"You can't beat that with a stick."

Yes you can. You can beat anything with a stick. And for most things a stick beating has a definite effect.

Go ahead, try to think of something that I can't beat with a stick. And let me warn you, if you go for something metaphysical or allegorical or hypothetical I am going to whack the shit out of it with my metaphysical, allegorical, hypothetical stick.

The point is that there was a perfectly good phrase: "You can't beat that."

Simple, to the point, clear meaning. You can't beat that. That can't be bested. This thing I'm talking about is the best. See? It worked.

Then somebody (probably the same jackhole that came up with "eXtreme") decided that the best wasn't enough. We need better than best. Not "you can't beat that". Oh no, that's not enough. We need "you can't beat that, not even with a stick."

It's clever, see? A play on "beat". First we mean "do better than" and then we add that second "beat" for a physical beating component. Well, no. It's not especially clever. It's pretty moronic. The two just don't go together. The original was never meant in a physical sense so adding the bastard addition does nothing but confuse the intent of the phrase.

But then the original and the addition were folded together. "You can't beat that with a stick." No more separation to show the intended play on "beat". Now it's either a blatant literal falsity or a tangenital impossibility, depending on the subject of the phrase. It doesn't mean anything anymore.

It's not clever. It's stupid. Stop using it. Stop encouraging idiocy in my beloved language. What's next? "You can't beat that with an eXtreme stick"?

Oh, the horror. Qualifier: My psychiatrist says I'm obsessive and anal retentive but he keeps his post-it notes right next to his stapler so I don't listen to him.

Posted by: Jim at 01:25 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 328 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Slow, deep breaths, Jim. You'll be okay. And hey, it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, right?

Posted by: G at October 10, 2003 08:31 AM (IOwam)

2 Do you read Terry Pratchett? He did a riff on this about a bar's name.... The Broken Drum (you can't beat it) The Mended Drum (you can be beaten)

Posted by: Robert at October 13, 2003 04:16 PM (EaaGn)

3 Not only are you obsessive and anal retentive but you are also tangenital, which is one of the best typos I've seen in a while.

Posted by: triticale at October 13, 2003 10:01 PM (77+mi)

4 That's no typo. One of my life goals is to completely subborn that word in common usage. Help me with my evil plot and you will be greatly rewarded in the afterworld.

Posted by: Jim at October 14, 2003 09:49 AM (IOwam)

Hide Comments | Add Comment