July 31, 2004
Dog Soldiers
Let me preface this by saying that I love
werewolf movies. Dopple-G hates them - they absolutely terrify him, and not in a good way. I freaking love them. I love werewolf mythology too. Canines are my favorite pet and wolves are by far my favorite wild animal. It's important that you know this background as it could color my review.
Let me also say that my very own chocolate lab just tried to kill me. I was walking to the computer to type this, beer in my hand. The evil creature intercepted me in the dining room, cutting directly across my path. I skillfully adjusted my beer to prevent foulage and stepped off to my right foot. Just past the point of no return the crafty beast turned in between my legs and to the right, neatly turning my ankle and sending me to the floor. I'm happy to report that I managed to throw my left knee out far enough that I could piston my beer hand and prevent bottle corruption and massive beer loss. Not that it matters a lot seeing as that particular carpet is getting cleaned tomorrow but it's the effort that counts.
And yes, my ankle hurts like a mother. It's important that you know this as it could color my review.
Dog Soldiers was a good movie. I mean good overall, not just as a horror movie. The acting was actually really good all around with the exception of that loser who played Captain Ryan the Special Forces jackass.
As far as horror movies go it was pretty standard. I didn't actually get scared at all during the movie but that's pretty much the way of things since Alfred Hitchcock died.
It did well for the spook-at-shadows afterward score. I thought it was going to be a non-register there as I'll normally get a crawly feeling while taking a piss with my back to the closed shower and I didn't get that at all from this movie. However, I just walked the dogs and when we got to the dark part of the street (my house is the ONLY house on my street with a street light) and Kota turned towards the woods and stopped dead and growled deep in her throat I nearly shit myself. Wait a second...lemme check here...yeah, that spooked the shit right out of me.
I recommend this movie for anybody who likes a "last man standing" pick-em-off-style movie, werewolves, general monster, armed conflict, small engagement army or general spooky popcorn movie.
My only major beef (excuse the pun - you'll see what I mean in a second) was a scene in the beginning of the film when the platoon of soldiers is at their campsite and a dead cow gets thrown on their campfire. They seem reassured and business as usual when they discover that the cow died of a natural attack (teeth and claws). Cows that die of natural causes do not generally launch themselves into your campfire. The entire troop should have freaked at this point because unless they missed a cherry picker or catapult in close proximity to the camp there's no realistic human way to hurl a cow into a campfire.
Except for that and the loser actor playing Cpt.Ryan a standard suspension of disbelief should pull you through this one.
Addendum. Sgt.Wells had all of the best lines in this movie and there were a bunch. Top three (all by Wells) were:
I am not breaking radio silence just cos' you lot got spooked by a dead flying fucking cow. (Part of the stupid cow scene described above.)
If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya. (Gratuitous violence quotes are my favorite.)
We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch. (I've always despised Little Red.)
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Yep, Sgt. Wells rocked!
The last movie that actually scared me was (the original) Halloween--but I think that was more because everybody in the theater keep screaming, and every time they screamed, I'd jump...so I guess it was really the audience that scared me, now that I think about it, and since audiences are still scaring me daily (in my professional capacity) you can just ignore this sentence...
Posted by: Susie at July 31, 2004 11:37 AM (11RPa)
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Jim,
you ever notice how your dog's eyes glowed a weird silvery green? Definite canishuman potential there. You do lock him up during a full moon don't you? Otherwise, your likely to come down stairs and find this strange man with chocolate brown hair, sitting in your favorite seat, scratching himself, using your remote, probably rooting for the wrong team, and drinking your beer.
Check between his knuckles. If they are furless, you know you have a canishuman on your hands.
Posted by: Rachel Ann at August 01, 2004 11:44 AM (fpPSW)
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I fricken loved that film. Even better is the cast commentary on the DVD - they just got the cast to sit around, watch the movie and get drunk!
Posted by: Rob at August 02, 2004 06:10 AM (kXZI6)
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Susie - For me it was a short in Steven Spielberg's Amazing Stories. This guy kept seeing somebody sneaking up behind him any time he looked into a mirror. Every time he looked the guy coming up on him was a little closer. I couldn't look into a mirror for days.
Rachel Ann - Actually she's a bitch so this could work out well. I like my women a bit on the hairy side...
Rob - Dang, I've got to go rent it again now. I usually check out the special features but I finished the movie so late at night I passed on it. Drat.
Posted by: Jim at August 02, 2004 08:04 AM (IOwam)
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Rob, where'd you get your DVD? Mine only has a producer's commentary....
Posted by: Susie at August 03, 2004 10:56 PM (CSnd4)
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July 30, 2004
Hellboy
My apologies but this is only a 3 beer review. Hens' Night was late starting and the kids kept interrupting so I didn't get into a decent swilling tempo until the last half hour or so.
Hellboy is decent. It could have been much better. It could also have been much worse. Characterizations were pretty poor and they assumed the viewer knew a lot of backstory that wasn't presented. Unfortunately I don't know that backstory so the movie suffered.
That chick that made out with Buffy in that movie a few years ago about rich mean college students was looking pretty good. She kept speaking though and that's really not her forte. They teased hard on the nudity at the end but failed to deliver and that pissed me off a bit (yeah, like she'd really be wearing a tube top in winter in Moscow).
Overall I'd give it a go as a rental. It's a one-timer though, I wouldn't bother watching it again.
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I actually enjoyed Hellboy more than Van Helsing, even though Hugh Jackman is HOT with long hair and no knives shooting out of his knuckles...tho' I suspect since Kate Beckinsale wears a lot of bustiers,
you might not notice Hugh that much. Anyway, Van Helsing arrived at the theater with "Vatican Detective" written on the cans (in an effort to fool hijackers and pirates I suspect) and I think that's what they really should have called it, since it bears little resemblence to Bram Stoker's characters....
Posted by: Susie at July 31, 2004 11:21 AM (11RPa)
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Cruel Intentions is the movie with the mean students. Love that movie.
Posted by: Tiffani at August 02, 2004 09:19 AM (xpNFK)
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She kept speaking though and that's really not her forte.
That's what I love about you, Jim--you totally tell it like it is.
Posted by: ilyka at August 02, 2004 01:11 PM (87B1M)
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Beer...check. DVDs...check. Hen night...check.
Coming soon to a blog near you:
Drunken Movie Critique
Tonight's selections include Hell Boy and Dog Soldiers. That's right Susie, I'm finally watching Dog Soldiers. Woof woof!
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You know what pisses me off?
A full bladder and the sound of running water.
Seriously though, an email saying just how great the last release of our software was and how a record low number of bugs have been reported in the field despite the fact that this release involved a monstrous rewrite of three critical program modules and how the 140 systems already purchased and installed make this the most successful incremental release in the history of the product.
That pisses me off. That makes me want to go up to the Pres and walk him through the base logic involved here and ask him just what the hell he was smoking when he decided to eliminate the Quality Assurance position for our product.
I can't do that though. His goons would pound me.
(Okay, he doesn't really have any goons. That I know of. I still can't do it though because I would not be able to hold my temper in and I've still got a paycheck here for the indeterminate future. Also, our Product Architect has already done that with the result that QA is being eliminated. If I tried it he'd probably figure it a good idea to whack all of Development.)
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It's good to know you can still earn an MBA these days despite having no earthly notion of how cause and effect work. Jaysus.
I know you like most of the folks you work with there, but what about El Presidente? Did he ever give off signs of being this clueless before, or is this a new thing?
Posted by: ilyka at July 30, 2004 07:47 PM (sDw4/)
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Jim it would seem to me you actually have very little to lose by pointing out to el Presidente exactly the value of contribution to this project. It's not like they can fire you.
Posted by: Simon at August 02, 2004 04:29 AM (UKqGy)
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Ilyka - Generally speaking he's a sober and responsible pilot, which makes this particular decision very confusing. Best guess is the force for the change is coming from sales/marketing - "We need MORE product! We can't sell this as it is!"
Simon - Agreed and I'm working that speech up right now with a bit of partisan help.
Posted by: Jim at August 02, 2004 07:32 AM (IOwam)
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NPR pissed me off again
Okay, it wasn't actually NPR that pissed me off. More precisely, this particular thing I'm about to relate to you wasn't NPR's fault, I just heard about it while listening to NPR. To set the matter perfectly straight, NPR generally pisses me off at a low grade level. I had a spike of pissedoffedness this morning whilst driving to work with NPR on and yes it was
on NPR but it wasn't a part of NPR's programming. Okay, it was sort of part of their programming in the sense that anything you hear broadcast by NPR is part of their programming. This was an announcement, not a newsie bit. So there it is - an announcement (actually two) that I heard on NPR really pissed me off today. What were they? Well let me tell you.
Before and after program segments (that's actual "shows" I mean; as noted above anything they broadcast is technically part of their programming) this advertisement free station has advertising. They read off the name of the segment's sponsor or a general sponsor and give a quick blurb. As advertising goes it's pretty low key stuff but it pisses me off that they claim to be advertisement free while doing ads every 10 minutes just like everybody else.
Anyway, two sponsors that were plugged are what has me really pissed off. The first was the Department of Housing and Urban Development. HUD sponsors National Public Radio. What the fuck does NPR have to do with Housing and Urban Development? HUD is completely funded by our taxes and their only responsibility is to put roofs over people's heads. What the fuck is HUD doing giving money to private interests? That was MY MONEY! If I want to contribute to NPR then that's my business. It is not the business of a dedicated government department to take my money and give it to NPR.
The second was the Gwinnett County School System. WHAT?!? The Gwinnett County school system submits a budget to the county. The county looks it over, axes some books and classes and teachers and then hands a pile of money (including mine) to the school system. The school system then gives away a chunk of it to National Public Radio.
That goes beyond pissing me off. The County and the School System never EVER stop crying about budget constraints and lack of funding and they are giving money away to a radio station. School programs get cut, teachers have to buy their own damned markers and kids spend their days in butler buildings instead of actual classrooms and they are giving the fucking money away!
Where's my damned copy of Robert's Rules? I need to brush up for the next school board meeting. Any locals might want to keep an eye on the Gwinnett blotter 'cause this is going to get ugly.
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Thats insane. Go get em'
Posted by: pylorns at July 30, 2004 09:06 AM (FTYER)
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I agree. Have at them! Cry havoc and loose the dogs of war!
That said, I generally don't like National Palestinian Radio and I certainly don't like HUD sending them money that could be better used to promote low income housing.
Posted by: Random Penseur at July 30, 2004 09:19 AM (LlPKh)
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July 29, 2004
I like my faggots a bit rare.
From
Helen comes a delightfully British item about the Doody family. Seems they've just been named
The Faggot Family of Britain.
A West Midlands family is playing a central role in the quest to raise the profile of ... faggots.
The Doody family from Wolverhampton has been crowned The Faggot Family in a national competition, and to kick off their reign they will launch National Faggot Week.
"...all too often the faggot is left off [the national] list," said Janet Doody.
Her husband Fred added: "It's unfair because faggots were British ... long before any of the others.
"The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year."
Some little known facts:
- Faggots were called "savoury ducks" in the Middle Ages
- Faggots were named after the Latin word for bundle
- Fans have published the Good Faggot Guide
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"mushy peas"? Now, that's just gross....
Posted by: Susie at July 29, 2004 01:53 PM (11RPa)
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Jim - I'm not sure you want the traffic the apparent google-baited post will generate...
SpeakinÂ’ ofÂ… Any pimpin emails lately?
Posted by: Clancy at July 29, 2004 01:54 PM (EGVPL)
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It's not Googlebaiting, I'm really that immature! It's true, just ask Lovely Wife.
The pimps are getting out of control. More on that tomorrow (hopefully - no promises on when posts will happen will be kept for the near future).
Posted by: Jim at July 29, 2004 02:17 PM (IOwam)
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I like mine smeared with chocolate.
What?
Posted by: Trey Givens at July 29, 2004 09:32 PM (3RnFT)
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I like mine boxed and shaken...
???
Posted by: LW at July 29, 2004 10:32 PM (behRF)
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Oddly enough I had Faggots, chips and peas last night.
My mum was most upset as her mushy peas didn't (and for the record, taking wet peas and sticking them in the food processor does not make them mushy ... it makes them gross!)
Another interesting point is that Brains (the makers of the finest faggots in the world) recently went into recievership ... I can't think why, one would have thought "Brains' Faggots" would sell like hot cakes!
Posted by: Robert at July 30, 2004 07:26 AM (kXZI6)
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They should have branched out and sold hot cakes too. When you sell hot cakes they always sell like hot cakes. Even if you don't sell a damn one of them they're still selling like hot cakes by definition!
Yeah, hot cakes are the business to be in, I tell you what.
Posted by: Jim at July 30, 2004 07:33 AM (IOwam)
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July 27, 2004
The Silence of the Lambs
Well it wasn't a lamb, or even the traditional donkey. The piñata (notice the squiggly line over the 'n' there - am I good or what?) at the party on Saturday was a watermelon; sort of a meloñata. It wasn't just any watermelon either. It was a gargantuan watermelon filled to the brim with useless plastic trinkits, geejaws, whatsits and enough concentrated sugar treats to choke Oprah.
The cheap cardboard blindfold that came with the meloñata failed early. The other parents there had a problem with using Lovely Wife's leather blindfold (comes with matching ball gag) so we just had the kids close their eyes.
more...
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1
How about: "Feeding the kids margaritas before letting them whack the melon is just wrong".
Or: "You should talk to your children early, before they start to whack the melon by themselves".
Posted by: RP at July 27, 2004 01:52 PM (LlPKh)
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How about this: "Although Jim and LW appear to be normal happy people, their children are indeed evil spawn incarnate." (Burger picture as a reference) btw - I am kidding as I've never met Jim or LW. :-)
Posted by: Clancy at July 27, 2004 04:48 PM (EGVPL)
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If Emma were in the general vicinity, she would gladly babysit the Bear/Bacon/Burger Trio. Anyday.
Gawd, they're adorable.
And remember: Whatever doesn't kill them before they are ten will be a fine personality trait when they are 30.
Aheh.
Posted by: Emma at July 27, 2004 05:18 PM (NOZuy)
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"No children were harmed in the production of this story."
The moral is simple: wacking day isn't just for snakes.
Posted by: Simon at July 27, 2004 08:55 PM (UKqGy)
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"Social services intervened when it was revealed a local couple made their children fight to the death, all for the prize of just being able to wear a shirt."
Posted by: Helen at July 28, 2004 09:15 AM (TmM0X)
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Damn, that's a hairy arm! Who was that dude's father? Bigfoot? King Kong? Chim-Chim from Speed Racer? Frank J.?
Unless that's your arm, Jim. Or your father's. In that case, it's a fine looking piece of...arm.
Posted by: Victor at July 28, 2004 03:24 PM (L3qPK)
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Yup, that's my very own arm. That's part of the reason why I could run around in t-shirts during winter in Buffalo.
Posted by: Jim at July 28, 2004 09:39 PM (behRF)
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I don't know why you didn't just pass a resolution condemning the pinata for failing to burst. Unilateralist cowboy. Have you no shame?
Posted by: Deus ex Macrame at July 29, 2004 03:12 AM (lzBvv)
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Have you decided on points yet? Not to monopolize this comments section, but you should decide who gets the points. And, um...I should win. Definitely. I'm behind on points, after all.
Posted by: Helen at July 29, 2004 07:42 AM (pS7+B)
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Actually, I don't have any points at all. I probably won't get any for the "whack the melon" comment either, will I?
Posted by: RP at July 29, 2004 09:46 AM (LlPKh)
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Moral of the story....Jim spent so much money on the meloñata and with plastic trinkits, geejaws, whatsits - he couldn't afford to dress his kids.
Posted by: Tiffani at July 29, 2004 10:18 AM (xpNFK)
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I think I deserve a point for my backpedaling on the hairy-arm thingy.
Posted by: Victor at July 29, 2004 11:03 AM (L3qPK)
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No points for wussitude, Victor. Only boldness and decisive actions* are rewarded here.
* 'Bold' and 'decisive' being completely flexibly definable by the management.
Posted by: Jim at July 29, 2004 12:12 PM (IOwam)
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Oh, yeah. Forgot I was going to mention the points too.
Announcement: We'll keep this open another day as I've just gotten too damn busy today. Or was that lazy? Either way, y'all have until tomorrow to amuse me with your creativity or shock me with your candor.
Posted by: Jim at July 29, 2004 12:15 PM (IOwam)
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"The kids became uncontrollable when Bigfoot entered the yard."
Posted by: Simon at July 30, 2004 02:33 AM (GWTmv)
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Announcement: And the winner is...
Crap. I don't know yet. Sorry, y'all. I suck uncontrollably yadda, yadda, yadda. End result: contest remains open for at least another day.
Posted by: Jim at July 30, 2004 03:13 PM (IOwam)
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July 24, 2004
I got an early birthday present
My job won't be ending at the end of the month. It will be ending...um...sometime else.
My neighbor in the MegaCube is the product architect for the software I work on. He's also the defacto head of our half of Development since we are still without a vice president on our side of the building*. He has been procrastinating a bit with submitting my termination paperwork. Well I guess you could say he's been procrastinating a lot with handing that paperwork in seeing as he's had it for the better part of two months. Seems he had a plan in case I didn't find another job in time.
At an offsite managers' meeting yesterday he requested and received an extension for my position. I'll have a job until they actually hire a new programmer. As there is no serious contender in the pipeline at the moment I've got at least a couple of weeks of continued employment.
Today's party will be much more festive now.
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That's great news Jim, I'm glad to hear it. May you continue indefinitely until you 1)retire or 2)move on to bigger and better places....
Posted by: Rachel Ann at July 24, 2004 02:19 PM (MKgAo)
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Here's to continued paychecks and more health insurance! Yay, Jim!
Posted by: Random Penseur at July 24, 2004 03:16 PM (X3Lfs)
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That is so cool. Good to know that not every boss is a dick. (Of course, being a boss and all, I'm not one, but I have worked for many...)
Anyway. Good bosses keep good people, no matter what. Now, get out there and own that company.
Posted by: rick at July 25, 2004 02:58 PM (oA/Vb)
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Heh. That photo and threatening letter worked after all.
Posted by: Simon at July 26, 2004 04:10 AM (GWTmv)
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July 23, 2004
Happy Birthday Bear
(Click for super-celebration size.)
The big guy is 5 today!
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Happy Birthday Bear!!!!
What an absolute doll....does he look like your wife?
Just kiddin there blogdaddy!
Posted by: Tiffani at July 23, 2004 09:56 AM (xpNFK)
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Lucky for him, he does!
Posted by: Jim at July 23, 2004 11:01 AM (behRF)
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Happy Birthday Bear!
Until 120 years all in good health of body, mind, heart and soul.
Hope you got some good presents!
Posted by: Rachel Ann at July 23, 2004 11:21 AM (MKgAo)
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Happy birthday to your little Bear-or Bjorn, as we'd call him
Posted by: Helen at July 23, 2004 11:54 AM (k78uM)
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Happy birthday! I wish you much cake and ice cream!
Posted by: Random Penseur at July 23, 2004 11:57 AM (LlPKh)
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[leaves extra large chocolate chip cookie that says "Happy Birthday" on it]
Posted by: Harvey at July 23, 2004 01:23 PM (tJfh1)
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With apologies for the lateness, Happy Birthday, Bear!
Posted by: ilyka at July 23, 2004 10:29 PM (sDw4/)
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July 22, 2004
Our house is a very, very, very fine house
We actually do have pictures of it, too. Lovely Wife took a bunch a few weeks ago. Only problem is they are just after we moved in and stuff is everywhere. Due to some problems
(Dell sucks) with Lovely Wife's laptop
(hard drive crapping out after less than a year) I've been using the old monster desktop PC
(it works just like a regular computer, only slower). This has the side benefit of being the computer that's attached to the base unit of the digital camera. The one-touch Kodak digital camera. I was out of excuses to procrastinate about taking pictures.
I took a bunch last night but they're not ready to post yet. I am not what you would call a professional grade (or really even 'acceptable' grade) photographer so most of these need some digital assistance before they'll be usable. Little things like compensating for Jim forgetting to turn on any lights and things like that. I actually don't have time to do that at the moment as I'm trying to get enough work accomplished to take tomorrow off.
In the meantime I threw together a quick diagram showing our house's layout. You can't see where we live yet but now you can at least imagine it.
more...
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Looks very nice. Where's the moat? Every castle needs a moat.
Posted by: Random Penseur at July 22, 2004 11:51 AM (LlPKh)
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Psst-what numbers coincide with what bullets? Remember, your blogging stalkers need to look in the windows to witness the wily schemes. And laugh. And hold up score cards. And high-five each other.
Posted by: Helen at July 22, 2004 11:52 AM (pS7+B)
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We have ferocious guard beasts instead of a moat. It was the same insurance break for either one and it's easier to feed a beast than maintain a moat.
I fixed the number/bullet thingy. Stalk to your heart's content!
Posted by: Jim at July 22, 2004 11:59 AM (IOwam)
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By the way, I came back to thank you. I just found myself silently singing to myself, "with two cats in the yard, life used to be so hard", etc. and it took a minute before I recalled why I was singing this. Good use of stealth earworm.
Posted by: Random Penseur at July 22, 2004 12:03 PM (LlPKh)
Posted by: Jim at July 22, 2004 12:48 PM (IOwam)
Posted by: pylorns at July 22, 2004 12:56 PM (FTYER)
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I followed the link and I take your point. Of course, now I have that song to contend with as well.
Posted by: Random Penseur at July 22, 2004 01:51 PM (LlPKh)
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Screw you J-Snooze!
Do you have any clue how embarrassing it is to walk around my co-workers singing "Our house is a very very very fine house" without even knowing it like a total DORK?

PS: I think they already know I'm a dork.
Posted by: DeAnna at July 22, 2004 04:45 PM (IdVP4)
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i won't be a jerk and ask how Bear gets into his room. Cool house, there Jim.
Posted by: tommy at July 22, 2004 05:32 PM (lhS2m)
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Wow, is it to perfect scale? >

I wonder if anyone I know uses their carport/garage for it's intended purpose. Ours is a piano storage room: very chic.
Posted by: Tiffany at July 22, 2004 05:49 PM (5Tm0V)
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I am the king of the earworms. Hehe.
Tommy - That's easy. I didn't mark where the windows are. Either that or we've discovered why I'm not a civil engineer.
Tiffany - Yup, perfect scale. Only the proportion is different. ;-)
Posted by: Jim at July 22, 2004 05:53 PM (behRF)
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Sitting in the sun room I see I should have made the sun room about a half again bigger. Also there's a door from the sun room to the deck (also missing).
All those years with graph paper and lead skeletons have availed me naught.
Posted by: Jim at July 22, 2004 05:56 PM (behRF)
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I'm totally doing a Sim house based on this. Niiiice!
Oh, and the earworm link?--My boyfriend spent most of his youth thinking the song was called Secret
Asian Man. He can't have been the only one. No, then again, maybe he could have.
Posted by: ilyka at July 22, 2004 07:15 PM (NJvzi)
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Wait, it's not Secret Asian Man? My world is collapsing.
Posted by: tommy at July 22, 2004 10:15 PM (lhS2m)
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Northerners actually use their garages to house their cars--odd, I know, but occasionally in winter it comes in handy to not have to chip off six inches of ice from the windshield before leaving for work...
Posted by: Susie at July 23, 2004 01:50 AM (11RPa)
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Ironically, I never had a working garage while living in Buffalo. Only in Georgia where there's no realistic need for one have I been able to avail myself of the utility and here I don't use it.
Posted by: Jim at July 23, 2004 09:07 AM (behRF)
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July 21, 2004
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel...
... True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."
Due to some problems with Lovely Wife's laptop I've been to sleep a bit late the past couple of nights. This morning I woke with that pain in the head that clearly stated "You have not slept long enough, go back to bed", which I of course ignored seeing as this is a workday.
I was stumbling about through a mockery of my morning routine when I spied Henk, our sexy main cat.
Do you see how cruelly he teases me? Now that is a professional. (click for mondo size)

POINTS: Caption this picture. The best three captioners will get points (5, 3 & 1 respectively). Contest runs to some time on Friday.
MORE POINTS: 6 points to the first person who correctly attributes the post title without searching.
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1
my cat actually died yesturday.
Posted by: pylorns at July 21, 2004 08:56 AM (FTYER)
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"Whiskers, seeing an opertunity to grab a warm spot, jumped up on the ironing board. Little did he know that he was about to be permanantly pressed."
"Whiskers secretly wanted to be a starched black shirt."
Posted by: pylorns at July 21, 2004 08:58 AM (FTYER)
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cat: "If I lay flat enough, they won't even notice"
Posted by: pylorns at July 21, 2004 08:59 AM (FTYER)
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Sorry to hear that Pylorns.
Are you burying or consuming?
Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 09:14 AM (IOwam)
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Damn. I can't believe I said that.
Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 09:18 AM (IOwam)
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First of all...how do you come up with theses titles?
My 1st caption was: "Iron Maiden" then I read it was he was a boy.
The only other thing I could come up with was:
"Ironing Bored"
I got nuttin'
Posted by: Tiffani at July 21, 2004 09:19 AM (xpNFK)
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How do I come up with these titles? That's easy. I am the place that useless trivia goes to die. I got a million of 'em.
Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 09:23 AM (IOwam)
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Right I'm giving the world a chance here... I have the answer but will give you all 1 hour before I post it as I feel a bit bad about its source ... I didn't search for it but I did have to look it up ... all will be made clear at 14:32 gmt.
Posted by: Rob at July 21, 2004 09:30 AM (kXZI6)
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Looking up in books is fine. The no searching rule is to prevent googling and such since those just make it a first come, first gets the points thing.
Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 09:34 AM (IOwam)
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Ok so I'm late. the title is taken from a quote by Missy Dizick. I only know this because I have a cat quotations calander on my desk at home! Missy is also the author of my fave ever cat quote:
Dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you.
Love it!
And as for captions how about:
Witch Wendy couldn't afford a brrom but made do with what she had.
Posted by: Rob at July 21, 2004 11:56 AM (kXZI6)
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"I'm a sucker for bit hot stiffies."
"Women's lib? Fuck that."
I see a theme here-I'm angry and home alone, so I see some double-AA action in my future.
Posted by: Helen at July 21, 2004 12:27 PM (pS7+B)
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Rob got the trivia question. Along with an admission of having a cat quotation calendar on his desk.
A cat quotation calendar.
On his desk.
He admitted it.
He's definitely earned the points.
That gives him a sizeable though not insurmountable lead. The caption contest is still on 'til Friday and there's the nominate best posts things still going on.
Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 01:59 PM (IOwam)
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a cat calander on his desk.. what is the world coming to?
Posted by: pylorns at July 21, 2004 02:44 PM (FTYER)
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To follow a lot of themes here, if Rob had been into consuming his cat, he could have a cat colander on his desk.
As to the caption:
Henk tried to get some iron in his diet.
Posted by: LeeAnn at July 21, 2004 05:18 PM (HxCeX)
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I knew Rob would have a cat calendar on his desk: he seems the type.
Some captions for you:
"It's me or the iron; your choice, lady."
"No, I said I wanted a hot
dog. "
"Waddaya mean this isn't the cat solarium?"
"This board isn't big enough for the two of us."
"What's a cat gotta do to get a nice back rub around here?"
OK I really should get some work done now.
Posted by: Simon at July 21, 2004 08:38 PM (FUPxT)
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"Ever the thrifty spender, Jim has discovered a new way to get LW that black fur shoal she always wanted. The neighbor will never miss the cat anywayÂ…"
Posted by: Clancy at July 22, 2004 10:57 AM (EGVPL)
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Hey Jim, are non-bloggers eligible for points? If not, I'll just play for fun. Linked to me name is a URL you may recognize.....
Here's the caption:
"Ahhhh, this is much more comfy than Jim's editorial page, and just as practical."
Posted by: Donny Z at July 22, 2004 09:22 PM (xE7tp)
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Contests are always open to everybody. I'm an equal opportunity amuser. ;-)
Posted by: Jim at July 23, 2004 11:08 AM (behRF)
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Much to her dismay, Jeanette realized she didn't use quite enough Vano in the final rinse.
Posted by: feste at July 26, 2004 12:42 AM (ZI+HT)
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"What do you mean, you didn't buy this table for me to sleep on?!"
Posted by: Rahel at July 26, 2004 01:25 AM (aMDUh)
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"Amazing new ironing board allows women to simultaneously iron, rub pussy."
That's one beautiful cat!
Posted by: Rube at July 26, 2004 05:53 AM (cGpdg)
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July 20, 2004
I smell pretty, oh so pretty
Damn, do I smell good today. I'm not talking just a little good. I mean I smell freaking good. I am seriously afraid to go near any of my female coworkers for fear that they might not be able to control their baser instincts and I can't afford any more torn clothing.
Yeah, that's how good I smell.
I think a little background is in order. Two things I'll never compromise on are toilet paper and my bath bar. I want a TP that is strong and soft and can quickly and efficiently scrape the shit from by butt crack but do it with the softness of a newly slaughtered baby bunny rabbit. My bath bar must leave my skin in a non-dry state and have me not smelling like a flower or a chemical.
more...
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Posted by: Tiffani at July 20, 2004 10:44 AM (xpNFK)
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Nope, but you're on the right track. It was a musical.
Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 10:52 AM (IOwam)
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I feel pretty, oh so pretty. westside story
Posted by: shank at July 20, 2004 10:59 AM (+4mO/)
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additionally, you're kind of homo-esque with the whole using the poof, conditioner, and high-end bath products in general. Call me a crusty man's man, but whatever happened to guys being okay with being guys. I blame the Fab Five and the metrosexual fad for making dudes feel like they gotta smell like chicks.
Posted by: shank at July 20, 2004 11:04 AM (+4mO/)
Posted by: Tiffani at July 20, 2004 11:07 AM (xpNFK)
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Man, what an endorsement. Thank you. And also, you're very much welcome. It's a hobby that's slowly morphed into something much bigger than I imagined. Now that it's caressing the ass cracks of my favorite people, I am all the more satisfied. Enjoy.
Posted by: Anna at July 20, 2004 11:24 AM (gBpFI)
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I RAN here as fast as my keyboard would carry me but dammit...I'm late!
I would have gotten it right because I am the show tune queen, baby!
Posted by: DeAnna at July 20, 2004 11:42 AM (IdVP4)
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Oh and I am so totally going to buy some of that soap. The next best thing to having J-Snooze is making my own man smell like him!
Posted by: DeAnna at July 20, 2004 11:45 AM (IdVP4)
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I love West Side Story. First performed, by the way, at Brandeis University in Waltham, MA when Leonard Bernstein was head of the music department there.
My wife works in the field of personal care products. I can relate, even if I don't partake myself.
Posted by: Random Penseur at July 20, 2004 12:06 PM (LlPKh)
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Shank - Correct! 2 points to you. But hold on one second...you got the musical trivia right and I'm homoesque for using something that a gorgeous California blond sent me? Hmmm...
Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 12:38 PM (IOwam)
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hey, in my defense:
The only reason I know that song is because my roommate has 'Anger Management' on DVD. I watched it this weekend , and there's a few scenes where Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson sing that very same song to help calm themselves down.
"...I feel pretty...Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..." I'm not even sure if that's how it goes. See the movie, it's funny. At least I don't use a poof. right?
Posted by: shank at July 20, 2004 12:59 PM (+4mO/)
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Hey, it's not like I'm using a louffa or something like that. I would have used a washcloth but I don't know that we even have any.
Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 01:15 PM (IOwam)
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Trust me Jim...you do own wash cloths.
Ask your wife!
Posted by: DeAnna at July 20, 2004 01:24 PM (IdVP4)
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Opium for Men? They make a soap that smells like that? And it . . . works?
Ooh, guess what I'm placing an order for. I've been trying to get him to give up Irish Spring for ages anyhow.
What was the favorite cologne they don't make anymore? I found a place on the 'net that still (well, as of a year ago) sells one of mine that no one else seems to carry anymore, so you do a little hunting, you never know what you'll turn up.
As for this:
you're kind of homo-esque with the whole using the poof, conditioner, and high-end bath products in general
I'm sure Jim will remember that while the women in his office are ripping his clothes off and his Lovely Wife is totally going kung fu on 'em for doing so, dude.
Posted by: ilyka at July 20, 2004 03:05 PM (LWLzC)
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Yup, Anna's got Opium for Men and Obsession for Women. Gotta get Lovely Wife some of that. Rowr!
The favorite cologne I was talking about is Lagerfeld. The only Lagerfeld I've found in the past 3 years is the deodorant.
Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 03:18 PM (IOwam)
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My soap suggestion - Tea Tree Soap by Paul Mitchell. Also see: Shampoo and Conditional
Link Below:
http://www.paulmitchell.com/site/subpage.asp?section=2,10
Posted by: pylorns at July 20, 2004 03:23 PM (FTYER)
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Oh. By the way. I'm nominating Jim for Metrosexual Man of the Year.
Posted by: pylorns at July 20, 2004 03:24 PM (FTYER)
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Can't do it, Pylorns. I can't buy anything that's hawked at SuperCuts. It goes against my natural resistance to faux trendy.
"Metrosexual Man of the Year"? Because of the soap or the soft toilet paper? In either case I shall have to write more about my buttcrack to compensate.
Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 03:26 PM (IOwam)
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Lagerfield? I make it. Hugo Boss? I make it. Just about any designer fragrance I can turn into soap. And it will be alcohol free.
Did someone even seriously recommend Paul Mitchell in this thread?
Paul Mitchell contains Sodium Laureth Sulfate as does most all commercial soaps and shampoos.
It's detergent. It's garbage. It's drying and harsh. Look in your bathroom cabinets. It's everywhere.
http://www.safe2use.com/data/sls-sles.htm
But don't take one report's word. Throw that chemical into a Yahoo! search and see what you find.
shudder
Posted by: Anna at July 20, 2004 08:29 PM (gBpFI)
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Thanks for the tip on Creekside - that's why I frequent this blog... lots of good stuff to check out
Posted by: moodie at July 20, 2004 11:18 PM (2XPvV)
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I cannot be reading about your buttcrack and toilet paper habbits over my lunch hour. That's now one wasted sandwich and an image I can never get rid of...my eyeballs are still burning. Does Anna make anything for that?
Posted by: Simon at July 21, 2004 04:27 AM (UKqGy)
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Um...she does make soothing lotions. Would that help?
Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 05:38 AM (behRF)
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Hey, Shank. . Jim's a MANLY MAN. And you know what else?
Men who SMELL GOOD GET LAID.
Just sayin'.
As for the title -- um. . .I hate to be difficult but isn't that from "Pygmalion/My Fair Lady?"
I distinctly remember Audrey Hepburn singing that song. And I love Audrey.
I'm going now. . .
Love,
Em
Posted by: Emma at July 21, 2004 02:26 PM (NOZuy)
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Sorry, Em. It was definitely
Westside Story. Perhaps you're transposing Natalie Wood and Audrey Hepburn?
Posted by: Jim at July 21, 2004 03:17 PM (IOwam)
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You're right. *sigh* Not even the same category of woman, but I must have confused the two. Ah well.
As for the rest of my comment: it stands.
Lagerfeld. Mmm. Nice memories attached to that scent. (heh)
Posted by: Emma at July 21, 2004 10:33 PM (NOZuy)
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July 16, 2004
It's party time
Next Saturday (the 24th) we're having a housewarming party. We'll have the grill going with burgers and dogs at 2:00. We're asking people to bring a side item with them (side dish, snack, soda, beer, etc).
Kids are very welcome. It's doubling as Bear's 5th birthday party so there will be games and a wading pool, sprinkler and fun stuff like that.
Please let me know by next Wednesday or so if you're coming and how many people you're bringing so I'll have an idea of how much beef and bun to get. (Yes my vegetarian friends, I'm planning on getting veggie meats too. Just let me know how hungry you'll be for soyburgers and/or fauxages.)
An RSVP also gets you directions to the lovely party location in Lawrenceville, GA.
We sure hope y'all can make it!
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I'll come ! Buy my plane tickets of course...
Posted by: pylorns at July 16, 2004 02:58 PM (gFHN0)
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Oops. "Plane tickets" was supposed to be in the list of things you need to bring.
Sorry. Pylorns
Posted by: Jim at July 16, 2004 06:47 PM (bmLWy)
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...I'll run it by the Wife.. we're only about 140 miles away... it would be a nice evening... that is, of course, if you're really serious..
Posted by: Eric at July 16, 2004 09:17 PM (Py0cM)
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TGD is out of town next weekend, so count me in!
Posted by: Trey Givens at July 16, 2004 09:59 PM (QnDHz)
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I'd just love love love to drive down from CT to GA for the shindig! But, alas, I wont. But if yer ever in New England lemme know! We up here like to have Munuvian get-togethers.
Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 16, 2004 10:11 PM (j52TM)
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Aww, shucks...sounds like a great time, but the trip from East Texas to Georgia would be a killer.......hmmm...maybe Pylorns could drive through and pick us up on the way..lol. Sounds like a plan to me...
Posted by: mitzi at July 16, 2004 10:26 PM (IOhO0)
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Darn. You know what the worst thing is.... not the 4191 miles I have to travel to get there, not the jetlag and IDL disorientation I'd suffer but this ... I've already got a party on the 24th. Damn Damn Damn. I'll catch you at the next one!
Posted by: Rob at July 17, 2004 07:10 AM (BWDMP)
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Sure I'm serious, Eric! I never joke about grilling.
Destructions...er...directions sent to Eric & Trey. Hey, maybe this could be the Atlanta summer blogmeet...
Posted by: Jim at July 17, 2004 09:24 AM (bmLWy)
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I'll virtually show up,, which makes it easier for you to kasher a grill a get me some fish (during the 9 days we don't eat meat.) I'll bring make some red cabbage salad and bring it to the computer..
You just have to trust me that it taste great.
Posted by: Rachel Ann at July 17, 2004 04:03 PM (7A34+)
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Oh, I am so jealous!! Jim and Trey in the same place at the same time! I dream of being able to meet two such amazingly rational minds. Damn the luck of living in Kansas City!!! Wish I could join you. Find a way to live blog this! Please?!!!?
Posted by: Suzanne at July 17, 2004 11:34 PM (DZQ0I)
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I really hope we get live blogging of the event for those of us unable to attend.
I could actually be there. I'll be in a disguise though. See if you can work out which one is me.
Posted by: Simon at July 18, 2004 05:09 AM (AOdQo)
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mitzi, somehow i don't see myself making that big of a road trip just for some bbq. I mean we all know REAL bbq is in Texas.... not Georgia..
Posted by: pylorns at July 18, 2004 04:24 PM (0XkVH)
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Them's fightin' words, Pylorns. Except that there isn't going to be any barbeque there. Hot dogs and burgers are grillin', not barbeque.
I hate to have to correct such an amateurish error out in public like this but we've got to stamp out such profanity with extreme prejudice; know what I mean?
Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 05:35 AM (bmLWy)
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Wait wait.. what type of grill is it?
Posted by: pylorns at July 19, 2004 09:24 AM (FTYER)
Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 09:39 AM (IOwam)
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wait for it... a bbq grill...
Posted by: pylorns at July 19, 2004 11:24 AM (FTYER)
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How far is that from Washington?
Posted by: Victor at July 19, 2004 11:37 AM (L3qPK)
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I see we have a basic terminology problem here. It's only a barbeque when you have barbeque cooking. Burgers and dogs aren't barbeque. Pulled pork is barbeque. Ribs are barbeque. Chicken can be barbeque.
Barbeque is slow cooking with sauce. It takes an investment in time and faith. Time because it takes a while to cook. Faith because if you muff it after barbequing for 4 hours you are going to be praying to somebody when the hungry people start in on you.
I'm not doing barbeque for this party due to a lack of time and faith.
Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 11:40 AM (IOwam)
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Oh, and I knew what Pylorns was asking: Do you have a macho charcoal grill, or a girlie-man propane grill?
Posted by: Victor at July 19, 2004 11:41 AM (L3qPK)
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Victor - From DC it's about 600 miles. 10 hours or so if you drive Southern. From Washington state it's 2400 miles, give or take.
Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 11:43 AM (IOwam)
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I'm still willing to bet that grill has the word "bbq" somewhere on it.
bar·be·cue ( P ) Pronunciation Key (bärb-ky)
n.
A grill, pit, or outdoor fireplace for roasting meat.
A whole animal carcass or section thereof roasted or broiled over an open fire or on a spit.
A social gathering, usually held outdoors, at which food is cooked over an open flame.
tr.v. bar·be·cued, bar·be·cu·ing, bar·be·cues
To roast, broil, or grill (meat or seafood) over live coals or an open fire, often basting with a seasoned sauce.
(often but not always)
Posted by: pylorns at July 19, 2004 11:50 AM (FTYER)
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That's a Yankee definition. Remember I'm here in Georgia. In Georgia, barbeque means slow cooked pork with sauce. Only recently has chicken been even hesitantly accepted as barbeque.
Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 11:59 AM (IOwam)
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ok i posted about this on my site.
Posted by: pylorns at July 19, 2004 12:07 PM (FTYER)
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Will you be sending a car for me? Please make sure the driver is cute and mute.
Oh, and only premium beer in the limo bar, please.
Posted by: LeeAnn at July 20, 2004 12:23 AM (HxCeX)
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You two can argue. Everyone knows the best BBQ in the world is Australian. Everything else is just a pale imitation.
Posted by: Simon at July 20, 2004 02:39 AM (UKqGy)
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LeeAnn - I'm hurt that you would even feel the need to specify premium beer in the limo. Hurt to the core.
Did anybody else hear that? I could have sworn I heard some squeeky little voice talking about barbeque outside of the South. Weird...
Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 05:15 AM (IOwam)
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Charcoal or propane, Jim?
(In other words, are you a man or a girlie-man?)
Posted by: Victor at July 20, 2004 10:26 AM (L3qPK)
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I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me.
I will say this: For the first two years that I was in Georgia I was denied the use of charcoal. The only grill permitted at our apartment complex was the built-in natural gas one. For the past year I have been grilling on coals on a size challenged, oddly shaped, bought-at-Kroger grill. A couple weeks ago I got a free Coleman propane grill, size of monstrous, side burner, ceramic grates, etc. When cooking for 40-odd people size does matter.
Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 10:34 AM (IOwam)
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I understand and agree with the apartment complex rules & regs concerning charcoal grills (I blogged about it last year, somewhere).
But it's obvious: Girlie-man. OTOH, at no money down and no monthly payment, I'd have taken it too.
Posted by: Victor at July 20, 2004 11:27 AM (L3qPK)
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Well it's not the first time that avarice has unmanned me. Remind me one day to tell you the story of
The Reno Showgirl and the Unfortunate Bottle of Tequila.
Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 01:11 PM (IOwam)
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Auntie Em! It's a twister!
Well it wasn't a twister but there was a twister warning. We spent a couple of hours in the hallway Wednesday evening because there was a tornado warning in our area. That's the only area of the house without at least one window.
We locked the doors so little fingers wouldn't "accidentally" open them, gathered pillows and a couple toys and had ourselves a little floor party. I made sure the boys didn't get concerned while Lovely Wife watched the newscast.
Some funnels were seen in neighboring counties but nothing near us. Still, it was good to go through a practice run. It made Lovely Wife fell better to do it and it was a learning experience for the boys. Plus it would seriously have sucked if a twister did hit and we had ignored the warning.
Some thoughts on our (not) nearly death defying encounter with a (non-existent) twister:
- It's really weird when the Doppler radar shows the darkest red evil violence right over your house and you look outside where it is as calm as a graveyard.
- Explaining a tornado to kids aged 2, 3, and 4 is not easy.
- Explaining a tornado warning is even harder.
- The hallway gets hot really quickly when all of us are in it.
- I left the scotch on top of the fridge. What was I thinking?
- It really sucks that our wireless isn't working yet. Damn you Comcast!
- It's odd what can lead to rekindling your love of Legos.
- No matter how big she is a chocolate lab will still get underneath the bed when she needs to.
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Posted by: Random Penseur at July 16, 2004 01:58 PM (LlPKh)
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Thanks RP. We weren't in any danger. It just doesn't hurt to be a little cautious.
Now a little twister could actually have been beneficial. It would have netted me a new outbuilding and dog house at the least. ;-)
Posted by: Jim at July 16, 2004 02:09 PM (IOwam)
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Yeah, but the insurance co. would have disclaimed, I bet.
Posted by: Random Penseur at July 16, 2004 04:41 PM (LlPKh)
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I've spent a few hours in the bathtub, yup. That reminds me, did you see the awesome pictures of a Kansas twister Rob at CrabAppleLane linked? Hold on, I'll get the url:
http://www.livejournal.com/community/wichitalife/51336.html?thread=325000#t325000
I'll never figure out what kind of person chases twisters. It ain't gonna be me, I can tell you that.
Posted by: ilyka at July 16, 2004 06:02 PM (3wJJi)
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RP - With my luck it would have caused $900 in damage and me with a grand deductible. Heh.
Ilyka- Wow! I sincerely hope I never see that in real life.
Posted by: Jim at July 16, 2004 06:21 PM (bmLWy)
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I too have sat through a few tornadoes, often in closests in my house.
That's what I got for living in Kansas and Texas for parts of my life.
I like to think it makes me "adventurous".
Posted by: Helen at July 17, 2004 04:31 AM (CDI6i)
7
It's one of my constant sources of amazement that you guys get these things. As I'm sure Helen can testify the weather in the UK is about as bland as cooking! The idea that you can get weather that WILL destroy your house (or part of it) and wreak devastation across your neighbourhood is something I've never been able to get a handle on.
Glad you're all ok though. I wonder how Simon's doing?
Posted by: Rob at July 17, 2004 07:02 AM (BWDMP)
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Jeepers. I get a Typhoon and you've gotta go and get yourself a twister just to keep up?
This competitiveness is becoming a real issue, Jim.
I'm alive - the typhoon was actually a bit of a fizzer...as they always seem to be. But it meant I had Friday afternoon off, and it's important to find the silver lining.
Posted by: Simon at July 18, 2004 05:05 AM (AOdQo)
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I am here to testify on Rob's behalf that England's weather is as bland as my grandma's cooking.
Simon, can you send that typhoon our way?
Posted by: Helen at July 19, 2004 02:56 AM (pS7+B)
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Blandness....well,its gotta go somewhere!
Georgia is kind of bland,too.Its ALWAYS SUNNY!ALWAYS!After living in Buffalo with 360 days of grayness,I WISH for at least a WEEK!!
The tornados here never happen...unless you live in Pickens county.The locals know what I mean...
Posted by: LW at July 19, 2004 11:05 AM (bmLWy)
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Thoughts of a sleepy mind
I can't get the dead horse off of me until the alarm goes off again.
Our bedroom is really dark this early.
Ouch. The laundry basket could have been in a better place.
I wish the fan didn't come on with the bathroom light.
Damn, that fan is loud.
Look at the time. I hit the snooze three times. That can't be good.
Where the hell are the dog collars? Sorry bud, you'll have to wait for Momma.
That's not enough returns on my job searches.
My resume is smoking, my cover letter is professional. What's the problem?
Fuck professional. New cover letter today.
Need to get some more points out before my blogiversary.
Coffee.
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July 14, 2004
Atkins friendly ice cream!
What's the most Atkins friendly food out there? Why, meat of course! How can we cut the nasty carbs from our favorite frozen treat? The Japanese have found the secret. Instead of high sugar items like fruit or chocolate,
use ground up animals!
Two great tastes that taste great together. Raw horse and vanilla. Mmmmmm. Or maybe some oyster ice cream? Talk about intersting consistency - you can't get much more unique than a frozen oyster.
Thanks, Trey! I almost vomited!
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When I am President and public servant for America, I swear that I will look for ways to make Americans vomit every day.
Posted by: Trey Givens at July 14, 2004 04:17 PM (uew91)
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That's great Trey. Good lord...
Posted by: pylorns at July 14, 2004 04:39 PM (FTYER)
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and you had to pass t he nausea around?
LOL
Posted by: Rachel Ann at July 14, 2004 05:39 PM (XU9vN)
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Our ice cream is made with only the finest natural ingrediants ... fresh queen oysters, quick frozen, powdered and blended with a melage of classic vanilla ice cream with a subtle hint of tabasco.... the menu writers are going to have a field day with this one
Posted by: Rob at July 14, 2004 06:52 PM (BWDMP)
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