I've gotten a lot of mileage for ragging on Texas for these idotic policies so it's only fair to give space when it's my own adopted state that is playing moron.

Kelley spotlights the plight of Rachel Boim, who was suspended and then kicked out of her school for a story she wrote in her personal journal.

Come on, Georgians! We're supposed to be the last bastion of common sense and down home wisdom. Eliminate these zero intelligence policies and start thinking again!

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Helen's flight to the States was made miserable because she couldn't recline her seat and the person in front of her could. Broken seat? Maybe not.

WASHINGTON - Every cramped air traveler may have the right to lean his seat back, but Ira Goldman sees airplane justice from another perspective — that of the person behind — and he's found a way to even the score.

Goldman invented the Knee Defender, a beeper-sized block of plastic that lets passengers prevent the seat in front of them from reclining

The hard plastic block, which has an inch-wide groove down the middle, fits around the arm of a tray table and acts as a barrier to the seat's backward movement.

So next time your seat won't go back, go ahead and check for the Knee Defender. In the event of an emergency your seat cushion may be detached to serve as a non-lethal bludgeon.

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Okay, we've all seen the picture of Miss Afghanistan in a bikini. She has a pretty face and enough body fat to feed an army of mice for about a millisecond. Could somebody please buy this girl an ice cream cone?

But it seems that she's been in the States for the past 8 years or so and there wasn't any actual pageant in Afghanistan that she won in order to represent the country. Did you really expect that there was? I mean, come on now. We displaced the Taliban but the Afghani culture is still the same as that of its neighbors. If a genuine Afghan girl stripped down to her skivvies and paraded around on stage she'd get a belly full of stab wounds from one of her brothers trying to "reclaim the honor" of the family.

So is it a good thing that Miss Afghanistan is part of the Miss World pageant? Well, sure it is. The more half nekkid women there are in the world the better. Is it an indication that Afghanistan is moving towards a "western" culture? Nah.

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Swedish church takes step towards gay marriages

UPPSALA, Sweden (Reuters) - Sweden's national church has taken a first step towards allowing gay marriages after senior clerics voted to draft an order of service for such a ceremony.

While any final ruling is still a long way off, advocates of gay weddings celebrated the decision by the General Synod, the supreme church body consisting of about 250 clerics and lay officials.

The Swedish Church, formed soon after German cleric Martin Luther split with Roman Catholicism in the 16th century starting the Reformation, is one of the world's most liberal on sexual issues, allowing gay ministers and gay marriage blessings.

"It is a step towards making this reality but a solid theological foundation is needed before the church can go further," Archbishop K G Hammar told a news conference.

"The Swedish church has thus taken a prophetic role upon itself," lesbian pastor Ann-Cathrin Jarl told Reuters at the assembly in Uppsala, north of Stockholm, on Thursday. "We are the first major church that has come to that point."

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No slack for pencil sharpener

When she was growing up in South Korea, Sumi Lough says, she used the traditional pencil sharpener that all children there used: a 2-inch-long blade that folds into a small handle.

Now a resident of Katy, Lough went to a school supply store while visiting Seoul, South Korea, and bought one of the sharpeners for her daughter to use.

But what may be considered a routine item for schoolchildren there was alarming enough in the Katy school district to get Lough's 13-year-old daughter in deep trouble. School officials viewed it as a potential weapon.

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When she's in California. Then she's just part of the crowd.

Smucker Sued Over '100 Percent Fruit' Label

A California woman with a "sensitive palate" has filed a proposed class-action lawsuit against the J.M. Smucker Co claiming that its familiar label is misleading since its spreadable jam is less than half fruit.

Tests on "simply 100 percent" strawberry jam revealed that the spread contained less than 30 percent actual strawberries and the blueberry version contained just 43 percent berries, the lawsuit said.

The premium jam also contains fruit syrup, lemon juice concentrate, fruit pectin, red grape juice concentrate and natural flavors, according to the Smuckers Web site.

Fruit syrup is from fruit, right? I mean it's right there in the name. Fruit syrup. As far as I know, lemons have not been declassified as fruits. Then there's fruit pectin. Again, the "fruit" right there in the name. Pectin is "any of various water-soluble substances that bind adjacent cell walls in plant tissues and yield a gel which is the basis of fruit jellies". In other words, this is the stuff that transforms fruit mush into preserves. Red grapes are fruit, yes? They don't say what the natural flavors are but I have a strange hunch that they might be something fruity.

So is this case being brought by:

1. A wacko who genuinely believes that she has been ripped off.


2. An idiot that doesn't understand the difference between 100% strawberry and 100% fruit.


3. Your average sue happy con looking for a quick buck in an overly litigious society.

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Swedish drinkers offered wider choice

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Swedish drinkers should have a wider choice after the EU's executive ordered Sweden to make it easier to import wine, beer and spirits.

Commission spokesman Jonathan Todd said the main impact of the decision would be to increase choice rather than reduce prices. Importers will still have to pay Sweden's hefty alcohol duties.

In a completely fallacious interview (not "fellatious" - get your mind out of the gutter), Todd stated that "It was necessary that we take steps to make Europe in general and Sweden in particular more attractive to Helen. She's been outside Europe for only a few days but her absence is already having deleterious effects. Especially in France."

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Rubin Wants Middle Name 'Peace Activist'

SANTA MONICA, Calif. - Jerry Rubin, the region's indefatigable pacifist and former City Council candidate, went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court to challenge the city's refusal to print "peace activist" as his occupation on the ballot.

On Thursday, he filed for a legal name change so that he'll be known legally as Jerry Peace Activist Rubin. A Superior Court hearing on the request is set for Dec. 11, Rubin's 60th birthday.

And if the court says no to "Peace Activist" as a middle name he has others to try:

• Jerry Nut Bar Rubin


• Jerry Spacecake Rubin


• Jerry Attention Deprived Rubin


• Jerry I'm So Glad I Live In Cali Cause This Idiocy Wouldn't Be Tolerated Elsewhere Rubin

Posted by: Jim at 08:03 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Chip Maker Finds Bombs Among Potatoes

SALEM, Ore. - Workers at a Kettle Foods potato chip plant were feeding potatoes into a machine that sorts out stones and other debris this week when a 3-pound military bomb popped out.

General manager Marc Cramer said the shipment from a Pasco, Wash., farm also contained a second bomb.

Police determined they were dummy military ordnance left over from a time when the military used the farm as a practice bombing range.

Cramer said Kettle Foods has a painstaking inspection process to cull all debris from potatoes.

Maybe we should contract airport security to Kettle Foods?

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No sign of Great Wall of China from space

BEIJING (Reuters) -- China's first man in space said the Earth looked beautiful from his orbiting capsule but he couldn't find the Great Wall.

No shit, Sherlock. You can't see most rivers from low Earth orbit, why do people think you can see a 20 foot wide wall?

Want a raise? Stand tall

MIAMI (Reuters) - Tall people earn considerably more money throughout their lives than their shorter co-workers, with each inch adding about $789 (472 pounds) a year in pay, according to a study.

I am SO going to start a class action suit.

Store Gives Free Clothes to Nude Shoppers

LISBON, Portugal - Dozens of young Portuguese stripped down to dress up Wednesday when a clothes store offered free designer wear for anyone shopping naked.

Why can't American stores come up with creative gimmicks like this? I'd even shop at Old Navy if I could catch an eye candy treat like this. Hey, Fran Drescher might have a voice like nails on a chalk board but she's got an ass that screams "Tag this!"

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Discipline Decided In Student Inhaler Incident

MONTGOMERY COUNTY, Texas -- A meeting was held Friday for a student accused of breaking school rules and state law by giving his girlfriend his inhaler when she had trouble breathing, News2Houston reported.

Andra Ferguson and her boyfriend, Brandon Kivi, both 15, use the same type of asthma medicine, Albuterol Inhalation Aerosol.

Ferguson said she forgot to bring her medication to their school, Caney Creek High School, 16840 FM 2090, on Sept. 24. When she had trouble breathing, she went to the nurse's office.

Out of concern, Kivi let her use his inhaler.

But the school nurse said it was a violation of the district's no-tolerance drug policy, and reported Kivi to the campus police. He was suspended for three days and charged with delivering a dangerous drug. He faced expulsion and being sent to juvenile detention on juvenile drug charges.

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Critic Falls for 3-Year-Old Boy's Art

The artist whose work is hanging at an island gallery has sold a piece, attracted the attention of a critic and been compared to the art world's greats by his biggest admirers.

He's also three years old.

The toddler uses brushes, scrapers and sponges and his "studio" is usually a newspaper-covered floor at the Lambs' south Georgia home.

Hehe. Hehehe. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Art. Speh.

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Governments spend way too much money supporting special interests that are fundamentally self supporting. When the Nederlander High Council (or whatever it's called over there in Holland) cut funding to the Royal Dutch Athletics Union, motivated sportsters took matters in their own hands (so to speak).

Dutch athletes bare all to pay for training more...

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The Letter of the Day is was "F".

"F" is for Furtive. Installing malware on people's computers as part of your anti-piracy effort is bad enough. When you do it without their permission you are being furtive.

the SunnComm technique relies on installing antipiracy software directly from the protected CD itself.

"F" is for Fool. When your anti-piracy technique can be completely circumvented with a basic Windows function you are quite a fool.

However, this can be prevented by stopping Microsoft Windows' "auto-run" feature. That can be done simply by pushing the Shift key as the CD loads.

"F" is also for Farcical. When you sue a guy for showing people how to use a basic Windows function to defeat your malware the entire thing has a farcical air.

"This is completely outrageous," said Fred von Lohmann, an attorney for the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a group that has previously represented computer academics concerned that copyright law would impair their ability to publish. "This is not black hat (hackers') exploits he's revealing. This is Windows 101...It is relatively hard to imagine any better example of how the DMCA has been misused since it was passed five years ago."

"F" is for Fair. When exposure of your easily defeated anti-piracy malware results in severe repercussions to your company, that's fair.

The damage to SunnComm's reputation, while not necessarily permanent, was quickly seen in a drop in its market value, totaling close to $10 million over several days, Jacobs said. No final decisions about legal action have been made, he added.

Lastly, "F" is for Freedom. Here in the USA we have certain protected freedoms. One of them is about speech.

Halderman said he's not overly worried about the legal threat. The EFF represented his advisor, Princeton professor Edward Felten, in a lawsuit dealing with academic freedom to publish computer security information, and Princeton University supported Felten in that case.

"I expect I will be well-represented in the case of a lawsuit," Halderman said. "If pressing the Shift key is a violation of the DMCA, then the law needs to be changed."

(Hat tip to G)

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Hikers Find 70 Shoes Filled With Butter

A Swedish couple hunting on a remote mountain Sunday in Sweden's far northern province of Jaemtland found 70 pairs of shoes, all filled with butter.

He [Alf Kjaellstroem, a province spokesman] said there were 140 shoes of all kinds — sneakers, children's shoes, high heels, boots and tap shoes — each stuffed with half a kilo (1.1 pound) of butter and spread out in the landscape.

140 shoes. Filled with butter. Set out in the remote landscape. Waiting to rot.

What is this? A turf war between the Shoe Fairies and the Butter Goblins? Somebody call Roland, quick!

The find was similar to one done by artist Yu Xiuzhen's in 1996.

His exhibit "Shoes With Butter," was laid out in the Tibetan mountains surrounding Lhasa, China.

No, no, no! This is not art. The Mona Lisa is art. David is art. The Sistine Chapel is art. Shoes filled with butter laid out in the remote landscape to rot is not art. It is prima-fascia evidence to put somebody in the Happy House.

"If we knew who had done this we could make them clean this mess up," Alf told The Associated Press Thursday.

I don't know about that, Alf. Reuters would probably do a big write up of how you're stifling the "artist's" mode of expression. Oh, wait a sec. You're not in America. Don't worry about it.

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First we have McGruff the Crime Tiger taking a bite out of Roy. Then there's the Alaskan bear helping Tim Treadwell through the qualifying rounds of the Darwin Awards. Now we've got a bear raiding David Letterman's whisky cabinet. more...

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9 out of 10, baby! Beat that!

(Hat tip to G)

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Bear Mauling Kills Grizzly Advocate, Friend

An advocate of grizzly bear protection and his camping companion were mauled to death by one or more bears in a remote part of Alaska's Katmai National Park and Preserve, officials said Tuesday.

Treadwell was the founder of Grizzly People, an organization devoted to the protection of grizzly bears and their habitat. According to the group's Web site, Treadwell's practice was to travel to bear country without weapons.

It was the first fatal bear attack in Katmai for at least 15 years, the Park Service said. The park is known as one of the world's premier sites for viewing huge brown bears, the coastal cousins of grizzlies, as they feast on salmon.

When park rangers and state troopers flew to the remote site to recover the bodies, they had to kill two aggressive bears that were threatening them, officials said.

Treadwell made a practice of getting within inches of the animals, but the Park Service recommends a 50-yard distance, he said.

Irony? As H would say, "buckets and buckets of it". There's the obvious one - protector of the bears is eaten by one. There's another good one in there though - two of the bears he dedicated himself to protecting were killed in order to collect his leftover bits. The critical portion is the last line, of course. He might have loved bears but he was an idiot, approaching to within inches of wild bears. That qualifies him for the Darwin Awards.

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Or at least the men who act like them?

German men get own kindergarten

German women fed up with their partners' grumbling on weekend shopping trips can now dump them at a special kindergarten for men offering beer and entertainment.

The men are given a name badge on arrival and for 10 euros (7 pounds) they get two beers, a hot meal, televised football and games.

"Last week the men had a remote control car to play with. Next week there's going to be a mini racetrack," said Stein.

"It beats sitting around in shoe shops, that's for sure," one man told the Sueddeutsche Zeitung newspaper.

At first glance this looks pretty cool. Guys get food, booze and toys instead of holding the purse while wifey tries on yet another outfit. That's awesome! What guy wouldn't love that?

Then sanity rears its ugly head as you realize that the entire concept is just plain stupid. If you don't want to shop with your lady then simply don't go shopping with your lady.

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France's Filthy Swine and My Arse Go to Eat Onions

"Tired of being sniggered at, people from French villages whose names sound like "Filthy Swine" and "My Arse" plan a weekend get-together in a tiny hamlet whose name means "Eat Onions" in old French.

Quirky French place names are nothing new to some English-speaking tourists who several times a year make off with signposts from the southwestern town of Condom."

These are actually some of the better sounding French villages. Retard-foutu, L'âne-lèchent and Chienne-du-nouvel-os were not invited to this gathering as their village names have such foul meanings.
(Remember our friend Babelfrench.)

No Thongs or Midriffs Please, Say French Schools

"French schools are cracking down on a craze among teenage girls to flash their midriffs and wear skimpy G-strings that peek brazenly out from above their low-cut trousers.

A number of head teachers in France -- where school uniforms are practically unheard of -- have slapped a ban on showing off thongs and tummies, the French daily Le Parisien said on Friday. "In the eyes of boys, thongs reduce girls to bottoms," former junior education minister Segolene Royal said."

Problem here. France has exactly one and only marketable domestic resource - French girls. (Nobody buys their wine anymore.) If they start forcing French girls out of sexy clothing then not even the mighty Chirac could save their faltering economy.

Sick of cigarette warnings? Hide them!

"A French firm has found a way to make money out of the large health warnings now required on new cigarette packs in the European Union (news - web sites) -- selling colourful cases to hide them.

The Paris-based Dolmen has begun selling thin cardboard boxes for smokers to cover cigarette packs which, under an EU rule that came into force on Tuesday, must carry warnings such as "Smoking Kills" on every side."

The French, they prefer death by heat exhaustion. They are very disturbed to have a reminder of how unhealthy cigarettes are every time they reach for a smoke. So, in typical French fashion the solution is obvious. Hide them and they'll go away!

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