Ever get one of those "Everybody from X-place knows" or "If you're going to X-place you should know" email jokes that's been forwarded so many times that the brackets are so deep (>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>) it pushes the content into a single word column on the right? We got one the other day for the hometown and damn if it isn't accurate.

I shall temporarily ignore my Voluntary Southerner status and wax nostalgic as I present the much cleaned up list.

We, the people of Buffalo (and surrounding areas), hold these truths to be self-evident: Food

• We call them "wings," or "chicken wings" if you want to be formal. Never "Buffalo wings".


• Nobody outside of WNY can make decent wings.


• It's "weck" not "wick”.


• ItÂ’s "pop" not "soda".


• TheyÂ’re "subs" not hoagies or heroes or bombers.


• A large pizza with cheese & pepperoni shouldn't cost more than 10 bucks.


• Everyone knows someone who works in a pizza joint.

Dining Out

• Everyone knows where "the best fish-fry in town" is.


• Except for maybe Friday nights, you don't have to wait for a table.


• There is no public restaurant in town that requires a jacket and tieÂ…if there was, we wouldn't go there.


• You won't find Grey Poupon on the table.


• We don't "valet park" unless there is absolutely no other choice.


• Every bar has "happy hour" prices from 4:30 - 7pm Monday - Friday.


• Even though no one orders it, if it doesn't have "Genny" it's not a bar.


• Anything over $2.00 for a beer is robbery.

Geography & Roads

• You call it "the Scajaquada" but you spell it "198".


• The most famous address is "998 Broadway".


• You still get queasy driving over the peace bridge in blowing snow.


• It isnÂ’t a real snowstorm unless they ban driving for more than 6 hours.


• You carry a shovel and jumper cables in your trunk all year round.


• If you drive a foreign car you feel guilty &constantly explain "its made in Ohio".


• You think anyone who drives more than 20 minutes to get to work must live in the boondocks.


• You get mad when you get stuck in "rush hour" traffic and it takes 10 minutes longer to get home.


• You avoid the "blue water tower" during "rush hour" because of the above.


• You know Fort Erie is famous for two things: Chinese food and the "ballet".


• The roads and bridges have been paid for since 1968 but they arenÂ’t ever taking out the tollbooths.


• It's inevitable whatever is finally decided on the peace bridge issue will no doubt be the wrong choice.


• You rode rapid transit from end to end once just to see what it was like.


• Paying $5 to park all day downtown is robbery.


• The hookers may be gone, but Chippewa street still isn't for everyone.


• You still refer to places like Sloan and Blasdell.


• "LA" is Lackawanna not Los Angeles


• Secretly, you like going to Toronto.

Institutions

• You threaten to send your kids to Father Bakers' if they don't behave.


• You can pronounce "Weinstein" correctly on the first try.


• Even though they haven't done it in about 25 years you're pretty sure channel 7 still makes reference to "pistol packing punks," and you're pretty sure they don't show the same fire every night.
  
• You know Commander Tom's real identity.


• You can only name 3 radio stations that have been around longer than 5 years: WGR, WBEN and WKBW. St least you think WKBW is still around, you just don't know what it plays since they got rid of Danny Nevareth.


• Everyone says the Albright Knox art gallery is a treasure, but a lot of the stuff in there kind of looks like drop-cloths.


• It's the "Hamburg Fair" not the "Erie County Fair and Exposition."


• You know the wrong newspaper folded in 1983.


• You consider JC Penney to be a relatively "upscale" department store.


• It's "UB" - not "SUNY at Buffalo, Amherst"


• The St. Patrick's day parade means winter is officially over, even if it snows.


• There is some kind of "fest" somewhere, every weekend from Memorial Day to Labor Day.

Sports

• All-time number 1 - you hate the Miami Dolphins.


• We're sure the NFL is out to screw us. So is the NHL. The NBA already did. So did major league baseball. So did the Big East conference.


• Someone must listen to Bison games on the radio you just never met him.


• You know someone who knows someone who really knows "the real story" on Jim Kelly."


• You have a strong opinion one way or the other on Ralph Wilson.


• You can't believe that you once really liked OJ.


• None of the new theme parks is as cool as Crystal Beach was in its day.

Unbelievable things about other places

• Everyone doesn't pay 8% sales tax or $3,000 property taxes on a $70,000 house???


• All golf courses aren't flat???


• What's a freeway???


• The rest of the country isn't 90% Catholic???


• What do you mean we have an accent??? We talk exactly like the announcers on television.


• People who live in areas subject to hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, droughts, wild fires, mudslides, and earthquakes can't believe that we would live in an area that gets so much snow??? Imagine that!!! I guess they would rather drown, burn, or get blown away, or buried alive than shovel for a while.

Hey world we have snowplows and snow blowers. Most of all we have four seasons. Sometimes all in one day. Top that!

PS: We also have Weber's mustard, Sahlen hot dogs, Bison chip dip and Texas hot dog sauce. It doesn't get better than that.

Posted by: Jim at 11:51 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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