I had the weirdest thing happen to me yesterday. While preparing the plates for dinner I started getting a nauseous feeling and a pain in my gut. No, it was not a biological commentary on Lovely Wife's cooking - the food was excellent as always.

I ignored it and we sat down and began to eat. The pain got worse. Quickly. Within a minute or two it was so bad I couldn't sit up straight and I was breaking out in a cold sweat. It felt like somebody had smashed me in the belly with a mattock.

I excused myself and laid down on the couch. Within a few minutes it had passed. I went back to the table where Lovely Wife, after making sure I was indeed okay, told me about this weird thing that had happened to her earlier in the day. She had an episode with nausea and intense gut pain that hit her and left within a couple of minutes.

What the hell was this? I've heard of the 24 hour flu. Is there some freaky 5 minute flu going around?

Posted by: Jim at 11:53 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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1 This is absolutely not a commentary on your dietary habits, your onion intake, or anyone's cooking-it just sounds like a case of the really bad gas. Seriously. Sometimes you can get pockets of them that hurt like a big dog, and once they clear an area in your rumbly bits, the pain goes away. Take it from a chick with IBS. It can happen.

Posted by: Helen at January 07, 2005 12:17 PM (QL3eA)

2 Oh, wow. You mean you get this sort of pain regularly? Holy shit. I've got no problem with pain. Me and pain go way back. Case in point - I was a lacrosse goalie. That means I voluntarily accepted a position where my purpose was to impose my body between the goal and a concrete ball traveling at 100 mph. That's what it felt like when it hit you, anyway. And it hit me pretty regularly. I have not matured any since then. Still, I have no idea how I would cope with this particular pain if it happened frequently. It was that bad.

Posted by: Jim at January 07, 2005 12:27 PM (tyQ8y)

3 Maybe you're pregnant.

Posted by: Victor and his seventeen pet rats at January 07, 2005 12:49 PM (L3qPK)

4 Can't be. I just had my period.

Posted by: Jim at January 07, 2005 12:59 PM (tyQ8y)

5 Dude.. I've had the same thing happen to me recently. I got all hot and broke out into a cold sweat while I was on the toilet. It was rough! It passed a little later. I went to the doctor the next day, and after a few tests and X Rays he devised that I was in fact being eaten from the inside out by a parasitic twin I had been hosting since birth. Seriously, though... Do you take alot of aspirin? Over the counter pain medications?

Posted by: Dortch at January 07, 2005 01:06 PM (DhhRx)

6 No, I haven't taken an over the counter medication in weeks. I use the good stuff from the guy on the corner. I am taking piroxicam but none of the symptoms include evil twin gnawing an escape route or 10 pound hammer in the belly.

Posted by: Jim at January 07, 2005 01:13 PM (tyQ8y)

7 Ahhh, that happens to me all the time. Just eat more Twizzlers and Pepsi... it'll clear right up. 8^)

Posted by: tre at January 07, 2005 02:02 PM (F2On3)

8 Hmmm...if you're getting it all the time maybe it's caused by Twizzlers and Pepsi. I'm not allowed to drink Pepsi in any case. Just being seen with one in Atlanta is considered just cause for a lynching.

Posted by: Jim at January 07, 2005 02:11 PM (tyQ8y)

9 Helen,IBS is what they told me but never gave me meds for it (not that I would take them anyways LOL).Even had a "stool" sample test.Wonder if they ever checked for parasites?They did when I was a kid...had worms (WTF?).Wonder if something is still lingering arround?One of my kids had that...lots of pain and they never found anything untill years later they found the parasites.PAin was cured within days.

Posted by: LW at January 07, 2005 02:52 PM (GCA5m)

10 Yeah....screw Pepsi!Coke rules,Pepsi doesn't even go up my noose!

Posted by: LW at January 07, 2005 02:54 PM (GCA5m)

11 You ever wonder what would have happened in Alien if the burster had decided to hit the snoozebutton...? Seriously though folks, I'm with Helen on this one.

Posted by: Rob at January 07, 2005 04:17 PM (hhqTZ)

12 Jim, I have IBS too. Something you never want. You ever watch Sopranos? Adrianna? That's me to a T. Stress triggers it. I rather go through child birth again than have an IBS episode. But what you had did sound like gas. Did you fart? NO never mind I don't wanna know.

Posted by: Tiffani at January 07, 2005 04:27 PM (KE4Gu)

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My New Years resolutions are a bit different from most people's. Like I explained last year I don't have a lot of interest in them. If something needs changing I change it when I recognize the problem. Plus, my inner reflection cycle tends to hit at around my birthday and not the end of the year (yet more proof of my inherent egocentricity).

Last year I made resolutions that were guaranteed winners. If I kept them that meant I had succeeded in keeping a resolution. If I broke them it meant I was actually better off personally. I like to play with a fixed deck don't ya know.

This year I'm stacking the deck in a different manner and my resolutions are absolutely genuine. They're just easier to reach than most others.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

In 2005 I resolve to:

1. Dance like a whirling dervish on crack when Osama gets his multiple 5.56 mm plumbum injections.


2. Laugh from deep in my belly when Michael Moore's next propaganda film crashes and dies at the box office.


3. Repeat #1 but with an Irish jig.


4. Say "I told you so" repeatedly and with conviction.


5. Assume a glassy eyed stare whenever a wingnut or moonbat opens his gob to emit vomitous rhetoric.


6. Maybe a little more #1 with a dash of extra #2.


7. Stop making numbered lists.


8. Change my mind about #7.


9. Eventually make those damned cookies!


10. Lots and lots of sleeping.

There. That's a healthy list of 10 resolutions. I am on the road to personal success and satisfaction now.

Feel free to chime in with your own in the comments. I must warn you though - if I get the impression that they are serious attempts at self improvement I will heckle you mercilessly.

Posted by: Jim at 11:52 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 Hey, if you dance like a dervish, use your hand to spot. If you get dizzy, spin the other way. Repeat. I'll be joining you

Posted by: Jacqui at January 07, 2005 10:33 PM (x268O)

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I bet epileptics are the freaking kings of masturbation.

Druggies going through DTs might give them a run for the money but they're probably just not as 'into it'.

This is probably going to bother me until I find an epileptic and a druggy and have them compare notes.

Posted by: Jim at 11:59 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Koffi Annan:

"Our response to this unprecedented catastrophe must be equally unprecedented."

Since the tsunami deaths and displacement are more than assuredly precedented in numbers he must mean that the genocide in Sudan does not qualify as a catastrophe. Doesn't the systematic murder and forced displacement of the black populace of Sudan by the ruling Islamic power seem catastrophic to you?

There are some serious differences between these two catastrophes though. One was an unpredictable natural disaster, the other is an ongoing disaster perpetrated by man against man. One has garnered massive international aid, the other has been largely ignored. One has Koffi Annan calling for a billion dollars for assistance, the other is a UN budget item. One has the full backing of the UN, the other is a footnote to partisan byblows.

Most importantly, one has absolutely nothing to do with the UN charter while the other is precisely what the UN was formed to deal with.

The UN is dead in all but name. They function adequately as a substitute and support mechanism for international humanitarian aid but this is not their purpose. For the crises they were created to deal with they have the same success and authority as a crackpot in the woods writing letters to the editor.

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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When they need life-saving prescription medication they are a kid, therefore not permitted to carry prescription medication.

When they want a tan they are a kid, therefore not permitted to use a tanning bed.

When they want an abortion they are not a kid. They can leave class with the school's blessing, escorted by a non-guardian and unrelated adult, and go get an abortion.

In California (and too many other states), a kid is a kid when a special interest group has bullied or bargained their narrow focus into law.

Stop legislating morality. Let kids be kids and let their parents raise them.

(Inspired by an excellent post at Different River. Go there for links to all of those news items.)

Posted by: Jim at 12:52 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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It was a beautiful sunny day. One of those superior Saturdays in July with eighty something degree temperature and a delightful little breeze. We took the boys down the the town green in Duluth. There is a big open fountain that the kids love to play in and a ready supply of water for the numerous squirt guns that anti-social folk like us keep ready to hand.

We had a blast with only a few threats of death by strangulation for our aquatic mischief. There was a minor issue when we discovered a lack of dry clothing to change into. A bag had been forgotten when we packed up the van. We solved the problem by enjoying some ice cream cones while we waited for our clothes to dry. Not having a new pull-up for Burger was a concern but we sat him down on a few towels in case there was an accident in the van.

On the way home we decided to stop at Blockbuster. There was a new GameCube in the house and the Bear was dying to get something to play. This turned out to be a less than ideal decision. You see, the children were almost completely re-energized by the rest at the end of play and were now highly fueled by the sugar rich ice cream snack. We were not so much looking for things to rent as we were herding cats.

We split up in an attempt to cover more territory. The boys seemed to be gravitating toward the tower of games display where every console system is set up with demo games. I was stationed in this area keeping an eye on Bear and Bacon as Lovely Wife tried to quickly find a rental so we could escape. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 OMG....I had TOTALLY forgotten about this one! Damn.....I am in tears now!LOLLOLLOL

Posted by: LW at January 05, 2005 12:06 PM (GCA5m)

2 Bursting out laughing while pretending to work..IN A LIBRARY...is no good, J-Snooze! Shame on you! GREAT story!!

Posted by: DeAnna at January 05, 2005 12:47 PM (IdVP4)

3 Oops, I just pinged that twice. I haven't learned of the miraculous auto-tattling thing that MT does yet...

Posted by: Tiffany at January 05, 2005 12:59 PM (R2wme)

4 Now that was a web log!

Posted by: matt at January 05, 2005 04:48 PM (73eJg)

5 Burger deserves a high-five for that one. He expressed my opinion PERFECTLY about Blockbuster. A company that is on my shit list (excuse the pun) for life...

Posted by: diamond dave at January 05, 2005 04:52 PM (OPflN)

6 that's some real shit...

Posted by: Clancy at January 05, 2005 05:06 PM (JxYJc)

7 Ohmahgawd. I totally forgot my own rule wherein I don't visit your site when anyone else in the house might be sleeping. The screaming laughter is generally not appreciated. God, I love your kids.

Posted by: Margi at January 06, 2005 03:09 AM (rKX9f)

8 Oh God. ALl I could keep thinking was: Please don't kick it under the shelf and do a runner. Please don't kick it under the shelf and do a runner. Please don't kick it under the shelf and do a runner. If anyone needs me, I am coming down from the Valium.

Posted by: Helen at January 06, 2005 06:13 AM (QL3eA)

9 I'm putting on my "smugly childless" look right now :-)

Posted by: Harvey at January 06, 2005 01:54 PM (tJfh1)

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Paul lost a big-ass post. Don't you just hate it when that happens? I don't. That is, I would hate it if it happened but I learned long ago to protect my sanity and will to live by typing my posts in Notepad. There's an even better way now!

Rob found this nifty little utility called SharpMT. Offline post creation integrated with your Moveable Type blog! Holy sweetness, Batman!

It's got spellcheck, auto book lookup, some music thing I haven't figured out yet, formatting, URL and formatting doohickeys, multiple categories, extended entry and excerpt support, all those doohickeys at the bottom of the MT entry screen that you never use but just might want to check out some day ... hot damn!

I wrote this post in it, by the way.

Update: And I updated it in SharpMT too! Damn, I love toys. Especially useful ones!

Update: Okay, editing seems to just make a new post so don't do that.

Posted by: Jim at 10:44 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The boys are illin'. It started on Sunday with Bear. A 103 degree fever, listless apathy and miserability. Sore throat, no appetite, unquenchable thirst. All you parents out there are thinking "strep", right? So were we.

Sunday night featured Burger getting it. He was up the entire night crying and whining, just totally miserable. Monday morning brought Bacon into the mix with symptoms even more severe than the others.

A look down the throats Monday eve showed severe red irritation and white spots. Strep. Egad! After a relatively unsuccessful dinner of Jim's super-fluffy scrambled eggs (traditional sicko comfort food) we packed up the miserable lot and headed to the urgent care center. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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I just finished an excellent article on Evil SQA Practices that would bore the vast majority of you into a stupor the envy of major drug manufacturers. But one bit of it rang a big ol' bell in my noggin:

There was a small Polynesian island in a remote part of the Pacific Rim where the inhabitants lived in grass huts and raised pigs for their skins. One night, during an intense tropical storm, lightening struck a hut with a pig inside. The hut burned to the ground, and the next day, as the locals were sifting through the charred remains of the hut, they came across the burned up and still smoldering pig. It smelled pretty good, so a young boy broke off a piece and tasted it. It tasted good. This is how the islanders discovered roasted pig. A week or so went by and the islanders got hungry for roast pig. So they put a pig inside another hut and burnt that hut to the ground.

So the practice was to burn down huts. The principle was wanting to satisfy their hunger, specifically for roasted pig. If the islanders would have continued to focus on practices, they would eventually become homeless. To, instead, focus on principles could have lead the islanders to the invention of the barbeque and have spared their huts.

So terrorism is a practice. Do they even remember their principles?

Posted by: Jim at 09:51 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Ilyka made the 5,000th* comment on Snooze Button Dreams. It was a Happy New Year wish too, so that makes it extra special.

Ilyka, you win a year's supply of air and all the toilet paper in your house. Congratulations!

* Not counting the 10 or 11 thousand spam comments that have been deleted.

Posted by: Jim at 08:04 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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There is sickness running rampant in the house. No baking until I've passed the incubation period and know I'm not communicable.

The microphone purchase will need to wait until next paycheck. It comes down to mic or haircut and my hair is touching my ears. This causes obsessive compulsive hair management so must be corrected with extreme prejudice.

Counties are much smaller down here. Atlanta proper is in five of them and there are a good dozen in the Atlanta Metro area. Watch what counties you're house hunting in - some have a much higher property tax system than others.

Posted by: Jim at 04:05 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Yay! Like a belated Christmas gift the sixth installment of The Great Dismal has arrived.

Oh, and Mr.Fielek? If I have to wait the better part of a quarter year for part VII after the way you ended VI, I will go bat-shit nutso. No pressure now but I thought you should know about the possible ramifications.

Posted by: Jim at 01:23 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I never thought it could happen - a caption contest that returns not a single sexual innuendo. I'm speechless. And I'm buying a lottery ticket today.

Victor, I don't have the story behind this picture but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say it was along the lines of "Combine meets Cessna. Cessna loses."

Grand Prize: 5 points
Heard minutes before: "Hey guys! Watch this!"
Kev

First runner up: 3 points (selected by a homeless puppy with big sad eyes)
And that's why boxcutters aren't allowed on SMALL planes, either.
Harvey

Second runner up: 2 points (selected by all the rice in China)
You think THAT'S tight formation flying? You ain't seen nuthin'... watch THIS...
Mike the Marine

Third runner up: 1 point (selected by Dan Rather, on an IBM Selectrix)
Sissors beats paper.
Susie

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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It's 70 degrees and sunny. On January 1. Global warming kicks ass!

We've procured a stash of fire wood for some burnin' this evening. Trey's coming over and I'm making my world famous spinach stuffed portabella mushrooms with butter sauce.

I have no hangover. I can't remember the last time I had a January 1 without a hangover. I think I was 9.

The new year is starting out smashingly well.

And, as I look back on the year in review it doesn't seem nearly as bad as it did when we were going through it. True, I lost my job. But then again I got a better job. True also that I got very ill. I'm mostly better now. The only thing that's still bothering me much about that is my feet and they're on the way to getting fixed now.

Add into that our menagerie. Sure I bitch about hosting the Peacock Zoo but the truth is I love animals and as long as I'm not cleaning litter boxes they get a net positive balance.

We've got a new house in a neighborhood that we love. The firework displays around the neighborhood last night might have been a shade less dramatic that professional shows but they more than made up for it with enthusiasm and variety. That's the kind of neighborhood I want my kids growing up in.

Friends - I've made loads of them through this weblog this year. I've greatly strengthened other ones. We rediscovered friends we'd sort of lost over distance since we moved. It was a great year for friendships.

So even though there were some very dark roads to walk down this year we not only made it through the dangerous parts, we ended up in a much better place. 2004 was a very good year.

Here's hoping that 2005 is even better (which it will be, with a bit of work) and wishing the same for all of you.

Happy New Year!

Posted by: Jim at 02:56 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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