Yes, I comment more than I blog. Yes, I understand this makes me a horrible nuisance. I can't help it. I'm amazingly bored.

Speaking of which, I went and bought the stuff I needed to make the Yakima racks work with my Prelude. Now I can stack the kayaks, surfboard, and mountainbike on top of my car. Won't that look funny.

You ever see a speck in your water glass and wonder if maybe you shouldn't swallow it? I mean, chances are it's harmless, because even if it's something really nasty like gnat diarreah; it's only a tiny little speck. You won't even taste it and it's not even going to register in your system, right? But what if it is something like, say, uranium or lead. And that speck is just enough to give you some fucked up symptoms right? And when you go to the Emergency Department with all this fucked up shit happening to you, the doctors there are totally confused; and you end up dieing from something completely random? I mean, should I be drinking out of glasses at all?

Posted by: shank at 09:09 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 190 words, total size 1 kb.

Is 'tomorrow' an actual place in time, or simply a concept? I mean, people often will reference 'tomorrow' at 2am when they're actually talking about the very same day. The thing is, this doesn't confuse anyone; which I assume means that there's a conceptual understanding of tomorrow. Tomorrow isn't simply defined as the day following 12am; it's more like, the day that follows my sleep; whenever that may be. Which I kind of like, since I tend to enjoy thinking about time and it's passage as a more conceptual, fluid progression as opposed to a linear model. You know that's one of the reasons why the Navajo language was so effective as a code? Their concept of time is more similar to a woven mat than the European concept of a time line.

And check this out, Tom Cruise's new movie isn't doing so hot. People are saying it's because he's been so openly wingnutting his way through press appearances. I caught this article off Drudge from FoxNews that throws the numbers out on how bad the movie's doing, and how Paramount is pissing its pants over the cash losses. Then I hit this sentance:
And that's the irony here: "M: I3" is a terrific action film. Director J.J. Abrams did a great job, and the entire cast from Cruise right through to the team and various supporting players do a convincing job.
Cruise has several fantastic stunts that will take your breath away. It would be a shame if everyone waited to watch it at home on small screens.
For some reason, after the article had spent some time discussing the suckitude of the film at the box office; this portion just felt odd. Then it dawned on me. Who owns Fox? Hmm...yeah, wait for it; Paramount. Nice ad placement, but I think I'll wait for the DVD. There are just too many reasons to avoid theaters anyways.

The wife and I just bought this digital video camera, and it's one bad mofo too. I'm thinking of rigging up an in-car mount for the camera to record track days from the cockpit perspective. Which is another hobby I think I might start back up with again. I ran a full season of SOLO-II events and won 1st in my class for the region. Haven't hit the track in the past year or so since then though. Maybe I'll start back up. It would give me an excuse to use the cam.

Posted by: shank at 02:52 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 418 words, total size 2 kb.

To all the spammers,
May you find your end in Hell
Next to Carrot Top.
- - - - - - -

Boredom, like the sound
of snow falling around me,
comforts and quiets.

- - - - - - -
I suck at haiku,
hated poetry in school.
Today, I still do.
----
Hey, that last one rhymed. Maybe I'll go warm up some eggrolls.

Posted by: shank at 10:59 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 68 words, total size 1 kb.

So, I finally finished my MBA. Made my last presentation to the client company on Monday, and they were pleased. The faculty actually congratulated me on earning my MBA on the spot, which gave me the warm fuzzies. Yeah, sometimes I do get the warm fuzzies. Does that make me gay? I don't think so, but I'm no expert. Anyways, I give you the:

more...

Posted by: shank at 09:15 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 524 words, total size 3 kb.

IÂ’m fascinated with shrunken heads. The Jivaro tribe from Ecuador and Peru did an outstanding job with these. And when I say shrunken heads, I mean shrinking down an actual human head so that it looks just like it did on someoneÂ’s shoulders, but is the size of an orange. And a little wrinkly.

HereÂ’s a gallery of great photos.

One of these things would look great hanging from my rearview.

Ebay, here I come.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 11:39 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 85 words, total size 1 kb.

Everything you need to know about wine

ItÂ’s Friday and that means IÂ’m writing about cultural pursuits. Today weÂ’re tackling wine. YouÂ’d be surprised how little you need to know before you can act like a jackass or impress a skank.

LetÂ’s start with the fundamentals. YouÂ’ve got your reds and youÂ’ve got your whites. Champagne is beyond the scope of this article and blush is a joke that no elitist would ever tolerate (unless someone gave me a box for free). Since this topic is vast, this week were going to talk exclusively about red wines.

Interesting Fact
HereÂ’s a tip you may not know. Some very fine wines now come with screw caps. Due to problems with cork, more and more wineries have begun using screw on caps, which actually do a great job. No oxidation and no corked wine.

I would be impossible to impart the whole of my wine knowledge in brief, smart-assed article so IÂ’m going to skip over a lot of vital information about pairing wine to food. Instead just remember that a very bold red wine may overpower your palette if youÂ’re eating something delicate.

Red wines are classified in several ways: dry, sweet, heavy, light as well as by varietals and region. Sweet wines are for pussies. If you suspect you might be a pussy, you should probably order a Pinot Noir or a Zinfandel as opposed to a real wine, like Cabernet.

In order to make things practical: If you go to a decent steakhouse like MortonÂ’s or Ruth's Chris the most appropriate wine choice is Cabernet. ItÂ’s really that simple. A nice heavy cab is the perfect accent to a New York Strip. When youÂ’re ensconced in a high leather backed booth ordering rare meat, it really is the only choice unless youÂ’re a pussy.

There are some people out there who insist on drinking merlot. I used to tease people who drank merlot until that stupid movie came out and now it’s become passé. In my opinion, merlot is for people who are just starting to enjoy red wines. They can be very smooth and unassuming and I can understand that to some people, any wine that doesn’t taste terrible to them is a good wine. But the fact is, as your palette becomes more educated, you’ll realize that merlots do not have the complexity that a good cab provides. I find them boring. It’s like a virtuoso musician forced to play country music. It’s so simplistic that it’s a tiresome bore.

more...

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:58 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 763 words, total size 5 kb.

Why do people videotape themselves having sex?

I really want to know.

First of all, these things have a way of coming back to haunt you. ItÂ’s undeniable. Secondly, I donÂ’t understand the appeal. I hate having my picture taken. IÂ’m talking about still photos, fully clothed. When I see a picture of myself I cringeÂ…and itÂ’s been said IÂ’m not too hard on the eyes.

I just canÂ’t imagine watching a videotape of myself having sex.

I would have to sit there and critique my own performance. How could I not? How could anybody not? I find the concept incomprehensible.

Why am I making that face? I shouldnÂ’t bend my neck like that. Look at my hair.

Yet some people make these things habitually. What am I missing? Is there something wrong with me?

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 01:59 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 139 words, total size 1 kb.

Aside from drunken hookups with skanks and having to dance to poorly chosen music, the bouquet toss has always been a peril. IÂ’ve seen chicks smash into the cake table trying to catch the bouquet on more than one occasion.

Now it appears theyÂ’ve got snipers waiting in the woods. This chick went for the bouquet and got shot.

On a related note, nothing gives me more pleasure than when a crass, drunken idiot catches the garter and a shy, demure lass in revealing clothing catches the bouquet. When the guy starts pushing that thing up the girlÂ’s leg everybody in the place is uncomfortable. The drunks are shouting and the uptight relatives are holding their breath and the chick looks like sheÂ’d rather be tied to a red ant mound and than have Cletus come at her with the garter.

And as the video rolls she desperately tries to mentally transport herself away from the scene while Cletus, whoÂ’s been doing shots for several hours, threatens to cross the line. ItÂ’s always been my favorite part, save the times I had to do it. I found it almost as humiliating as the girl.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 10:14 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 206 words, total size 1 kb.

I like dogs. In fact, I like dogs more than I like people. But this idiotic bill will allow people to dine with their dogs at outdoor restaurants. I have a huge issue with this.

For starters, my idea of an obedient dog most likely differs from other peopleÂ’s. For some reason a lot of people allow their dogs to bark incessantly, jump on people, dry hump people and assume youÂ’re cool with it. IÂ’m not.

Some peopleÂ’s dogs bark at every other dog that comes near them. Not the dogÂ’s fault mind you; most people canÂ’t take car of themselves let alone a pet. When I think of a dog I think of a friendly lab or golden retriever sitting quietly at my feet happy and panting. Unfortunately, a lot of dog owners have nasty, yapping half feral rat dogs that bark continuously with impudence.

So now they have a brilliant plan to let people bring dogs to patio restaurants, where they can piss and shit where people eat. And before you call me an asshole, remember that I love dogs. While your dog may be gentle and obedient, the guy down the street may have a completely different idea about his dog’s behavior. I’ve said it many times—most people are assholes. And you know what? So are their dogs.

I can see it now, little kids and strange dogs put together in a dining environment. Pitt bulls and yappy rat dogs, owners constantly yelling at their pets and waiters having to work around it all. Sounds great, huh?

Some people advance ideas that are so stupid I cannot fathom how they get by in the world. ItÂ’s shaking my faith in Darwin.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 07:39 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 296 words, total size 2 kb.

Can you imagine how much people must have stunk in the middle ages?

Most people had one set of clothes. They slept in them, they worked in them and God knows what else. Their underwear must have been absolutely disgusting.

I suppose the rich and the nobility took a lot of baths, but the average serf must have stunk to the high heavens.

I really need to focus my thoughts in a more productive direction.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 12:27 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 83 words, total size 1 kb.

He resembles an overweight dugong. I have way too many questions.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:13 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 15 words, total size 1 kb.

The times they are a changinÂ’. Steve writes an interesting piece about changes in the blogging world over the past few years. He points out that Instapundit has been overtaken by Maulkin, which to those of us whoÂ’ve been around long enough realize is a milestone of sorts.

Oddly, I donÂ’t read any of the most popular blogs, right or left, because I think everyone is full of shit, but IÂ’m a jaded bastard and my interests modulate weekly. He also points out something I noticed recently myself:

Looking at the ranks now, I'm amazed at how things are changing. People who used to count on 10,000 visits per day are sucking along at 4,000. Blogs I am sure I've never heard of are in the twenties and thirties. What a fickle public we have.

The dynamic has certainly changed. IÂ’m sure much of it has to do with the fact that new blogs are springing up at the rate of one million per day or something. And of course most of them suck. A lot of people still think theyÂ’re famous, by whose standards I surely donÂ’t know. A lot people still think theyÂ’re going to be discovered, like this whole thing is some kind of digital ShwabbÂ’s Drug Store. And some people are still trying to make a buck without actually working, what I like to call Ralph Kramden Syndrome. And some people think theyÂ’re running a media conglomerate:

I see Wizbang has offshoot blogs now, and apparently they're pumping up their traffic count by putting the same Sitemeter code on every blog! Of course, it's possible that every one of their blogs was averaging 34,482 visits as of TLB's last snapshot. It could happen. Quantum mechanics tells us things like that happen. I wonder if I could get all my friends to put my Sitemeter code on their blogs. Then I could charge $900 for a BlogAd.

I live for stuff like that. I think most of us who’ve been around three years or more have pretty much stopped trying. I stopped trying a couple of years ago. It’s tiresome. Leaving comments and linking people who post complete shite—the whole thing stinks of prostitution.

Many have matured. Folks who used to link every day are now writing more and I have a lot more respect for that. I find it hard to believe that people still check the ecosystem. I guess thatÂ’s one thing thatÂ’ll never change; the enormous ego of the blogger.

One thing IÂ’ve learned over the past few years is that being a link whore is futile. I also learned how to maintain a narrative, and through forced daily writing IÂ’m able to write other things much easier. IÂ’ve submitted writing to people and have had checks mailed to me, which is what IÂ’d hoped for from the start. IÂ’ve developed a lot of friendships as well.

Of course IÂ’ve angered people, run off JimÂ’s readers and been called a lot of nasty names too. ItÂ’s a fickle thing, blogging. And IÂ’m oddly at home in my obscurity.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:00 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 524 words, total size 3 kb.

I donÂ’t do politics here. A few people do it well, and hundreds do it so poorly that the whole thing is a turn off. We like to consider this an oasis where you donÂ’t have to deal with that, since so much bandwidth is already hogged by people who, for the most part, really donÂ’t understand what theyÂ’re talking about.

However, every once in a while I find myself worked up about something and I need to get it off my chest. Today, itÂ’s the worldÂ’s largest, stinkiest, gaping asshole: the president of Persia. I wonÂ’t type his name here because I find it personally offensive. This guyÂ’s been running around waving his bare ass in everyoneÂ’s face for a long time.

When the leader of a country keeps telling the world that another country, in this case Israel, needs to be wiped off the map, I take issue with it. YouÂ’d think that everyone would take issue with it, but youÂ’d be wrong. Plenty of other world leaders donÂ’t really care, for a variety of reasons.

Regardless, it really gets under my skin that this walking, talking rectum gets immunity from the world while he constantly threatens civilization. Today one of his underlings stated:

"We have announced that wherever America does something evil, the first place that we target will be Israel," Revolutionary Guards Rear Admiral Mohammad-Ebrahim Dehqani was quoted as saying by Iran's student news agency ISNA.”

Well, IÂ’m here to tell you that if Israel feels threatened enough, theyÂ’re going to take action. I donÂ’t know if it will be a strike on the nuke lab or one shot to that assholeÂ’s head, but itÂ’s coming.

Sorry. Back to regularly scheduled idiocy.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:35 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 296 words, total size 2 kb.

IÂ’m pretty sure I figured out why most blog names are embarrassingly bad. I mean aside from the fact that most people arenÂ’t very creative and/or clever.

Most bloggers never created any serious plan or anything. They just started blogging, and in many cases they started on blogspot or something and I think they chose a name in thirty seconds or less. And thatÂ’s always a bad move. Long term decisions shouldnÂ’t be made in fifteen seconds while youÂ’re trying to register on blogspot and watching for your bossÂ’s office door to open at the same time.

The ones I find to be horrifically bad are the long tongue twisters like “Ramblings of Inter-terrestrial Musings of Thoughts of an Introspective Geek.” You get the picture. In fact, don't use any of those words if you're starting a blog.

IÂ’m not too thrilled with the puns on political parties either. The whole right and left act is stale an unimaginative. Unlike Shank, I donÂ’t have a problem with eponymous blog names. ItÂ’s honest and straight forward.

Blog names are important. I simply will not visit a blog if the blog name is shitty, boring or cliché. I think a lot of people know they fucked it up but it’s hard to change once it’s out there.

My advice for anyone starting a blog these days is stay away from the words:

Rantings, ramblings, thoughts, right, left and “the.” It’s been done. And re-done.

In addition, don’t look through the dictionary or thesaurus for long words with too many syllables. Certainly don’t look in the thesaurus for new versions of rambling, raving and thoughts. In fact, stay the fuck away from all words beginning with the letter “R.”

There. Now off you go.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 07:24 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 301 words, total size 2 kb.

1 hmmm.. eponymous.. OH! A new word for me ! Yay Paul! "of or relating to an eponym" wait what the... "A name of a drug, structure, or disease based on or derived from the name of a person" Yeah, definitely... blogs are a disease

Posted by: Oorgo at May 02, 2006 04:19 PM (lM0qs)

2 No "R"?!?!?! Fuck.

Posted by: Ted at May 02, 2006 08:33 PM (+OVgL)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

A lot of blog names turn me off. I could give some examples but I donÂ’t have the heart.

On a related note, have you ever watched a really bad TV commercial from a major company and think to yourself, “Who the fuck signed off on that?”

IÂ’m not talking about low budget local ads; IÂ’m talking about Fortune 500 companies. It makes me wonder how people can put out complete shit and still keep their jobs. And you know the thingÂ’s been screened by the biggest of wigs in many cases because the placement contracts are for a gazillion dollars. There are enough of these things out there in rotation where you must know what IÂ’m talking about. Confusing ads where you donÂ’t even know what product theyÂ’re selling, bad jinglesÂ…the whole nine yards.

I know that many things are subjective, but Christ, almost everybody has a benchmark for just plainbad. You know it when you see it. And I can picture a bunch of jackholes sitting around a conference table at the agency, slapping each other on the back and taking notes as they murder someoneÂ’s budget. And back at the ranch when they preview the 30 second spot, the head jackhole, the overpaid, under qualified friend of a nepotistic friend nodding approvingly, because it was, after all, his responsibility to relay the expectations and message to the ad agency.

I play these scenarios out in my head a lot. Sometimes IÂ’ll be sitting in front of the TV completely spaced out for five or ten minutes and then realize IÂ’ve been writing the back story for a bad commercial. I can see the faces of these people sitting around the conference room brainstorming, making critical errors, scratching their noses. ItÂ’s very real. Times like that make me realize how much I could benefit from a good prescription.

Take twice a day or as needed for unexplainable insanity.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 02:49 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 328 words, total size 2 kb.

HereÂ’s an interesting link. And by interesting I mean frightening.

ItÂ’s the International Federation of Competitive Eating. I reckon that competitive eating must have needed an international federation. AnywayÂ…

One guy ate over 32 grilled cheese sandwiches in ten minutes. And while part of me wants to congratulate him on an outstanding achievement, part of me canÂ’t help but wonder how many days it took for him to have a normal bowel movement.

Another guy ate six pounds of Spam right out of the can in twelve minutes. SIX POUNDS in twelve minutes. Can you imagine the digestive tract after that? Do you go right from the contest to the hospital or what?

Take a look at the “Eater Profiles” because it’s priceless.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 10:34 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 135 words, total size 1 kb.

A couple of discoveries made last week have me wondering how IÂ’ve wandered the earth this long without falling into sink holes.

My wife declared that the pots and pans weÂ’ve been cooking with since Christ was a carpenter have been slowly poisoning us over the years. During the first years of our marriage we werenÂ’t serious cooks. Before the kid came along we mostly dined out and neither of us had a clue. We had this really cheap set of non-stick cookware that was really old and it looked like weÂ’d used them for moving gravel from the front yard to the back.

My wife noted that all the scratches in the Teflon was probably eating my brain and that cooking in aluminum, if thatÂ’s even what it was, was as bad as eating lead paint chips. Since I need what little brains I have we went out and bought a decent set of Calphalon pots and pans that wonÂ’t slowly kill us.

I was shocked by two things. Price and performance. These things cost an arm and a leg, but you really see the difference when you use them. Since those early years my old lady really learned to cook like a pro. I dabble. And when I say dabble, I mean I buy really expensive ingredients and then ruin them and call for take out with a huge mess in the sink. Anyway, even I can cook with these because they heat evenly and my big problem was always controlling the heat.

And then we have James Michener. I thought IÂ’d read every book ever published on this planet but alas, IÂ’ve never read this guy until this week. I had no idea who he was or what heÂ’d written until my wife came home with Caribbean, Journey and Chesapeake. I love historical novels and had no idea what I was missing. I think he got a Pulitzer for Tales of the South Pacific. Luckily heÂ’s written a wheelbarrow full of books so IÂ’ve got something to go on for a while.

So, Michener and Calphalon. Not a bad weekend for the boy.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 07:43 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 364 words, total size 2 kb.