There was a brief period when it was in doubt whether Moore's movie would be eligible for the award. It was broadcast in Cuba recently and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has a rule that a documentary cannot be broadcast on TV or Internet for 9 months after theatrical release. The Academy has decided that F911 is still eligible.

Realistically that's the only decision they could have made. The Cuban government broadcast the movie illegally. You really can't disqualify a movie because a hostile foreign power pirated it. What you can do is ask why governments like Communist Cuba and terrorist organizations like Fatah are distributing the movie but that's neither here nor there.

This decision will, of course, guarantee that F911 will win the award for best documentary. The culture in Hollywood is such that it is a sure thing. They'll wait until the ceremony to make it official but Mikey can clear off some discarded KFC buckets from the shelf right now to get a spot ready, should he choose to be proactive.

I had always thought that documentaries were supposed to be truthful. Sadly, that's not the case. Although every dictionary in the world indicates that a documentary should be a collection of truths the Academy does not. Jen detailed this nicely a while back. Here's some excerpted bits (emphasis mine):

Encarta: giving facts and information rather than telling a fictional story

Dictionary.com: Presenting facts objectively without editorializing or inserting fictional matter, as in a book or film; A work, such as a film or television program, presenting political, social, or historical subject matter in a factual and informative manner and often consisting of actual news films or interviews accompanied by narration.

Miriam-Webster: of, relating to, or employing documentation in literature or art; broadly : FACTUAL, OBJECTIVE (a documentary film of the war)

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences: An eligible documentary film is defined as a theatrically released non-fiction motion picture dealing creatively with cultural, artistic, historical, social, scientific, economic or other subjects. It may be photographed in actual occurrence, or may employ partial re-enactment, stock footage, stills, animation, stop-motion or other techniques, as long as the emphasis is on fact and not on fiction.

Essentially the Academy redefines documentary to substitute "creative" for "objective" and "emphasis on fact" for "factual".

Factual? We can't do that! That would be boring! Just make sure that there are a couple of facts in there somewhere. For the rest, get creative.

If you want to find dictionary definitions for Moore's movie it isn't very hard. This one fits very well:

the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person; ideas, facts, or allegations spread deliberately to further one's cause or to damage an opposing cause; deceptive or distorted information that is systematically spread.

That's the definition of propaganda.

(News bit gleaned from Phillip Coons)

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UPDATES:

More info from Photodude. Reid is the fellow who got resolution last month when this problem first surfaced. (Only Atlas happened to be lying out of their ass then, of course.)

Chief Wiggles has an update too. In brief, Operation Give (OG) is in contact with the Georgia State Attorney's office, they are getting legal counsel here (chances are good for pro bono), at this time only Atlas Line can actually prove where any money is and they aren't talking, the goods in the two containers stuck in Kuwait are going to be transhipped by the US military so the donated items will get to where they need to be and OG will stop incurring daily fees for the containers sitting in Kuwait.

Atlas Line is a shipping company headquartered here in Atlanta. Click on that link for one of the most painful websites I have seen since late 1997. They are not members of the Atlanta Better Business Bureau and appear to be in violation of Trademark against Atlas Van Line. They have only been in business since July 2002. They also appear to be thieves.

Brief history: Atlas Line was the shipper used by Chief Wiggles and Operation Give to ship three containers of donated goods to Iraq. The first container was delivered and was late coming back. The leery shipper on the other end then required a $10,000 deposit for the containers. Operation Give sent $10,000 to Atlas Line. It turned out that the amount needed was $10,000 per container. Operation Give sent an additional $20,000 to Atlas Line. The $30,000 was never received by the overseas shipper. Operation Give was not refunded.

I called Atlas Line today but was unable to speak to any of the principles. They're all out for the day. I did speak with Mary, who did not want to tell me her last name. She is an Operation Clerk there. She assured me that Atlas did not steal Operation Give's money, checks were sent overseas, they were in fact cashier's checks and Atlas does not now have any of Operation Give's money in their own bank account. According to Mary, they would not have been in business so long if they "ripped people off". I guess Mary thinks that two years is an exceptionally long time.

Like most people who read about this my bullshit detector is going off the scale. To that end I'm more than happy to have sent a missive similar to this post to every local news channel and paper.

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She became a moderator for the local Freecycle group. That's where we got our big-ass gas grill (say that five times fast), ping-pong table and magnolia trees (all for free). Anyway, the local paper interviewed her and another moderator about the group and the article was published today.

Way to go, Baby!

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A Perfectly Cromulent Blog has odds posted for which Simpsons character will be coming out of the closet. There's pretty good analysis there but there's one glaring problem - no Duff Man.

That's right, the hidden gay character in the Simpsons is none other than Duff Man himself. That's right. Duff Man. The symbol of drunken debauchery, high times and overconsumption is the closet gay. Hard to believe? Think Spudz McKenzie. The beer drinking world was shocked to the core when it was discovered that Spudz was a female dog. We'll be seeing Homer and the rest of the lushes questioning their own masculinity as Duff beer sales crash. Of course a certain segment of the population will gain an appreciation for the beverage but it won't quite make the transfer to trendy drink.

We'll see a suddenly effeminate Duff Man tossed out on his fabulous keister and befriended by Homer and family who, in typical fashion, will build him back up to the point where he challenges Duff corporate types and wins back his job. During the recovery watch for a scene at Moe's and interaction with many of Springfield's more "sensitive" characters. At least one (probably Smithers) will be drafted by Homer to provide a source of inspiration for DM.

I should be a comic writer. I really should.

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It's pretty exciting that Lance Armstrong has taken the lead and is poised to win his 6th race. I do have one comment though: Where else but France do they reward the leader by letting him wear a yellow shirt?*

* And does it come with a little white flag?

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Wow! Is there anything that people won't do to impress The Cheesmistres of Chaos? If there is, I certainly can't think of it:

Police Arrest Cheese-Covered Naked Man

Police found Monn's Jeep parked near the pool and then noticed his clothes and a bottle of vodka in the vehicle.

Then, they saw the naked man running toward the Jeep. Officials say he had cheese in his hair, on his face and on his shoulders.

(Hat tip to Phillip Coons)

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Well, maybe not quite as confidential as you believe. Clancy reports on a state mandated violation of doctor/patient confidentiality. The public perception of doctor/patient confidence comes from TV shows and movies. It is very wrong and is worlds away from actual legal standings.

Doctor/patient confidence is a professional courtesy, not a legal requirement or legally defined right. Its legal standing is based on precedence and not legislation. Unfortunately for those who want to use it to avoid testimony there is just as much precedence going the other way.

The news item that Clancy posted about involves a law requiring that Pennsylvania doctors notify the Department of Transportation when they believe a patient has a substance abuse problem. The DOT may then revoke the patient's license based on the medical testimony. A more common example would be the laws requiring medical and scholastic personnel to report suspected child abuse.

What you end up with is a strong professional courtesy supported by tradition and some legal precedence that is being legislated away as more and more professionals are being legally forced to violate it. Be careful what you tell your doctor and do it with the understanding that even though he might not want to repeat it, if push comes to shove he'll have no choice but to do so.

Question for the lawyers in the house: How strong is the client/attorney privilege?

Any priests around? I'm also interested in the legal standing of the "seal of the confessional".

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Arab Muslims in Sudan have displaced over a million blacks, killed tens of thousands of them and destroyed hundreds of their communities. You know, because their peaceful religion demands it and all.

"They say they don't want to see black skin on this land again," said Issa Bushara, whose brother and cousin were gunned down in front of their horrified families during an attack by the Janjaweed militia.

The Arab Muslim militants are being assisted in their 17 month slaughter by the Arab Muslim government forces. Fortunately the UN has decided to take an active role in stopping the wholescale murderous regime almost issue an official condemnation. They decided not to at the last minute for the past year and a half because Sudan deserves another chance is an Arab Muslim country is only slaughtering blacks might be able to turn it around by themselves in another year and a half just as soon as all the blacks are dead or driven off.

At the Kounoungo refugee camp, 50 miles from the Sudan border, Zenaba Ismail sits on a dirt floor. In her arms, she cradles her sister's sleeping infant.

Janjaweed fighters burst into their home early one morning and shot the child's pregnant mother in the stomach. The shooting induced labor, and she died while giving birth.

"He cries all the time, but I have no milk to give him," said the tall woman with traditional scars etched on her hallowed cheeks. "Every time I look at this child, I see my sister, and I can't stop the tears."

Refugee camps in outlying areas and neighboring countries are now seeing massive deaths from starvation, malnutrition and epidemic. These are outnumbering the actual murders. more...

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Update: Rachel Ann asked if there wasn't some sort of award that we could give these folk. Since they are unfortunately still alive they are disqualified from the Darwins. Enter the Flaming Asshole, designed for just such a circumstance. Good call Rachel!

U.S. Humanitarian Group Arrives in Cuba

120 supporters of Pastors for Peace violated the US embargo on Cuba. They arrived in good spirits with their contraband goods and t-shirts calling for regime change in the USA.

Try that again - they went to Cuba and are calling for regime change in America.

Thank God they've moved to Cuba so we won't have to deal with them any longer. What? They aren't staying in the workers' utopia? They prefer the horrific boot of the oppressive Bush regime against the back of their collective neck to living in Cuba? Damn. more...

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That's "Fucking, Austria". Not "fucking Austria".

(Hat tip to Common Sense & Wonder)

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This post is:

Why? Oh, why?

Why is it illegal to shoot these people?

McDonald's hit with lawsuit over fat in french fries

You see back in September 2002 McDonalds announced that it was planning to switch to a healthier fry oil by Feb '03. In Feb '03 they announced that the new oil wasn't happening yet because it made the fries taste like Burger King's as there were concerns over how it made the food taste.

Now a fucknut in California is suing because McDonalds didn't follow their original plan. A corporation in America made a plan, discovered it wasn't workable and changed it. This bitch thinks that entitles her to compensation? What the fucking fuck?

Listen up you fry sucking loser, McDonalds corporation is not personally beholden to you in any way whatsoever. Are you suing Ford because their concept car from 2002 isn't a production model today? Why not? They certainly planned on implementing it but they haven't. That should mean that your rights have somehow been trampled, right?

If you are so concerned about the fat content of McDonalds french fries that you take it as a violation of your personal rights of citizenship then what you need to do is put down the McBurger and McFries, push your fat ass away from the table and walk down to Salads-R-Us. Better yet, buy yourself a fucking pot and cook a meal for your damned self for a change.

And whatever lawyer or group of lawyers is representing this bullshit should die. Literally die you sons of bitches - you are less than worthless, you are an active drain. Your removal would make this country a better place.

(Hat tip to Phillip Coons)

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1 "Literally die you sons of bitches - you are less than worthless, you are an active drain." -Looks like someone needs a time-out in the happy corner, with a constant movie re-run of "Pollyanna Meets the Care Bears". Be honest, my dearie Jim-you're just angry you didn't think to sue Coke for inventing New Coke (just teasing...in case you got angry...back away slowly from the keyboard...)

Posted by: Helen at July 09, 2004 09:05 AM (6ESZh)

2 Heck, I could still sue over THAT! Post traumatic stress disorder right here. Plus, I get a tiny tic next to my eye whenever I drive past the Coke factory here. I could probably sue to make them at least move the factory.

Posted by: Jim at July 09, 2004 09:18 AM (IOwam)

3 It can't be good for you to hold your feelings back like this.

Posted by: Jennifer at July 09, 2004 09:42 AM (9idqe)

4 Really, Jim, Jennifer is right. Don't hold back. It's not good for you to keep it all in. You're going to give yourself a ulcer. You have to learn to express your feelings. Emote, young man, emote!

Posted by: Jiminy at July 09, 2004 10:00 AM (8JYcU)

5 Jim, I mean this in the nicest possible way, ok? I just feel like I have to tell you: there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that taste just as good as the real thing. (Bonus points if you recognize the movie I stole that line from). As for the fries, I must ask: is your anger motivated by a distaste for the tort system in general or are you, like me, on a low-carb diet and missing ALL OF THOSE WONDERFUL FRENCH FRIES? And, damn it, whoever told McDonald's to stop frying those things in beef fat? The fries have not been the same since.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 09, 2004 10:35 AM (LlPKh)

6 Dude, that movie was the fabulous and brilliant one with Val Kilmer, in which they popped the enormous Jiffy Pop. Can't remember the film, but I have used that line about one million times in my life. Creepy that you use it, too.

Posted by: Helen at July 09, 2004 11:22 AM (rhmrH)

7 And the prize goes to Helen for her recollection of the underappreciated film: Real Genius.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 09, 2004 11:50 AM (LlPKh)

8 I'm feeling much better, y'all. Prozac, it's what's for dinner. ;-) Dang, I was just about to hit "post" with the Real Genius answer too. My favorite bit from that movie: Val: So, if there's anything I can do for you, or, more to the point, to you, you just let me know. Hot chick: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis? Val: Not at the moment. Hot chick: A girl's gotta have her standards.

Posted by: Jim at July 09, 2004 11:58 AM (IOwam)

9 Let's give medical science a quick round of applause! I love that line from Real Genius. I also like the following question: "Do you ever have that dream where you're standing on a pyramid, in sun god robes, surrounded by thousands of naked, screaming women, throwing little pickles at you? Why am I the only one who has that dream?" and "I am sitting here contemplating the last words of Socrates: 'I drank what?'" I knew you and Helen were people with taste.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 09, 2004 12:21 PM (LlPKh)

10 Almost forgot - yeah, I have a dislike of tort law. I know the vast majority of it is not like these bullfull high profile jokes but they sure are tainted by them. And I luuuuuuurve McD's fries. Fortunately for me I can eat 'em as I'm not dieting or planning on suing anybody. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at July 09, 2004 12:39 PM (IOwam)

11 I love love love McDonald's fries. I think they're coated in some secret recipe foody crack substance. Bugger those who file frivilous lawsuits, particularly against things that make me happy. Bugger them with a bushel of stale fries! Man, I like that word.... bugger bugger bugger.

Posted by: LeeAnn at July 09, 2004 06:25 PM (HxCeX)

12 You want fries with that bugger, ma'm?

Posted by: Claire at July 12, 2004 07:04 PM (l1oyw)

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Neither did I and this is a good thing because 12.6 million people didn't march on Washington yesterday and if you heard about it that would mean that the press was doing a worse job than usual at making stuff up. They did march in Hong Kong though and you probably didn't hear about that either.

Not 12.6 million of course - they don't have that many people there. But the number of Hong Kong residents that rallied are proportional to 12.6 million Americans, if our populations were equivalent. Simon has the scoop and an excellent commentary about it.

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Barbie dumped Ken and is now diddling Blaine, an Aussie surfer. Now look at this picture and tell me this doesn't look like a gal just a bit past her dance club days snagging some sweet teen meat.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

(Found at Jen's place)

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I had the opportunity to listen to a bit over a minute of National Peoples Public Radio yesterday morning. The story I caught was a blurb about gas prices. Now if you're like me and you use gasoline you might have noticed that the price of gas has plummeted over the past month and a half or so. Locally we're down a good 40 cents a gallon over that period and they're continuing to fall. NPR's take on this?

Gas prices are an average of 45 cents a gallon more expensive than this time last year.

I can't believe I used to think of them as an impartial news source. Bloody posers. more...

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The insane Arab fundamentalists have murdered South Korean citizen Kim Sun-il. Kim was one more foreign national working to make Iraq a better place.

Words have no wings but they can fly a thousand miles.

That's a very old Korean saying and it's very true but in this case I need these words to travel quite a few thousand miles as I wish peace of heart and deep sympathy for Kim Sun-il's family and loved ones.

The three thousand South Korean troops that were scheduled to ship to Iraq are still coming. Now they have one more reason to do so. Good hunting, gentlemen.

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Terrorists in Saudi Arabia have carried through on their threats to kill their American hostage. I'm not going to hot link to anything because I honestly don't want that traffic. It's going to be everywhere you look in a few hours anyway so you don't need my links.

Paul M. Johnson Jr. was a contractor in Saudi Arabia, our "ally" in the fight on terrorism. His captors beheaded him as they previously murdered American Nick Berg.

Saudi Arabia is the birthplace of the majority of the 9/11 suicide mass murderers. Saudi Arabia is where Osama bin Laden was born and where he made the millions of dollars that started his criminal empire. It is the stronghold of Wahabiism, the ultra strict fundamentalist Islamic sect that makes all of this possible.

In the past several months, foreign (pronounced "American") facilities have been attacked by terrorist strike teams and bombings. In each instance the Saudi police have allowed terrorists to escape, either through negligence or by disengaging contact.

I won't be saying anything at the moment that I might have some slight chance of regretting later. Instead I will just take this space to express my deepest sympathies for Paul Johnson's friends and family.

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The Supreme Court overturned a 9th Circuit Court ruling against saying the Pledge of Allegiance in schools because of the controversial word "God". Unfortunately they didn’t actually rule on the Constitutionality of “under God”. The lower court ruling was overturned because part-time dad Newdow didn’t have proper custody to sue in his daughter’s name.

Which means weÂ’ll be seeing this again sometime soon.

Incidentally, today is Flag Day and the 50th anniversary of the addition of "under God" to the Pledge.

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

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Phylicia Rashad made history yesterday as the first black woman to win a Tony award for Best Actress. This begs two questions. The second is why hasn't a black actress won a Tony award before now? The first is what is Claire Huxtable doing in a play? We'll completely ignore the second question and concentrate on the first as there's more comedy potential there (trust me, this does pick up in a bit).

Broadway is Phylicia's first love and her notable successes in the silver screen were basically just placeholders in her career as a stage actress. A way to pay the bills you might say. That decade long stretch as the affluent lawyer mom of a gaggle of dark skinned and white souled children was but a diversion. How does one get 'diverted' from the love of their life for such a long time? A year here or there could be understood easily but a decade?

There's only one answer and that is cashola. Moola. Dough. Money. Greenbacks. Hey, you don't get to snort coke off a whore's ass by showing her your playbill, even if you are first billed. Well, not any classy whore anyway. I'm talking high class hookers where your people call somebody who knows somebody who sets things up. And she brings the coke too. That's right, I'm talking F-I-N-E fine.

Hell, you don't even get "people" without serious cash and clout. Yule Brenner WAS the freakin' King and he never had people. Guy danced around bald and half nude for twenty years and all it got him was an aneurysm. Couldn't even beat out Captain Picard for sexiest bald dude. You know why? Because Patrick Stewart was the star of a popular series and he has people. Successful show equals money equals people equals hookers with ass cocaine. It's simple math, folks.

How much was Kramer getting for working on Seinfeld? Something like a million per episode there at the end, right? You think he ever seriously contemplated leaving the show to pursue his dream of being a NASCAR driver? Of course not. You get way more tang as "that loser goof on Seinfeld" than you do as "another redneck wanna-be" in Daytona.

The only person who has ever successfully left a hit series to pursue other interests was Shelley Long. She abandoned Cheers after it became the number one show on television and managed to become a wildly successful screen actress. Oh, wait a second - no she didn't. She played a couple roles as an extra flighty Goldie Hawn impersonator opposite such worthies as Steve Gutenberg in second rate comedies that nobody remembers except the occasional desperate blogger reaching through the depths of the IMDB database. Shortly after noting her dismal failure as a B movie queen, Shelley Long's career shifted focus and she now makes a living by showing up at strange houses with several grams of coke and tear-off panties.

So to sum up, congratulations to Phylicia Rashad for her historical achievement. We're sure that she would have got it much earlier if she hadn't taken such a long sabbatical from the stage and if the assholes who give out the Tony's weren't such racist sons of bitches. Hey, there's a bonus - I answered the second question too.

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A study from Journal of the American Medical Association says that 1 out of every 4 Americans have mental illnesses. Think of your three best friends. If they all seem normal then it's you.

(Hat tip to Electric Venom)

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1 No, in my group it's me. Totally. But that's ok, I like being the one that stands out in my crowd.

Posted by: Helen at June 03, 2004 09:10 AM (D56g3)

2 Since everyone in my family is looney, that makes a couple other whole families safe....

Posted by: Susie at June 03, 2004 12:46 PM (c7TZ/)

3 [doing quick mental inventory] Yup. Me.

Posted by: Harvey at June 03, 2004 01:24 PM (tJfh1)

4 The voices in my head tell me to let you know we're fine. Guess who. . .

Posted by: Emma at June 04, 2004 03:46 AM (NOZuy)

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It's the last day of school in Rogers, Arkansas. The 1st-grade teacher wraps up the lesson on rainforest animals and rewards the students with fish that squirt water. A summery fun toy that's also apropriate to the material. Karen Young, mother of one of the students, was not happy with this choice of gifts. Not happy at all.

A Rogers mother says she's upset after her first grader came home with a toy gun. Karen Young says her 7 year old came home with what she called a water gun on the last day of school. Young asked her child where it came from. He told her that his teacher gave it to him. Young says she considers the teacher an excellent educator but says this was a really bad decision on the teacher' part.



Assistant school superintendent Dr. Louise Standridge says the package that the toy came in says the toy is called a water squirter. It's in the shape of a fish.

We know it's not a toy gun because if it was the police would have arrested all of the children to enforce the zero tolerance policy against toy weapons. It's a squirting fish. Hello? Ms.Young? What's the dealy-o? Perhaps it has something to do with her history with firearms.

Young says two of her brothers were shot in domestic disputes, her uncle committed suicide with a gun and she accidentally shot her ex boyfriend when the gun she hit him with went off.

She accidentally shot her boyfriend while beating him with a gun. Why was she hitting her boyfriend with a gun? Is it a tradition in Rogers to beat husbands/boyfriends with guns? There seems to be a log of firearms discharging during arguments in that family.

I think a fish that spits water might be exactly what's needed in that household. When mommy starts beating on her boyfriend with a gun, squirt her with water. Hey, it worked to train the cat from eating the ferns, right?

(Hat tip to The Thief)

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