Update3: The lost entry from Flikka is up. Also finally awarded the participation points for this bear.
Update2: Second batch is up.
Update: First batch of answers in the extended entry.

I've got nuthin' so I'm stealing this from Tiffany:

Ask me 4 questions. Any 4; no matter how personal, private or random. I have to answer them honestly* and I have to answer them all**.

And just to make things lively I'll toss a point to each participant.

* Caveat: If I see the funny, I'm taking it.
** Caveat: Unless the answer requires breaking a confidence in which case I'll make up an answer in your voice to humorous effect. more...

Posted by: Jim at 02:30 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Susie is keen to know 5 weird things about me. Weird? Me? Just how am I supposed to narrow this down to five?! Okay, here goes...

1. I clean the toilet seat before I park my keister on it. Every time. No matter where I am, even my own bathroom that (ostensibly) nobody but me uses. This started as self defense. I live with three boys who have questionable aim and are all vertically challenged. Safety first.

2. When I stir coffee I move my hand instead of my fingers so the spoon stays perfectly vertical.

3. I drink milk with every meal. Okay, not every meal - occassionally it isn't available. But, if it is available, I'm drinking it. Others will complement their prime rib with a fine wine and their wings with a beer. Not me. For me it's milk at every meal.

4. I devour books. I take a book like a Viking raider. Broken spines, folded pages, split sections, cracked bindings...when I'm done with a book it looks like it has aged a decade. This is the main reason I love having my own books. I can't properly read a book that belongs to somebody else because I have to treat it like some virgin wallflower. Feh.

5. ??? You tell me. Points awarded for my best weird habits reported here in the comments. One each for actual ones I've reported to y'all over the years, bonus points for the best previously unknown* weirdities.

* i.e. real ones I never released here or ones that are simply made up.

Posted by: Jim at 07:34 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 Sucking on giant cow udders, for one.

Posted by: Jennifer at December 30, 2005 08:04 PM (MWUP9)

2 Jen wins!!! That is definitely the weirdest!

Posted by: Susie at December 30, 2005 08:35 PM (a0oF7)

3 Okay, I'll give you the weird for that one. Problem is, it's not habitual. I've only sucked on giant cow teats once. I'm not saying it couldn't grow into a habit if I had easy access to a giant cow (others who've sampled the udder grande can back me up on this), but for the moment at least it's safely in the one-off weirdity category.

Posted by: Jim at December 30, 2005 09:26 PM (oqu5j)

4 Doh! Almost undercut my own game. Clarification: Jen's counts under the "previously unknown" umbrella. And as Susie noted - that's a hard one to beat. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at December 30, 2005 11:30 PM (oqu5j)

5 YOU BREAK THE SPINES OF BOOKS?!?!?!?! Yes, I did put that all in screaming caps. This friendship, it's in danger. Books are gentle, loving creatures that should be treated with the same love you give that coffee spoon, bebe. I will still adore you, but the books? They must be worshipped. They must be handled delicately. Have you seen that ABC special "When Books Fight Back"? No? I rest my case!

Posted by: Helen at December 31, 2005 04:26 AM (MT+uq)

6 I attack books as well... My books are respected, much like my friends and are well-worn and beaten up... much like my friends...

Posted by: Wendy at December 31, 2005 12:07 PM (10FwA)

7 Taking the pants off completely when doing the No. 2. I remember this one well because I thought I was the only other person that did it.

Posted by: diamond dave at December 31, 2005 05:08 PM (zQ+5R)

8 - Running points awards over the holidays. - Allowing Victor and I to hold on to keys for SBD. - Dressing up in Red Panties and parading around the office.

Posted by: phin at January 01, 2006 02:46 PM (DGPlf)

9 With greatest respect for Helen ( whom I adore, no questions asked) HURRAH for bashing books. Yay for spindling, mucking, bending, and folding. I, too, attack books with the gusto of a toddler with jello. Unless it is a first edition, or something eye-rolling like that. I gobble them up and leaving them, panting and sore, in a pile in a basket waiting to be uh... ....returned to the library. Yeah, sorry about that. I'm goona have to out you here, Jim. Having actually broken bread with you, I must put it out there... you drink, uh, other things with meals as well. :p Happy 2006, from one of your wildly screaming admiring fans.

Posted by: Elizabeth at January 01, 2006 04:10 PM (uqPyj)

10 I devour books, too. I try to be gentle. . .but somehow, they end up looking like I swallowed them whole. Of course, that's only MY books. I try to keep the library's good favor. Heh. As for weird habits? Hmm. The only thing I can think of is not a habit but I take great GREAT pleasure in the fact that you coveted my monitor. ;o)

Posted by: Margi at January 02, 2006 04:14 AM (nwEQH)

11 You have sex with your wife on a regular basis. That's weird because you're married and you have three boys, and most normal people would have sex, basically, twice a year by then.

Posted by: Victor at January 02, 2006 04:20 PM (l+W8Z)

12 Walking around with your shirt off. Cuz you know..your children had to have learned it from someone. And I certainly hope it isn't your wife.

Posted by: Tiffani at January 03, 2006 10:04 AM (KE4Gu)

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Victor here, taking up more slack. At least I'm not neglecting my own blog as much as I normally do.

So, over at Publius & Co. I took a little quiz that I got offa my gf's blog, that she got offa somebody else's, who got it from Cthullu-knows-who...you get the idea. I realized Jim hadn't taken the test yet so I did it for him! Keep in mind I've never met Jim, and the only picture I've seen of him has him sucking on a cow's teat, so I filled this out by, basically, clicking on whatever the hell I felt like. In all honesty, it wasn't as much fun as I thought it'd be.

Maybe Jim shoulda took the "Leading Ladies" quiz instead. more...

Posted by: Victor at 08:54 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Trey meme smacked me. As breaking this particular chain letter will result in my pants becoming infested with dust bunnies I am forced to comply.

Hey, wait a sec. I'm a rationalist. I know that the dust bunnies in my pants have absolutely nothing to do with ignoring a meme tag. They are there because of the dust carrots.

Anyway...

1. Total Number of Books IÂ’ve Owned:

Over my lifetime? Countless. Not literally, of course. I mean if you lined them all up you could definitely count them. But seeing as I have acquired and dequired books for the past thirty years plus the fact that I have no realistic idea of how many have passed through my hands and couldn't get much more specific than that even under the threat of having dust kittens in my pants the total number of books I've owned is effectively countless. Let's just say "A lot".

2. Last Book I Bought:

Animalia by Graeme Base. A used hard cover in good condition that I found at a fantastic book store in Spokane. Graeme Base is my most favoritest children's book artist and he's a great writer to boot. His pictures are huge and gorgeous with things hidden all over them. The kids are in love with it too. We spent over an hour finding things in this book yesterday.

3. Last Book I Read:

Well, Animalia obviously. I just read it last night. The book before that was Gust Front by John Ringo.

4. Five Books That Mean A Lot to Me:

Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss - This was my favorite book as a kid and I made Mom read it to me constantly, even well after I could read it myself. I'm pretty sure she could go the rest of her life without reading it again.

Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey - This is where I first fell in love with dragons.

A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin - Possibly the best written fantasy story I've ever read. Plus, George hasn't had a massive drop-off in skill like Robert Jordan. The next book in this series is the only book I'm currently looking forward to.

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn - Frightening, moving, enlightening. This explained communism better to me than 1984.

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury - The book that made me understand what liberty is all about. Michael Moore's rape of this book title is just another reason why I think he should be stuck on a spit and roasted to solve the food shortage in a sub-Saharan country.

5. Tag five people and have them do this on their blog.

Not gonna do it. The sphere is just too heavy with these tag mememes at the moment and it's getting annoying. If you wanna do it, consider yourself tagged. If not, consider this the burnt stump of one of the hydra's heads.

Posted by: Jim at 08:53 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I've been meme-tagged again. Since it's Margi who's calling ollie-ollie-ox-in-free I am powerless to resist.

Total number of films I own on DVD/video:

My SWAG* is around 100 or so tapes and DVDs. We have a number of duplicates too - items we had on VHS that we later got on DVD after we bought a DVD player.

The last film I bought:

Lemony Snickett's: A Series of Unfortunate Events, purchased as a birthday present for Lovely Wife.

The last film I watched:

Spanglish with Penelope Cruz and Adam Sandler. My one sentence review of this film: It takes an inordinate amount of time to get exactly nowhere. If that isn't enough to ward you off I'll also mention that at no time during this movie does Penelope unleash the ta-tas.

Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):

The Neverending Story - The first movie ever where the hero was a little kid who read books. It validated me.

Star Wars - The real Star Wars. The first movie. What modernists have rechristened "Episode IV". Feh. Star Wars is and will forever be Star Wars.

Corvette Summer - Completely forgettable except for two things. First, it starred Mark Hamill without a light saber. I had never considered that possibility. Second, it was my first "titties at the drive-in" movie. On screen, not in the car. Hey, give me a break - I was 10!

Red Dawn - Another one where kids my age were the heroes and they gave a serious shit kicking to the Commie bastards. Wolverines!!

The Usual Suspects - This movie is a work of art. At the end of it I knew exactly how Chazz Palminteri's character felt because I was right there with him as every single thing I'd learned for the past two hours suddenly shifted.

Tag 5 people and have them put this in their journal/blog:

We must bring Lovely Wife into this one. We have similar taste in a lot of movies but some strong differences too.

Rob must pay for tagging me with the music meme.

Tiffani doesn't post nearly often enough.

Same with Clancy. Besides, he needs a break from working on the house.

Trey, because he has no cable provider or TV reception at his house so the sole use of his TV is movie watching.

* SWAG = Scientific Wild-Ass Guess

Posted by: Jim at 05:14 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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My blogdaughter sent me this with her answers and I was listed as the person she least expected to fill it out. The nerve of kids today! I'll show you, you young whipper snapper!

Hah! more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:31 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 Awww Jim. See it was my Jedi Mind Trick. I knew if I said that then you would HAVE to answer the questions. See I ain't so blnod after all..

Posted by: Tiffani at April 15, 2005 11:55 AM (KE4Gu)

2 Dang! I am so susceptible to the reverse psychology thing. You'd think after using it on my kids for 5+ years I'd get better at recognizing it.

Posted by: Jim at April 15, 2005 12:02 PM (tyQ8y)

3 You had me up until you said you didn't like Brussell Sprouts. Jim, really. They're your friend. Especially in cheese. And Ireland, Australia and Hawaii? Fantastic, all of them (dude. Made me sound posh). Tiffani is very cool.

Posted by: Helen at April 15, 2005 02:03 PM (Oxw5k)

4 I can't help it. They're like the evil midgets of the vegetable world. Although I can at least eat them when Lovely Wife cooks them I just don't like them.

Posted by: Jim at April 15, 2005 03:04 PM (tyQ8y)

5 "Laundry is women's work." LOL! Ah, good stuff. *wipes tear from my eye*

Posted by: Boudicca at April 15, 2005 06:40 PM (z7nbM)

6 Yes, I'm predictable. Except when I'm not. Was that just so zen or what? I tell ya.

Posted by: LeeAnn at April 16, 2005 12:53 PM (vqSdN)

7 Brussel sprouts, parnsips and lima beans are evil and only suitably replaced by Baskin & Robbins Rocky Road ice cream.

Posted by: knpepper at April 16, 2005 06:19 PM (BJPIq)

8 Well I am waiting for that world trip. I'm so glad you invited us all along. What will I wear?

Posted by: Rachel Ann at April 17, 2005 02:45 AM (P884b)

9 Brussel sprouts are the devil's food. Here endeth the lesson.

Posted by: Simon at April 17, 2005 10:37 AM (Xr5R4)

10 LOL!

Posted by: vw bug at April 17, 2005 03:23 PM (atmrq)

11 Georgia? North or coast?

Posted by: Stacy at April 17, 2005 09:15 PM (seZ9z)

12 North. Near enough to Atlanta to have access to the city but far enough away not to know it's there. Actually, that's pretty much where I live now. Woo hoo! Goal reached!

Posted by: Jim at April 17, 2005 10:17 PM (MDLz3)

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Rob wants to know what five things in your office you must have in order to function.

Take a look at your desk or workspace. If youÂ’re anything like me then itÂ’s a carefully crafted piece of chaos theory in action.

Everything on there is useful or has purpose but of all the clutter (apologies if youÂ’re one of these uber tidy people for whom a desk is a sacred, set square perfect place) which 5 things canÂ’t you live without?

Hmmm...

My laptop is definitely number one. Without it I can do nothing constructive and instead must fill my time with useless fillers such as coffee breaks, trips to the bathroom and meetings.

Number two is a combo of the red pen of doom and the highlighter of death. These weapons are used to disembowel substandard documentation that is given to me as sacrifice. I return the carcasses to the petitioners for disposal and occasionally grant them my blessing.

My phone is annoyingly required and comes in at number three. Not for regular phone calls - I never make those and receive a stunningly low amount of them (thanks to IM and email) - but for the increasingly frequent online meetings that I dial into.

My fourth required item is my Blue Power Ranger action figure. It was given to me by Bear and it guards my cube 24x7.

My fifth is pretty much the same as Rob's. I have a business card pinned to the wall next to my monitor because I am apparently incapable of remembering where I work or what my phone number is.

Posted by: Jim at 11:00 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Da rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me". The first five commenters will be the participants.


2. I will respond by asking you five questions.


3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions.


4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.


5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. (Write your own questions or borrow some.)

My questions come from Nick Queen of Patriot Paradox fame.

How would you describe yourself, and how would this differ from your wife's description of you?
Mild mannered, geekish, a bit anal retentive and possessed of an excellent sense of humor. Lovely Wife would probably agree with that but might stress the anal retentive aspect a bit. She'd also mention my "magic fingers".

What is your favorite joke?
Congress.

What is the worst job you've ever held?
I was stock boy at the bookstore of the University of Buffalo for the better part of a year. Combine tediousness, lack of pay, zero benefits and stultifying boredom interrupted with periods of unrelenting stress. I got a parking ticket once for parking at work during book rush one semester. During this period of incredibly heavy business, students can only park in the bookstore parking lot for one hour at a time. I was there all day and had a student parking tag so they gave me a ticket. I complained, saying I worked there and had been at work the entire time. Employees who were not students parked at work with no problem. The response was basically "Eat the ticket and don't park at work during book rush if you're a student".

Do you believe in anything paranormal (ufo's, Bigfoot)?
I believe in two things: Occam's Razor and the infinite ability of people to invent things. Sure, there have been unidentified flying objects but aliens are way down on the razor's list of explanations. I can't imagine a race that is scientifically advanced enough to cross the infinite vastness of space would do so in order to feed their hillbilly butthole fetish. Bigfoot? It's certainly possible that there's a big monkey out there that hasn't been tagged and bagged yet. New species are being discovered all the time. Far more likely is a mixture of misunderstanding, imagination and hoax. I guess you could safely label me as a skeptic.

What is the most embarrassing moment in your life thus far?
Going to a beach party in San Diego and waking up naked on a beach in Los Angeles. Not only was I never able to definitively discover what had happened at the party but the adventure of getting back to San Diego threatened to leave my face in a permanent reddened state.

Posted by: Jim at 04:55 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 476 words, total size 3 kb.

Anita's son is having a problem in math class. He does complex division problems correctly in his head but his teacher isn't looking for the answer, she's looking for long division. She wants to see the work between the question and the answer.

This is a touchy subject for me. I was exactly the same as her son with long division. I did it in my head lickety split and got the correct answer in a fraction of the time. My teacher enlisted my mother and forced me to go through long division, the very same situation that Anita and her son are in right now.

Why use long division?

The rote answer is "you need to know the process". Why? We use a process that works. We get the correct answer faster. We also get the correct answer more reliably. Long division is only a regressive loop of simple division problems. An error at any step yields a wrong answer. What is wrong with our process?

Absolutely nothing. It is superior to long division in efficiency and accuracy. The problem is that only a fraction of students can do division this way so it is not permitted in school. This is lowest-common-denominator instruction at its worst. Hold back the advanced students to the limits of the generic lesson plan. It is incredibly frustrating to somebody who is being thrashed with it.

I despised my math teacher after the long division debacle and my opinion of my mother went down several notches as well. My "math sense" went way down and I started hating math class, formerly my favorite subject. I got fed up to the point where I forcibly rejected long division. I spent months unlearning the method that had been hammered into my brain and relearning my method. Once I'd removed the taint and returned to my method the problems went away and I enjoyed math class again.

A few years later I was placed in an advanced self-paced math program. The guide/teacher not only acknowledged fragmented division (the name he gave to my particular method) but promoted it. Do a Google search for "long division in my head" and you'll see just how common this is.

My advice to Anita? Don't force your son to lose his process. Educate the educator. If she can't be brought around to the fact that there is more than one way to do division then you face a very tough choice. Maybe he can use his method to get the answer and then use long division to provide the proof. That will frustrate him too, but not as much as having to abandon his method.

When it all comes down to it though it's about education and not grades. He has the education part covered and it's superior to what the teacher is trying to impose. I'd rather have that and an "F" than to go through what I went through.

Posted by: Jim at 10:35 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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1. Sucked on the teat of a giant cow.


2. Electrocuted myself twice while fixing a single lamp.


3. Taken a one month working vacation to Virginia Beach, courtesy of the Navy.


4. Been paid to not do karaoke.


5. Recorded a duet.


6. Been paid not to play the tape of said duet.


7. Lived with three women, all single, and not related to me. Two of them were hot, too.


8. Snorted vodka up my nose until black stuff started coming out.


9. Attacked a snow drift. (With admittedly limited success. #8 played a pivotal role in this adventure.)


10. Gone to a beach party in San Diego and woken up naked on a beach in Los Angeles.

(Found at LeeAnn's House of Cheesy Goodness)

Posted by: Jim at 05:41 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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THE "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" BLOGGER QUIZ

1. Who the hell do you think you are?
By day I am Jim Peacock, intemperate humorist and caller of attention to the myriad wonders of life. By night I am usually asleep.

2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?
I'm a Quality Assurance Specialist. One way to look at this would to say I ensure that the software developed my company is error free and up to spec before it is released to our customers. Another way to look at it is that I have done my job well if I can reduce the hard work of my development counterparts to so much slagged code pudding on a semi-regular basis.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?
I wrote jokes and "meaningful passages" in a whole shit-load of yearbooks back in high school.

4. Do you even read newspapers?
Newspapers? I thought those were just to get the burn barrel started.

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?
Hell, I don't even watch FOX News propaganda. The only television news I get are the advertisements for local newscasts. Stuff like "All of the water in Georgia condemned by the CDC. Tune in at 11."

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?
Yeah, but it's NPR that I listen to. A couple of times each week when I'm driving myself to work.

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?
How rude. Calling me a parrot. It's "Peacock", thank you very much.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?
Mostly because they are so incredibly annoying. That and the old "a weapon unused is a useless weapon" argument.

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?
What does the one have to do with the other? There are millions of people right here in the States who are from other countries and lack a passport. If they don't need one then why should I?

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?
I've been to Canada and Mexico. Although the titty bars in Canada are much cleaner the hookers cost way more. Other than that they're pretty similar.

11. If your so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?
Actually, I tried. Bureaucratic inefficiency and incomprehensible discharge documents prevented me from re-enlisting.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?
Yeah, I do. I was a Navy Corpsman. I worked in Balboa Naval Hospital and treated quite a few downed sailors (including a SEAL who I wasn't allowed to talk to and I was not allowed to refer to the gaping holes in his back as shotgun wounds). For my Reserve duties we used to train at the VA hospital. Lots of horror there too.

I've never had any goo-faced friends but I admit to being a bit shallow in that regard.

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?
Just your sister.

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!
I'm a poppa, I'm a hubby, I'm a midnight libertarian. I take my music on the run.

Posted by: Jim at 04:00 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Wooh, can't wait to see what flies out of Google with this post title.

I'm talking about my anal retentive nature, of course. Last night it struck me again just how anal I can be. We were heading to bed and Lovely Wife got there first. I went around the bed, underneath the comforter and pulled the sheets tight, re-tucking the bottom sheet where possible. Just like I always do. This was despite the fact that Lovely Wife was already in bed and the sheets were already straightened. It was also despite the fact that I realized the sheets were straight about half-way into the routine and finished doing it anyway.

Dopple-G used to complain loudly and constantly about my sandwich making peculiarities at work. This was back when we both worked at the same place and usually ate lunch together. My typical sandwich was a tuna sandwich with cheese. The bread had to be toasted one and a half times due to the crappy nature of the toaster there. It also took forever, also due to the crappy nature of the toaster. Then the tuna fish went on, mayo and pepper only. Then the cheddar cheese. The sandwich had to get nuked enough to melt the cheese. If any of these components was off, I didn't eat the sandwich.

It seems that once I get into a routine for a certain length of time it turns into an iron-clad obligation. The rules must not be broken, cannot be shirked. I think I'm salvageable though. I don't do that sandwich thing any more. After months of the sandwich at work cycle being forcibly suppressed (ie. unemployment) it faded and passed. I suppose if I slept on the couch for a month I'd break the sheet tightening thing also.

Fortunately Lovely Wife has high tolerance for my eccentricities so the couch thing isn't too likely.

Excuse me but it's time for another cup of coffee. I must go wash and dry my mug before refilling it.

Posted by: Jim at 12:48 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Hey, remember way back last week when I did the Give it to me, Baby post? I've got the answers to all those questions. And since only gals were involved in the inquisition there's a lot of sex questions. Enjoy!

(Aside to Victor and Clancy - "Give It To Me Baby" by Rick James.)

From Holly:

How tall are you?
I'm taller than Michael J. Fox but shorter than French Stewart. I was 5'6" when we moved to Georgia but I suspect repeated body slams from the children have reduced this somewhat.

Where did you go to High School?
North Tonawanda Senior High. NT is a suburb of Buffalo, NY but is in Niagara County instead of Erie where the rest of the Buffalo environs lie. Our high school mascot was a lumberjack. Yeah, a lumberjack. Opposing teams liked to sing the "I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay" Monty Python song at us. I'm not bitter.

What's your favorite snack food?
Ooh, this is a hard one. I love many snack foods. If I had to pick just one it would have to be cheese. Getting more specific it would be a toss-up between Emmentaller and Old Amsterdam.

From Tiffani:

Boxers or tighty whiteys?
Neither. I use boxer/briefs. All the freedom of boxers with the support of briefs. It's the best of both worlds.

How old where you when you first did "it"?
Twelve, and it was the happiest accidental discovery of my life. I was laying on my belly on the couch watching TV when I got a funny feeling. The couch was upholstered with a soft velour. The crack between the cushions succumbed to my clumsy advances and ... well let's just fade to black there. Sure hope Mom never reads this.

Michael Moore or Michael Jackson?
What's this, a Hobson's Choice? This is like picking between Stalin and Hitler. Well, I guess Moore is worse. Jackson is a freaky recluse and harmless to humanity (with the exception of prepubescent boys) - Moore is actively pushing an agenda that's dangerous to the world.

From DeAnna

What is the square root of 789?
Approximately 28.0891438103762784. With the exchange rate how it is that would be about 40 bucks Canadian.

When did you become a man?
Physically, at twelve (see Tiffani's question above). Responsibility-wise I got there in my mid-twenties. Mentally I'm still working on it.

If you were stranded on a deserted island with all the munuvians who would you eat first and why?
Lovely Wife of course. She loves it when I do that. Besides, being stranded doesn't absolve the wedding vows and I take those things seriously.

From LeeAnn

You have to move to a foreign land forever... which one?
Narnia. I've been in love with Narnia since I first read the chronicles at age 6. If you insist on a real world destination I'll pick Australia. There's every type of terrain and climate you could ask for plus an amazing history and local culture.

Through some sort of alternate reality, you are stuck in a world based entirely on one literary genre... mystery, comedy, horror, etc... which one?
Science Fiction. I'd pick fantasy except it's so dirty there and I have difficulty with other people's fragrances.

You can eat only ONE food for the rest of your life... which one?
Congrats. You've discovered my own version of hell. If I had to take only one food for the rest of my life it would be pizza with everything. That way I can at least take off selected toppings to get many different flavors.

From Kathleen

What do you wish you had done differently?
I'm a very firm believer in the nail/kingdom story (aka Butterfly Effect). For want of a nail the shoe was lost, etceteras. If I had changed something in my past I wouldn't be where I am now. There is too much in my life now that I would absolutely not sacrifice for me to change anything in my past.

That said, I would have gotten laid more often.

If money were not a consideration and you could do whatever you wanted, what would you do for work?
I would teach. If I won the Lotto and had more money than I could spend I'd go on a mad buying spree and spoil everybody I know. When the thrill of endless cash wore off I would settle down and teach.

What's your favorite beer?
Stovepipe Porter from the Otter Creek Brewing Company. Unfortunately they don't distribute to Georgia. If anybody in the NorthWest or Atlantic states (with the insufferable exception of Georgia) happened to send me some I would gladly trade any of my three children or the appendage of your choice.

Posted by: Jim at 10:06 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Okay, so I'm getting pretty experienced with pain management. The crap I've got requires some form of external medication in order for me to function like a relatively normal person. I say relatively because, let's just face facts here, I ain't never gonna be accused of being normal. Hehe.

Anyway, the specialist I saw (the last doc I saw about whatever I've got) gave me Vioxx. This worked pretty well. When i was taking Vioxx I was pretty much back to regular function. General lack of pain, free body movement, wrestling with the kids, lifting heavy objects, stuff like that. The only thing it didn't really tackle was my feet. Still, it worked and I was in better shape for using it.

Then Vioxx was recalled because it kills people. People on Vioxx have a higher risk of heart attacks and strokes.

Fuck.

I kept taking it anyway, seeing as I didn't have that many left and am not in any particular risk category for heart problems. I looked forward to the day when I could see the doc again and get a prescription for Celebrex, which was the drug that Vioxx users were being switched to (in the majority).

In the meantime I needed something of the over-the-counter variety. I went to my old friends acetaminophen and acetylsalicylic acid. They'd carried me through many a hangover and headache. They sucked. Didn't really get rid of the pain at all. I tried ibuprofen. That worked pretty well but not for a very long time and I had to take a pretty large dose for it to work. It also started to make me violently ill.

Enter naproxen sodium. More commonly known as Naprox or Aleve. Aaaaaahhh!!! (<--- Angels singing)

It worked. Really well. Maybe not quite so well as Vioxx but well enough to function and no stomach problems, no need to overdose. I was happy and relieved that I had found something that worked to take me through to when I could get Celebrex.

Then late last week some problems surfaced regarding Celebrex. It seems that it kills people. People on Celebrex have a higher risk of heart attacks and strokes.

Fuck!

What the hell is up here? Now the FDA is looking into the entire class of drugs and it's possible that they might all be classified as unsafe. The entire class of drugs! This is the class of drugs specifically designed to get rid of the pain I've got.

Fuck!!

But wait, there's more. On my ride into work this morning I heard about a test that is being aborted because the drugs being tested were greatly increasing the risks of patient's suffering heart attacks and strokes. The drugs involved? Celebrex and naproxen.

Fucking Aleve, which has been on the market for 30 years, over the counter for more than a decade, regarded by all as one of the safest pain killers available, is suddenly found to increase risk factors for heart attacks and strokes but this isn't discovered until I need it?

Fuck you, universe!

Posted by: Jim at 11:59 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I don't think fear of heights is properly characterized as a phobia. I think it lies more along the lines of "proper appreciation for gravity". It's really misnamed anyway - isn't it really a fear of falling to a painful and grizzly death? What could be more rational than that?

My life would probably have been a lot safer if I had that common sense response. Unfortunately for my insurance company I'm one of those freaks who likes falling. That tickling feeling you get when you look down from a height? The one that happens when your stomach is trying to invert itself and crawl behind your kidneys for protection? I love that feeling. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:57 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Way back in the early days of 2004 I began the Tactlessly Correct movement with a rant about political correctness. The discussion in that post is still continuing.

The current debate centers on the replacement of "Oriental" with "Asian". That's got me thinking. I have a goodly bit of Asian blood in me (1/4th of the total amount, if my math is correct). Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Laub immigrated from Byelorus. Sure they were caucasian but Byelorus is most definitely in Asia. I'm going to start checking the "Asian" box now whenever the "heritage" question comes up on the government forms.

I wonder how that will work out. I'm as white as the pure driven snow but I can genuinely claim to be of Asian descent.

Actually, now that I think of it I'm not quite as white as the pure driven snow. I'm actually only as white as the snow the day after it falls since I can claim Indian heritage as well. Nana was 1/2 Iroquois after all and that makes me 1/8th native. Maybe I'll alternate between "Asian" and "Native American" on those forms.

Or maybe I'll just start selecting "Other" and put down "American". Claiming anything else as my "heritage" is just sophistry.

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 I think Asian and Native American are the same thing. Didn't you guys walk across the now sunken bridge between Asia and Alaska and populate North, Central and South America? If I were you I'd be pissed. You weren't even considered for best Asian blog. As far as the 1/2 Iroquios goes, I wish I could say that. Man, I'd be playing that up big. Aside from the cool factor, you could probably start a casino in your basement.

Posted by: Paul at December 15, 2004 02:31 PM (vbP6L)

2 As an aside, the Oriental comes from latin, orien. It means to rise, or the diection of the sunrise. In other words, Orient means East. Oriental is a person from the East. I can't see anytone being upset by that unless they were a WestCoast rapper.

Posted by: Paul at December 15, 2004 02:43 PM (vbP6L)

3 Georgia clay. No basement. Then again our crawl space runs the full length of the house. Maybe a casino that caters to dwarfs?

Posted by: Jim at December 15, 2004 03:01 PM (tyQ8y)

4 You could also move to the reservation,tell the US government to go fuck themselves,pay no longer taxes or live by US laws and simply sell cigarrets....live in a t railer,become an alcoholic and bitch about the white man and his fire water all day...you could be THE steretype of ALL stereotypes!

Posted by: LW at December 15, 2004 03:42 PM (GCA5m)

5 I could do better than that. I could meld and combine all of the stereotypes from the Indians, the Irish, the English, the German and the Byelorus. Do the Byelorus have any stereotypes? Any Asians in the audience who could help out here?

Posted by: Jim at December 15, 2004 03:46 PM (tyQ8y)

6 i'm asian and personally, i find the term "oriental," when used in reference to people, to be offensive and distasteful. i was just reading the following and it sums up my feelings about the issue better than i could: " a) it brings up bad history. the terms "Orient" and "oriental" were popular in the heyday of Western colonialism. usage of the term is an automatic cue for references to the British Raj, the Opium War, the occupation of the Phillipines, and other events and periods in which the inhabitants of Asian countries were enslaved, victimized, or otherwise mistreated by Europeans (and later, Americans). b) it has problematic racial and political connotations. while "Orient" translates simply as "The East," over time, an ideological paradigm emerged that spun itself around the term: The Orient was seen as the farthest point from civilization (i.e. Europe) and thus a region of barbarism, exotic custom, and strange delight. "Orientals" were conceived of as mysterious and inscrutable, with traditions and beliefs so different as to be inhuman - and thus requiring of either speculative study or religious evangelism. As social historian Edward Said detailed in his seminal book of that name, the intent and result of orientalism was the objectification of cultures in Asia and the Middle East, providing a rationale for colonial subjugation, missionary conversion, and military adventure, it later also created a context for domestic racism and xenophobia. It's nonspecific. As perceived by Western Europeans, "The Orient" included all of Turkey, the Middle East, Asia and to a lesser extent the Pacific Islands. An Iranian was therefore just as "Oriental" as a Chinese person, though in contemporary times, the term is never used in that manner. While "Asian" is not much more specific, it at least is a term bounded by geography, rather than paradigm. It would be difficult to argue that "Orientals" shared anything in common, other than in the feverish minds of European orientalists. c) It doesn't have an appropriate counterpart. The most subtle yet invidious problem with the term "Oriental" is that it stands alone: No one refers to Europeans as "Occidentals." Consider the term "Orient" only has meaning in the West; in the East, it is the Americas and Europe that are foreign and "outside," and most Asian cultures have similar but inverted conceptions referring to "The West." Hemispheric definitions are always problematic, since the world is, after all, round; but at least the terms East and West don't come loaded with imagery and history of "Orient" and "Occident." d) It's more appropriately used for inanimate objects. The establishment of trade routes linking the nations of Asia and the Middle East (which occurred long before the opening of Asia to the West) meant that commodities and other goods were regularly transmitted between cultures. As a result, when one refers to Oriental spices or rugs, one has a stable rationale from which to speak: spices and rugs are among the only things that the mixed bags of peoples known as "Orientals" actually had in common. In general, the use of the adjective in relation to inanimate objects or abstract concepts has largely been considered acceptable, if not embraced (there are people who still prefer speaking of Asian spices, or breaking down rugs into Persian, Indian, and Chinese carpets).

Posted by: mamazilla at December 15, 2004 05:39 PM (3Hc1Z)

7 mamazilla, I can't sepak for anyone else, but thanks for posting that. I always wondered what the rationale was for that. I think I was belwildered mostly because the term 'Oriental' doesn't really hold any negative connotation with me. I doubt that many Americans do, but I'm sure you're correct when it comes to Europe. I don't understand why inanimate objects can be classified that way, though. It seems consistent to call spices and rugs Asian spices or Asian rugs. Go figure. On an unrelated note... Since we're talking about politically correct references, I prefer to be referred to as a Buccaneer-American instead of 'dirty pirate', thank you very much.

Posted by: Garret at December 16, 2004 07:44 AM (IOwam)

8 mamazilla, a) The terms were popular since regular trade was established between Europe and the Orient. I myself am not cued to the Raj, any wars, occupations, enslavement, victimization or other mistreatment by the terms and I have yet to meet anybody who is. When you hear "Oriental" do you think of a fat Brit on a howdah? No, you think of a somewhat short person with dark hair and epicanthic folds. b) Edward Said is to social history what Michael Moore is to documentary. While the original connotation may have included Turkey and the Middle East even your quote says that this is not longer so. Orientals do share things in common including general similarity in body build and facial characteristics as well as social constructs like writing styles (symbolic characters). To say these don't exist is either wishful thinking or an outright lie. Grouping terms do not imply that all described members are the same, only that they share a set of characteristics. The French are culturally dissimilar to the Scots yet they are both European. The Ethiopians and Zulu have almost no societal common ground but are both African. The Pawnee and Iroquois have exceptional differences in every aspect of their society but are both Indian tribes. c) Oriental has perfect counterparts. I listed several of them in section "b". You do not need to define an opposite to have counterparts. What is the opposite of blue? There isn't one, though red, orange, yellow, green, indigo and violet are its counterparts in the visible spectrum of light. Oriental is not used as a hemispherical description so I'm not sure why that argument was made. Oriental doesn't mean "not here", it refers to a people and area in the general southeast of Asia. d) Once again this argument says that the peoples we think of as Oriental have nothing in common (except rugs). That simply is not true. But I think you've missed the entire point of my post, which is likely my fault as I didn't develop the post nearly as well as I should have. Oriental, caucasian, hispanic, african, et al are all descriptions of the appearance of groups of people. I for one am sick of being classified and counted based on what I look like. I am especially sick of this color-casting being done under the guise of "heredity". I'm American. My heredity is American for several generations. The whole "I'm checking the 'Asian' box" thing was to expose the skin-tone seeking bullshit for what it is. (And to have a bit of fun with it, of course.) My point is that I will be answering "American" any time I am asked what my heredity is even though (especially though) I know that what they want to ask for is my pantone number.

Posted by: Jim at December 16, 2004 12:56 PM (tyQ8y)

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I meant to write this a while ago. In fact I started to write it several times. Each time I did it got bigger and more confusing and was abandoned. So here goes the ultimate stripped down version:

1. The illness I mentioned casually here, the one I was taking medication for, is a bit more serious than I let on.


2. Around the time I first heard that I was going to be out of a job I started to get sick. Pain all over. Very nasty.


3. Didn't see a doctor right away - thought it was stress from the crap at work.


4. Eventually went to the doctor when I could no longer NOT go to a doctor.


5. Preliminary diagnosis of fybromyalgia (means "everything hurts") - I had every symptom, seemed a pretty safe diagnosis.


6. Tests showed high levels of serum aldolase (muscle protein in my blood) indicating spontaneous muscle degeneration.


7. Doc took about half of my blood (7 tubes! WTF?) to run a series of every blood test known to man.


8. Doc gave me Ambien so I could get some sleep and Zoloft to restore my natural sleep cycle, which had been totally fubarred from the illness.


9. Zoloft eliminated my creative writing abilities. And my imagination. It made me very lumpish. This was very disconcerting.


10. Ruled out fibromyalgia. Possibly could be polymyositis or dermatomyositis, both of which sound way less "venereal diseasish" than fybromyalgia.


11. My job was eliminated and I joined the ranks of the unemployed.


12. Went to a specialist.


13. Specialist took more blood, a load of x-rays and gave me Vioxx for the pain.


14. Specialist ruled out the non venereal diseasish sounding illnesses.


15. Specialist diagnosed the feet as having severe Plantar Fasciitis.


16. Specialist injected molten lava (aka cortisone) into my plantar tendons. No, check that. Molten lava probably wouldn't have hurt that badly.


17. I vowed to kill anybody who ever threatens me with cortisone injections. The jury will accept my assertion that it was done in self-defense.


18. Began feeling progressively better.


19. Tests came back.


20. Serum aldolase levels getting lower.


21. Specialist informs me that I have a genetic disposition to some bad bone problems later in life. Unrelated to current problems.


22. Specialist gives me diagnosis of "spontaneous muscle degeneration, source unknown, possibly viral".


23. Specialist loads me up with Vioxx because...


24. COBRA insurance coverage runs out. No money to keep this going.


25. Vioxx is recalled from the market.


26. Ran out of Ambien.


27. Got a job. Yay!


28. Stopped taking Zoloft.


29. Brain returned to normal function. Yay!


30. I vowed to kill anybody who ever threatens me with Zoloft. The jury will accept my assertion that it was done in self-defense.


31. Ran out of Vioxx. Yeah, I was still taking it. Choice between functional with chance of heart attack or non-functional. Functional won.


32. Stopped feeling progressively better.


33. Started feeling worse.


34. Got insurance again. Yay!


35. First day off will be in January. Will try to get Saturday appointment with docs before then.

And there we are. Currently I'm functional. I'm in nowhere near the shape I was in when I finally surrendered my stubbornocity and went to see my doc. (Incidentally, he had some choice words for me over my decision to wait so long before coming in.) I can walk around, just not real walking like we used to do. I can stand on my feet long enough to cook dinner. I can wrestle with the boys. I'm basically fully functional, just with limited duration.

Please do not be pissed that I didn't mention all of this months ago. At first I didn't know what was going on, then my normal obstinacy kicked in, then it was explained to me in no uncertain terms by a certain somebody who will remain nameless though you may recognize her from her supreme fisking skills (even though she hates fisking) that the view from outside is that of friends who care and are genuinely concerned and feel pretty shat upon that I played this so close to the vest so I decided that I would indeed let some folks know about it, then I figured I'd make a post about it, then the post got too big and complicated, then I basically relegated the whole thing to the back burner, then another friend inquired yesterday and I remembered just why I was going to make a post in the first place, so then I wrote this post that has gotten much larger than I was planning on writing but what the hell I'm at the very end now so it's finished and I can just publish it and call it a done deal.

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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...where do you get all this time during the day to post stuff? If I weren't on vacation, I would be WAY too busy to post....

I replied with this short answer:

It all rattles around in my brain and I just disgorge it here. The physical typing happens in the early AM, lunchtimes and sometimes in the late PM.

But my answer has been bothering me because it's really superficial. So now I will entrap you in welcome you into the frightening maelstrom depths of my mind in search of the complete answer. more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:16 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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idiosyncrasy
Pronunciation: "i-dE-&-'si[ng]-kr&-sE
Function: noun
Etymology: "idio" from the French idiote meaning Belgian, "syncrasy" from the Russian synchronous meaning swimming in a group wearing stupid smiles and nose plugs

1 An oddity of manner or temperament : eccentricity : something that other people go "Ewww!" when they hear about it
2 An oddment that generally falls under the category of "too much information"

You know those lists of 100 things about me that are very popular with blogsters? Basically they're just a list of idiosyncrasies. But they are loooooong lists. Who came up with 100 for the goal anyway? Probably a fascist. Those lists must be a bitch to write and who really wants to read 100 things about somebody?

So you get three from me. Three is a number I can get a handle on. I mean, I can count that high with less than a handful of fingers. Plus it's mystical. The number three appears all over the place: the holy trinity, the Three Stooges, Kukla, Fran and Ollie, you get the picture.

1: I take my pants off when I poop. Comfort is king with me and I just don't feel comfortable with my ankles tied together while trying to squeeze out a stink pickle. Spread the legs wide on the seat and you'll be surprised how much better you flow. Trust me.

2: I sleep at the edge of the bed. Well, not right on the edge of the bed but at least touching it. If I don't have a hand or foot on an edge I can't sleep because I lose my orientation and position sense. Basically I have to be near the edge of the bed because if I'm in the middle of it I'm afraid I'll fall off.

3: If I ever get held up in classic style where the robber comes up behind and puts a gun to my head I will be dead. This is because I will totally freak the robber out when I am seized with paroxysms of laughter. The back of my head is so ticklish I will get tremors along my whole body when it is touched. Lovely Wife gets a kick out of this one.

4: I get a fierce enjoyment out of breaking rules, even my own.

Posted by: Jim at 12:27 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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UPDATE: This one has suddenly become topical too so I'm topping it.

Some folks have been giving Helen some guff because she's a strong supporter of a certain right-wing weblog. Right off the bat I have a low opinion of them. You get to the point where you think you should be telling other people how to think and you are past the point of rational discourse in my book. What really burns my butt here is the weblog these people are complaining about. You're all familiar with it to some extent because you're reading it right now.

Yeah, isn't that a kick and a half for your ass? Snooze Button Dreams viewed as a right-wing blog?

I ended up at 0,0 on the Political Compass. I voted for Al "Watch Me Implode" Gore, y'all. That's how right-wing I am.

If I had to be pigeon holed into a major party I'd have to pick "fuck you, no I don't either". I am one of those rare breed of citizens who looks at issues instead of parties. All politicians are scum to one extent or another. I firmly believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with anybody who would run for public office. There's a mental disjoin required for anybody to want to be a politician. I am most certainly not going to align myself with any group of fundamentally unsound persons.

There are some parts of a traditional Republican agenda that I agree with. There are some parts of a traditional Democratic agenda that I agree with. Same with Libertarians, Reformists and even a bit of Green. I do not fall neatly (or even sloppily) into any of these groups.

So why do casual viewers think I'm a conservative? There are a couple of reasons that I can think of:

1. I think that Michael Moore is a bag of puss.


2. I absolutely despise the Clintons.


3. I am hawkish on actions in Afghaniraq.


4. I have an American flag in my sidebar. (I've got one on my van too. And two on my house.)


5. I believe that the War on Terror is a real war that we need to pursue vigilantly and mercilessly.


6. I believe that it is wrong to slaughter Jews.

These items have become associated with the Republican party and therefore these people are painting me with the conservative brush. That happens when you rush to a snap decision or when you are small-minded enough that you must stick people into your own preconceived categories. People who have taken the time to know me have discovered why I think that Michael Moore is a bag of puss (because he's a lying bastard), why I despise the Clintons (because they are lying bastards; also, Hillary is one shade light of Stalin), why I'm hawkish on actions in the Middle East (because that is where the terrorists come from), why I have American flags all over (because I love my country; I love being a part of the greatest nation in the world and I am proud to show everybody how much I support her), why I'm so pro-War on Terror (because these people are wrong and evil and won't ever stop until we kill all of them; think mini-Terminators only not so tough), and why I am against killing Jews (do I really need something in the parenthesis for this one?).

Add to that my dislike of waste and big government, my intolerance of idiocy and my perfect willingness to write off any person, group, country or continent that does not agree with the last two items on that list and that probably explains why these people have jumped to the wrong conclusion about my politics.

Who are these people anyway? I don't know them and I doubt I ever will. The reason why is probably another reason that they've incorrectly assumed I'm a right-wing type. If you look at my blogroll you won't see many political blogs but most of the ones you see are right leaning. There is a very good reason for this. I have found leftish blogs to be increasingly strident and angry over the past year. I have lost a few blogs from my blogroll, written by people I liked, because it became painful to read them. I honestly can't hear any more from the Bush Lied crowd. I can't stand hearing explanations of moral equivalence, bashing against America, and hysterical hyperbole about the government any longer. People that polarize and publish to the left just seem to be getting bitchier and bitchier and I'm sick of listening to it.

Besides, I read political blogs mainly for the news perspectives. I can get the lefty slant on news items through Reuters and AP feeds or any number of regular newspapers.

To sum up, if you happen to be one of the people giving Helen a hard time please knock it the hell off. First, you are a jackass for doing it. Second, you are wrong. Third, I really mean it - you are a jackass.

Posted by: Jim at 01:05 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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