Caption contest!

(Stolen from Speedscape)

RESULTS:

This was a riot. 17 contestants and a load of decent belly laughs among the submissions. Thanks for participating and congrats to the winners!

1st place (10 points)
Senator Kerry is told Howard Dean is re-entering the race. - Simon

2nd place (5 points)
GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW! - Tiffani

3rd place (2 points)
The power of GEE-ZUS commands you! - Susie

Honorable Mention (no points but a cheery hi-oh and a good day chap!)
The circle of life ended when Kerry dropped the baby lion. - tommy

Allegations of John Kerry's french-ness were proven today with this shot of the girlie-man attempting to catch an American football. - Clancy

POINTS: Hell, yeah. One point goes into the pool for each person who submits a caption and they'll be distributed 60/30/10 to the top 3 captioners. (So if 10 people submitted, the #1 caption would get 6 points, the #2 would get 3 and the #3 would get 1.)

Enter as many captions as you'd like.

Posted by: Jim at 06:44 PM | Comments (26) | Add Comment
Post contains 190 words, total size 1 kb.

1 NOT THE FACE, NO NOT THE FACE...Shit there goes the botox.

Posted by: Christine at March 04, 2004 02:57 PM (Q/NXM)

2 All I can think of when I see this is: GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW!

Posted by: Tiffani at March 04, 2004 03:02 PM (xpNFK)

3 The power of GEE-ZUS commands you!

Posted by: Susie at March 04, 2004 03:09 PM (W5F4d)

4 I missed the ball, and it's all Bush's fault! If he hadn't pre-emptively and unilaterally thrown the ball, I wouldn't be in this embarrassing situation that reveals how encredibly dorky I am!

Posted by: Ryan at March 04, 2004 03:48 PM (Sc71i)

5 This never happened when I served in Vietnam

Posted by: Clancy at March 04, 2004 04:31 PM (EGVPL)

6 Allegations of John Kerry's french-ness were proven today with this shot of the girlie-man attempting to catch an American football.

Posted by: Clancy at March 04, 2004 04:33 PM (EGVPL)

7 John Kerry celebrates the invention of "talkies".

Posted by: LeeAnn at March 04, 2004 04:55 PM (HxCeX)

8 Frankenkerry shows off his moves during rehersals for a remake of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video.

Posted by: MojoMark at March 04, 2004 05:12 PM (E+LQu)

9 The circle of life ended wheh Kerry dropped the baby lion.

Posted by: tommy at March 04, 2004 05:25 PM (MhJXW)

10 "I swear if Kerry does his '2K3 Panthers Superbowl performance' impression again, he's going down." -John Edwards (D)-NC

Posted by: tommy at March 04, 2004 05:30 PM (MhJXW)

11 In a moment that horrified SPCA representatives, Senator John Kerry lost control of his pet gerbil Dubya. Fortunately a group of west coast spelunkers who were at the campaign sight assisted in safely recovering Dubya and allowing Kerry to continue his campaign efforts without the distraction of a lost pet looming on his mind.

Posted by: Rex at March 04, 2004 06:54 PM (Q/NXM)

12 On this issue I have made my position perfectly clear. Footballs should be caught with eyes open.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at March 04, 2004 08:30 PM (CSxVi)

13 While trying to emulate his hero, John F Kennedy, by playing a little football in full view of the press, John Kerry came to the startling revelation that he's really much more of a "paper football" guy.

Posted by: Mike the Marine at March 04, 2004 09:29 PM (r8Ldc)

14 With the Texas Soul Choir singing onstage, Kerry tries to get in touch with his soul and let's the healing begin. I got to, got to, got to try a little TENDERNESS!

Posted by: Helen at March 05, 2004 01:56 AM (Xcg5b)

15 I was mis-led as to the location of the ball. When elected to office I will recall all our balls from Iraq.

Posted by: Simon at March 05, 2004 02:17 AM (GWTmv)

16 Oh, What A FEELING!!!

Posted by: Mitzi at March 05, 2004 07:33 AM (0ugnc)

17 If I catch this ball I win the election If I catch this ball I win the election If I catch this ball I win the election

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at March 05, 2004 07:38 AM (CSxVi)

18 ew ew ew ew EWWWWWW

Posted by: Jeremy at March 05, 2004 08:56 AM (FTWUX)

19 "Missed it by that much" as will go the election in November...

Posted by: Nate at March 05, 2004 11:48 AM (H27u0)

20 Aaiiiiiiiowwwww!!!! (doing his best Dean Scream) (Tacky theft: http://imao.us/sound/deanscream.wav )

Posted by: Clancy at March 05, 2004 01:11 PM (EGVPL)

21 Get off me, Smeagol!

Posted by: Jennifer at March 05, 2004 04:20 PM (DdBLw)

22 Senator Kerry is told Howard Dean is re-entering the race.

Posted by: Simon at March 06, 2004 10:58 PM (PzVmQ)

23 10 points! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!

Posted by: Simon at March 08, 2004 07:51 PM (GWTmv)

24 Yay!!

Posted by: Susie at March 09, 2004 12:10 AM (8giUV)

25 I found it interesting that the media didn't jump all over this pic and they didn't jump all over Kerry when wiped out on his snow ski's (blaming it on the secret service guy he ran into) or when he wiped out on his 10 speed (on an open paved road no less). He's even earned the nickname 'Lurch' from some Democrat rivals. Yet, for some reason the media seemed to think that Bush's bike crash during a 16 mile mountain bike ride (over rough terrain) was newsworthy enough to run for 4 days straight. GG liberal bias.

Posted by: Rooster at June 04, 2004 01:43 PM (AQn2N)

26 HI, DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY INFO. ON THE ORIGON OF THE JOHN KERRY FOOTBALL PHOTO??? I A INTERETSED IN USING IT BUT HAVE SOME CONCERNS ON COPYWRIGHT LAW. ANY HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED. SCOTT

Posted by: SCOTT at August 24, 2004 06:15 PM (3iNdC)

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I read The Littlest Angel Box early this morning. It's about the box of things that Helen sent ahead of her move so they'll be waiting for her when she gets there. Things too important and special to travel with furniture or clothing or common goods. The little mementos and important minutiae of life that you just can't lose. I read that and thought "Neat, I'll leave a comment with the stuff I'd put in that box". And I have been trying to "fill" my box all damned day but it's still almost entirely empty. And that really confuses me. I've got nothing so important to me that I would go to extra steps to guarantee its safety.

There is one exception, the sole item I've "got in my box" right now. That's Bruff. He's a bear. He's in his own box right now, safe and secure and ready to go anywhere at a moment's notice. He hasn't been out of his box in daylight since we had kids. He's way too cute and way too delicate to take any chance that they'll want to touch him.

I remember when I first got Bruff. I wasn't a stuffed animal sort of kid. I had a couple but never played with them (except when using them as targets). One Christmas I was about half way through the presents (we started with the little stuff and worked our way to the big presents) and I opened Bruff. He was a golden brown bear with a very handsome face, a green shirt and a nametag that said (you can guess this, can't you?) "Bruff". I was intrigued. Why would a bear be named Bruff? I didn't know any Bruffs. There weren't any Bruff Bears in any of the cartoons or shows or corporate tie-ins. Bears didn't have name tags. Did they?

Bruff did. He wasn't afraid to buck the system. He had a name and he wanted the world to know it. So what if bears didn't wear nametags? He didn't care. He was Bruff and he did what he wanted to. It was love at first sight (well, after I figured out that little bit I just explained).

Bruff has been though a lot. He lost an arm once. Surgeon Mom fixed that but the skin graft is very noticeable. He lost an eye once and Optrician Mom removed his other natural eye and gave him two brand new very cool button eyes (from the big can of Grandma's buttons). His fur is a bit less than spectacular. That's probably because he spent a lot of time wrestling and playing Karate Joe (that's what you play when you want to play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but all you've got is that foot tall GI Joe. And a bear named Bruff). He also caught a good bit of vomit and other nastiness over the years, seeing as he always insisted on staying with me when I was sick.

And his reward for those years of selfless companionship? What does he get now in exchange for the countless hours spent as my foil, boon companion, mascot and assistant? He gets stuck in a box.

That's not quite all he gets, though. He also gets the knowledge that no matter where I go or why I go there, that box will be coming with me.

Posted by: Jim at 04:41 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 568 words, total size 3 kb.

Why is it that we have to rename land-bound animals when we eat them? You don't eat a cow, you eat beef. You don't eat a pig, you have pork. Sheep become mutton when we eat 'em. Tortured baby cow? Not when it's on the plate - then it's veal.

This doesn't happen for birds. Chicken are chicken no matter if they are on the plate or in the coop. Same with turkeys, duck, geese, and the rest of them. Fish too - perch stay perch and a humuhumunukunukuapua`a stays a humuhumunukunukuapua`a. We don't suddenly call shark flesh by some new moniker just before we eat it.

Now that I think about it though, it's not every land animal. Bedouins eat camel, Argentinians enjoy llama and the tribes of the steppes never ever let horse go to waste. It's only the traditional western feedstocks that get renamed when they become food. Why is that?

Posted by: Jim at 09:01 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 172 words, total size 1 kb.

It's been a while but the board monkeys have once again put up a winning loser on the message center as you come into the office. This gem now greets everybody who comes into the building:

Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is.

Okay, let's look at this from the position of a customer. Do I want to have a business relationship with a company with a philosophy of "take risks"? Hell no. I want a company with a saying like "Grab the low hanging fruit first". That shows efficiency and a direction towards taking in profits. It's saying "collect that easy money before you waste effort on stuff you don't have the reach for yet". It's also saying "take care of the customers you have now".

And what does this bad saying tell us employees? It's telling us to take chances, take risks, drive for the objective regardless of the consequences. "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" If it were my company I'd prefer a message like "If you can't reach the fruit, get yourself a ladder". Or maybe "What the hell are you doing picking fruit by hand? Get your ass into that harvester!"

I don't mind pithy sayings, I just can't stand idiotic ones.

Posted by: Jim at 07:39 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 222 words, total size 1 kb.

A Stink-O-Meter^(tm) would be nice.

The basic model would just be installed on the bathroom door and indicate the relative stench in the bathroom by flashing a color code similar to the terrorism alert color chart thingy the government uses. Nah, better keep it simpler than that. Green is safe, yellow is use at your own risk and red is extreme danger - avoid at all costs, voluntary entry voids life insurance.

The advanced model would prevent the door opening from the outside during red states to prevent accidental entry and to protect the visually impaired.

A deluxe model would tie into your wireless network so you could evaluate stank levels from your desk and arrange alternate waste disposal methods if necessary.

Yes, there is a specific event that brought this thought process to fruition today. No, I am not ready to talk about it.

Posted by: Jim at 04:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 151 words, total size 1 kb.

The Grande 2004 Peacock Invitational (update)

Want to know what it is? The original post is o'er yonder. In a nutshell, March 14 is the last day any of the participants will take a puff for an entire year or they'll pay blood money to the others.

Folks can still get in on the bet until midnight (your local time) on the 14th. So far we've got 5 people in:

Me
Tiffany
Joey
Jeremy
Tiger

I've also put up a sidebar item for the bet. This will remain up for the entire year that the bet is in effect. I've also handed out the points these folks earned by signing up. I've been a busy boy!

Posted by: Jim at 09:26 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 126 words, total size 1 kb.

I got my feathers ruffled a bit yesterday. Wellbutrin can only go so far and some things that normally wouldn't bother me much now bother me out of all proportion.

The first was Dopple-G doing something that's normally just annoying. I yelled at him. At work. In the bathroom. Not exactly professional.

The second was in the van on the way home from voting. Bear was doing a repetitive mantra "Will you give me your autograph?" over and over and over and over and over. No, he wasn't looking for an answer and no he wasn't actually addressing anybody. Kids will just do this with new phrases. Normally it just gets ignored. This time I snapped and yelled at him.

It's definitely a successful (so far) and (relatively) event free withdrawal. I'll just have to do a better job regulating my snappy tongue.

POINTS: 2 points for the first person to name my source for the title of this post. No searching please.

Posted by: Jim at 09:03 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 185 words, total size 1 kb.