I just figured out how to use my desktop monitor and my lappy monitor at the same time to double my screen size. How cool is that?

Now if only I could learn how to multi-task...

Posted by: Jim at 09:52 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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We had such an awesome time on Saturday. Boudicca, her three young Celts, and her sister Morrigan came over for a BBQ. There's always a bit of trepidation when you meet somebody for the first time and (for me at least) this is there regardless of how well I know somebody online. This evaporated as soon as Bou got out of her car and gave me a big "Hi" and a smile. If you've read her writing - she's just like that for real.

Of course now that I've been with her (not in the biblical sense - get your minds out of the gutter you dirty birds) one question does arise. What's up with the diet thing, Bou? Completely unnecessary - you're gorgeous.

The more perceptive of you will note that I brought that up here instead of in person. Like grampa used to say "Never talk to a woman about her figure. It's much safer to post it openly in a public place frequented by hundreds of people after ensuring that there are several hundred miles between you." Heh. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:45 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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1 Well,I forgot to make the corn,get the kids candy and all the chips,pretzels and stuff I bought.That Bubble Man totally distracted EVERYONE.I think this was the worst BBQ ever.LOL

Posted by: LW at July 18, 2005 11:41 AM (oqu5j)

2 The Bubbleman was GREAT!! We really did have a great time... and now... we're probably going to own a puppy. The boys have been begging for one and I can tell my husband is thinking about it. Sheesh. I don't know how you do it with 18 heartbeats in your house! As for the brownies... I forgot about them, but if you had brought them out, I would have fought you for them. I'm all about the chocolate! ;-)

Posted by: Bou at July 18, 2005 12:25 PM (5JHEt)

3 Bou IS some serious eye-candy, ain't she? :-)

Posted by: Harvey at July 18, 2005 05:15 PM (ubhj8)

4 Those burgers were great!!!! I'm a big fan of beef on a grill. As for another visit with lots of kids? give me some time, I have to recuperate . Love kids, but they are good birth control- remember? ;-)

Posted by: Morrigan at July 18, 2005 08:21 PM (zXB69)

5 Sounds like fun.

Posted by: vw bug at July 18, 2005 09:24 PM (i7MTM)

6 As for the weight thing... I have gained 15 lbs in the last 2 years. I just have some clothes I want to fit into. You and Harvey... Sheesh! But thank you.

Posted by: Bou at July 18, 2005 09:46 PM (5JHEt)

7 De nada.

Posted by: Jim at July 18, 2005 11:21 PM (oqu5j)

8 Mo: You're Irish. You should be ready in a fortnight. Tops!

Posted by: Jim at July 18, 2005 11:22 PM (oqu5j)

9 Dammit. You people stop talking brownies unless there are some delivered tomy house. Stat.

Posted by: Elizabeth at July 19, 2005 01:03 PM (8ldNh)

10 Came looking for the origin of "Beat with a stick" saying. Didn't find it where, but it was interesting reading your comment anyway. What I personally find more annoying, is the saying "it's the same difference". What insanity came up with that? Sounds like an oxymoron of a phrase. Something only a math wiz would dare say. But most people saying it aren't talking algebraic results. What they are applying it to, never make the slightest bit of sense. It outdates Yogi Barra, but it sounds like one of his. Don't even get me started on him, now. Perhaps you could write a bit of wisdom about this saying. Thank you. -Glenn

Posted by: Glenn Edward at July 19, 2005 02:03 PM (tKM4s)

11 What the hell was that about? I thought this topic was about the good time at Jim's house this weekend.

Posted by: diamond dave at July 19, 2005 04:55 PM (5qKGR)

12 Fella came into the site at an archive post with closed comments so he commented here. No biggie.

Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2005 05:32 PM (tyQ8y)

13 I'm glad you clarified that. I couldn't figure out what in the hell he was talking about...

Posted by: Bou at July 19, 2005 10:53 PM (5JHEt)

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We have flags flying at my house. Until very recently we had two "porch sized" ensigns at the front of our house. Some people think that's an excessive display of patriotism, flag waving and/or a sign of rampant Republicanism. Y'all know me well enough to figure that I don't give much of a fuck about that. I like the flag, I respect it, I am proud to fly it in front of my house and I fully and completely believe that excess is good.

Anyway, we are down to one now as the other had achieved a tattered state. What to do? It was one of those all weather nylon types made to stay up and out for years at a time. I couldn't toss it in the garbage can. I wouldn't be comfortable thinking about it sitting inside a pile of refuse for a couple hundred years. Fortunately, precedent, custom and even law came to the rescue:

United States Code Title 4, Section 1, Item (k): The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning.

I folded it up into the Widow's Triangle and we said the Pledge of Allegiance. Lovely Wife did a chorus of The Star Spangled Banner. Just the first bit of course, that sucker is murder on the voice. Then I put it in our burn barrel and we all dove aside to avoid the toxic fumes and spitting bits of molten plastic. It was a really nice moment and I think the kids picked up something from it.

Now our Congressmen, apparently lacking any real work to focus on, are busy making it possible for me to be arrested for doing this. H.J.Res. 10 changes the constitution to allow legislators to make flag burning a crime. A crime as in penalties, fines, jail time.

They've been trying to do this for a long, long time. It has been either ignored or struck down by the Senate every other year since 1995. Now they think that there are enough Senators willing to pass the amendment. They feel confident that enough states will ratify it as well. This is mainly because they will present it as protecting the flag and not as altering the constitution to remove a subset of our rights. They will most assuredly not make any sort of note to clarify that the actual actions that are being prohibited will be determined at a later date.

They couldn't pass laws against flag burning, because that violated constitutional protections.
They couldn't pass an amendment against flag burning because there is slightly too much sanity on The Hill.
So they went the back route. Make a generic amendment that creates a brand new set of illegalities possible and then pass laws on the state level to flesh them out.

I have two things to say to these vigilantes against sanity and freedom. First, keep your fucking hands off of my Constitution. Second, just fuck off period.

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 01:14 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Still crazy busy.

Interviewed two people so far for the PM position. One decent candidate, one very strong candidate. Position is still open as of now though so let me know if you're interested.

I was about finished with Medieval: Total War. My Spaniards were mopping up the last of the Egyptian rebels. Spain spanned across the width of Africa. We were eating paella in Cairo. It was a beautiful thing.

Then the gutless French bastards, my long-time allies I might add, launched a surprise attack on my northern province of Aragon. A quick redeployment of the African Expeditionary Force smashed them back into France but the bloody Pope told me to stop attacking their poor Catholic selves or face excommunication. With much grumbling the Spanish forces withdrew to Aragon.

But a short two turns later what should happen but the French got themselves excommunicated for their relentless assault upon the Brits. Woo hoo! Free for all time. Married off a daughter to the English crown, relaunched the attack into France and the Froggies have been folding between my hammer and William's anvil ever since. It's a beautiful thing.

I'm about 400 posts behind in my blog reading. Ouch.

Posted by: Jim at 02:56 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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We have a multi-tiered phone system at work. For inter-office calls we use our own lines or VOIP. For external calls we use Sprint. This normally works pretty well. Yesterday it did not work well.

My cube neighbor popped over and asked me if I knew what the light on the phone meant. One of the unlabeled buttons on the phone was lit up with a red light. The lights are always red when lit so the color itself wasn't a concern. What was a concern was the fact that an unknown light was lit.

I pressed the button for that light. The phone did nothing. I picked up the receiver and pressed the button. The phone display changed to "Sprint unplugged". Interesting.

My first thought was that Sprint had followed in the hallowed steps of Nirvana and other lesser rockers and released an album sans electrics and were simply taking advantage of their wide distribution of phone services to market it. Then I recalled that Sprint is a telecommunications company and not a rock band. And apparently they are a telecommunications company that only has one plug.

I hung the phone up, picked it back up and pressed a button for an outside line. The display changed to "Cannot find ARS". Now that made perfect sense. Sprint simply can't find its own ass.

Posted by: Jim at 02:31 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Jim thinks he's hot stuff because he got this.

That is mere tripe. I just got these and believe you me: Monkeys in costumes, driving cars and playing golf, are a lot funnier than catchy songs and educational cartoons.

Posted by: Victor at 08:05 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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...that Kitty rocks!

I just received this fantastic little number in the mail.

Many hours of educational enjoyment lie ahead. If the kids are good I might even let them watch it.

Thanks Kitty!

Posted by: Jim at 09:52 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I had two little projects. They had a lot in common and seemed like they would get along with each other really well. So, I played matchmaker and put them in a meeting room together for a couple of hours.

It's a week later now and I just assisted in the birth of a mega project.

Damn things breed faster than bunnies.

Posted by: Jim at 01:40 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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This worked so incredibly well* that I'm going to dip into the well again.

I need another round of happy thoughts, mojo, considered discourse, best wishes...hell, whatever your bag is it's wanted. Half of you can guess what it's for. Four of you know for sure what it's for. For the rest of you, rest assured it's going to a very good purpose.

* Although it did so apparently by causing a tropical storm. Hey, you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs.

Posted by: Jim at 06:25 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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Or if prayers aren't your style you could work up a bit of mojo. Transfer some good karma? At least think some happy thoughts.

Sorry I can't tell you who it's for, what it's about or why it's needed. It's just not my story to tell. Direct it to me and I'll make sure it gets where it's going. I can assure you it's for a good cause.

Posted by: Jim at 08:39 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
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Went to return some coffee and found all three urinals full of piss! Woo hoo!

I am surrounded by scum.

In other news, it's moving day. We're heading to our new offices all of 1.2 miles down the road. In typical fashion it's a bit of a cluster fuck. There were supposed to be functional servers over there this morning so the people who planned ahead and obeyed the order to disconnect all computers before COB yesterday would be able to work from the new office.

Not.

So I'm back at the old place listening to 100 people packing up their shit instead of working in quiet solitude. Bah.

Posted by: Jim at 08:36 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Our last grilling session:

(Click for big size)

By "last" I mean "most recent" of course. We're full on into grilling season now so this is a fairly common occurence.

The burgers you see there aren't just any old hamburgers - they're Jimmy Burgers™, my world famous recipe. I'd be happy to share the ingredients with you but then I'd have to kill you.

No, wait. It's the recipe for my chili con carne I'd have to kill you for. I'm free to share this recipe. Except that I can't. Because there isn't one.

The actual ingredients of the Jimmy Burger™ vary widely depending on my mood, relative sobriety and what's in the kitchen.

Burgers aren't a science, y'all. They're an art form.

Getting hungry Bou?

Posted by: Jim at 03:37 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 Mmmm mmmm! That's some grillin' pR0n, right there. What is that, the Charmaster 5000?

Posted by: Margi at June 09, 2005 05:44 PM (nwEQH)

2 Dagnabbit, Margi stole the joke I was gonna make!!!! Well, OK. Hmmm. Nope. I got nothing. Meanwhile, save me a dog.

Posted by: Elizabeth at June 09, 2005 07:20 PM (l673m)

3 Soon as I saw that picture I thought... "Ooooh, I'm gonna have me some of that!"

Posted by: Bou at June 09, 2005 11:21 PM (z7nbM)

4 "relative sobriety" is the reason that I can't grill anything the same way twice.

Posted by: Frick at June 09, 2005 11:40 PM (Xczbc)

5 WTH is going on here, you cant grill with propane, real grilling is done with FIRE from WOOD, or second best with charcoal (none of that BS matchligh shtuff eather use a chimeny and do it right, or in a pinch coconut husks brickets.

Posted by: YankeetechinGermany at June 10, 2005 03:14 AM (7IZfE)

6 Grilling is over anything got. You're thinking of barbequeing. Such delectability is in the future. For now we got the big-ass gassy.

Posted by: Jim at June 10, 2005 05:22 AM (oqu5j)

7 I'm pretty sure you shared your chilli recipe with the world Jim ... does this mean I'm dead?

Posted by: Rob at June 10, 2005 05:24 AM (kXZI6)

8 That was my chile entree recipe. The chile con carne is still a state secret.

Posted by: Jim at June 10, 2005 07:08 AM (oqu5j)

9 I have a special recipe for burgers that seems to go over pretty well with the general public. Enough that I get requests for them.

Posted by: Contagion at June 10, 2005 08:25 AM (Q5WxB)

10 For fifty bucks a person I'll tell you the receipe.Also,there will be an auction on my site later.(Now behave DUKE!!!). ;-)

Posted by: LW at June 10, 2005 11:13 AM (oqu5j)

11 Propane is for girlie-men.

Posted by: Victor at June 13, 2005 11:05 AM (L3qPK)

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The Available Time Fairy has yet to make an appearance, precluding my writing up fantastically amusing anecdotes for your amusement. Instead, I'll give you a relatively dry bullet point presentation of the trip. Hey, I'm in project management now. This is how it's done.

• Da plane! - Had an excellent trip. All three boys behaved like angels for the entire 12 hours of travel. Lovely Wife and I kept waiting for the bomb to drop but it never arrived. It must have been using a French targeting system.
• Airport - They've got the cutest little airport in Spokane! I wanted to just put it in my pocket and take it home with me. It's an International airport because they fly to California.
• "Spokane" - They pronounce it all funny. It should be "spo-cane", right? Nope, they pronounce it "spo-can". I kept pronouncing it the right way and anytime a local looked at me like I was a tourist I told them if they want to pronounce it "spo-can" then they had to get rid of the "e" at the end.
more...

Posted by: Jim at 01:13 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 I am ready to go back......I fucking miss that place and all the cool folk there!!

Posted by: LW at June 07, 2005 03:59 PM (oqu5j)

2 Hell,I think I could actually live in WA state.Not in Spokane,but there are awesome places.The scenery is wild,its got all you need:Ocean,Mountains therefore skiing,surfing....you name it.If it just wouldn't rain so damn much there and liberals would shut up a bit more.LOL Can't even smack your kid upside the head there!

Posted by: LW at June 07, 2005 04:08 PM (oqu5j)

3 Sounds like a great trip, Jim! I'm really happy you had such an excellent time.

Posted by: RP at June 07, 2005 05:28 PM (LlPKh)

4 LMFAO @ LW. Yeah, you could live here. But anywhere else but Spo-caine is pretty much "blue," I think. And -- did you REALLY SAY YOU MISS US?! *sniffle* No. . .. I'm all right. . . .just somethin' in my eye. . . I don't know WHEN or HOW, but we WILL -- AS GAWD AS MUH WITNESS -- figure out some way to visit ya'll on your turf. After all, it's our turn, natch. xoxo

Posted by: margi at June 07, 2005 07:48 PM (nwEQH)

5 When my oldest stepsister got married, my mother's comment on the success of the wedding were priceless. She said, "No one fell down or said fuck." Jim, thanks for giving us the details. It sounds like a good time was had by all, just as it should be.

Posted by: knpepper at June 07, 2005 07:49 PM (pupre)

6 I'm prepared to overlook your comment about Canadians but just barely.

Posted by: knpepper at June 07, 2005 07:51 PM (pupre)

7 LMAO Margie.....we saw the stickers at Boo Radley's!GWB....Global Whoring Bastard.....hehehe Anyways......I guess we'll just have to hold a Bloggers collection to get y'all here.Afterall......Airtran flies you ANYWHERE (but Spokane).

Posted by: LW at June 07, 2005 09:31 PM (oqu5j)

8 Wait! There are those of us with Estrogen that will eat ice cream for breakfast! It's a dairy product... as is milk that you put on cereal... for breakfast... therefore it is OK. As is cake. Cake... doughnuts... No diff. This is probably why I am currently trying to lose weight. Hmm.

Posted by: Boudicca at June 07, 2005 10:43 PM (z7nbM)

9 "Home again, home again, jiggedy-jig " Good Evening JR... Blad Runner.

Posted by: pylorns at June 08, 2005 10:32 AM (FTYER)

10 "Home again, home again, jiggedy-jig " Good Evening JR... Blade Runner.

Posted by: pylorns at June 08, 2005 10:33 AM (FTYER)

11 "To market, to market to buy a fat pig. Home again, home again, jiggedy-jig." Very old nursery rhyme.

Posted by: Jim at June 08, 2005 11:14 AM (tyQ8y)

12 God, i love hillbillies. ;-)

Posted by: Pam at June 12, 2005 09:12 PM (ErGvS)

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Oh, Rob. You poor, misguided man. I gave up on music a decade ago. I listen to talk radio in the car. I'm possibly the worst person in the blogosphere to be tagged with this meme. Regardless, I shall endeavor to rise to the occasion and hope that my answers don't inordinately degrade my cool status.

Total volume of music files on my computer:

Zero. Nada. Nil. I have no music files on my computer. I should win some sort of prize for this.

The last CD I bought was:

Ray, the soundtrack from the movie of the same name. I bought it during my Spokane trip. The rental truck had a kick-ass stereo system but I couldn't find any station with acceptable background music. Talk radio was out as I was always with passengers. Thusly, Ray was acquired.

Song playing right now:

None. Nothing. The extended version of 4'33". It's not because I'm at work, either. The only time I hear music is if Lovely Wife puts some on.

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

Someone to Watch Over Me by George Gershwin. Played for Lovely Wife and I by the strolling violinist at The Friar's Table whilst we celebrated our first wedding anniversary.

Georgia On My Mind by Ray Charles. The reason for the above noted CD purchase. This song is gorgeous. The Ray soundtrack has two versions, one studio and one live. You can hear Ray Charles alternately smiling and crying during the live version. Breathtaking.

Speaking of Ray Charles, did you get a look at that new grand piano he's using now? No? Neither did he.

Back in Black by AC/DC. This was the first song I heard after boot camp. It was like emerging from a dark room into blinding light. Any time I hear it now I get an emotional lift. Plus, AC/DC just plain out kicks ass.

Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd. This song puts me in a happy place. I guess it's just part of being a voluntary southerner.

No Woman, No Cry by Bob Marley. Everything gonna be all right.

Five people to whom IÂ’m passing the musical baton: I need to make up for a couple of lousy answers so I'm going to pass this to six people: the inestimable Snooze Crew™!

Posted by: Jim at 12:02 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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I bet you're all wondering where the anecdotes and stories of our Warshington trip are. They're coming, I just haven't had a chance to put them into pixels yet. You see, I had a very exciting return to work that has had me quite occupied and distracted...

Wednesday was my first day back to work. It was also Boss's last day at work. This came as quite a surprise because as late as Tuesday evening I was confirming future meetings with him. Needless to say, he was as surprised as I was. So I'm getting a new boss starting on Tuesday. What does this mean apart from putting that butterfly feeling in my belly?

The mega project I'm doing business analysis for now has no project manager at all. Boss was working PM for that project, you see. He was in the closing stages of contract negotiation with our biggest information provider as well as holder of the project plan. I'm keeping it together on my own and am getting decent support. I'll be meeting with Almost Boss and Boss² today to see what we need to do to keep it on schedule.

My move into an official PM position is no longer as tight. This was my Boss's plan and he's gone now. On the plus side I've got the full support of Almost Boss. I'm meeting with Boss² later today to discuss. Fingers crossed, please.

The department is in a bit of turmoil. We're very deep into defining processes and procedures. Work on this has been going like gangbusters since our Chicago meeting. This was Boss's initiative. What happens now? We've decided to keep going full steam until somebody tells us different and are meeting for a strategy session today.

New Boss has extensive experience with organizing and training project managers. This is very, very good. I expect training resources to become available and strong support for our streamlining and process development efforts.

So my overall opinion is mixed. Boss was a great boss. He was very personable and an extremely straight shooter. He also had the confidence in his people to assign tasks and then back off unless his help was needed. In the age of micromanagement this mix of traits was priceless. He's going to be missed. On the other hand New Boss has more experience with this particular department type and specific experience in getting a young department up to speed.

Good? Bad? Ugly? We'll have to wait and see.

Posted by: Jim at 08:21 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Hello faithful SBD readers! I am one of the beloved Snooze Crew that has taken over in Jim's absence.

I had to beg for help on some ideas of what to write about here while Jim is gone, and someone gave me a stellar idea. Favorite Summertime Memories.

My Favorite Summertime Memory happened about 10 years ago when my eldest daughter was 5 years old. more...

Posted by: Denise at 06:41 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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After I posted that editorial yesterday it put me in the mood to write another one. Today's is about general failings of today's schools and a glimse of the light at the end of the tunnel.

Posted by: Jim at 08:49 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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...NOT the brown wire with the yellow stripe.

We had some excitement at work yesterday. Around 2:30 our receptionist made an announcement along the lines of "If you discarded a black bag in the garbage can out front we REALLY need to talk with you. Please come to the front desk." I didn't think any more of it until I was outside catching a smoke with some building neighbors and the subject came up.

One of said neighbors was an agent of the ATF. They own two floors of our office building. The FBI offices are in the next building.

He was saying that they did have to take things like that seriously because they really did get things sent to them and threats made to them. Constantly. Several times a week in this office alone and the FBI had it worse. more...

Posted by: Jim at 01:34 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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On the ride home yesterday my eye was caught by motion in the car to the right and a little bit in front of me. The passenger of said vehicle had just done a full head turn and was looking at me. The young, female passenger. Traffic separated us before I got more than a glance.

A minute or so later the traffic flow brought me back alongside them. This time driver and passenger both gave me a look. That's young, female driver and passenger. The young, female driver smiled. I smiled back and did the "Howdy" head nod. Traffic flow separated us again.

I know what you're thinking 'cause I was thinking the exact same thing. Visible booger, right? A quick check put the lie to that assumption. Next most obvious thing was to verify that I was indeed driving in my milk white mini-van. There's always the possibility I accidentally got into a Maserati when I left work and just hadn't realized. But no, I was definitely in the mini-van. Neither was I inadvertently shirtless, topped with messed up hair, nor obviously discolored by ink or food.

Traffic brought us alongside a couple more times until we both turned off in separate directions at the same intersection. Each time the girls would look over at me and the driver would have a big smile for me. With all other options eliminated I was forced to the only logical conclusion: I'm a hottie.

(Either that or they recognized me from the infamous cow pic.)

Posted by: Jim at 12:35 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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On Sunday we took the boys to Stone Mountain Park, our favorite place in all the outdoors. With the possible exception of just outside the carport in front of the burn barrel while drinking beers and tossing back vodka shots.

Where was I? Oh, yeah - Stone Mountain. We had the two boys from next door as well since their adults were off to Taladagua Taluhdagua Tailadaygua Talladega to watch redneck drive-bys NASCAR race. For those of you who don't know parent math, five boys are approximately four times as many as three boys after putting them through the "Outdoor Nature" algorithm and multiplying by the "Peer Impression" conversion factor.

They were suspiciously well behaved. I began to think that I had made an error in my math calculations. Perhaps I'd failed to carry the 1? We went to a classic car show in the fair grounds and the worst they did was an occasional touch of a highly polished muscle machine. I couldn't fault them too much for this as I myself was having a difficult time not rubbing my groin on some of those beauties.

The next stop was a ride on the SkyRider (aka sky-lift) to the top of the mountain. Again, they behaved almost frighteningly well. The only gaff here was Bear(5) walking into a puddle after being specifically told not to walk into a puddle (no extra socks or shoes on hand, otherwise we turn them loose). Maybe we didn't see their typical boyish terrorism up there simply because we didn't have enough time. It was right chilly on the top of the mountain, we had no coats, and the trip was aborted pretty quickly. more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:01 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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