Well it wasn't a lamb, or even the traditional donkey. The piñata (notice the squiggly line over the 'n' there - am I good or what?) at the party on Saturday was a watermelon; sort of a meloñata. It wasn't just any watermelon either. It was a gargantuan watermelon filled to the brim with useless plastic trinkits, geejaws, whatsits and enough concentrated sugar treats to choke Oprah.

The cheap cardboard blindfold that came with the meloñata failed early. The other parents there had a problem with using Lovely Wife's leather blindfold (comes with matching ball gag) so we just had the kids close their eyes. Being the birthday boy, Bear lead the assault.

Notice the closed eyes? Yeah, he actually closed his eyes. For a couple of swings anyway and that's way more than I actually expected. Also notice that gorgeous custom made meloñata stick. That was my very own whacking stick, lovingly decorated and converted for use in the ritual slaughter. The sacrifices I make for my kids are uncountable.

Notice the flags? I'm a patriotic sort but I'm not quite that bad. Bear wanted the Stars and Stripes for his party theme. Power Rangers? Nope. Rugrats? Uh-uh. Jimmy Newtron? No way. The old red, white and blue beat out all contenders. That's pretty damn cool.

Bacon had some issues with his swing but he connected a few times.

Unfortunately the meloñata was constructed of high tensile reactive ballistic fabrics so the smackings had little effect. This picture gives a better view of the stick. Notice the green and black striping? I wound the entire stick in green fabric tape and then used electrical tape to create the handle, barber-pole striping, seal the ends and affix the streamers. Green is Bear's favorite color. I really kick the ass of at least 85% of the dads out there. No joke.

Burger really REALLY enjoyed smashing the meloñata. He didn't even wait for me to raise it, or for other people and pets to get out of the way. Talk about dedication.

Take a good long look at his face in this picture and you'll see why I don't sleep soundly.

As I mentioned above our meloñata was made of some space age super-polymers and resisted all attempts to damage it. Eventually the big guns (here's one of them) were called into play and I strategically weakened the cardboard monstrosity enough for the kids to break it apart.

Carnage ensued.

The moral of the story? Take your pick:

1. If there were Dad awards, Jim would totally kick ass.


2. If you have little kids doing the piñata (or meloñata), weaken it first so they can actually do some damage.


3. It would have been funnier to have all the grown-ups try.


4. Jim and Lovely Wife need a proximity alarm near their bed to alert them when Burger approaches.

POINTS: Come up with your own morals to the story and/or captions to any of the pictures. Points will be awarded to the best ones.

Note that the 2003-2004 Points Season ends on or about August 1. We're in the home stretch now.

Posted by: Jim at 12:55 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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