October 06, 2003

Don't Bite the Hand That Feeds You

Especially, don't bite the neck that feeds you.

"Illusionist Roy Horn, half of the famed "Siegfried and Roy" entertainment duo, was fighting for his life after being savagely mauled by a tiger during his Las Vegas stage show."

Montecore, one of the signature white tigers used in the show, bit Roy on the neck. Roy is in critical but stable condition.

Newsflash: Tigers are dangerous creatures! more...

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October 03, 2003

I know who I'm supporting for Governor of California

ButtMonkey for Governor!

"What do you do when you are $40 billion in debt? Drink a ButtMonkey."

(Hat tip to G)

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October 02, 2003

Knock 'em dead out there

Suicide Plan Stops Concert

ST. PETERSBUG, FL - The owner of a St. Petersburg theater where a band said it would stage a live suicide during a concert next month now says he won't allow the show to take place.

Hell on Earth is an alternative rock band known for it's stage antics, which have included grinding up rats in a blender. The group said last week on its Web site that a terminally ill member of a right-to-die group plans to commit suicide on stage in a political statement about euthanasia.


This brings up some interesting legal questions. Is suicide illegal? The band isn't actually assisting the act of suicide in any way so the whole assisted suicide thing doesn't come into play here. Can the police legally stop somebody from committing suicide?

('nother hat tip to G)

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I thought that was a standard perk

Expert: Tugging women's nipples not orthodox medical care

Tugging a woman's nipple during a breast exam is "like milking a cow," a doctor testified Monday in the continuing sex-abuse trial of Phoenix gynecologist Brian Finkel.

"It's never done," testified Dr. Sidney Weschler of South Dakota during the eighth week of Finkel's trial.

"Tugging the nipple annoys patients," he said.


What about tugging mens' nipples? If it turns out that isn't standard practice I am going to feel so abused.

(Hat tip to G for the link)

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Plot? Acting? Direction? Production? Who needs it?

'Tomb Raider' Video Game Blamed for Film Failure

Disappointed movie bosses are pointing the finger of blame at video game Tomb Raider - Cradle Of Life after the Angelina Jolie-starring sequel of the same name bombed at the box office. Executives at Paramount were left stunned when the much-hyped action movie took only $21.8 million on its first weekend at the American box office, less than half of what the original installment bagged in the same time frame. And they cite the critical mauling given to the latest computer game as the reason cinema goers are deserting the archeological franchise. Paramount's Wayne Lewellen says, 'The only thing we can attribute to is that gamers were not happy with the latest version of the video game.'

I guess that says it all. The fact that it was a sequel to an abominably awful movie that did well solely due to its novelty, a geek fixation on a computer generated sex doll and a marked similarity between Angelina Jolie's boobies and that of the aforementioned pixelated fantasy figure had nothing to do with it. The additional facts of Angelina Jolie being revealed to posess the acting prowess of a turnip and having multiple psychoses plus the sequel having the exact same plot as the original had even less to do with this movie's box office performance.

UPDATE (SBD): I've just learned that H (aka "Helen", aka "Lithe Nimble-Bodied Chick", aka "The Fairy Menace") is a huge fan of the Tomb Raider movies. Not only did she see both of them multiple times in the theater but she purchased several copies of each on DVD to "do her part to support the franchise". Furthermore, many of her detailed sexual experiences were actually just sessions when she watched Cradle of Life, an experience that she feels is "incredibly orgasmic". That cobbled together electronic pleasure device that we all thought was a vibrator? Nope. VCR remote.

Help me show Helen the error of her ways. Support Snooze Button Dreams and The Mappist Coalition. Click on that "View the Guestmap" button in my right sidebar and sign my map. Show the Fairy Defamation League and Everyday Stranger that we will not tolerate anything but the truth in our titilation.

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