Q: What are three creatures that cannot stand a closed door?

Here's an unrelated one:

A: Your ears. more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:04 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Obviously penis

Posted by: Werbegeschenke at July 15, 2008 01:49 PM (U6Iyv)

2 Awful scary how right you are with that last one.

Posted by: diamond dave at July 16, 2008 10:32 PM (yeO/N)

3 货架、货架

Posted by: 货架、 at March 01, 2009 10:21 AM (+Xe1F)

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When's the last time you heard a blond joke? More importantly, when's the last time you heard a hillarious blond joke?

Posted by: Jim at 04:48 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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They would start on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!

***Update***

It's come to my attention that some people don't realize this is a picture of the pope.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:23 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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My buddy Dave has a mother who was once a nun. He comes up to me in the bar the other night, and we start telling each other jokes. You know, you tell one; then the other says "Nonono, I got one for ya." And so on until Dave says, "Okay skippy. I got one for ya. How do you get a nun pregnant?"
I look at Dave. "I honestly don't know dude."
more...

Posted by: shank at 05:18 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 beccause fuck you, that's why. yOu fuckerr, i fucking hat youl. ah fuck; arfrom.

Posted by: shank at December 20, 2005 01:08 AM (jfEhX)

2 There's another answer to that question. Q. "How do you get a nun pregnant?" A. "Dress her up like an alter boy" Dohhhh

Posted by: Tiffani at December 20, 2005 08:51 AM (KE4Gu)

3 EEEEEEEEwwwwwwwwwww - Tiffani - that was wrong... funny, but still wrong...

Posted by: Wendy at December 21, 2005 07:32 PM (10FwA)

4 Shank - you might want to cut back on the booze a bit... I mean, I know where you are coming from but it's obvious by your post that you had a little too much...

Posted by: Wendy at December 21, 2005 07:33 PM (10FwA)

5 Wendy, thanks for your advice and assessment. Now get off my dick.

Posted by: shank at December 22, 2005 12:04 PM (+H1yK)

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Ding! Fries are done!"

Posted by: Jim at 08:58 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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(Credit to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 11:00 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 You gotta stop relying on her for all your good stuff, you know.

Posted by: RP at September 02, 2005 11:51 AM (LlPKh)

2 Hes gotta stop STEALING my stuff!LOL

Posted by: LW at September 02, 2005 11:52 AM (oqu5j)

3 Whatever for? I rely on her for everything else.

Posted by: Jim at September 02, 2005 11:53 AM (tyQ8y)

4 At work we share a floor with a company called Office Management Group. They have a big sign by their door with their initals on it. One day the temptation will prove too strong...

Posted by: Pixy Misa at September 06, 2005 08:51 AM (QriEg)

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The grunion memes are running. Some are good, some are bad, all of them are serious introspectives. Time to inject a bit of levity! I give you the Engrishmeme:

The questions:

1) You think of that any one will make really this meme?
I think somebody already did. It's like, here now, you know?

2) Has your father the cheerfulness which is known you?
My cheerfulness knows no bounds but Dad has a bound or two in his cheerfulness limit so I've got to say no to this one.

3) It is many the dog and the cat it spreads out how, it has?
They generally spread through population expansion, just like bunnies.

4) How many licks it adopts obtains to the tootsie popular music center?
I think the answer is "one" and the subject in question is "Christina Aguilera".

5) Which thing fairies for one life?
Leprechauns. Definitely leprechauns.

The gimmicky part:

1) When you post this on your blog get rid of the first question, bump up all the numbers and make a new question for #5. In other words, you are going to be answering your own question #5 and not answering my question #1.

2) You make a new question by writing it in English, translating it to a foreign tongue, and then translating it back to English. Don't tell anybody what the actual original question was.

3) Trackback to this post or return here to make a comment and let me know where you are because I'm keen on seeing what y'all come up with.

4) Make sure to trackback/comment to the person you snagged this from too because they're going to want to see how you answer their question #5. Responses to the Engrish questions are hillarious when you know what the original English was.

Fini:

1) That means it's the end and there is nothing else.

2) You're done.

3) Pretty pointless, this section.

Posted by: Jim at 08:50 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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A very genteel Southern lady was driving across a Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day.

As she neared the middle of the bridge, she noticed a young man ready fixin' to jump.

She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said,

"Please don't jump, think of yoah deah momma and daddy."

He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."

She said, "Well, think of yoah wife and children."

He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."

She said, "Well, think of Robert E. Lee."

He replied, "Who's Robert E. Lee?''

She replied, "Well, just go ahead and jump, you dumb ass Yankee."

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 09:54 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Do you know what the difference is between Northern fairy tales and Southern fairy tales?

Northern fairy tales start with "Once upon a time, in a land far, far away..."

Southern ones start with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

(Hat tip to the Popsicle Lady)

Posted by: Jim at 09:55 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The various branches of the armed forces rag on each other incessantly. It's generally done in good humor and taken well by the target. At the root of things anybody serving has a decent respect for other folks who are serving.

We pretty much ignore the Coast Guard. I guess that's because picking on the Coast Guard would be too much like kicking a puppy. As a Navy man I've spent years casting aspersions on the grunts and the jarheads but my favorite target has been the Air Farce, mostly because my Dad was a Sergeant in the USAF and picking on Dad is always good fun.

With all that in mind, here's a little treasure sent to me by Lovely Wife:

(Click for readable size)

Posted by: Jim at 05:33 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I never would have guessed.

Posted by: Jim at 08:39 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Confucius say: Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Posted by: phin at 08:04 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.

7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Posted by: Denise at 07:26 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 So true! LOL!

Posted by: Sue at May 23, 2005 08:08 AM (eReAI)

2 Thank you, thank you! (bows)

Posted by: diamond dave at May 23, 2005 04:50 PM (QrT+O)

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Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE (or PMS) does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! . . .

I'm sorry What was the question?

Posted by: vw bug at 07:01 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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The husband had just finished reading the book, "MAN OF THE HOUSE".

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The fucking funeral director!"

Posted by: vw bug at 06:44 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 This was the BEST joke I have read in a LONG LONG time...

Posted by: Wendy at May 23, 2005 08:19 PM (lVGGv)

2 Glad you liked it!

Posted by: vw bug at May 23, 2005 08:24 PM (V4mW3)

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Confucius say: Man who cook carrots and pees in same pot very unsanitary.

Posted by: phin at 10:00 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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What's brown and sticky? more...

Posted by: Victor at 09:00 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I kind of feel bad for pickin' on Jim. Here he was nice enough to loan me a set of keys to his place and I went and poked fun at him for wearing Manties. Ever since that post I've been feeling guilty, but you can't un-ring a bell. The only thing I could think of was to post something to sooth his possibly damaged ego.

But what to post. IÂ’m new to the gay blog scene and unsure of how to "stroke" the ego of a gay blogger, sure I know Jim isn't gay but he is listed by spidergay. So I called a couple of gay bloggers I know.

The one thing they said that always makes them feel better is when someone talks about the size of their cock in a positive light. Luckily I was digging through JimÂ’s archives and I found the picture in the extended entry, which unlike the others is definitely work safe (ScoutÂ’s Honor, I Promise it is really!!!). more...

Posted by: phin at 08:38 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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As most of you know JimÂ’s run off for a while to a wedding in Spokane. He hand picked the best writers on the internet the six knuckle heads that actually took the time to fill out the request. Using his powers of telepathy Jim could tell that you, the faithful Snooze Button Readers could miss him. So he sent me the photo* with a note scribbled on it (its in the extended entry and Not Work Safe) that I wanted to share with you.

I must warn you a bit though before you take a look at the photo that itÂ’s a tad bit disturbing. I had always thought that Jim was joking when he said he looked like Matt LeBlanc**. And from his recent post an Argument for Creationism I had assumed he was a breast man (not that he had a pair). Well maybe heÂ’s just fascinated will all facets of the human body since in his next post he was fixated with his ass. I just didnÂ’t expect him to send us a photo with it on display (in red Manties no less).

So go ahead read the note Jim sent***, but donÂ’t say I didnÂ’t warn you. more...

Posted by: phin at 04:00 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Today is two for one!

INVESTING FOR YOUR RETIREMENT:

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

Continue in the extended entry for the rest of this humor and the second truly tasteless funny.
more...

Posted by: vw bug at 02:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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