well again.
I need another round of happy thoughts, mojo, considered discourse, best wishes...hell, whatever your bag is it's wanted. Half of you can guess what it's for. Four of you know for sure what it's for. For the rest of you, rest assured it's going to a very good purpose.
* Although it did so apparently by causing a tropical storm. Hey, you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs.
Posted by: Jim at
06:25 PM
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I'm Henry the 8th I am, Henry the 8th I am I am... sorry I break into song anytime I hear part of that song by Herman's Hermits.
I shall now begin say prayers and channeling happy thoughts towards Jim.
Posted by: phin at June 14, 2005 07:30 PM (DGPlf)
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Non-storm inducing mojo flying at ya.
Posted by: owlish at June 15, 2005 12:13 AM (sBj9U)
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Fingers - check
Toes - check
Eyes - check
Sorry, just crossing thing off my corssed things list... big up the mojo massive
Posted by: Rob at June 15, 2005 06:25 AM (kXZI6)
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It's not going to work, Jim.
I'm STILL going to move on Saturday and I STILL need your help. Around 9:00 AM. I'll swing by and come get you.
Posted by: Garret at June 15, 2005 07:27 AM (IOwam)
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9:00 AM? On a Saturday?
Make sure to bring some of that crack you're smoking.
Posted by: Jim at June 15, 2005 08:38 AM (tyQ8y)
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I'm part of the great unwashed ignorant group and I send my happy thoughts in whatever direction you see fit to direct them, Jim. May whoever needs the good mojo, receive it in plenty.
Posted by: RP at June 15, 2005 09:27 AM (LlPKh)
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Sorry, the tropical storm was my fault.
Small typo in the prayer. I'll try again...
Posted by: Harvey at June 15, 2005 11:20 AM (ubhj8)
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Sending, sending, sending..... prayers for whoever coming your way.
Posted by: Rachel Ann at June 15, 2005 11:28 AM (Jgwqx)
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Yeah Garret REALLY....some of that crack and a coffin,cuz I kill people who show up that early on a Saturday!
Posted by: LW at June 15, 2005 01:11 PM (oqu5j)
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Ok. I played my typhoon card, but I have several other natural disasters and plagues in my deck. Which one will help the most this time?
I am tempted to use the raining of fire, but there are pets to consider. And there is also boils, locusts, and famine. Famine might not work because it takes a little while. The "all your water turns to blood" thing is more theatrical than helpful, so I'm not even going to suggest it.
But whatever you need, I'll send it your way. Just say the word!
Posted by: Trey Givens at June 15, 2005 01:13 PM (yaMs/)
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Trey, just don't be sending any of that stuff his way in mid-July. I have no desire to partake in your happy gifts!
Heh, not being of the four, random happy thoughts from the House of Bou.
Posted by: Bou at June 15, 2005 09:22 PM (z7nbM)
Posted by: knpepper at June 15, 2005 09:38 PM (tM2cw)
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June 10, 2005
Say a little prayer
Or if prayers aren't your style you could work up a bit of mojo. Transfer some good karma? At least think some happy thoughts.
Sorry I can't tell you who it's for, what it's about or why it's needed. It's just not my story to tell. Direct it to me and I'll make sure it gets where it's going. I can assure you it's for a good cause.
Posted by: Jim at
08:39 AM
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Posted by: pylorns at June 10, 2005 09:01 AM (FTYER)
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Traditionally they're more like "Oh, Lord, please [description of action desired]. Thank you, Amen." But I guess "uh" works too.
Posted by: Jim at June 10, 2005 09:14 AM (tyQ8y)
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Ok. If Jim says you need happy, albeit unspecified thoughts, you're welcome to some of mine. If I knew more, I could sympathize better, but just the same, my very best wishes for a cure for whatever ails you.
How's that?
Posted by: RP at June 10, 2005 09:50 AM (LlPKh)
Posted by: Jim at June 10, 2005 09:58 AM (tyQ8y)
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Soon as I find that virgin chicken and my Swiss Army knife, I'll turn on the big fix for you. Until then, my best and most positive mental voodoo is tuned to your wavelength.
Posted by: LeeAnn at June 10, 2005 10:44 AM (v9jcm)
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Objectivists don't really pray but how's this: May you be completely possessed of your rational faculty and get what you rightfully deserve.
And if chance plays any part in the situation, may the outcomes favor your hierarchy of values.
Then you jump up and down on one foot under the full moon (sorry, you have to wait until June 22) wilst sprinkling the blood of a chicken on the grave of one of your enemies chanting, "What would John Galt do in this context?" Or, if you need lots of mojo chant, "By the holy spirt of Ayn Rand help me!"
Posted by: Trey Givens at June 10, 2005 11:24 AM (yaMs/)
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Trey - Objectivists can pray all they want. It's like writing a fictional story. A little imagination applied to a real-world desire.
*uploads one generic prayer to heavenly server*
Posted by: Harvey at June 10, 2005 02:54 PM (ubhj8)
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I've lit every candle I own (the fire department should be here, soon, I hope) and KoolAid is sacrificing a chicken in the basement.
I have replaced my picture of Stevie Ray Vaughn on the Altar and have placed the Cow Teat picture there, instead.
Anything else would just be redundant. Y'know?
(In all seriousness, if there's anything we can do, please don't hesitate to give a holla. Love ya.)
Posted by: Margi at June 10, 2005 03:00 PM (nwEQH)
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OOHHH! I KNOW!!
I'll send the boy over to purchase alllllll the M&Ms next door.
That oughtta do it.
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at June 10, 2005 03:07 PM (nwEQH)
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good juju coming at you. Prepare to redirect!
Posted by: caltechgirl at June 10, 2005 07:16 PM (UNuTU)
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My prayers are with you and yours. And any good Karma that i've acrued as well (not a lot, but every little bit, and all)
Posted by: tommy at June 11, 2005 12:37 AM (OJ+GI)
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Praying for ya, my friend!
Posted by: Pam at June 12, 2005 09:08 PM (ErGvS)
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I've lit a candle in my window almost every night since September 11th. At first I lit it for my loved one who I lost that day, our families and friends, and for peace in the world. Since then I have lit it for so many other reasons as well - for those who have lost loved ones, for those going through difficult times, for those who have ill family members, for friends who have died, occasionally just for me, and more recently for my lovely little cat, Belle, my ballerina girl, who danced at my feet every day of her life. Tonight, whoever you are and whatever your need, I will light it for you first. I like to think that our loved ones feel its warmth and sees it glow and know they are loved.
Posted by: knpepper at June 13, 2005 06:53 PM (z+sKu)
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I fervently send my good mojo.
Posted by: shank at June 14, 2005 05:11 PM (jfEhX)
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Damn mojo takes forever to upload on this connection. I need a broadband mojo link!
Posted by: Simon at June 14, 2005 10:56 PM (FUPxT)
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Trifecta!
Went to return some coffee and found
all three urinals full of piss! Woo hoo!
I am surrounded by scum.
In other news, it's moving day. We're heading to our new offices all of 1.2 miles down the road. In typical fashion it's a bit of a cluster fuck. There were supposed to be functional servers over there this morning so the people who planned ahead and obeyed the order to disconnect all computers before COB yesterday would be able to work from the new office.
Not.
So I'm back at the old place listening to 100 people packing up their shit instead of working in quiet solitude. Bah.
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June 09, 2005
People Eating Tasty Animals
Our last grilling session:
(Click for big size)
By "last" I mean "most recent" of course. We're full on into grilling season now so this is a fairly common occurence.
The burgers you see there aren't just any old hamburgers - they're Jimmy Burgers™, my world famous recipe. I'd be happy to share the ingredients with you but then I'd have to kill you.
No, wait. It's the recipe for my chili con carne I'd have to kill you for. I'm free to share this recipe. Except that I can't. Because there isn't one.
The actual ingredients of the Jimmy Burger™ vary widely depending on my mood, relative sobriety and what's in the kitchen.
Burgers aren't a science, y'all. They're an art form.
Getting hungry Bou?
Posted by: Jim at
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Mmmm mmmm! That's some grillin' pR0n, right there.
What is that, the Charmaster 5000?
Posted by: Margi at June 09, 2005 05:44 PM (nwEQH)
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Dagnabbit, Margi stole the joke I was gonna make!!!!
Well, OK. Hmmm.
Nope. I got nothing.
Meanwhile, save me a dog.
Posted by: Elizabeth at June 09, 2005 07:20 PM (l673m)
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Soon as I saw that picture I thought... "Ooooh, I'm gonna have me some of that!"
Posted by: Bou at June 09, 2005 11:21 PM (z7nbM)
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"relative sobriety" is the reason that I can't grill anything the same way twice.
Posted by: Frick at June 09, 2005 11:40 PM (Xczbc)
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WTH is going on here, you cant grill with propane, real grilling is done with FIRE from WOOD, or second best with charcoal (none of that BS matchligh shtuff eather use a chimeny and do it right, or in a pinch coconut husks brickets.
Posted by: YankeetechinGermany at June 10, 2005 03:14 AM (7IZfE)
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Grilling is over anything got. You're thinking of barbequeing. Such delectability is in the future. For now we got the big-ass gassy.
Posted by: Jim at June 10, 2005 05:22 AM (oqu5j)
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I'm pretty sure you shared your chilli recipe with the world Jim ... does this mean I'm dead?
Posted by: Rob at June 10, 2005 05:24 AM (kXZI6)
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That was my chile entree recipe. The chile con carne is still a state secret.
Posted by: Jim at June 10, 2005 07:08 AM (oqu5j)
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I have a special recipe for burgers that seems to go over pretty well with the general public. Enough that I get requests for them.
Posted by: Contagion at June 10, 2005 08:25 AM (Q5WxB)
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For fifty bucks a person I'll tell you the receipe.Also,there will be an auction on my site later.(Now behave DUKE!!!).
;-)
Posted by: LW at June 10, 2005 11:13 AM (oqu5j)
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Propane is for girlie-men.
Posted by: Victor at June 13, 2005 11:05 AM (L3qPK)
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June 07, 2005
Washington in brief
The Available Time Fairy has yet to make an appearance, precluding my writing up fantastically amusing anecdotes for your amusement. Instead, I'll give you a relatively dry bullet point presentation of the trip. Hey, I'm in project management now. This is how it's done.
- Da plane! - Had an excellent trip. All three boys behaved like angels for the entire 12 hours of travel. Lovely Wife and I kept waiting for the bomb to drop but it never arrived. It must have been using a French targeting system.
- Airport - They've got the cutest little airport in Spokane! I wanted to just put it in my pocket and take it home with me. It's an International airport because they fly to California.
- "Spokane" - They pronounce it all funny. It should be "spo-cane", right? Nope, they pronounce it "spo-can". I kept pronouncing it the right way and anytime a local looked at me like I was a tourist I told them if they want to pronounce it "spo-can" then they had to get rid of the "e" at the end.
more...
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I am ready to go back......I fucking miss that place and all the cool folk there!!
Posted by: LW at June 07, 2005 03:59 PM (oqu5j)
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Hell,I think I could actually live in WA state.Not in Spokane,but there are awesome places.The scenery is wild,its got all you need:Ocean,Mountains therefore skiing,surfing....you name it.If it just wouldn't rain so damn much there and liberals would shut up a bit more.LOL Can't even smack your kid upside the head there!
Posted by: LW at June 07, 2005 04:08 PM (oqu5j)
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Sounds like a great trip, Jim! I'm really happy you had such an excellent time.
Posted by: RP at June 07, 2005 05:28 PM (LlPKh)
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LMFAO @ LW. Yeah, you could live here. But anywhere else but Spo-caine is pretty much "blue," I think.
And -- did you REALLY SAY YOU MISS US?!
*sniffle* No. . .. I'm all right. . . .just somethin' in my eye. . .
I don't know WHEN or HOW, but we WILL -- AS GAWD AS MUH WITNESS -- figure out some way to visit ya'll on your turf. After all, it's our turn, natch.
xoxo
Posted by: margi at June 07, 2005 07:48 PM (nwEQH)
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When my oldest stepsister got married, my mother's comment on the success of the wedding were priceless.
She said, "No one fell down or said fuck."
Jim, thanks for giving us the details. It sounds like a good time was had by all, just as it should be.
Posted by: knpepper at June 07, 2005 07:49 PM (pupre)
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I'm prepared to overlook your comment about Canadians but just barely.
Posted by: knpepper at June 07, 2005 07:51 PM (pupre)
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LMAO Margie.....we saw the stickers at Boo Radley's!GWB....Global Whoring Bastard.....hehehe
Anyways......I guess we'll just have to hold a Bloggers collection to get y'all here.Afterall......Airtran flies you ANYWHERE (but Spokane).
Posted by: LW at June 07, 2005 09:31 PM (oqu5j)
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Wait! There are those of us with Estrogen that will eat ice cream for breakfast! It's a dairy product... as is milk that you put on cereal... for breakfast... therefore it is OK.
As is cake. Cake... doughnuts... No diff.
This is probably why I am currently trying to lose weight. Hmm.
Posted by: Boudicca at June 07, 2005 10:43 PM (z7nbM)
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"Home again, home again, jiggedy-jig "
Good Evening JR...
Blad Runner.
Posted by: pylorns at June 08, 2005 10:32 AM (FTYER)
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"Home again, home again, jiggedy-jig "
Good Evening JR...
Blade Runner.
Posted by: pylorns at June 08, 2005 10:33 AM (FTYER)
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"To market, to market to buy a fat pig.
Home again, home again, jiggedy-jig."
Very old nursery rhyme.
Posted by: Jim at June 08, 2005 11:14 AM (tyQ8y)
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God, i love hillbillies. ;-)
Posted by: Pam at June 12, 2005 09:12 PM (ErGvS)
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June 01, 2005
Can you flunk a meme?
Oh,
Rob. You poor, misguided man. I gave up on music a decade ago. I listen to talk radio in the car. I'm possibly the worst person in the blogosphere to be tagged with this meme. Regardless, I shall endeavor to rise to the occasion and hope that my answers don't inordinately degrade my cool status.
Total volume of music files on my computer:
Zero. Nada. Nil. I have no music files on my computer. I should win some sort of prize for this.
The last CD I bought was:
Ray, the soundtrack from the movie of the same name. I bought it during my Spokane trip. The rental truck had a kick-ass stereo system but I couldn't find any station with acceptable background music. Talk radio was out as I was always with passengers. Thusly, Ray was acquired.
Song playing right now:
None. Nothing. The extended version of 4'33". It's not because I'm at work, either. The only time I hear music is if Lovely Wife puts some on.
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
Someone to Watch Over Me by George Gershwin. Played for Lovely Wife and I by the strolling violinist at The Friar's Table whilst we celebrated our first wedding anniversary.
Georgia On My Mind by Ray Charles. The reason for the above noted CD purchase. This song is gorgeous. The Ray soundtrack has two versions, one studio and one live. You can hear Ray Charles alternately smiling and crying during the live version. Breathtaking.
Speaking of Ray Charles, did you get a look at that new grand piano he's using now? No? Neither did he.
Back in Black by AC/DC. This was the first song I heard after boot camp. It was like emerging from a dark room into blinding light. Any time I hear it now I get an emotional lift. Plus, AC/DC just plain out kicks ass.
Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd. This song puts me in a happy place. I guess it's just part of being a voluntary southerner.
No Woman, No Cry by Bob Marley. Everything gonna be all right.
Five people to whom IÂ’m passing the musical baton: I need to make up for a couple of lousy answers so I'm going to pass this to six people: the inestimable Snooze Crew™!
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1
Ah yes now the real reason for the Snooze Crew™! becomes apparent. It makes your ability to pass memes along much easier.
[Insert sound of Jim slapping phin in the back of the head]
Oh, you mean we're not allowed to rebel. I'll get right on it boss.
Posted by: phin at June 01, 2005 02:00 PM (Xvpen)
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You want us to post our answers as comments? Or do you want us to invoke our newly bestowed powers and hijack your blog with our own posts?
Posted by: diamond dave at June 01, 2005 07:57 PM (pUkwX)
3
Done.
Meme Time
Ever driven by peer pressure, I shall comply-(Keep in mind I used to play music for a living so my tastes run from the cheesy to the absurd.)
Total volume of music files on my computer: Work- 0 Home- 1gig
The last CD I bought was: Kim Ritchie's
Glimmer (What can I say..I love the production values..)
Song playing right now: Poco's
Call it Love
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me: Crowded House Don't
Dream it's Over -I'm a sucker for a Hammond B3. Great wind down the day song.
Starship's
Jane -It's my morning-drive-to-work-and-get-your-ass-awake-tune.
Atlanta Rythym Section
Imaginary Lovers Just one of those slow, suck you in and keep you until the song's over kind of tunes. Even if it is about masturbation. It took years to figure that out- I still liked it even after I listened to the lyrics.
Brother Cain's
Got no Shame I can't sit still when I hear it. It compells you to sing at the top of your lungs in the car, play air gutar and air drums simultaneously.
Miles Davis- Anything from
Kind of Blue.. Required listening if you are serious about music.
That's it-
Be carefull what you wish for.
Posted by: Rob at June 01, 2005 08:33 PM (Gkhif)
4
Dave - Taggees (hmm...reminiscent of Thuggees) can reply on their own blogs (present company excepted), on this blog using their Snooze Crew™ powers or in the comments here.
See how easy I make things? No wonder I'm in project management.
Posted by: Jim at June 01, 2005 09:56 PM (oqu5j)
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All right, here goes...
Total volume of music files on my computer:
Let's see.... eighty-seven songs. (I don't keep track of disk space, as long as it's there)
The last CD I bought was:
The Best of Bonnie Raitt.
Hey, so I got a thing for them guitar-picking redheads.
Song playing right now:
I'm downloading from Napster Lite "The Rain King" by Counting Crows. Appropriate given the current weather.
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
I'm really going to have to pick and choose these. So much of my life and feelings can be summarized in music.
Little Wing - Stevie Ray Vaughan: I could die listening to this song. Stevie Ray at his best.
In Memory Of Elizabeth Reed - The Allman Brothers: A good zone-out, make the world go away type song. I've been always a sucker for good instrumental rock jams. (from Live at Fillmore East)
Touch Of Grey - The Grateful Dead: The story of my life the past several years. "I will get by, I will survive". Keeps me feeling strong.
All Apologies - Nirvana: The flip side of the above entry. My favorite song for feeling sorry for myself.
Landslide (live) - Stevie Nicks: This one really makes me show my mangina. Hey, I can almost do a good falsetto of Stevie Nicks, too. In the car. Alone.
Five people to whom IÂ’m passing the musical baton: I have no idea, I'm new to this game.
Posted by: diamond dave at June 01, 2005 11:15 PM (0gB9X)
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Do I have to do THIS meme again? I was tagged with it in my first week of blogging. LOL
Posted by: Denise at June 02, 2005 06:24 AM (JTlEe)
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Yes, such is the price of fame and fortune.
On the plus side you only have to do the delta. That is, if anything has changed since then.
Posted by: Jim at June 02, 2005 06:32 AM (oqu5j)
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Does this mean you've even deleted the sample music that comes with XP? Wow - I am impressed
Posted by: Rob at June 02, 2005 07:10 AM (kXZI6)
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Someone already tagged me with it, JimBobBoy.
Posted by: Victor at June 02, 2005 07:34 AM (L3qPK)
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Sample music? What's this you speak of? Where are these attrocities against nature?
Victor, you're excused from duty then. Nobody could be heartless enough to subject somebody to this meme twice. Except Hillary Clinton, of course.
Posted by: Jim at June 02, 2005 08:08 AM (tyQ8y)
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