Tidbits of life in 9 minute increments.

December 16, 2005

The worst Christmas party. Ever.

Last night I found this true story about the worst Christmas party I ever attended. In the end I triumphed. Sort of. It was dated December 2003 and IÂ’ve no idea if I ever posted it or not. Reflecting back on those days, a case could certainly be made that I was an asshole. more...

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 09:30 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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December 11, 2005

He's Back Again

Just finished putting the Christmas decorations up!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 07:56 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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December 09, 2005

Dear Santa (read: wife),

ItÂ’s that time of year again. In order to make things easy on you, and insure that I get exactly what I want, I offer the following shopping guide:

I need some decent earphones for the iPod. The stock earphones are uncomfortable and lack the required dynamic range for maximum enjoyment.

Sony Fontopia MDR-EX70LP Earphones
Price: $49.99

These are available online from many retailers so order now to avoid an uncomfortable wait on my part.

IÂ’d also like something to help me wind down from a hard day at work. ThereÂ’s an add-on to Rome Total War, the video game I have driven into the ground. ItÂ’s called Barbarian Invasion Expansion Pack, $24.99 on Amazon.

If you could make these two happen IÂ’d be happy.

Aside from that, you could always make a deposit into my Â‘special accountÂ’ at the bank, you know the account number.

Last, but certainly not least, can we just buy this damned thing and get it over with? I swear by all that is holy that you can drive it on Saturdays.

Please have the courtesy to make a similar list for me. We donÂ’t want a replay of the shoe incident, do we?

True Story (from my original blog):

The womenÂ’s shoe store. We were Christmas shopping together and she took me in and pointed them out. I looked down at them.

"Look closely."

"Okay," I said.

"Do you see the heel?" she asked.

"Yes, I see it."

"And the toe? See the difference?" She held up another shoe.

"Don't worry. I understand."

We left the mall. Several days later I went Christmas shopping alone. I had bought her every gift on her list. Only the shoes remained. I went back to the store, back to the exact spot where the shoes were. But they all looked the same.

Granted, I tend to tune out when people talk to me. I'm in my own world most of the time. I guess I wasn't paying attention. And now I'm looking down at these shoes and every pair looks the same. I tried to guess the exact spot I was standing in when she showed them to me, thinking I might find the right ones by dead reckoning, but I had no distinct landmarks. Meanwhile, it's a few days before Christmas and the place was packed. These things were flying out of there. Women were grabbing shoes and holding them up over their heads yelling sizes. I had been at the mall for a long time. I was hungry. I was tired. I had no hope. I picked a pair and bought them. I was certain I had narrowed it down to two pair and I chose one.

Fast-forward to Christmas day. All the presents opened except for one box. She opened the box and took out a shoe. Not only was it the wrong one, but it was the one she used as example of what she specifically did not want. She went berserker. I thought at one point that she would actually beat me with the shoe.

That was about five years ago. She still reminds me of it constantly. She uses it as an example when she points things out in stores now. And every time she brings it up, it is with the same intensity as that first time when she opened the box.

You really can't imagine.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 09:43 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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1 Man my wife does the same thing. They just don't know when to let go. I still hear about the time I was drunk in college and crawled in bed with the wife's roommate. Really it was an honest mistake. I took a left at the top of the stairs instead of a right. Yet every time I go our drinking, it's "you'd best not go crawling in someone else's bed". yap, yap, yap.... It's been at least seven years sense that little event.

Posted by: phin at December 09, 2005 10:09 AM (Xvpen)

2 THEY? Ok...time for a beating....

Posted by: The Brat at December 09, 2005 10:50 AM (oqu5j)

3 Hey Phin, if your wife crawled in bed with some dude, she'd still be on house arrest to this day. Yada yada say what you want, you know it's true. As for you Paul, the shoe incident lives on only in your warped little brain. I had forgotten that you had even ever bought me a fucking pair of shoes. I have no requests for Christmas. Give me nothing. Even you should be able to handle that.

Posted by: Quality Lady at December 09, 2005 11:43 AM (fz+XU)

4 I still get nervous around shoe stores and holidays and that's a fact. Look, let's not get all crazy. Especially in a public forum. I'm begging you here...please make a Christmas list.

Posted by: Paul at December 09, 2005 11:50 AM (vbP6L)

5 Ewwww. This is an ugly situation. Best left to private conversation... don't drag the ugliness of a bad shoe purchase into the lime light.

Posted by: Wendy at December 09, 2005 12:53 PM (A6nHr)

6 Hell no......I'll stick my nose into it any time.Someone just HAS to beat up these damn idiots. Ok.........time to hide....

Posted by: The Brat at December 09, 2005 01:21 PM (oqu5j)

7 That is why I buy my own shoes. Well...one of the reasons the other is that I buy shoes on a weekly basis. I have a thing for them.

Posted by: Tiffani at December 09, 2005 01:37 PM (KE4Gu)

8 Pretty sad anyways if you want others to buy them for ya and then ungratefully bitch if they are not the right ones.LOL THAT fact right there would me never ever give that person a damn single thing ever again/

Posted by: The Brat at December 09, 2005 02:05 PM (oqu5j)

9 I'd like a big bottle of gin, the world's largest lime, and a highball glass. Merry fucking christmas. Hahaha, j/k. All the shit I want for christmas is on the wedding registries (BB&B and Amazon). But the thing I REALLY want is this motor swap. Damn that shit's gonna be sweet.

Posted by: shank at December 09, 2005 04:22 PM (jfEhX)

10 Someone is actually willing to marry you? I am impressed.*applauding* Ahum.....sorry.....Gin,eh? Any brand preferences?Wouldn't want you to be all disapointed and stuff,ya know...

Posted by: The Brat at December 09, 2005 04:48 PM (oqu5j)

11 Bombay Saphire > All

Posted by: shank at December 09, 2005 05:50 PM (jfEhX)

12 Did you really think I would give you anything fro Christmas???????????????????

Posted by: The Brat at December 10, 2005 01:16 AM (oqu5j)

13 You need a cell phone that takes pictures for Christmas.

Posted by: CanuckFlash at December 13, 2005 02:28 PM (SVlYg)

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December 01, 2005

Little Bits

The best thing about Wednesday is that there's usually no turds waiting to greet me in my toilet when I get home. Two out of the three boys have "flushing issues" (guess which ones). On Wednesdays my Lovely Wife takes the kids to a neighborhood homeschooling thing so they're not in the house much. Plus, the chief perpetrator (guess which one) makes it a point to poop over there.

Robitussin messes my shit up. I've got a bit of a chest cold and took some before bed last night. The objective was to prevent coughing so I could sleep. Wrongo. It worked on the coughing but I journeyed through the evening in and out of sleep, coming out of and back in to a seriously freaky dream about linear scaling and druidic ceremonies.

My biggest project is losing its chief architect. The guy who designed the entire system that it's being built on. Just as it's starting to get built. The guy who's taking over is very good too, but doesn't have nine months invested in crafting the application. If that isn't enough to bother me there's the fact that today is his last day and I found out about it yesterday. From my client. I'm finding new levels of pissedoffedness to master.

I had six days off in a row (Thanksgiving through Tuesday). Out of a "to do" list a half yard long I accomplished...nothing. Curiously, that gave me a wonderful sense of accomplishment.

It's "World Aids Day". How are you planning to celebrate?

Yeah, that was pretty cold of me. I just lost all respect for these things when they added "Pretzel Appreciation Day", "Hotrod Month" and "Give NAMBLA a Try Week".

Posted by: Jim at 08:05 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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November 22, 2005

My annual Thanksgiving post

The big question will be how many people burn down their house this year trying to deep fry a heavy frozen bird inside their house.

Most people donÂ’t have the common sense to put the bird in, fill the fryer with oil and then take the bird out and get the oil hot. Instead, the fill the fryer with too much oil, get it close to the temperature of the sun and throw in a thirty pound, partially frozen Butterball. When that thing hits the oil it goes up like Michael JacksonÂ’s hair on a Pepsi shoot, not including the displaced oil that splashes out of the fryer and onto linoleum, which I believe is extruded from petroleum products. Last year something like 400 homes caught fire attempting this trick and I predict the numbers will double this year.

In days of old, boiling oil was a great weapon when poured over the castle walls. Imagine the potential in the average American kitchen. SomebodyÂ’s Uncle Frank will probably learn a lesson the hard way.

Aside from the skin, I have no use for turkey. I find it unappealing in taste and texture.
But even though I donÂ’t care for turkey, I am a fan of Thanksgiving. IÂ’ll be at the in-lawÂ’s with many friends in tow and the drinking always starts early. We usually drink champagne on the holidays and no one is about to complain that itÂ’s too early to drink when youÂ’re uncorking the good stuff. We generally stand around in the kitchen patting each other on the back and swilling drinks and demanding to be fed.

I find the waiting to be the biggest problem. ThatÂ’s because my family are liars. The day before we always call over to see what time weÂ’re eating. TheyÂ’ll say 2:00PM, when they know damned well it wonÂ’t be until 4:00PM. They lie because they want to spend time with us, which is odd, because I canÂ’t comprehend anyone wanting to spend time with us.

On the way over there I guarantee that some doofus will be outside hanging his Christmas lights, which will start my wife up and IÂ’ll have to listen to how IÂ’d better get our shit up right away and not wait too long like last year. And when we finally arrive weÂ’ll walk in on a shouting match about the turkey, and how itÂ’s not cooking fast enough or hot enough, or when the tin foil should be taken off to brown the skin, even though it wonÂ’t be ready for hours.

So we stand around the kitchen and drink champagne until a card game breaks out or we can start poaching food. Some will sneak out for a smoke, others will incite slanderous talk about other relatives and the majority will bitch and moan about anything that comes to mind. And when the bird is done everyone will argue about the proper way to carve it and how this family, Â“doesnÂ’t have a goddamned sharp knifeÂ” and there wonÂ’t be enough of the same type of plates for everyone and it will ruin the photos.

Somehow, I find comfort in all this. There we are, all together and complaining as a family. ItÂ’s hard to describe. And when the time comes to trot the bird out everyone takes on a solemn demeanor and we go around the table and everyone expresses what theyÂ’re thankful for this year. I never use to participate and this whole thing used to make me very uncomfortable. The first couple of years tried to hide in the bathroom for this part but they refused to start until everyone was seated. Nowadays I donÂ’t mind so much. I have a lot to be thankful for.

Since I donÂ’t eat turkey IÂ’ll fill up on my old ladyÂ’s pecan crusted sweet potato pie and mashed potatoes and gravy and swill more champagne. And towards the end, when the pumpkin pie comes out IÂ’ll fill half my coffee cup with good cognac and reflect on the fact I donÂ’t have to work the next day. And while the mess is being cleaned IÂ’ll sit there with my daughter on my lap and plan a graceful exit strategy as the old lady packs up as much of the leftovers as she can before her siblings can get it all.

And when we get home and put the kid to bed IÂ’ll pour myself a single malt and sit on my lazy assÂ—satedÂ—as my wife and I look through the pay channels for amusement.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 11:07 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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November 21, 2005

Colon Blow (again)

Â“Daddy, I want to eat lunch there,Â” she said as she pointed out the window.

I looked up and saw that she was pointing at Taco Bell. This was a strange development. WeÂ’ve driven by the place a thousand times since we lived in these parts but have never stopped. I had no intention of doing so this time either.

Â“Daddy, stop! You said we were on a date and I could pick where we eat!Â”

Â“ThatÂ’s because youÂ’ve been reasonable up to now. You pick WendyÂ’s every week.Â”

Â“But today I donÂ’t want WendyÂ’s. I want that!Â”

I swung around and pulled into the parking lot. After ten minutes of reasonable discussion we went inside, against my better judgment. Soon afterward we sat at a table and unwrapped our bounty, which was somewhat disturbing. I have a thing about Mexican food. I like it a lot. IÂ’d lived in California long enough to know good Mexican food and my expectations were minimalÂ—but this was hideous. I made the mistake of looking inside my burrito and it appeared to be made out of brown paste.

Â“Mine looks like dog food.Â”

Â“Daddy, stop saying bad things and eat your lunch.Â”

I hadnÂ’t been to a Taco Bell in roughly fifteen years. I had no idea what to order so I got four burrito supremes. I could only stomach three of them and it was tough getting them down but I was starving.

An hour later I was watching the game when the storm hit. The first wave wasnÂ’t as violent as I thought it would be, but the next wave had all the elements of a classic green meat attack. IÂ’ll spare you the details, but I was in there long enough to miss almost an entire quarter of the Eagles game. The kid was unfazed and unaffected. The entire time I was on the throne she was drawing pictures and shoving them under the door, which might have cheered me up if they werenÂ’t pictures of doggies eating Taco Bell.

She kept singing, Â“Fart, fart, fart, FARTÂ…fart, fart, fart, FART.Â” To the tune of the opening of BeethovenÂ’s fifth symphony and then laughing hysterically.

I refused to reply.

My wife eventually got in on the act, humiliating me even further, before taking a more serious note and rattling off a long list of chores that needed to be done, including measuring the windows for the new window treatments and taking the car to the dealership on Monday. All while I sat there, depressed and cramping, and wishing I was someplace else. If you canÂ’t get some peace in there, thereÂ’s truly no hope. I stayed in there until they had gotten bored and gone about their business. And I slinked back to the couch and pretended to be asleep for a while.

And thus, another Sunday gone the way of Hades. Mocked by my family and frowned upon by the gods.

Acta est fabula, plaudite!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 02:09 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 I am calling in Taco Hell,I always have.The first time I encountered Taco Hell was in Ohio and god help me....I almost died from that nasty crap they called......lets see......nachos or so.The problem is that I do like their regular,no BS tacos,plain,as well as their Steak cesedillas (spelling?).But I know better then to eat that shit without taking Immodium AND Gas-Ex first...or else..... Other than that....they can shove their nasty crap up their ass.Home made is still the best.NEVER surrender to the kids eating habbits......you die,they laugh!We grew up on homemade food,they grew up on junk food.They are immune,we are not..... What a shame....you may want to read one of my posts about this shit from a while ago..LOL

Posted by: The Brat at November 21, 2005 02:42 PM (oqu5j)

2 I love your daughter. All I can say is, you must have a great sense of humor or she'd be grounded right now.

Posted by: the youngest at November 21, 2005 03:47 PM (Sl3VI)

3 Paul, you've got to go down to Sam's Club and get one of those industrial size barrels of Immodium. Take several every day. Safety first, you know.

Posted by: Jim at November 21, 2005 04:19 PM (tyQ8y)

4 See, THIS is why you totally fit in with Jim et al. But I still think you are the master of malfunctioning bowel stories. Too bad there's no archive of your china story from Sanity's Edge. Memories...

Posted by: Oorgo at November 21, 2005 07:04 PM (lM0qs)

5 Actually I was reading my old stuff today. It's sad really, that my existing body of work is probably better than any future output. You only get so many true stories in a lifetime, especially stories as absurd disturbing as the ones I've accumulated.

Posted by: Paul at November 21, 2005 08:01 PM (fz+XU)

6 "new window treatments" Three scariest words in the English language :-)

Posted by: Harvey at November 21, 2005 08:21 PM (ubhj8)

7 El-wrongo, Harvey. Try this: You're a seventeen year-old boy, and your girlfriend says: "Honey, I'm pregnant." Much scarier.

Posted by: Victor at November 21, 2005 09:46 PM (l+W8Z)

8 Firstly, I totally agree with you Paul. Anyone who's inhumane enough to talk through the door whilst one is on the pot, agonizing through a bowel movement that comes out the anus but could run through a screen door; is an inemitable jackass. But I don't know what you're complaining about missing the game for. The EAGLES? Sounds like you got the better end of that deal.

Posted by: shank at November 22, 2005 06:26 PM (jfEhX)

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October 21, 2005

Greatest Halloween Scares

UPDATE 10/26 (see extended entry)

'Tis the season for spooks and scares, and some good laughs. Anyone out there have a good story they'd like to share about scaring someone, or being scared by someone? Are you the I-don't-scare type that once flipped out in a haunted house when someone grabbed you? Fondly remembering scaring your little sister so much she wet herself? Were you that little sister that grew up and screamed so loudly during a scary movie that your brother and his popcorn went flying off the sofa? Let's hear your stories!

My stepson jumped three feet off the couch and yelled SHIT! when my wife crept behind him and grabbed his shoulder during the final scene of Carrie.

She made ME jump three feet when she let out a piercing shriek (on purpose, mind you) during the scene in The Hand That Rocked The Cradle when the husband's hand came from behind the stairs and grabbed the wife's ankle.

Others?

more...

Posted by: Diamond Dave at 05:35 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 You're the bestest, Diamond Dave (and no, I didn't mind).

Posted by: Helen at October 23, 2005 11:53 PM (xXftC)

2 Well its muh bady!

Posted by: pylorns at October 24, 2005 10:55 AM (FTYER)

3 Awww... thank you!

Posted by: diamond dave at October 24, 2005 04:17 PM (HaRhe)

4 Oh, I got one.. its one of those emails but I always laugh... This happened about a month ago just outside of Willmar, a little town in the back country of Minnesota, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real. This out-of-state traveler was on the side of the road, hitchhiking on a real dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride real bad the guy jumped in the car and closed the door; only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain. Again the car crept slowly forward and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and began begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into a nearby lake and he would drown! But just before the curve, a shadowy figure appeared at the driver's window and a hand reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window and the hitchhiker was alone again! Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran and ran, into town, into Willmar. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth (and was not just some drunk). About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other, "Look Ole, ders dat idiot that rode in our car when we wuz pushin it in the rain."

Posted by: pylorns at October 25, 2005 10:29 AM (FTYER)

5 You know, I was cleaning out the old Yahoo! mailbox today and ran across an email dated last April. It looked funny, it just had an address in the body and that's it. Then I remembered, I snatched that address from a document Jim inadvertantly posted w/o checking it first. Which means, Jim, that I will be following up on my promise. Shank out.

Posted by: shank at October 25, 2005 06:54 PM (jfEhX)

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October 05, 2005

Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs

Did Microsoft release Sign Generator XP or something? Get a load of this beauty that's up in front of our office building right now.

Anybody care to posit the two word phrase that would be superior to this verbose and wandering phraseology?

Posted by: Jim at 01:20 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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September 06, 2005

Born and bred

All three boys have done the bulk of their growing up here in Atlanta but only Burger was conceived and born natively. Sometimes it shows.

Me: Everybody ready? Let's get in the van and get going.
[Kids begin climbing into the vehicle.]
Me: Woah there, Burger! You've got to finish that soda before you get in the van. Drink it or toss it.
[Burger looks up at me like I am a complete moron. A complete moron who has deeply offended him.]
Burger: It's not a SODA. It's a COKE.

I ended up holding it for him while we drove home. It being a COKE and all, we couldn't let it go to waste.

Posted by: Jim at 01:10 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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September 03, 2005

She's Mad As Hell

Diamond Dave here, throwing in his two cents worth.

My wife works at Georgia Tech at night. She was witness to some of the relief efforts going on there for the storm refugees from La/Miss. Some of the things she heard and saw concerning these efforts upset her greatly. Here is a copy of the email she sent me, which she also sent to various news organizations:

more...

Posted by: Diamond Dave at 08:23 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 My short version?What I have been saying as long as I live:FUCK THE RED CROSS!

Posted by: LW at September 03, 2005 11:38 PM (oqu5j)

2 I have heard this in a case where a bottled H2O company was told the same and turned away as well. They had trucks of bottled H2O and it was not accepted. Lets not forget about the missused funds donated to the 911 disaster. I wash my hands of the Red Curse/Cross. I will never donate another dime to it. There are other ways to provide assistance to those in need

Posted by: D. at September 03, 2005 11:44 PM (GnVlK)

3 My point exactly......9/11......"sorry we are not using the money donated for this cause for other causes"......FUCK YOU!I wrote on the fucking check that it is for 9/11 so you damn well BETTER use it for that!Red Cross sucks ass as long as they excist...unfortunatly me Grandpa is dead soe you can no longer ask him about his WW1 and 2 experience with thos assholes.

Posted by: LW at September 03, 2005 11:52 PM (oqu5j)

4 yep...sounds like the Red Cross. Their reputation precedes them, once again. There are many fine organizations out there doing great work and still able to treat people with kindness and dignity....Salvation Army is one of them and always has been.

Posted by: Pam at September 05, 2005 12:00 PM (4nIyv)

5 Pam and all, I also have not given to the "Red Cross" in over 40 years...While stationed in Germany in 1963...I had an army buddy that lost his dad back in the states. He could not afford to make the trip back for his dad's funeral...so the "Good Ole Red Cross" said, "not to worry they would take of everything"...land transportation, air fare, food, spending money, etc. Well I can't say how much the total cost was, but it was a lot for an Army private making $113.00 a month. My friend stayed about a month on leave and settled his dad's personal affairs, etc. About a month after he returned from his leave, he got a bill from the "Good Ole Red Cross" for the full amount of $ for his trip back to the USA. Since he did not have that much money, the "Good Ole Red Cross" took it out of his $113.00 a month for the rest of his tour in Germany. From then on he was the poorest member of our company. The members of the 164th MP Company started a fund for our buddy and gave him enough money to make ends meet each month. He was my best friend and I know it made him feel terrible to have to accept our donations. Needless to say, no member of the 164th MP Company has given a dime to the Red Cross in over 40 years. I give my extra $ to the Salvation Army...they may have problems also, but I have never heard anything negative about them. Just my 2 cents...thanks for listening. TMc

Posted by: Thomas McKinnie at September 08, 2005 08:53 AM (5h9+Q)

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September 01, 2005

The sky is falling!

Mass hysteria gripped Atlanta yesterday. It started with a broadcast by Governor Sonny "Not the chicken guy" Purdue. In a move that could best be called ill advised, he went on the air to say that the fuel supply to northern Georgia had been compromised but people were working on it and it would all be back to normal in a couple of days.

People freaked. There was a generalized run on the gas stations. Prices started skyrocketing.

Sonny went back on the air to say there was no emergency and that people should calm down. The compromised fuel supply was actually only 20% of our normal fuel delivery (most of our fuel is shipped in and then trucked), it was only a temporary problem, the worst that could happen would be a two day shortening of Atlanta's normal 10 day fuel reserves. People should stay home and play with their kids instead of spending hours in a line at a gas station.

This message came way too late and did nothing to counter the alarm generated by his earlier message. By then prices had topped $3.50 in most places and some stations were running out of gas. People freaked more. Prices went higher. More stations ran out of gas. People went into gas panic frenzies.

The panicked jackasses continued the run on gas through the rush hour and later. By the time it was over the price of a gallon had spiked over $5 in some locations. The highest I saw on my ride home was $4.19.

This morning the talking heads were out. The AAA regional manager explained that in the best of circumstances if everybody filled up on the same day we would likely run out of gas in the area. Fortunately only about 60% of the people in Atlanta are morons so we are in a shortage situation now instead of a crisis situation.

On my way into work this morning about 80% of the stations were out of gas. The ones that did have some left were selling for between $2.89 and $3.19 with one discrepant station still trying to get $4.09. None of them had many customers, of course.

Stupid people irritate me. Stupid people who affect my life anger me. Stupid people who affect my life by costing me money really piss me the hell off.

For more on the situation see Trey about The Price of Gas or my Lovely Redneck Wife about the Crazy People.

Posted by: Jim at 01:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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August 31, 2005

I've been waiting...

For somebody to say the devastation in New Orleans is God's punishment for their sins and depravity. I know it's coming. I know it's already been said somewhere, probably many somewheres, I've just been avoiding the places where it's most likely to happen so I've been able to miss it.

But eventually, somewhere, whether it's on the street, waiting in line at the store, in the break room or while out having a smoke, I'm going to hear those fateful words.

And then I'm going to punch that person right in the throat.

Posted by: Jim at 10:31 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 I'll hold your coat for you. Then you can hold mine while I kick the guy as he's on the ground.

Posted by: RP at August 31, 2005 11:16 AM (LlPKh)

2 Thanks, RP. That's mighty neighborly of you.

Posted by: Jim at August 31, 2005 12:08 PM (tyQ8y)

3 You're not kidding. And can you take out the looters while you're at it? Hundreds dead, and you've got some guy floating down the street with 10 pairs of jeans slung over his shoulder. Classy!

Posted by: ilyka at August 31, 2005 12:10 PM (FLmL2)

4 We could herd all the bastages with the punishment from god mindset into an arena and charge admission to watch Jim & RP whip some asses. Lets face it a public display of brutality always brings in cash. Then theres the concessions, weÂ’d defiantly have to have cotton candy and Jimmy Burgers(tm). Ticket and concession proceeds would of course benefit those affected by Katrina.

Posted by: phin at August 31, 2005 12:11 PM (Xvpen)

5 I actually made a joke about that on Monday, but then I realized someone might really say it in all seriousness, which made the joke no so much funny anymore. Also not making it funny was the fact that everything kept getting worse. Lesson: Don't joke about a disaster until it's over and you know how tasteless your joke is.

Posted by: Trey Givens at August 31, 2005 04:56 PM (yaMs/)

6 You must have failed to read wetwired. You see, this Hurricane actually is caused by the United States, you see we brought this upon us. Yeah, and I have some ocean front property in kansas for you too...

Posted by: pylorns at September 01, 2005 09:01 AM (FTYER)

7 http://waldo.jaquith.org/blog/2005/08/va-bloggers-new-orleans/ I posted on my site about one organization making this claim, but it was recently brought to my attention that such comments are being made in other quarters as well.

Posted by: Trey Givens at September 01, 2005 10:24 AM (yaMs/)

8 This makes me sad. The mobs at the gas stations here yesterday also make me sad. There is much sadness about, and quite a bit of neck punching required.

Posted by: Jim at September 01, 2005 10:34 AM (tyQ8y)

9 Dude.... it's been out there already. The "Repent Now America" website is all over and upside of that junk, blaming the sinners for the hurricane.

Posted by: Oorgo at September 03, 2005 12:44 AM (1JIkb)

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August 30, 2005

The Peacock Find The Lie Challenge

UPDATE: Not sure how I got back into it but I did and this is topical again. The game is on!

I had an interesting imaginary conversation with our normally sweet though rabidly lefty neighbor. It went something like this:

Neighbor: I can't believe you voted against Kerry in the primary.
[Note - I'm not a registered Democrat but in Georgia all voters may vote in whichever primary they choose to. Since voting for or against Bush in the Republican primary was a moot point I voted in the Democratic primary.]
Me: I don't like him. If Bush loses I want the person who is President to be the best possible candidate and Kerry isn't that candidate.
Neighbor: IIIIIIFFFFF Bush loses?!?!?! Of course he's going to lose! We're going to knock that lying bastard out of the White House!
Me: Oh, Lordy. You aren't one of those "Bush lied, people died" folk are you?
Neighbor: Of course. He did lie and those lies led directly to people dying so damn straight "Bush lied, people died".
Me: What lie did he tell?
Neighbor: He talked about all of...
Me: Woah! I didn't ask what he talked about. I want to know what he actually said.
Neighbor: He said that...
Me: Stop! I don't want to hear that "He said that...", I want to hear what he himself personally said. What literal lie came out of his mouth?
Neighbor: I'm trying to tell you what he said!
Me: No, you're trying to tell me an interpretation of what he said. Tell me the exact words that came out of his mouth that were deliberate and calculated untruths.
Neighbor: Nobody knows exact words. That's crazy. I couldn't give you the exact words for this conversation we're having right now.
Me: Anybody who wants to can have the exact words that Bush said. They are all recorded for posterity and publicly available. Let's forget about knowing the actual words for a moment. Have you yourself heard the actual words?
Neighbor: Don't patronize me. I keep informed, Jim. I do listen to the news and read the paper.
Me: I know you do, otherwise I wouldn't bother to have this conversation with you. I'm serious here - have you yourself heard and recognized a lie out of Bush's mouth? Have you read his actual words, uncut, unexerpted and un-ellipsed and seen a lie there? Or are you propagating a personal attack on a man based solely on what third parties have said.
Neighbor: [Fuming silence]
Me: Okay, why don't we pick this up later after you've had some time to do some research?

So I've got a challenge to anybody and everybody who's part of the "Bush lied, people died" crowd. This is not sarcastic and it's not meant to denigrate anybody. I've seen dozens of people who I respect react with this knee-jerk slogan. I myself have never seen or heard an intentional untruth from Bush. If he actually did lie then the proof of it is out there. Show me. Prove it. If you are willing to mouth the words against the man then the least you can do as a person of honor is to verify that what you are saying about him is true. Since you'll be out doing that for your own peace of mind, share it with me here when you are done.

Here's what I'm looking for:

Actual literal quotes from George Bush

They must be in context, unedited, un-ellipsed, unmodified in any way. Exactly as they came from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

They must be linked and referenced. I must be able to go and view the source for myself.

They must contain intentional fallacies that directly led to US forces going to war in Iraq.

Leave them in the comments to this post. Each instance of a qualifying Bush lie that is reported here will be rewarded with a Snooze Point or two and the eternal thanks of the masses.

Posted by: Jim at 12:12 PM | Comments (27) | Add Comment
Post contains 636 words, total size 4 kb.

1 This one time, Bush said, "I wish Trey Givens was President instead of me." We all know he really doesn't wish that because later he whispered to Rummy "Not really" but his mic was still on and we all heard him. I'll beat him anyway, but still. A lie. And then later someone died but I didn't know them personally. See? Bush lied. People died.

Posted by: Trey Givens at April 02, 2004 10:04 AM (Fo1B/)

2 So close, Trey. Unfortunately you missed requirements 1 through 4 so I can't give you a Snooze Point. :-(

Posted by: Jim at April 02, 2004 10:19 AM (IOwam)

3 Trey kills me.

Posted by: ilyka at April 02, 2004 12:00 PM (2MnQa)

4 Here's one: Â“Second, without question, we need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator, leading an oppressive regime. We all know the litany of his offenses.Â” http://kerry.senate.gov/text/cfm/record.cfm?id=189831 Opps - I broke requirement #1 - That quote was from Senator John Kerry on Jan 23, 2003.

Posted by: Clancy at April 02, 2004 12:59 PM (EGVPL)

5 You missed #4 too, Clancy. It's got to be a lie.

Posted by: Jim at April 02, 2004 01:02 PM (IOwam)

6 "The job of the inspectors is to verify that Iraq's regime is disarming. It is up to Iraq to show exactly where it is hiding its banned weapons, lay those weapons out for the world to see, and destroy them as directed. Nothing like this has happened." from http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2003/01/20030128-19.html It had me convinced. I'm still for the war, who wouldn't be for getting the rat in the hole out of power, but I'm less than convinced about the administrations motives being to stop WMD's and more about score-settling.

Posted by: Jerry at April 02, 2004 03:12 PM (jd1nc)

7 Jerry, that's actually one of my favorite Bush quotes. The full paragraph is: Almost three months ago, the United Nations Security Council gave Saddam Hussein his final chance to disarm. He has shown instead utter contempt for the United Nations, and for the opinion of the world. The 108 U.N. inspectors were sent to conduct -- were not sent to conduct a scavenger hunt for hidden materials across a country the size of California. The job of the inspectors is to verify that Iraq's regime is disarming. It is up to Iraq to show exactly where it is hiding its banned weapons, lay those weapons out for the world to see, and destroy them as directed. Nothing like this has happened. I can't give you credit for finding a lie with this one though. It was the job of the inspectors to verify Iraq's disarming. It was Iraq's responsibility to reveal its banned weapons and to destroy them. Most definitely the UN had determined that Iraq was not complying. You get criteria 1 through 3 but you missed on number 4.

Posted by: Jim at April 02, 2004 03:19 PM (IOwam)

8 An excellent post. Thanks for putting them on the spot. ;0)

Posted by: Larry at April 02, 2004 04:46 PM (6TcYT)

9 Thank you for this, ever so much. Of course, lacking a specific "lie" to turn to, the left has instead adopted the mantra that Bush and Co. "misled" the American people. Gives them a little more wiggle room, I guess. Plus, in a pinch, they can edit their Bush Lied; People Died slogan to Bush Misled; People Are Dead. Not as catchy, but they'll take what they can get.

Posted by: Ryan at April 02, 2004 05:47 PM (Sc71i)

10 THANK YOU! Now I know exactly how to respond whenever someone starts on the "Bush lied" bandwagon. P.S. Thank you for the birthday greetings...even if they WERE coerced...lmao!

Posted by: mitzi at April 02, 2004 10:49 PM (GhWNp)

11 Umm... I think that http://hgrm.ctsg.com/index.asp Link Have fun. Bush lied. People died. for example... "One of the greatest dangers we face is that weapons of mass destruction might be passed to terrorists who would not hesitate to use those weapons. Saddam Hussein has longstanding, direct and continuing ties to terrorist networks. Senior members of Iraq intelligence and al Qaeda have met at least eight times since the early 1990s. Iraq has sent bomb-making and document forgery experts to work with al Qaeda. Iraq has also provided al Qaeda with chemical and biological weapons training. And an al Qaeda operative was sent to Iraq several times in the late 1990s for help in aquiring poisons and gases. We also know that Iraq is harboring a terrorist network headed by a senior al Qaeda terrorist planner." And don't give me that crap about the intelligence being "mixed". Any US intelligence that pointed to any of this came from paid liars at the Iraqi National Congress. The INC is an organisation created by the CIA. It is still paid US$300,000 a month for intelligence on Iraq. Ahmed Chalabi is their leader and is wanted in Jordan for a conviction on embezzlement. Chalabi admitted last month to a London paper that he and the INC lied through their teeth about Saddam to get the US to go to war. Bush and Cheney of course are wimps and have to hide behind the skirts of paid liars. And you suckers still follow the wimp, who isn't man enough to bear witness to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help him, GOD.

Posted by: Tom at April 05, 2004 08:25 AM (WW/Rd)

12 Calm down, Tom. Deep breaths. I can't give you anything for your submission because I can't verify that you qualified for #1 or #2 because your #3 does not provide that quote for me. Without #1 through #3 it's pretty pointless to waste time on #4. Your secondary argument fails the rules of debate miserably. You use conjecture and put forward critical partisan positions as if they were accepted fact. You also fail to document even a single fact. This is exactly what I'm talking about with this post. 100% opinion and conjecture backed up by unsubstantiated non-references. This is not the way to conduct discussions and debates but it is the only thing that I see from the Bush Lied crowd.

Posted by: Jim at April 05, 2004 08:46 AM (IOwam)

13 Not that I think you'd ever accept any evidence as being sufficient, after all you don't accept the UN Chief Inspectors statements that Saddam was complying and that inspections were working... albeit slowly. Of course as anybody who's done any logic work would know, proving a negative (like the WMD didn't exist) is almost impossible. After all the Bush administration still claims that WMD might exist because they haven't completed their scavenger hunt across the entire country the size of California. But here is a bit of the citations which you say that you want. The citation I gave you is on the second page at the bottom of the 55 results given for Bush at Waxman's site. The citation given is: Source: President's Radio Address, White House (2/8/2003) As for Chalabi being the skirt that Bush hides behind... http://www.washtimes.com/world/20040219-115614-3297r.htm This reprint of the story by the right wing Washington Times shows that he admits the INC lied and coached the sources of info for the war. http://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/11/politics/11CHAL.html This NY Times article has gone in to the pay archives, but the abstract provides all of the grisly details on the Pentagon being the INC paymasters for information. http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/world/8197503.htm Here's a bit more detail from the SJ Mercury News on how the lapdog "liberal" media failed to question the lies any more than you do now. And that the Pentagon was the paymasters for the fabrications. http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2004/01/12_405.html And this Mother Jones investigation shows the plumbing for the whole operation. Kind of like laundering cash, but this time you launder disinformation and let the President have "plausible deniability". In other words, he hides behind the skirts of his paid liars. Which is why the chump won't testify before the 9/11 Commission without Dick Cheney at his side or under oath or with the tape recorders going. Because the liar knows he bears false witness and fears putting his hand on the Bible and continuing his lies. Bush Lied, People Died.

Posted by: Tom at April 05, 2004 10:31 AM (WW/Rd)

14 Thanks, Tom. I'm able to find that quote now. To read it in context go here. It does fundamentally change the nature of the quote to have it out of context. Now we've qualified conditions #1 through #3, let's see how you did with #4. Remember that our debate is about "Bush lied, people died". With that in mind here are my responses to your arguments. Where you've used logical fallacy I have not engendered an argument in response (since I can't logically debate a fallacy). In those cases I have only pointed out the particular logical fallacies used. And don't give me that crap about the intelligence being "mixed". Any US intelligence that pointed to any of this came from paid liars at the Iraqi National Congress. Non sequitur, Argumentum ad hominem, posito ergo sum The INC is an organisation created by the CIA. Non sequitur, posito ergo sum It is still paid US$300,000 a month for intelligence on Iraq. Non sequitur, posito ergo sum Ahmed Chalabi is their leader and is wanted in Jordan for a conviction on embezzlement. Non sequitur, posito ergo sum Chalabi admitted last month to a London paper that he and the INC lied through their teeth about Saddam to get the US to go to war. I've commented below where you supply an article link on this subject. Bush and Cheney of course are wimps and have to hide behind the skirts of paid liars. Non sequitur, Argumentum ad hominem, posito ergo sum And you suckers still follow the wimp, who isn't man enough to bear witness to the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help him, GOD. Non sequitur, Argumentum ad hominem, posito ergo sum Not that I think you'd ever accept any evidence as being sufficient, after all you don't accept the UN Chief Inspectors statements that Saddam was complying and that inspections were working... albeit slowly. Non sequitur, Argumentum ad hominem, posito ergo sum Of course as anybody who's done any logic work would know, proving a negative (like the WMD didn't exist) is almost impossible. Argumentum ad numerum, posito ergo sum I agree that proving an abstract negative is very difficult. I disagree that proving a physical negative is difficult. After all the Bush administration still claims that WMD might exist because they haven't completed their scavenger hunt across the entire country the size of California. Straw man, posito ergo sum As for Chalabi being the skirt that Bush hides behind... http://www.washtimes.com/world/20040219-115614-3297r.htm This reprint of the story by the right wing Washington Times shows that he admits the INC lied and coached the sources of info for the war. Non sequitur, Argumentum ad hominem, posito ergo sum http://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/11/politics/11CHAL.html This NY Times article has gone in to the pay archives, but the abstract provides all of the grisly details on the Pentagon being the INC paymasters for information. Non sequitur http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/world/8197503.htm Here's a bit more detail from the SJ Mercury News on how the lapdog "liberal" media failed to question the lies any more than you do now. And that the Pentagon was the paymasters for the fabrications. Non sequitur, Argumentum ad hominem, posito ergo sum http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2004/01/12_405.html And this Mother Jones investigation shows the plumbing for the whole operation. Kind of like laundering cash, but this time you launder disinformation and let the President have "plausible deniability". No fallacies on your part here but I'm pretty sure I found all 20 off of the Fool's Logic list in the article. In other words, he hides behind the skirts of his paid liars. Which is why the chump won't testify before the 9/11 Commission without Dick Cheney at his side or under oath or with the tape recorders going. Because the liar knows he bears false witness and fears putting his hand on the Bible and continuing his lies. Bush Lied, People Died. Non sequitur, Argumentum ad hominem, posito ergo sum In summary: There's no way I could debate your points because you are not presenting them logically. As presented there's no way your argument meets condition #4.

Posted by: Jim at April 05, 2004 01:57 PM (IOwam)

15 Heh heh... Just like I suspected. I get the feeling that if Bush came out like a man and admitted that he lied and paid others to lie for him to repeat, your reaction would be a bit like the crowd in The Life of Brian, when Chapman states that he isn't the messiah. But Bush is a chump and a pansy and can't stand up like a man and has to hide behind the skirts of paid liars. Chalabi even went on the record stating that he's willing to be Bush's scapegoat for bad intelligence, because Chalabi knows Bush is a pansy and likes to hide behind the skirts of his paid liars. As for proving physical negatives being easy, I have a challenge for you then. Prove to me that ghosts don't physically exist on this Earth. Next I dare you to provide a citation from either Blix or ElBaradei from between the passage of UN Sec. Council Resolution 1441 and the start of the second Iraq War that backs up Bush's claim of Saddam's "elaborate campaign to conceal its weapons materials and to hide or intimidate key experts and scientists." And thank you for the link to the full text of Bush's Speech. context is important... especially this. "Firsthand witnesses have informed us that Iraq has at least seven mobile factories for the production of biological agents -- equipment mounted on trucks and rails to evade discovery." This "firsthand" witness, codenamed "Curveball", was the INC informant that Powell just threw to the wolves. This informant was NEVER interviewed by US officials and part of the information handed to the US was that he had failed a polygraph test. Furthermore this informant was on the payroll of the US Dept. of Defense group reporting directly to the White House (not the Sec. of Defense). I guess it's a bit like Bush citing the British intel on Saddam's acquisition of uranium. Technically Bush's statement is true. BUT taking that assertion and then using it as the basis for your own case for war implies that you believe not only is your statement technically correct, but that the assertion that Saddam had acquired uranium was also correct. For example, I could state that old Pope's taught that the Universe and the Sun revolved around the Earth. That is technically correct. But if I went on to argue for a space mission based upon a math model of the Universe that had the Earth at the center, while knowing that the model is false, I would be lying. Even if all of the sentences were technically the truth.

Posted by: Tom at April 05, 2004 08:34 PM (WW/Rd)

16 No, Tom. It's not like you suspected. You haven't professed a single argument that does not contain a fallacy and as a result your conclusions are specious and undebatable. I'm not going to respond to your ad hominem attacks on myself or the subjects of the debate. I'm not going to follow non sequitur logic. I'm not going to accept posits without basis. I understand that this is an emotional thing for you. That's not meant to be patronizing - the entire point of my post was that people push this "Bush lied, people died" thing for emotional rather than rational reasons. However, it's not an emotional thing for me and I'm not going to involve myself in an emotional argument over it. If you can put forward a rational argument I'll respond to it.

Posted by: Jim at April 06, 2004 05:15 AM (saeHM)

17 Um. If I may be permitted to chase a tangent here... The word "ghost" describes a contradiction, a mind without a body. It's very much like the word "god." And neither exist. Also, saying "old Pope's taught that the Universe and the Sun revolved around the Earth." Isn't "technically" correct. It's factually true. Popes of the days of yore DID teach that. However, what they were teaching was false, plain and simple. There isn't any technicality behind it to make it true. If you planned a space mission based upon what the Catholic Church held hundreds of years ago, you'd probably be branded a heretic in their time and a fool in ours. And all of that bears very little to the case before us today. Jim has posed a very simple and direct challenge and it has yet to be met. Just slow down, present your case, and include evidence. If you follow the rules of logic and argument you'll do fine.

Posted by: Trey Givens at April 06, 2004 09:01 AM (Fo1B/)

18 "Firsthand witnesses have informed us that Iraq has at least seven mobile factories for the production of biological agents -- equipment mounted on trucks and rails to evade discovery." This sentence is a lie. There were no FIRSTHAND witnesses because it was a pure fabrication by informants from the INC, a group on the payroll of the US Pentagon. Whether Bush believed the fabrications or not is irrelevant to the veracity of the statement. It is a lie. There were no witnesses, because the event was a pure fabrication. Bush lied. People died. http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/news/8348841.htm It might even be a stretch to state that their were plural witnesses, since the story was obviously single-sourced through the INC, who as previously noted, have admitted fabricating stories in order to get the US to invade Iraq. As for stating that calling Chalabi a liar is an ad hominem attack, the man has admitted to lying. Therefore it is hardly an ad hominem attack, but rather restating what the man has admitted himself. As for the rest being non sequitur, it is a FACT that the INC has admitted to lying about Saddam and WMD and al Qaeda. It is a FACT that the INC was on the payroll of the US DoD. It is a fact that INC informants cannot be cross-interviewed by the US CIA. It is a FACT that the US Dept. of State dismissed the credibility of the INC and their informants before the invasion. It is a FACT that in the Bush radio speech all references to sources of information of Saddam's wrongdoing were from INC informants. It is a fact that the White House and associates' incriminating evidence against Saddam was single sourced through the INC. To demonstrate that the source of Bush's statements are lies is to demonstrate that Bush himself lied by repeating them. That is hardly non sequitur. As for you being a sucker for believing Bush's repetition of lies, Jim, I think PT Barnum would make the same judgement of folks who fall for the two-bit hucksterism of the current administration.

Posted by: Tom at April 06, 2004 09:51 PM (WW/Rd)

19 I have to keep this short as I'll be heading into a meeting in a few minutes but I didn't want it to hang open all day waiting for a response. Whether Bush believed the fabrications or not is irrelevant to the veracity of the statement. It is a lie. That is incorrect. The standard definition of to lie (#1 from Miriam-Webster) is to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive. Passing along incorrect information is not lying. It could be foolish or irresponsible but it isn't lying. This is specifically why I specified "intentional fallacies" in criteria #4 of the Challenge as I knew this mistake would be made. The reason the vast bulk of your arguments were non sequiturs was because they are not germaine to the point of the argument. Any action of the INC, whether the INC is supported by the DoD, who founded the INC, items uncovered after Bush's statement, how Chalabi feels about the invasion or the INC or what he's willing to do in the present, etc. have nothing at all to do with whether or not Bush intentionally lied in his speech in order to drive America to war. Based on the information you've provided you would be perfectly justified in saying "Bush was wrong, people died" but you are libeling him every time you write "Bush lied, people died". As far as calling me a sucker, well that's your opinion and you're welcome to it. It's still an ad hominem attack that does nothing to promote your argument. Given that you don't know me and that you haven't proven your point you have no basis to judge whether or not I'm a sucker so it's also a fallacy of posito ergo sum. If you want to insult or bait me you'll have to do it logically and truthfully otherwise I'm just going to continue dismissing it.

Posted by: Jim at April 07, 2004 10:55 AM (IOwam)

20 Since you haven't provided evidence from Blix, Kay, or ElBaradei to support Bush's claims about Hussein, I realise that you'll dismiss everything out of hand anyway. That is the nature of "true believers". As for the fact that the information cited by Bush comes from folks who were known at the time to be fabricators, the Executive Branch's payment of said fabricators and the subsequent use by the Executive Branch as their sole source of evidence means that they did intend to deceive. Furthermore Bush's repeated "clever" choice of words, as you have aptly pointed out, means that Bush was using wiggle words deliberately to decieve, which points to intent. They just got sloppy with this particular quote. But as I've stated before, even if Bush came out and told you that he was lying, you'd still live in denial. So I'm done here.

Posted by: Tom at April 07, 2004 08:26 PM (WW/Rd)

21 Dude. You are SO missing the point. You have to show, not that Bush was wrong about what he said, but that he was wrong and he knew he was wrong in an attempt to lead us to war. A mistake and a lie aren't the same. Let's assume that *everything* Bush said was false. Can you now prove that Bush knew that what he was saying was false? Not so far you haven't. The use of paid informants is simply not proof of deception. And Jim has repeatedly told you that he is dedicated to reason and the facts of reality on this topic. Why would you say that he wouldn't believe Bush if Bush himself said he was lying? What has given you the idea that anyone would do that? That's just ridiculous.

Posted by: Trey Givens at April 07, 2004 09:20 PM (R0TDF)

22 Incorrect label, Tom. I am a "true disbeliever". Specifically I do not believe that "Bush lied, people died" . My argument is that the popular anti-Bushism of "Bush lied, people died" is an emotional statement and one not based in fact. I further propose that the people who cry it take it on faith in the spirit of the Big Lie and have not verified it personally even though it is about as personal attack as one can make. Because Bush is "the enemy" he is not accorded with the common courtesy you would grant a coworker, family member, acquaintance, or even a stranger for most honorably minded persons. In this debate I am the Defense. The accusers (you) must prove that Bush intentionally deceived America in order to launch a war on Iraq. A decent Defense will never address a point that is not germaine to the case. In more specific terms, I have no need to defend or prosecute Blix, Kay or ElBaradei. Nothing is gained for my case by following red herrings. The only things I need to respond to are the actual true arguments that you present. Unfortunately you continue to offer fallacious arguments. I'll give you an example of proving somebody to be a liar. I pick you. Given: Tom stated I realise that you'll dismiss everything out of hand anyway. Reference Tom's comment immediately preceding this one. Given: I have addressed each point that Tom has raised either through argument or by exposing it as a logical fallacy. Given: Tom read my responses so he does know that I have addressed each of his points. Reference Tom's responses to my previous comments. Therefore: Tom's statement was a deliberate fallacy. Ergo: Tom is a liar. You have not done this for Mr.Bush. You have taken a Bush statement and surrounded it with logical fallacy in order to attempt to prove an illogical conclusion. Let's start at the end and I'll show you why the conclusion you are pursuing is invalid. Given: Bush gave a speech saying BLAHBLAH. Given: At a later date, BLAHBLAH was determined to be untrue. Therefore: Nothing. This does not retroactively make Bush a liar.

Posted by: Jim at April 07, 2004 09:35 PM (saeHM)

23 What Trey said! (Way more succinctly than I did.)

Posted by: Jim at April 07, 2004 09:43 PM (saeHM)

24 Jim, you've hardly proven any of my points as fallacious. Rather you've dismissed them as being irrelevant, not factually incorrect. But I decided to go off to m-w.com to check on your definition and the one you chose is not the only one. 2 : to create a false or misleading impression which of course eliminates any need to prove intent. Bush indeed created a false and misleading impression about WMDs and the link to al-Qaeda. There is no need to prove intent by this definition. So both you and Trey can stick your heads in the sand and deny that Bush lied, but by this definition, he did. And if George W. Bush chooses to file slander charges, to quote the man himself, BRING IT ON!

Posted by: Tom at April 08, 2004 03:24 AM (WW/Rd)

25 It is quite obvious that Jim sits not only as defense but chooses to sit as judge as well. If this were indeed a defense, he would be required to provide evidence backing up his out-of-hand dismissals of the complaints. Further he's argued several positions which are completely untenable, such as proving physical negatives is easy. This and his claims that Bush's source of evidence are irrelevant are what lead me to believe that he cares not one whit about facts. Furthermore with Jim's choice of definitions with the need for proof of intent, it demonstrates that he is complicitous in allowing Bush to hide behind the skirts of paid liars. Much like Republicans were with Reagan in the Iran-Contra affair. The truth is not what is sought here, but rather Jim does his best to obscure the facts. A typical Republican hobby. Furthermore Trey, you've chosen to focus on the fact that Chalabi and the INC are paid informants... but beyond that they are paid informants who have admitted lying. They were known to be fabricators prior to Bush restating their evidence. Chalabi is a wanted man for an embezzlement conviction in Jordan. By trying to convince the American public that the US government had solid evidence instead of telling them that it was all based upon paid testimony from a perjurer and embezzler, who would directly profit from America invading Iraq, the President created a false and misleading impression. Most journalists would lose their jobs if they published stories like the ones Bush did. Not to mention what sort of shit would hit the fan if police or prosecuting attorneys pulled these stunts. Thankfully for Bush, Congress is Republican. He can avoid subpoenas for the moment. But someday the truth will come out and you and your readers still won't believe.

Posted by: Tom at April 08, 2004 03:53 AM (WW/Rd)

26 Tom, Tom, Tom. You're just not going to play by the rules are you? You're just going to continue to deride, pout, and refuse to be rational, aren't you? The definition "to create a false or misleading impression" still implies clear intent to do just that. It doesn't mean the same as being mistaken. Jim made it clear what is needed: 1. Actual literal quotes from George Bush 2. They must be in context, unedited, un-ellipsed, unmodified in any way. Exactly as they came from the horse's mouth, so to speak. 3. They must be linked and referenced. I must be able to go and view the source for myself. 4. They must contain intentional fallacies that directly led to US forces going to war in Iraq. Number 4 also means that you're going to have to provide similar citations for those fallacies. Please make it one cohesive statement. Amid all of that other static you're throwing out there, it's getting hard to tell what you're talking about and where it's documented. I agree that Bush is a very foolish person on many, many counts. But your claim is that on this matter he not just foolish but a liar. Don't just say it. Show us.

Posted by: Trey Givens at April 08, 2004 10:34 AM (Fo1B/)

27 Tom, I think one of the reasons that you are so antagonistic here is that you believe you are in hostile territory. Maybe you're used to needing a belligerent tone when commenting on "Righty" weblogs. You aren't on a "Righty" weblog here so it really isn't necessary. I'm fairly smack dab in the middle between the Republican and Democrat lines. So chill a bit with the constant name calling and groupisms. The hair splitting over the definition of Lie is irritating. As Trey pointed out, and as you already knew, it implies an effort to deceive. Do you beleive that there is any person out there who marches around with a "Bush lied, people died" placard who really means "Bush was tricked into uttering a deception, people died"? It doesn't matter in the slightest anyway as the challenge was specific in demanding intentional fallacies. I pointed this out in my last comment. Back to your intended argument - you have proposed that Bush knew that his sources were giving him bad information. It is central to your argument. You have not given any proofs for this fact. It is absolutely required that you address this in order to prove your argument. Before you comment again I would like you to read up on logical fallacies. No, it's not a homework assignment and it's not meant to be disparaging. It's just that it's very easy to see how frustrated you are getting because I am not responding in argument to many of your points. As I've mentioned a few times now this is because your points are fallacious. Give that treatise a bit of your attention and I think you'll be able to present your points in a logical manner.

Posted by: Jim at April 08, 2004 01:45 PM (IOwam)

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August 23, 2005

All right, we'll call it a draw

Three weeks of the most intense development imaginable. Two separate groups of subject matter experts flown in. Two UI developers, 2 DBAs and 4 contractors working hell shifts and weekends for 10 days. Three completely new component systems learned and implemented. Four new technologies developed. A last minute 100% setback. A brief reprieve. And then...

The demo was a smashing success.

The top 20 officers in the company saw just what our developers can do when given their heads and qualified direction. There was oohing and aahing. There were exclamations at the speed of our product (504 page reports off a 17 million record set live database in under 4 seconds).

They did not approve our proof of concept for development. Although we met every reporting requirement we were tasked with we failed to meet the invisible requirements of matching the back-office capability of the very expensive preferred vendor. That capability took a score of hungry Romanians two years to develop so there's no way we could do it inside the 6 month implementation deadline. 7 months, maybe - they're only Romanians after all.

But all is not lost. Enterprise Development got to show off big time for the biggest brass in the company. Many of the tech advances and components from the proof of concept will get used in other applications. Our street cred is huge now. Our collective ballsacks are silky smooth and engorged with massive testosterone loads ready to fire at the slightest provocation.

We kicked serious ass.

Posted by: Jim at 08:37 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 265 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Congratulations! It's always great when one kicks ass! On another note: I thought the official SBD phrase for "ballsack" was "sack of balls." And are they shaved, or furry? Any of 'em blue? Jim, it's the details that make the story interesting.

Posted by: Victor at August 23, 2005 08:45 AM (L3qPK)

2 Aah those invisble Romanian vendors ... you've got to love them. Still, congrats for a succesful project and well done getting top brass to engorge your collective ballsack ...

Posted by: Rob at August 23, 2005 08:55 AM (kXZI6)

3 Victor - I'm all about the variety. Thanks, Rob!

Posted by: Jim at August 23, 2005 09:04 AM (tyQ8y)

4 Congratulations, Jim! You must feel wonderful!

Posted by: RP at August 23, 2005 10:26 AM (LlPKh)

5 Tell them thats why its called "PROOF OF CONCEPT". After watching the demo the brass is supposed to say "oh, I see what you guys can produce in a limited time (and don't forget the damn budget) now lets get some real legs behind this project and take it across the goal line" or some kind of a BS Dilbert type phrase. Hey if you you show up to the dance you should be allowed to dance.

Posted by: Frick at August 23, 2005 08:35 PM (p2wJK)

6 Tell them thats why its called "PROOF OF CONCEPT". After watching the demo the brass is supposed to say "oh, I see what you guys can produce in a limited time (and don't forget the damn budget) now lets get some real legs behind this project and take it across the goal line" or some kind of a BS Dilbert type phrase. Hey if you you show up to the dance you should be allowed to dance. Congratulations, may the ballsack swell with pride

Posted by: Frick at August 23, 2005 08:37 PM (p2wJK)

7 Way to go. Good job with that ballsack thing, glad to hear it. And i bet the team liked not having some total prick running the show, trying to micromanage and whatnot. Kudos (or Scotch, if granola's not your thing) :-D

Posted by: tommy at August 23, 2005 08:56 PM (EhwJT)

8 504 page reports off a 17 million record set live database in under 4 seconds That made me shiver. Fuckin' sweet, Jim!

Posted by: ilyka at August 23, 2005 09:12 PM (z+oQt)

9 All i wanna know is does this mean you can come out and play again?

Posted by: Pam at August 24, 2005 04:45 PM (J+Hqo)

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August 15, 2005

Doesn't it figure?

Just when I say I'm on hiatus, I make a post. Behold the dichotomy of Jim.

I give you...Xtreme Paper Disposal:

By the way, I got me a new mini-digital.

Posted by: Jim at 09:07 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 36 words, total size 1 kb.

August 06, 2005

Disjointed news in brief

I just got a trackback spam for "oral sex for women". What the hell is that?

Tuesday through Friday were all-day meetings at work. Every day. The whole day.

On Tuesday I went out for some celebration drinks after work. It was much fun but I payed the price on Wednesday. If Lovely Wife hadn't woken me up I would have missed the beginning of the Wednesday meeting.

There's a decent chance that if she hadn't woken me up I would have missed a significant portion of that meeting.

Wednesday's meeting was 11 hours and then dinner afterward.

I worked from home until 2:30 today to catch up some of the critical stuff I missed while I was in the critical all day meetings.

I'm wrecked and once again 150 odd posts behind in my blog reading.

The celebration drinks on Tuesday were because I officially got my Project Manager title on Monday. Yay!

We have three dogs now. We got a new lab/Aussie mutt puppy a couple of weeks ago. Pictures soon, I promise.

We have 8 cats now. Stitch, slut that she is, went into heat some time after we pulled out of the driveway for our Spokane trip. She spit out the bebe kats a week and a half ago.

I still have Morrigan's microwave plate.

I'm now three of the top application development projects at work.

And will be adding another next week.

One of those three became an emergency last week - this accounts for two of the four meeting days this week. And two more next week. [sigh]

Three of the five kittens have adoption promises already. All to women who work at the same office.

One of their clients is one of our biggest clients. Small world.

We may be boarding another lab for one of the folks who's taking a kitten.

I'm not sure that trading a kitten for an adult dog gets us out ahead anywhere, pet-wise.

Both of my parents tried to call me on my birthday. They called at home. While I was at work. This bummed me out severely.

I got my favorite selection of tasty beers for one of my birthday presents. This cheered me up considerably.

Lovely Wife rocks.

At the dinner on Wednesday I had enough prime beef to compact a tiger's colon.

There's something oddly satisfying about letting loose a $40 beef shit.

Posted by: Jim at 07:52 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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July 28, 2005

Unions, a rant

Unions are in the news lately. Seems the big annual party for the AFL-CIO is missing some of the biggest partiers this year. Yup, the two largest single unions, the SIEU (pronounced "sue", as in that's what they do) and the ~~mob~~ Teamsters have called it quits and started up their own little group called The Coalition To Win, or TCTW (pronounced "Tick Two" which is very fitting when you picture two blood sucking insects).

And there was much rejoicing! Yay! more...

Posted by: Jim at 03:27 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 1428 words, total size 8 kb.

1 I agree 100% with your ranting, Jim. The unions are so totally out of touch with economic reality today I'm surprised people don't strike against them. What we are witnessing is a stinking carcass that has split open and all the bugs are abandoning ship (the old AFL-CIO monolith) because they can't stand the smell anymore. The unions seem to serve only themselves, not the people they claim to represent. They have managed to cause a lot of our jobs to be shipped overseas, because nobody wants to play by their rules anymore. They have become part of the problem, not the solution... Damn, now I'm starting to rant. Look what you started!

Posted by: diamond dave at July 28, 2005 04:55 PM (r8BvQ)

2 Completely agree Jim. The unions in this country brought it to its knees. The railways are still in a crap state, because everytime the goverment put more money in to sort out infrastructure, the unions went on strike demanding higher wages. The underground is the same, tube drivers get paid an average of Ã‚Â£40,000 with terrific beneifts - and for what!?! The only good thing Maggie Thatcher did was to bring down the unions. They are still here, but they don't carry the weight they used to.

Posted by: Tilesey at July 29, 2005 05:40 AM (eyEGU)

3 Unions blow. There are a few instances where certain companies deserve unions, but I use that term to imply punishment for the company. Most companies have decent HR policies realizing that semi-content employees are an asset. Status quo is not an incentive to work, and standing up behind any politician with a Donkey on his platform costs money.

Posted by: Rob at July 29, 2005 08:13 AM (i3q83)

4 I belonged to three different unions over my lifespan so far. Out of the three of them, not a one did anything for me. In fact one of them cost me a raise. My position was geared to get an 8% raise, but they used us a bargening chip to get more money for another position and my raise was cut to 5%.

Posted by: Contagion at July 29, 2005 08:50 AM (Q5WxB)

5 I am not going to get into the whole Union thing, cause that would just piss people off and I don't feel like typing a couple page retort. But I would like to point out that Unions are not placing a knife to the companies throats to get raises, extra benefits, etc. The UAW (Auto companies) and the Big 3 negotiated and the companies agreed to the increases and benefits all along. The companies should have thought ahead instead of giving into demands from the UAW so now you have line workers making $20 and free health insurance, 95% layoff pay, etc, etc, etc. It's very hard to take back what you have already given.

Posted by: Machelle at July 29, 2005 09:22 AM (ZAyoW)

6 I have a union story for you. My dad worked for a large company in a white collar job. He and some of the others in his dept. were preparing to give a presentation and need a table moved. Instead of them just grabbing the table and moving it across the room, they had to wait a couple of hours for some union guys to come up and move the table so as to not tick off the union. What a waste of their time!

Posted by: Susie at July 31, 2005 11:28 AM (PWYyH)

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It's breathtaking

There really is nothing like a freshly shorn scrotum. You really should try it.

I'm just saying.

Posted by: Jim at 05:15 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
Post contains 21 words, total size 1 kb.

1 This was the first post I read today. I hope it's not going to set the tone for the next several hours. For the love of Christ, man. Glad it's not a photoblog.

Posted by: Wolf at July 28, 2005 06:43 AM (vbP6L)

2 Thanks Doktor Evil. It's an image I'll be trying to get outta my head all day. Somebody pass the Clorox please.

Posted by: phin at July 28, 2005 10:44 AM (Xvpen)

3 Stealth points for Phin!

Posted by: Jim at July 28, 2005 10:46 AM (tyQ8y)

4 Ack!!!

Posted by: Bou at July 28, 2005 02:00 PM (5JHEt)

5 Yay ME!!!!!!!!

Posted by: phin at July 28, 2005 04:08 PM (Xvpen)

6 Dammit Jim! I was just eating! BTW, there is nothing like scratching a good itch. Especially when it's one of those deep-seated anal itches...

Posted by: diamond dave at July 28, 2005 05:02 PM (r8BvQ)

7 Well..... It doesn't do much for me, personally, but if it looking at one excites -you- OK.... But I don't think you needed to share that with us. (Have you ever heard the prhase "Too Much Information"?)

Posted by: Lokki at July 28, 2005 06:18 PM (wSBsc)

8 You ever work a Help Desk and have to deal with people who want their computer fixed NOW but won't tell you what's wrong (or how they broke it)? I tell these people I'm here to help them and I need their help...my favorite phrase is, "Too much information isn't enough..." and it's NOT! Jim, I want some Bloggy Goodness from you. I want to know how your life has changed now that your testicles are no longer fuzzy. I need you to wax poetic about having frictionless doo-dads. I want my unshorn pair to shrivel up in shame when they realize I don't give them the loving attention you do. I want to know what it's like to have no peach fuzz, and I want to know it vicariously through you. Jim...too much information isn't enough.

Posted by: Victor at July 28, 2005 08:51 PM (IBRcA)

9 Gahhhh! You did it again! *whimpering and crawling into the corner, banging my head against the wall to erase the mental image that is trying to form*

Posted by: songstress7 at July 29, 2005 12:29 AM (ie93s)

10 Victor - some things must be saved for the paid site.

Posted by: Jim at July 29, 2005 05:19 AM (oqu5j)

11 I am so bummed.

Posted by: Victor at July 29, 2005 12:08 PM (L3qPK)

12 Listen... listen to the west... hear that? It's the GM1 cursing you loud and hard for putting ideas in my head. I tried to tell him it wasn't your fault he's a light sleeper, but nooooooooo.

Posted by: LeeAnn at July 29, 2005 09:30 PM (v9jcm)

13 Remember, new razors cut hair, old razors cut skin. Change the blades before attempting.

Posted by: Harvey at July 30, 2005 02:05 PM (ubhj8)

14 Hey Jim, if you're hard up for material that's fine. But you don't need to resort to postig about your newly nubile nutsack.

Posted by: shank at July 31, 2005 12:53 PM (jfEhX)

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July 25, 2005

I'm walking on air!

Because I got the most fantabulous birthday present in the mail. Helen, you rock!

Points

Can you guess what splendiferous present Helen bought me? Three points for the first person to get it right!

And yes, there is enough clue in this post to get it right.

Posted by: Jim at 08:34 AM | Comments (23) | Add Comment
Post contains 55 words, total size 1 kb.

July 22, 2005

Observations

When the heat tops 95 and the humidity goes with it, when just walking out the door causes a film of sweat to sheen upon the skin, when walking across the parking lot is a painful experience and even the act of sitting down no longer brings comfort, it becomes very apparent that it is way past time to trim the ball hair.

Posted by: Jim at 04:45 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
Post contains 65 words, total size 1 kb.

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