Dopple-G made it. Barely. His group was cut 70%.

Turns out they aren't going without QA on my product, they're going without QA on his. The new QA person for my product is somebody from his group who will be retrained for my group. Actually she worked on mine years ago before there was another product so it is literal retraining for her. She has many years more seniority than I do so I can't really fault the decision.

Many many thanks to everybody who has chimed in with support. I owe a couple of you responses on things I couldn't answer off the top of my head and today quickly got too crazy to look for the correct info.

I am very gratefully consuming the beers that were sent to me via PayPal. Muchos gracias to Susie and Harvey. By the way Harvey - Susie one upped you. She bought me two beers. ;-)

To the several who have expressed regret at not being able to help financially - please do not worry about that. Between our finances and the severance pittance from the Collective we are okay for now. I very much appreciate the sentiment though.

Posted by: Jim at 07:14 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 204 words, total size 1 kb.

Got some very big news just a short while ago. The Borg corporate realignment plan has been completed. Apparently assimilation isn't inevitable after all.

I've lost my job, y'all. Effective about two hours ago.

Posted by: Jim at 09:22 AM | Comments (30) | Add Comment
Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Man, that just sucks! I really feel for you and I hope your job search is short.

Posted by: candy at August 31, 2004 09:55 AM (2HdCA)

2 I'm so sorry sweetie. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Posted by: Tiffani at August 31, 2004 10:29 AM (xpNFK)

3 Very not cool. Perhaps those leads from a couple of weeks ago still have hope... Wishing you the Best!

Posted by: Clancy at August 31, 2004 10:37 AM (EGVPL)

4 Jim, move your paypal link up 'above the fold' on your index page. It's perfectly ok in a case like this.

Posted by: spacemonkey at August 31, 2004 10:49 AM (DN55C)

5 Oh, f**k. Still got that head hunter's number, right? I have no contacts in the Atlanta area I can think of off the top of my head, but you can bet I'll go away and think about it. *Keeping my fingers crossed real tight*

Posted by: RP at August 31, 2004 11:10 AM (LlPKh)

6 ouch. Well you did say you got a call from some head hunters not too long ago.. But if you want another head hunter - look up Teksystems.

Posted by: pylorns at August 31, 2004 12:03 PM (FTYER)

7 Oh Holy freaking bag of dog crap. Are you serious? What - I mean - WHAT THE HELL?? I got vodka. I got Hershey's kisses. Need vodka? Or Hershey's Kisses? Damn.

Posted by: Elizabeth at August 31, 2004 12:24 PM (YCUSR)

8 that sucks. sorry to hear that Jim, ill say a prayer that you find a better job. i know you will, so hang in there.

Posted by: annika at August 31, 2004 12:48 PM (zAOEU)

9 NOOOOOOOOO! Oh god, baby, I am so damn sorry I could stab people with pens. I am so sorry. Can I do anything? SKittles? Care packages? Anything?

Posted by: Helen at August 31, 2004 01:12 PM (up+eF)

10 Man, that sucks. Sucks. The. Big. Hind. Tit. I'm sorry about that.

Posted by: Chance McChance at August 31, 2004 01:25 PM (F2N1M)

11 Sorry to hear about this. I hope you find something new soon and it proves to be better. Good luck!

Posted by: Mick at August 31, 2004 01:29 PM (VhRca)

12 I'm sending a virtual beer via PayPal

Posted by: Harvey at August 31, 2004 02:13 PM (tJfh1)

13 What a nightmare! My condolences. Great good luck to you, Jim.

Posted by: Amber at August 31, 2004 02:47 PM (zQE5D)

14 :-( Sorry to hear it, Jim.

Posted by: Jennifer at August 31, 2004 02:55 PM (suGOt)

15 shoot. I am so sorry. I know the feeling. Praying that something better and with better pay comes along and quickly.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at August 31, 2004 03:03 PM (uvNCe)

16 Sorry to hear about this, Jim. What is your profession?

Posted by: Linda at August 31, 2004 05:58 PM (9Pzdi)

17 Ah crap.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at August 31, 2004 06:36 PM (+S1Ft)

18 Rat bastards. I think I may know a few recruiters in your industry. I'll whore your resume around if ya want.

Posted by: Tiffan6 at August 31, 2004 08:07 PM (5Tm0V)

19 sorry that really rots. wish i could help - but wrong state... good luck...sending good thoughts - (thru RP)

Posted by: kbear at August 31, 2004 08:43 PM (IAJcf)

20 Stupid evil corporate machine. Hang in there. Hope this is a minor bump along the road to lots of happiness and success.

Posted by: Spirit Fingers at August 31, 2004 08:56 PM (vj/ef)

21 Well that pretty much sucks rocks. Here's wishing you & your family the strength to get through it all. Take really good care of each other, and get yourself a fantastic new gig. Paul

Posted by: Light & Dark at August 31, 2004 09:30 PM (eT6wp)

22 I'm always the last to know everything, but then that's my own damn fault. Jim, I'm real real sorry, particularly as they had seemed to hold out hope of keeping you there for a bit. I swear to God corporations are the biggest damn teases out there. Happy for Garret. Sad for you. Will see about buying you beer in the hopes that more free time = more drunken movie reviews for all your fans.

Posted by: ilyka at August 31, 2004 09:38 PM (9tAVD)

23 ::: eating M&Ms like a madwoman ::: DAMNIT! If there's anything I can do. . .

Posted by: Emma at August 31, 2004 09:48 PM (MAdsZ)

24 That completely sucks. Let us know if we can do anything at all.

Posted by: Simon at August 31, 2004 10:37 PM (GWTmv)

25 Remind me again -- what is your field? After all, Houston is a booming area, and I suspect I may know a few people.

Posted by: ThePrecinctChair at September 01, 2004 12:15 AM (42ccT)

26 well, that just sucks now doesn't it. Good luck hon. I'm sending some of my karma points your way!

Posted by: goldie at September 01, 2004 06:06 AM (/ciHr)

27 That is just a bummer. My husband was downsized about a year and a half ago. He spent the first year of it back in school - now he's looking. Hope your job search goes well.

Posted by: Teresa at September 01, 2004 03:03 PM (nAfYo)

28 Prayers going your way Jim.

Posted by: Nick Queen at September 01, 2004 04:01 PM (MO4LU)

29 don't get sad, just vote!

Posted by: piggy at September 01, 2004 04:08 PM (vJk6k)

30 Shit. I'm late on this one, J-Snooze. I'm so sorry to hear about this bad news. Hopefully, this will open the door to many wonderful opportunities!

Posted by: DeAnna at September 01, 2004 06:13 PM (IdVP4)

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I have a lot of respect for people who are working to lose weight, get healthier, get into shape, etc. But for the love of God please wear body-style appropriate clothing. Driving around Stone Mountain on Sunday we were treated to the sight of a twinkie intolerant young lady wearing a tighter-than-skin black lycra body suit. It looked like a nest of pythons trying to fight their way out of a hefty bag.

My eyes still burn.

Posted by: Jim at 01:56 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 85 words, total size 1 kb.

I was out yesterday getting my license renewed. I had hoped to have some excellent blog fodder from my DMV experience but the bastards were smooth and efficient. All of our preconceived notions of the long lines and horrific treatment were left unfulfilled and we emerged from the experience in dastardly good spirits.

Bloody useless for blogging.

Posted by: Jim at 01:18 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 61 words, total size 1 kb.

I recently found some old (couple years anyway) pictures on the relic Windows 95 system I use for some regression testing. Among them is one from Memorial Day in 2001 that I've put on my desktop. The only problem is that I'm drooling every time I minimize a window.

(Click for biggie size)

Posted by: Jim at 01:35 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Please, please, oh please, go to this guest post at Lovely Wife's blog and say how very much you agree with the poster. Don't forget to throw a "Yay" in the comments, just to make it official.

Thank you. The check is in the mail.

UPDATE: Never mind, y'all. LW purged and closed the comments as it was getting way too serious. My thanks to the ones who figured out it was humor, though!

Posted by: Jim at 08:38 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 100 words, total size 1 kb.

Tiffani rocks like no other. Thanks to my blogdaughter's largess I stayed up way too late watching this:

(Click for biggie size)

Scarface is one of my all time favorite movies. You need to ignore all of the white actors with bad accents playing Cubans. Seriously, y'all - who the hell cast Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio? She's too white to play most white people. And once you get past the amazing amounts of gratuitous violence (chainsaw. bathtub. 'nuff said) you're left with a wonderful tale of an immigrant who saw the American Dream and reached out to take it with both hands. Both hands, a submachinegun and a few keys of yeyo up the nose. But you get the picture.

Thank you, Tiffani!

Posted by: Jim at 07:41 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 134 words, total size 1 kb.

The most frequent question we get when people discover that we're homeschooling is "But aren't you worried about your boys' social skills"? You know - how are they going to become socially adept without being in a group of their peers?

No, we're not at all worried about that. Contrary to the ready myths, schools are not about socialization. They are really about institutionalization. Where in the world are you regulated in every aspect of thought and deed the way you are in school? Where else are you restricted to dealing only with people the same age as you are? Where else are you given so little autonomy as in school? Take "school socialization" into the adult world and it's as funny as it is ridiculous. The following examples are from an excellent article by Lisa Russell. I can't find the original but Lovely Wife has a copy: more...

Posted by: Jim at 06:50 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 648 words, total size 4 kb.

We didn't get acquired by the Crimson Permanent Assurance after all. We've been assimilated by the Borg Collective. That might sound scary but it's pretty awesome being on the inside of the all-powerful cube of destruction and menace.

I'm not joking about the assimilation either. A day after the acquisition was announced we were no longer TheCompany. We are now The Duluth Office of the Collective (formerly TheCompany). We will be fully integrated within 90 days. Seriously.

The Collective identified our vertical market (Distribution software) and bought a dominating share of it in less than 5 months. And they're not done. They are currently (right at this very moment) busy assimilating 4 more companies.

Prophet21 was our bogeyman for years. They had financial backing that we couldn't match. When we competed head to head they would undercut us so badly they'd make themselves hemorrhage but they'd steal the sale. They did the same to our sister companies. If you went through the hallways here and said "Prophet21" to somebody you'd likely get the finger and a "fuck you too" back. In the span of just a couple of days Prophet21 has turned from a source of nightmares into a target.

It's good to be the Collective.

Posted by: Jim at 01:40 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I spent a half hour on the phone today with a recruiter from BigCompany.com, who needs both network admin types as well as QA people. She's sending me some things to look over.

Nothing for forever then as soon as my job isn't being eliminated I get hits. What's up with that?

Posted by: Jim at 01:28 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 62 words, total size 1 kb.

Well, actually not. The new boss is an order of magnitude larger and doesn't need to get rid of Quality Assurance in order to hire another programmer.

My position is no longer being eliminated. Yay!

Now this is no guarantee that my job will remain the same after the acquisition operation plan is cemented. I might be part of a QA group, I might be working from headquarters instead of this building, I might be working on my product and the other major one from my (former) company. We'll know what's happening there by September.

The important thing is I've got a job and will be continuing to have a job.

Thanks to all of you who have assisted in my job search. You've done everything from reviewing my resume to cheering me up to sending me job notices to whoring out my resume at your places of business. You've been absolutely awesome.

You're all invited over for a beer.

Posted by: Jim at 11:45 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 178 words, total size 1 kb.

I am working for a new company as of yesterday. Sorry I didn't tell anybody but I didn't know about it until the company meeting a couple of minutes ago.

As of yesterday the company I work for was acquired by a multinational. This is exciting in many ways. Primarily it is exciting because this same multinational has acquired two of our biggest rivals in the past 5 months. The three of us together now form the largest business unit for distribution management in the world. A business unit with a projected revenue of $100 million this year.

I won't really know until tomorrow but it is looking very good that my job has been saved.

Can I get a WHOOP-WHOOP!!!!

POINTS: One point for the first person to source the title of this post (without searching).

Posted by: Jim at 05:59 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
Post contains 145 words, total size 1 kb.

Show me your war face!

(Click for biggie size)

Points: But of course! This will be open for a couple days. Probably to next Monday.

Posted by: Jim at 08:46 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 29 words, total size 1 kb.

Sunday afternoon we were out enjoying the beautiful weather. [ed - The weather was really, really wonderful. Just ask Kelley.] The wading pool was filling up and the squirt guns were on semi-auto. When the pool had filled I went to the faucet to turn it off and noticed the two sprinklers that had been left by the previous owner (the kind that makes a fan of water that goes up and over and back again, not the 'chut-chut-chut-chut-chut' spin around kind). A light bulb appeared above my head - the boys had never had the experience of running through a sprinkler.

Without delay I set up the first sprinkler in front of the house, just far enough that the spray didn't go onto the front porch. The kids were getting curious and were edging closer to see what was going on. Bear(5) asked me what I was doing. I replied cryptically "Setting up a sprinkler". Okay, so that's not really cryptic to you and me but to somebody who doesn't know what a sprinkler is it is fairly abstruse. He nodded sagely with an "Of course he's setting up a sprinkler. How silly of me to ask" look on his face.

With the sprinkler attached and positioned I went over to the faucet to turn it on. The boys stared eagerly, wonderful anticipation and raw curiosity on their faces. I turned the faucet with a loud "Tah-dah!"

And water dribbled out of the obviously busted sprinkler.

Bacon(3) had a bemused look on his face as if he were looking for the joke and not willing to admit there wasn't one. Bear gave an encouraging "Wow Daddy!" and then walked back to the picnic table. Burger(2) tackled the dog.

Okay, not exactly an unqualified success. I turned the faucet off and switched over to the other sprinkler. I actually took a minute to monkey with this one to get the gear doohickey lined up with the spray whatsit so the water shooter part pointed the right way. (I'm considering a career in sprinkler maintenance. Please send all offers to my regular address.)

With a much subdued "Tah-dah" I turned on the faucet and lo and behold, water shot from the sprinkler like flecks of food from Michael Moore's mouth um...like a fan of dihydrous oxide under a hundred or so pounds of hydrostatic pressure like, like...uh...like water from a garden hose when you put your thumb over the end to make that hard spray fan of water oh, screw it. Water shot out like water from a sprinkler is supposed to shoot out. Unless you're in Pre-K and lived all your life in apartments you should know what the hell water from a sprinkler looks like.

(And just how good are your metaphors at 7:00 o'clock in the morning in a pre-caffeinated state? Yeah, that's what I thought. Bitches.)

The boys gave a gleeful scream of pure excitement and then looked at me with dumbfounded expressions. "What do you do with it, Daddy" asked Bear, apparently the designated vocal representative for the children during this story.

"You run through it" I replied. "Oh!" he exclaimed and then tentatively did so. He was a natural. Well, as natural as Martin Short playing a palsy victim during an epileptic attack would be. He did make it over the sprinkler though and he did get a bit wet and he did get a big smile on his face. Success!

As the other two followed his example and ran through the sprinkling water I went to coil up the hose and make things a bit neater (don't ever forget how anal retentive I am). As I turned toward the flower bed my left foot came down on something sharp. Something really, really sharp. Sharp enough to draw an involuntary naughty word out of my mouth. I jerked my foot up and stood there doing a crane impression while I looked for the sweetgum ball or bramble or thorn that I had just stepped on.

I found a curved piece of glass about two inches long. With blood on it. My blood. I looked at my foot and found it fairly covered in blood. Lovely Wife noticed my giant bird impersonation at about this time and called out to ask if I needed help. I informed her that the lawn was covered in glass caltrops and that if she ever wanted to see her children walk again she would rescue them from this hellish place post haste. Or maybe I just said that I stepped on a piece of glass. I know that I was thinking the former anyway.

She did rescue the children and repositioned the sprinkler on the other side of the lawn for them while I hobbled over to the table and used a towel to staunch the flow of my lifeblood upon the earth. I knew I shouldn't have given blood last Friday. You're just asking for a vascular crisis when you put yourself a pint low.

Lovely Wife brought out the first aid kit and I bandaged up the foot. I won't gross you out about the wound. Suffice to say that the meat in my foot looks remarkably like top sirloin. Ironically, the shard got me in the exact point for "expression of pleasure" on the old acupuncture of the foot chart. I guess that explains the raging erection I've had for the past two days.

To add insult to injury (literally) the boys ran through the sprinkler for approximately one minute and forty-five seconds. They were finished with it before I could even stop bleeding. If it had been Mario's Sprinkler Party game they'd still be playing it.

Posted by: Jim at 08:31 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 947 words, total size 5 kb.

The Scene: It's dinner time at the Peacock family table. Since it's my Birthday I've spent the past hour assembling a new bike for Jason. No, I'm not exactly sure how that happened either. Anyway, nobody was hungry and it was a celebration day so we skipped dinner and went right into the cake. This sort of made cake the dinner using my well primed kid-logic.

Jason (3): I want ice cream!

Me: No ice cream until you finish your dinner.

Jessie (wife): It's cake, Jim.

Me: Doesn't matter. Cake is dinner so no desert until he eats his cake. [ed - There was just enough chocolate ice cream for a big ol' bowl for daddy later in the evening. This explains my resistance to sharing.]

Jimmy (2): I wan tizzurt!

Jason: I want desert!

Me: You got a bike. You don't need desert. [ed - There was vanilla ice cream left but that belongs to Momma. Although I was weakening by this point I was wise enough not to consider offering the vanilla.]

Jason: Please can I have...

Me: 'May I'

Jason: Please may I have ice cream?

Jimmy: Pease can have tizzurt?

Jeremy (5): Please Daddy?

Me: Well, okay. [ed - There's really no saying no at that point. The combined cuteness of the three of them cuts through any defense like Han Solo's blaster through a wet jawa.]

[Break - Ice cream has been dished out to all 3 children plus Daddy. Momma abstained. All of the chocolate ice cream is gone. Score, Jason 1 - Daddy - 0.]

Jason: I want chocolate!

Me: You have chocolate.

Jason: I want more chocolate!

Me: You've still got cake on your plate. Eat that.

Jason: No. I want more ice cream.

Me: There isn't any more.

Jason: No more ice cream?

Me: No more chocolate. There's only vanilla left. [ed - Damn these inquisitive children and their many questions! What is this, the Inquisition? I am determined that there will be some sort of ice cream left for my own very greedy purposes whilst relaxing before heading off to slumber.]

Jason: Can I have some zafilla? [ed - Jason used to say 'tamilla' for vanilla. He can say 'vanilla' with no problem now but subs in different letters out of his unshakeable sense of tradition as well as a desire to irritate me. It doesn't work - I pretend to be annoyed but I really think it's cute as hell.]

Me: That's Mommy's. You'll have to ask her.

Jason: Momma, can I have some familla ice cream?

Jessie: You need to ask your Daddy. He'll have to go get it. [ed - I am the official ice cream scooper of the household. Proper scoopage of decently frozen ice cream requires manly upper arm strength or one of those heated scoopers. Only losers use heated scoopers.]

Jason: Daddy, can I have some rabilla ice cream?

Me: No.

Jason: (shocked silence)

Jeremy: Burn!!

[Final score: Jason 1, Daddy 1. I retire with the tie - no need to press my luck on such a festive occasion.

I ended up not having any ice cream that evening. But I could have!! Go me!]

Posted by: Jim at 05:56 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 255 words, total size 3 kb.

Yup, sometime around the very end of November 1968 or very early December of the same year my Mom got knocked up. Each 2nd of August we celebrate one of the two instances where we're reasonably certain that two of the people I care deeply about both got laid.

Congrats Mom and Dad on this 35.75th anniversary of your "lucky" day!

Update: It's a celebration for Serenity's folks too!

Posted by: Jim at 09:13 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
Post contains 79 words, total size 1 kb.

1 It's either you or a sibling and based on your obscure reference I'm betting you hope to make people think it's you, but in fact it is your sibling. But then again, maybe youÂ’re playing the reverse reverse. So... let me be the first to say, Happy Birthday, Jim!

Posted by: Clancy at August 02, 2004 10:03 AM (EGVPL)

2 I can say that you're definitely not infactually discorrect! I think... Anyway, thanks Clancy!

Posted by: Jim at August 02, 2004 10:06 AM (IOwam)

3 Well happy birthday then Jim! Hope you are having a great time! Until 120 years all in great health of body, mind, heart and soul. (and congrats to your mom and dad for surviving your unique sense of humor.)

Posted by: Rachel Ann at August 02, 2004 11:22 AM (VX0Dx)

4 ewww wrinkled old ball sex...

Posted by: pylorns at August 02, 2004 12:18 PM (FTYER)

5 hat tip to happy gilmore.. refering to old people having sex.

Posted by: pylorns at August 02, 2004 12:20 PM (FTYER)

6 Happy Birthday!

Posted by: Linda at August 02, 2004 01:12 PM (9Pzdi)

7 Let me pile on and send to you my very best birthday wishes! And thanks to everyone who figured out his little code, which was beyond me when I first looked at it!

Posted by: RP at August 02, 2004 01:22 PM (LlPKh)

8 Happy Birthday - Blogdaddy.

Posted by: Tiffani at August 02, 2004 03:19 PM (xpNFK)

9 I just worked out what you're talking about. May I be one of the latest to say EUGH!!! Oh and happy birthday! Crack a cold one for me...

Posted by: Robert at August 02, 2004 06:20 PM (BWDMP)

10 Congratulations to your parental units (and thanks for the lovely imagery) and Happy Birthday, Big Daddy! I think. Gad, I feel stoopid. Eh. Isn't the first time, won't be the last. Love, Em

Posted by: Emma at August 02, 2004 08:06 PM (NOZuy)

11 Happy birthday Jim, and thanks for that wonderful earwig of a euphamism. :-D

Posted by: tommy at August 02, 2004 08:08 PM (pMauK)

12 that should have been euphemism, oh lord of grammar.

Posted by: tommy at August 02, 2004 08:09 PM (pMauK)

13 I thought I'd posted a happy birthday comment, but must've been all those drugs I did in the 60's. Sorry HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Posted by: Helen at August 03, 2004 03:41 AM (pS7+B)

14 Why would you associated your birthday, a happy and joyous day, with the thought that your parents were doing the wild thing? Why, damnit, why? Congrats anyway. To think your Mum thought you'd be lucky to make it to 10.

Posted by: Simon at August 03, 2004 05:08 AM (OyeEA)

15 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: mitzi at August 03, 2004 07:12 AM (CrL2L)

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