Tell us about the first album you ever owned. What was it, was there a story behind it? How about the last album you acquired?

The very first music album (after the genuine kid stuff like Snoopy and the Red Baron and various Muppets records) was Dr. Hook: A little Bit More.

My Mom and I with my little brother were staying with my Aunt to help with my Uncle (who was failing rapidly). My Dad bought me the Dr.Hook album because my cousines told him that this was what the hip crowd wanted to listen to. It blew my mind completely and irrevocably. My mom overheard it the second day I had it in the house and she confiscated it. She said she was giving it back to my Dad, this music was too grown up for me.

Well it was way too late. In the short time that I had posession of that album I listened to it more than a dozen times straight through and a select few songs (When You're in Love With a Beautiful Woman, A Little Bit More and Sexy Eyes) dozens more. I got the boogy in my blood and it never left.

After that I bugged my older brother constantly for all of his funk. I begged, borrowed and stole my Dad's Bee-Gee's, Barry Manilow and Wayne Newton. I sat at the radio every Saturday morning with my Radio Shack tape recorder jacked in to record the best off of Casey's Top 40. It was the beginning of the end of my childhood.

The very last album I purchased for myself was Concrete Blonde y Los Illegals.

Johnette was spending too much time south of the border and it showed in the music. The hard driving riffs I loved and expected from Blonde weren't there. The sweet scratchy ululations of Napolitano were absent. The band had gone adrift and was faltering badly.

I lost faith in music with this album. I'd already been on a downward spiral and this was the capper. Since this CD in 1997 I haven't purchased a musical album. Don't cry for me, it hasn't been a sad parting, nor a total one. I listen to the radio occasionally in the car. I borrow CDs or MP3s sometimes when I'm curious about a song or artist. So far I haven't been seriously tempted to buy another CD.

What's your story? Give it to us in the comments here or post on your own blog and trackback to this post so we can follow along.

Posted by: Jim at 11:13 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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It's open mic night at Michele's place. Go visit and leave your mark for posterity.

Posted by: Jim at 08:11 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Maybe it's wrong to think this way but I keep coming back to it. The only way to get a peaceful Middle East is through the creation of parking lots of magnificent size. Start the paving in Palestine.

See Meirav was two at Meryl Yourish's place. You may want to grab a tissue and remove anything breakable from easy reach before you click on that link.

Posted by: Jim at 11:28 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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No? Then these guys are way ahead of the times.

My favorite part isn't Target Man getting hit by the roman candles. It's at the end when he rips off his flaming shirt and screams for water and the Production Assistant Of Doom throws the bucket of water on the discarded shirt instead of Target Man's smoldering hair.

What people won't do to get on MTV these days.

Posted by: Jim at 10:41 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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What in the world could make a brown eyed boy turn blue? Can't help you with that question but I do know the answer to "What's the easiest way to get Rob to do a total site redesign?" The answer of course is "Pooch his upgrade to MT3".

The end result is a fine looking blog though so all's well that ends well. Go visit Rob and let him know what you think of the new design.

He's also giving out 50 XSet points this week so keep an eye out for those. Remember, every 5 XSet points can get you a Snooze Point! ;-)

Posted by: Jim at 09:24 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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This guy's going on the blogroll: Pork Tornado.

excerpt

Coffee has porn names. I had a conversation with my boss about that over a cup of “Dark Passion” the other day, and I got an e-mail from one of my friends today about the same thing. She doesn’t want her name on this website, so I’ll call her “Slutface”. Slutface said she was drinking a coffee called “Secret Dreams”, which described its flavor as “A burst of nutty sweetness”. For the hell of it, I went into the kitchen to see how our own Dark Passion was described.

“A sweet, buttery taste, and the luscious aroma of roasted nuts.”

Hehehe. Nutbutter.

Posted by: Jim at 08:41 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It's Crappy Post Day (tm)! For those of you who have joined us since the last Crappy Post Day (tm) and for those regulars who have managed to blank Crappy Post Day (tm) from your minds, allow me to give a brief explanation.

Crappy Post Day (tm) is what happens when I am too busy to write anything for myself but the gut wrenching pangs of guilt force me to attend to my bloggerly duties regardless. What you get on Crappy Post Day (tm) are links to other peoples' stuff (said stuff being way better than things you'll find at The Snooze on this fateful day) and things that people send me or I pick up on my wanderings. Oh yes, I'm still wandering. No time to write something amusing for y'all but plenty of time to aimlessly trek through the drek (that rhymes!) that is our beloved blogosphere. Does that make me a bad person? I doubt it. Next to signing up everybody on my notify list to the Al Franken fan club, that hardly registers.

Posted by: Jim at 08:37 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The scene: Two bearded men are asleep in bed in the classic spoon position. The morning call to prayer awakens them. They hurriedly jump from bed, pull on robes and kneel on their prayer mats. They are in the midst of prayers when one suddenly sits up as if coming to a realization.

Abdul: Yassir...last night...you got your anus on my external najaset*.

Yassir: No Abdul, you got your external najaset in my anus.

Abdul: You fool! You attempted to make your anus Pak** using a handful of gravel!

Yassir: The Taharat*** allows one to make their anus Pak using stone.

Abdul: But not when an external najasat reaches the anus! In this case only water may make the anus Pak! You are engaged in prayer with a najis**** anus!

Yassir: Um...I...but...

Abdul: Infidel!!

Abdul reaches into his robe and detonates his bomb belt.

The moral of the story: Fundamentalists do not make successful gay lovers.

* As near as I can figure, an 'external najaset' is somebody else's cock.
** 'Pak' means 'acceptably clean'.
*** The 'Taharat' is the list of 83 rules that Islam specifies to take a dump, brush teeth, etc.
**** 'Najis' is 'dirty'. Not in the naughty sex kitten way like "Oh, you are a dirty little girl" but more in the "soiled with bodily fluids" sort of way.

Posted by: Jim at 01:50 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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The scene: Dopple-G and I are driving into work in the early morning hours. As it often does, our conversation turns weird.

Dopple-G: If you were a chick, what would you do for a living?

Me: I'd screw.

Dopple-G: You'd be a whore?

Me: No, I'd have a lot of sex and make a lot of money.

Dopple-G: That's called being a whore.

Me: Well I'd be having sex because I want to have a lot of sex. The money is just a bonus. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:23 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Weight costs money, right? So does size. To transport, I mean. Smaller, lighter packages are much cheaper to move around. They're also better for retailers - more stock can fit in the same space.

Diaper wipes are basically just wet fabric toilet paper. Why not ship them dry and have the user add a 1/4 cup of water when they open the pack?

The size savings would be immense (y'all have seen the sponge the size of a business card that expands to a 4" x 8" dishcleaner, right?). The weight savings would be phenomenal.

Am I brilliant or what?

Posted by: Jim at 10:58 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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The Porsche Boxster has a rounded rear with a single large exhaust dead center in the chassis.

It looks like a butthole.

A gaping butthole.

Posted by: Jim at 10:23 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Long-time readers might recall my penchant for jotting down topics to write about later. When an idea gets into my head I'll just note a few key elements and those will allow me to recall the thought process and gist of what I was thinking at a later time. It doesn't always work.

While reviewing my notepad here at work I found a few lines in one corner of a back page that are an obvious topic note to myself but I can't recall what the hell I was thinking. (Therefore the title of this post! See how it's all coming together?)

Here is the note, reproduced in all its glory:

"Hit the head"

Ozymandias

smack his head

Long Meeting

have to pee

Why is the first line in quotes? Was I looking for etymology of the phrase? What did the King of Kings have to do with Navy bathrooms? Why is he smacking his head. Or is that a command to smack Ozy in the noggin? The last two lines seem to go well together until I tell you that in Jim shorthand that capitalization is for a reason so "Long Meeting" is a title.

Can anybody put these together into cogent (or amusing) form?

Posted by: Jim at 10:19 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The 22nd Bestofme Symphony is up at Dramaqueen. Go visit Goldie and get your read on. The best posts in the Blogosphere wait for nobody. Well, I guess they do wait, seeing as they're sort of sitting there and all. But get over there anyway. You'll be glad that you did.

Hosting: Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note and I'll get you on the schedule.

Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.

Spread the word: Webloggers, how about some linky love? Goldie would appreciate it and just think of how happy your readers would be if you gave them such a treat.

Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, join the mailing list. There's one email sent on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.

Posted by: Jim at 05:23 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Kate's got the beat in her boogie. Or is that some boogies in her beets? Either way, the Snark Hunt is back and it's baaaaaad.

Posted by: Jim at 07:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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There is one certainty in motivational sayings: The more pretentious the saying, the more inaccurate it will be. We can call it Peacock's Law. Today's welcoming message to the office is a perfect example.

Behold the turtle! He makes progress only when he sticks out his neck.

Um...no. A turtle will make progress by sticking out his legs. Sticking out his head will give him a wider field of view but has no effect on his ability to progress.

Is this bad saying salvageable? I'm not sure. Let's try some modification:

Behold the turtle! He can make steady progress without exposing himself to undue risk.

Yeah, in today's business climate that one is a winner and it has a more businesslike ring than the flip side:

Behold the turtle! No matter how much he exposes himself he can't come any faster.

That last version could get a lawsuit started.

Posted by: Jim at 07:29 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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French Vanilla is really just Marshmallow flavor.

Posted by: Jim at 06:21 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 fucking Frenchies..they can't steal "marshmallow" from us!

Posted by: jimi at May 03, 2004 07:12 PM (lN8eP)

2 Nope. I think you'll find that, marshmallow flavour is really just French Vanilla! ))

Posted by: Stop the British National Party (BNP) at May 13, 2004 06:17 AM (hJD+E)

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It's really great that you're trying to make your stores seem like higher class retail establishments. Hey, whatever works is fine with me. If your objective is attracting the folks who get embarrassed at Wall Mart then you go ahead and do that.

My problem is with your television commercials. You got rid of the dog and for that I am thankful. A pit bull with redeye just wasn't the greatest mascot. Spuds Mackenzie should have taught you that. But now you've gone to these freaky thirty second art student pieces that are impossible to "get" without a sufficient amount of narcotic assistance. A commercial should not be reminiscent of a French culture piece minus the crying clown.

Tell me what's on sale and then get the fuck off of my television.

Thanks.

Posted by: Jim at 11:33 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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