July 17, 2008
A ‘vulnerable’ man cut off his own head with a chainsaw after being ordered to move out of his home to make way for developers, police believe.David Phyall’s severed head was found beside the power tool inside his housing association flat shortly after receiving his eviction notice.
Vulnerable? Sweet baby Jesus. The icing on the cake is that his place was a total dump. I mean, if you're going to make your last stand, don't to it at this place:
At least shoot for a Holiday Inn or maybe a nice rental by the beach. Which begs the discussion: If you could have any residence in the world, which one would be worth swallowing a running chainsaw?
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08:26 AM
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March 10, 2008
We're not big hunters, so the guns would be primarily for security purposes. We decided that if we were going to buy guns for personal safety, it doesn't make much sense unless you apply for a permit to conceal and carry your weapon. I mean, if your gun is at home in your safe, how can you possibly use it to protect you?
Neither one of us grew up in homes that owned guns, but several in my extended family own guns and hunt on a regular basis. I've been hunting on a couple occasions, and been to the range with them; so I have a familiarity in some respects. Maybe we're just a little paranoid, but you read some of the crazy shit that goes on and you think to yourself "If that shit happened to me, it would be really nice to have some protection."
Anyone have any advice on selecting a gun, a proper storage method (e.g., something secure, but easy to get to in the event that we need access in the middle of the night), and how to go about the process? I mean, what happens if you get pulled over for a routine traffic stop and you've got your gun in the glovebox? Are you supposed to inform the officer immediately or what?
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12:54 PM
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November 08, 2007
But hey, who wants to be caught up in another circle-jerk awards show right? Not us! It's okay though, we of the avant garde are used to being overlooked in our time.
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09:29 AM
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March 28, 2007
IÂ’ll admit itÂ’s a solid, if not predictable, start. I fear he may follow up with whatÂ’s been up his ass, which at the very least includes a couple of male fingers.
So, whatÂ’s next? Any guesses?
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11:18 AM
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March 27, 2007
It was a train wreck in every possible way. Yet we could not look away. He stole material from me and just about everyone else. HeÂ’d steal ideas, linksÂ…you name it. He had no shame.
He became known, simply, as the king of suck. He got absolutely no respect.
He and I became ordained ministers on the Internet and then blasphemied all over the place simply because we needed material.
And one day this man disappeared. He left no note and no forwarding address. He was simply gone. Until today. He has risen from the ashes like the Phoenix.
SBD readers, please join me in welcoming the great Bloviator himself, Bill.
Go ahead, Bill. Stink the place up.
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12:43 PM
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Have I found the Templar gold?
Is Shank in jail?
All I can say is that it will make you laugh. Or cry. And probably make your bowels twitch.
The Clues:
1. The phoenix rises
2. Internet ordained
3. Rodney Dangerfield
DonÂ’t touch that dial.
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07:52 AM
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February 14, 2007
I've been doing project management all day everyday for a couple of years now, and it's beginning to lose its luster. The easy projects have become kind of boring (even though success is nice), and the larger projects have become tiresome even though they're not challenging. It's kind of like addition. We've all pretty much mastered addition, and if your job was to add; you'd find adding two numbers together all day to be intensely boring, and you'd find adding two hundred numbers together tiresome.
Current events have also further exacerbated my corporate malaise. The other day, someone two rungs above me on the ladder left the organization. My mentor, on the rung above mine, is moving into the position in the interim, with the clearly communicated goal of taking the position on full time. The upshot for me would be that should he get this new job, I'd probably have a decent shot at his old one. He and I have a very similar skillset, progression, and background. It'd be nice, because it would throw other tasks in with the project management. I'd still have some of the larger projects, but some of the piddly stuff would be left behind, and I'd get a helping of people management on my plate. I know, everyone bitches about people management; but it's something I need to get under my belt and it's a welcome change of pace. Besides, contrary to what evidence might be on this site, I'm actually pretty good at it.
However, it seems a monkey wrench has been thrown. My old mentor told me this morning that someone's already been shadowing him, learning his job. To make matters even more irritating, this person has only been here six months (as an intern-type position, no less), making this his very first job. The scuttlebutt is that he's somehow put himself in the good graces of the CEO, but scuttlebutt and a dollar might get you a cup of coffee. Even if it's true, acknowledging it in public will only mark you as a fool. To say the least, it's a hard pill to swallow; that someone with less experience has been plucked from obscurity to cut me out of the loop, possibly taking a position with more responsibility (and of course, pay) than my own. It seems like I'm about to get leap-frogged by a nepotist (nepotee?).
I'm meeting with my VP tomorrow, and I'm trying to collect my thoughts on this. I want to communicate my desire to take over some of the duties, but I think I'm going to play stupid on knowing who the shadow is, or that there's even any going on. Mostly because I pretty much always tend to play close to the vest when it comes to this stuff; but also because I've only been under this VP for a few months, and I'm unsure if I am trying to be kept here. I'll just explain the similarities between myself and my mentor, the need for variety in my workload, and a few of the other aspects that make me a logical fit. I'm assuming the Veep can't smell this coming, so the more clearly I think the conversation through, the more leverage I'll have when the time comes.
Anyone have any experience with this??
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02:57 PM
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June 17, 2006
More midget wrestling videos can be found here.
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09:34 AM
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June 14, 2006
Al Gore, renowned inventor of the Internet and part-time politician; has decided to take his brand of devastatingly sharp intellect into climatology. Where, apparently, he's been trumped by some people who - well - actually are climatologists.
And remember those debit cards that were handed out by FEMA to displaced Katrina evacuees? Turns out, more than a billion dollars-worth of that loot was spent on porn and debauchery. Sadly, some of us are not surprised.
In health news, head lice have evolved from a mere pest to a super-resistant organism. Hippies everywhere are being forced to either wash their hair, or get carried away by head lice the size of NFL linebackers. Yes folks, it seems Mother Nature herself has found a way to select hippies out of the gene pool - militant lice.
And even though this link is absolutely pointless, I just wanted to say that I can't wait for this woman to fall off the face of the Earth. Or at least walk into traffic and get railroaded by a flaming tanker truck. I mean, how is this even on CNN? She's newly single and this network decides that needs to go on their front page?
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04:20 PM
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May 17, 2006
You know, I hate to make broad generalizations, but I'd be willing to bet that monkey was asking for it. Seriously, you ever seen a monkey at the zoo that didn't strike you as at least a little annoying? And those bears were locked up with that little bastard day in and day out.
I was thinking the other day that the downfall of the blogosphere is probably going to be one of the things that has made it great in the past - its accessibility. In earlier years, not many people really 'got' this thing that would become the blogosphere. Some people were still unfamiliar with the Internet itself - let alone anything beyond AOL Instant messenger, email, or online shopping. Actually running your own website? Who knew how to do that? Didn't you need to learn one of those wacky programming languages to do that? Soon, however, the days of point and click web editors were upon us; and riding on their coat tails were open source templates.
The simple fact that I am blogging right now is testament to the argument that it's just become to damn easy for any idiot to set up a site.
But seriously, when the blogosphere was still a little inaccesible or at least too 'geeky' for most people it was at it's least polluted stage. There was discourse, courteous dialogue and the kind of reasonable debate that actually added value. These days, easily half of the comments left on political blogs (or even the blogs themselves) are simply verve. The kind of vitriol that amounts to verbal graffiti. Why have things changed? Mob mentality. There's so many people out there in today's blogosphere that it's hard to have open, polite arguments without some band of wingnuts hijacking the comment thread. I'm talking about the kinds of commenters that repeatedly attack the same blog, without ever really addressing the argument. You people fucking blow. You're like spammers; except spam's manufactured, automatic sort of uselessness is attributed to the fact that it's just a program someone is running. Wheras you guys actually choose to be one dimensional.
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05:20 PM
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May 09, 2006
May you find your end in Hell
Next to Carrot Top.
- - - - - - -
Boredom, like the sound
of snow falling around me,
comforts and quiets.
- - - - - - -
I suck at haiku,
hated poetry in school.
Today, I still do.
----
Hey, that last one rhymed. Maybe I'll go warm up some eggrolls.
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10:59 PM
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February 05, 2006
That ref is a poxy cunt.*
*Poxy Cunt may be a registered trademark of Twenty Major.
P.S. It's good thing I can't draw cartoons.
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08:16 PM
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February 01, 2006
Anyway, he described some incidents that are certainly extraordinary. I know the house well and itÂ’s not very old and the things he described were intriguing.
The email went to out to a small group of friends and I was surprised to find that some of them now BLAME ME for the haunting. First of all, I don’t know that I believe in hauntings. I’m the rational type. Until it happens to me—then I shriek like a little girl.
more...
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January 31, 2006
Disc 1 :
The Song Remains the Same
The Rover
Nobody's Fault But Mine
In My Time of Dying
Since I've Been Loving You
No Quarter
Ten Years Gone
Disc 2 :
Battle of Evermore
Going to California
Black Country Woman
Bron Y Aur Stomp
White Summer/Black Mountain Side
Kashmir
Jimmy Page Guitar Solo
Stairway to Heaven
Rock n' Roll
Trampled Under Foot
I fully realize that most people couldnÂ’t give a shit about this because itÂ’s not some breathy thin-bearded boy band or a group of depressed, post modern indy songwriters, but, in the off chance that someone out there has taste, be aware that this thing is making the rounds.
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07:58 AM
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December 29, 2005
Posted by: Jim at
12:04 AM
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December 13, 2005
At 6:30 PM she walked through the door, arms full of purchases. And I mean loaded down with bags full of stuff. I had two important questions to ask:
1. Will you please go buy me some scotch?
2. What the hell are you using for money?
I didnÂ’t want to know the answer to number two so I asked about the scotch.
“I’ve just completed the Christmas shopping. It’s done. Finished. Without you going anywhere, do anything or even offering suggestions. Tonight completes a week long endeavor and I’m not going back out. Go get the rest of the shit from the car.”
I couldnÂ’t really argue. I contributed nothing this year except the cash and I expect that ran out earlier in the week.
Then she added, “I’ll make you a deal.”
“What kind of deal?”
She pointed at me. “If you go to the liquor store dressed like that, I’ll do anything you want.”
I looked down at myself. I was wearing Snoopy pajama bottoms. Goofy looking, sky blue, ankle length pajama bottoms. Snoopy was printed all over them, wearing a nightcap and carrying a candle. I hate peanuts and I hate SnoopyÂ…the origin of the things are another story.
To compliment the bottoms, I was wearing a wife beater and a pair of sad old slippers. IÂ’m a pretty big guy (not fat) and I looked like a real asshole.
“What do you mean you’ll do anything I want?”
“Whatever weird, perverted, sexual thing that you’ve ever wanted but were afraid to ask for, I’ll do it. All you need to do is go to the liquor store dressed like that. Exactly like that. You can’t take the slippers off.”
I walked into the bedroom and put on some jeans. There was no way I was going out looking like that. Not to the liquor store I go to. I guess that makes me a wimp. ThatÂ’s what I felt like. But you know, I really couldnÂ’t think of anything that perverted we hadnÂ’t already done. In hindsight, what I should have done was asked her to throw something out there on the table. I can't believe I let that get by me. Christ, IÂ’m slipping.
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December 09, 2005
Victor - Vic really loves rats. Granted, rats may seem a little grody to some of you, but a life without passion is no life at all. Besides, anyone who can set aside the social stigma and love the hell out of some rats probably ain't a bullshitter; and as Martha would say "That's a good thing." Now get over to his site and help him win a bucket of Iowa crap.
Tiffani - Tiffani is probably a hottie. With a name like Tiffani you just can't go wrong. Additionally, Tiffani leaves her work email attached to her comments, plus she puts her work signature at the bottom of her emails. Tiffani is an unabashed office blogger. A hot, (possibly) well-dressed, office blogger. I'd hit it.
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04:29 PM
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November 15, 2005
Also, Paul and I are pretty engaging bloggers when we have the time, hence the game 'How Many Beers'. Of course, I've been toying with the idea of playing the game 'Murder, Marry, Fuck'; but we might have to come up with a new name for that one.
Another thing about the Id's Cage bloggers. We're full of it. I mean, just about every entry, unless it alludes to some current event in the news, is probably a good 75% bullshit, probably more in my case. I tend to have a pretty boring life, but a really cracked out imagination.
Okay, you get the idea. We're glad to be here, hope ya'll stick around. I'm outta here.
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06:07 PM
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November 10, 2005
 | You scored as Maximus. After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.
Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com |
Only a fricken 75% score too, but I like those two guys. I guess if I'm 75% Maximus and 75% Indiana Jones, that's like 150% head-stomping, smart-talking badass; right? Plus I got Jack Sparrow in there, talk about a one-in-a-million wingman. But Lara Croft? Dude, if I was more than half Lara Croft, I wouldn't leave the house. I mean, whether it was the upper half or the lower half, it wouldn't matter. I'd be at home playin' with my womanly parts.
And Paul got 100-fucking-percent Bond? I think he rigged that shit, the wily old coot.
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11:09 PM
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November 09, 2005
Twenty's a friggin' riot.
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07:18 PM
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