Yesterday my Lovely Wife, she of normally impeccable style and grace, perpetrated a horror upon my household. An unmitigated affront to all that is good and holy was brought into my castle, shattering the previous sanctity of the household. While at the dollar store

[break for diatribe on the dollar store]

Isn't the dollar store the bomb? Damn! What a feeling to be able to go into an establishment with the certain knowledge that you can have anything, anything, that your eyes alight upon. Even the certain knowledge that the base concept of the dollar store is either to get people to pay money for landfill items or that it's a complicated plot by the Vast Rightwing Conspiracy to lull the working class into a dull statis of conformity and acceptance of our lot can affect the pure joy rush feeling of financial power that us po' folks get when we walk into such an establishment.

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she happened upon bags of M&M candies. These are the ultimate favorite universal candy of our household. Any trip to a store that has checkout aisles will elicit joyous and demanding cries of "MMMMSSSS! MMMMSSSS!" in three part harmony. Lovely Wife quite quickly took advantage of the presence of large M&M bags for a dollar and stuffed several in the shopping cart. Without. Looking. At. The. Bags. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:43 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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Our mutt is in need of a doggy dentist. He's got some bad tartar build up as well as gingivitis. As a result, his gums are sensitive. He's come up with a solution to the hard dog chow problem until we take His Dogginess to the cleaners. He picks up the dry food and drops it in his water dish. He leaves it and comes back to it a while later when it is soft and mushy so it's easy to eat.

Is he overly clever or am I anthropomorphizing?

Posted by: Jim at 01:41 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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We lost another couple of people here. We have three software products, each with their own teams. The one that was affected was the very old static product that was purchased whole from Big Blue years back. They were re-organized to fall under Customer Service instead of Development and one full timer and one part timer (both tech support) got pink slips.

It really was a reorganization though, not a cost cutting manuever. I talked with the full time fellow and he said he's been expecting it for a while. It's an aged product that has not been able to replace customer attrition with new sales and there simply wasn't enough work to justify the number of support personnel. He's not overly concerned about the job loss either. This will give him the chance to join a professional bass tour. I work with unique individuals here.

We also had a company meeting where the Pres explained the changes, why they were made, and told us that this was the extent of organizational changes that are planned. He meant, of course, to tell us that no more positions are being cut but I wish he'd just come out and said that point blank. The way he couched it sounds like there are no more changes planned at all and I know of at least one position that is being added. I hope that doesn't come back to bite him with a loss of credibility.

Am I in danger? No. There's no realistic way that my position could be org'd out and I am a virtual wizard at my job so there are no performance reasons that I'd be sent off. What bothers me the most about the recent terminations is that I didn't know about them before they happened. You see, in my last job I knew about such things well in advance of them happening. I knew about them in the discussion phase and was a part of the decision process for some of them. In this job I'm totally out of the loop and that's a big change that didn't really come to my attention until now.

And I don't like it. I love surprises when they are of the gift wrapped variety but I do not like them at the company that I get my rent payments from. I guess I'm going to have to see about growing into a management position.

Posted by: Jim at 01:32 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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"Thee" being Howard Dean, of course. Don't worry, this blog is not in danger of becoming a political soap box. I just had a conversation with a Dean supporter that made me actually think of why I don't like him, both as a person and as a candidate for the presidency. Don't worry, it's a short list.

1. I'm still pissed that he called me a gun lovin', fag hatin', racist, religious fanatic.


2. I don't like the fact that he wants to triple my personal federal tax burden.


3. He's a class-A hypocrite. I'm talking Hillary level.


4. He's a socialist.

I could forgive any of these (especially the last one, since it's totally made up) except #2. Stay away from my money, you stinkin' blighter.

Posted by: Jim at 09:48 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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There's a message board as you come into the office. They'll put up things like "Welcome Company X" when we have visitors coming in or "Product Y Classes Are Being Held In The Training Room" and stuff like that. When there's nobody due to visit and no other message to be displayed they put up quotations. Some are good, some aren't. I have a problem with the one that is up right now:

The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.

Isn't this comparable to saying "Our product blows monkey chunks. We have a shit load to do before we can pass this crap off as worthwhile"?

Posted by: Jim at 07:49 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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We lost a vice president and the alarm and door lock codes have been changed. The alarm code changes when somebody who has it leaves the company. The door code changes when somebody is "evicted from service". This brings us to one of the company maxims here:

The door code is only changed when somebody is fired. If you get here in the morning and the door code doesn't work, it was you.

Anybody have an amusing company maxim to share?

Posted by: Jim at 10:49 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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...and rather difficult when firing on full auto.

A few weeks before the holidays I had the pleasure of going to one of the local gun ranges with Dopple-G and The Godfather. That's The Godfather of child #1, as opposed to the Godfather of child #2, who would be Dopple-G himself.

It was a blast. I haven't done a lot of weapon firing in my life. In fact I believe there were a total of 3 occurences before this trip to the range. The first was as a youngster, maybe 9 or 10, while down at Uncle Namesake's farm. One day everybody loaded up into the Suburban and went to the firing range. I had a fun time with the .22 rifle and then a very painful time with the .30-06 rifle (which I fired exactly once and nursed a sore shoulder for the next couple of days). more...

Posted by: Jim at 08:21 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Well, I'm "protected" now. Lovely Wife went out last night and bought me a 12 pack of the little plasticine things. It's not that I didn't want to use them earlier, honest. It was more a question of price than anything else. I mean, you don't "need" them so it's really just wasted money, right? And why are they so bloody expensive anyway?

I put the first one on as soon as she got home last night. That was a bit wierd, let me tell you. Fortunately the fit wasn't off by as much as I'd feared. Almost a perfect fit, actually. They make these things in a bunch of sizes but Lovely Wife has a good eye and matched them up very well. more...

Posted by: Jim at 07:07 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Hope you had a wonderful celebration and that your noggins are in one piece this morning.

Posted by: Jim at 09:59 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Our household has been battling the plague flu since Christmas. On Sunday the boys and I spent a good chunk of our day passed out in the living room. I started feeling better on Monday and yesterday I actually felt pretty good. I figured I was over it and well on my way to my normal, healthy state.

Wrongo! This morning I woke up to find that somebody had snuck in while I slept and pumped about a gallon of mucous into my sinuses. Chewy mucous. That would have been bad enough but he also aparently used my head for a bass drum for a few hours and inserted a feather duster into my windpipe. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:36 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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I got an email from a disgruntled reader (as opposed to my many gruntled readers) who accused me of being a homophobe and "perpetuating the stereotypes that homosexuals battle on a daily basis".

First point. Am I a homophobe? Absolutely not. I have no fear of homosexuals. I am extremely confident in my own heterosexuality so I don't have any problem with joking about that of others (or my own). It's not a reflection of fear, it's an attempt to make people laugh. And they do. Are they all homophobes? more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:22 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 That was easy - I can recite most every word on that tape. Anyway - It's Eddie Murphy from Delirious. He's talking about aids and how it scary 'cause women like to hang out with their gay friends and .... (later) it's "Mr. Murphy you have Aids" "Aids!? - but I'm not a homosexual" "Sure you're not a homosexual"

Posted by: Clancy at December 31, 2003 11:16 AM (EGVPL)

2 Yup. That's the one. 3 points for Clancy!

Posted by: Jim at December 31, 2003 11:18 AM (IOwam)

3 I am shocked (SHOCKED!) that you've been accused of perpetuating stereotypes of homosexuals. *I'm* the one who's been doing that and I do not appreciate folks attributing my successes to someone else's non-efforts. SHOCKED!

Posted by: Trey Givens at January 02, 2004 09:40 PM (3GwQg)

4 I know what you mean, Trey. Some people just announce their foolishness with a bullhorn, don't they? Outrageous!

Posted by: Jim at January 03, 2004 08:17 AM (fkewd)

5 Hey Jim, I'm a gay guy and I have never thought you were homophobic. You tease some and it's on the basis of esential humanity. I wish more people were like you actually. The world would be a better place. People need to chill more and have a little fun.

Posted by: mark at February 19, 2004 11:45 AM (S8Ay0)

6 Thanks, Mark. I appreciate that. It's not just homosexuals of course. I get some flak from most of the humanity slices that I poke fun at. Since I joke about almost everybody there's always going to be somebody who gets pissed at me. I just try to take it with a grain of salt and keep plodding on. Feedback like yours sure makes it easier to keep plodding though!

Posted by: Jim at February 19, 2004 11:54 AM (IOwam)

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The scene: Driving home with Dopple-G, listening to some Christmas carols on the radio.

Dopple-G: Who's singing this one?

Me: Tammy Wynette.

Dopple-G: Really?

Me: Sounds like her

A new singer takes the next verse. It's a dreaded multi-singer carol.

Dopple-G: I hate when they do that. A song should have one singer.

Me: Unless it's a chorus.

Dopple-G: Yeah, like the Vienna Boys Choir. They rock.

Me: Or if it's meant to be a duet.

Dopple-G: Like what?

Me: That medley one...Little Drummer Boy.

Dopple-G: Little Drummer Boy isn't a medley.

Me: You know the one I mean. With Bing Crosby and whats-his-name. That gay guy, Commander Tom.

Dopple-G: That gay guy, Commander Tom?

Me: David Bowie.

Dopple-G: I know, I just never heard him described as "that gay guy, Commander Tom".

Me: But you knew exactly who I was thinking of, didn't you?

Dopple-G: Harumph.

Let it be known far and wide that from this point forward David Bowie shall forevermore be known as "That gay guy, Commander Tom". more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:36 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Holiday greetings go out to all of my regular readers. Heck, same for all of my readers who aren't regular. A bit of constipation is no reason to deny greetings now, is it? ;-)

It was pure unadulterated chaos here this morning but things have settled down a bit. For a couple more minutes until our shortest child (the evil one) wakes up from his nap anyway.

Here's hoping your Christmas is as happy as ours!

Posted by: Jim at 03:34 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Robert at XSet won the auction for Tidings of Comfort and Joy. Robert has asked that I extend the holiday wishes and thanks to all of the people who participated in that auction and I am very happy to oblige him.

To Robert, Suebear, Clancy, Mog, R Stevens in Meriden CT, The Wizeke Family (Lara, John, Fido and Talum) in Princeton NJ, and those participants who I could not identify beyond their eBay handles (igorxa, argyle-, ccalzone, jchammons and katrus), I say thank you from myself and my family. You caught the spirit of my auction and responded well beyond my wildest dreams. I sincerely hope that you and yours will enjoy a beautiful holiday and wish you the very best of new years.

The proceeds from the auction have not yet been spent, though they do have a dedicated purpose. We had our own friends and family in for a holiday visit so did not have the opportunity to complete our holiday mission yet. The money from the auction will be used for ice skating by myself, my Lovely Wife and our three children. Here in the Atlanta area there are not a whole lot of opportunities for skating. There is a seasonal rink in downtown Duluth and the $42 will just about cover skate rental and rink fees for the five of us (with maybe enough left over for some hot cocoa). This is something that we would simply not be doing without this unexpected good fortune. You've given us a very wonderful gift - a celebration of family and fun with an experience that will be new and special for our children (and hopefully not too hard on the fannies of myself and Lovely Wife).

Once again, our sincerest thanks go out to you along with our wishes for a wonderful holiday and a spectacular new year.

And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them! And they were sore afraid ... And the angel said unto them, "Fear not! For, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all my people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ, the Lord."

"And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger." And suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the Heavenly Host praising God, and saying, "Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth peace, and good will toward men."

Posted by: Jim at 08:05 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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1 You could send me some money while your at it...

Posted by: pylorns at December 23, 2003 09:44 AM (AhTDr)

2 If I sent some to you then all of the kids would want some.

Posted by: jim at December 23, 2003 09:47 AM (IOwam)

3 but im more special

Posted by: pylorns at December 23, 2003 11:02 AM (oMGhn)

4 Yeah, you're very *special*

Posted by: rob at December 23, 2003 12:57 PM (6UtpI)

5 That's true, Pylorns. Now please put your helmet back on. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at December 23, 2003 01:00 PM (IOwam)

6 Ho ho ho! Enjoy the skating! Lara W from Princeton

Posted by: Lara at December 23, 2003 01:11 PM (8R3yf)

7 I hope you all have a wonderful time skating. And to you and your family, Jim, a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Posted by: Sue at December 23, 2003 11:27 PM (0SrUW)

8 I am sure going to have a GREAT time laughing my butt off,seeing them skate.hehehe Merry Xmas!

Posted by: LW at December 24, 2003 01:16 PM (fkewd)

9 How weird to do a search for "ccalzone" (a common e-mail username for me) and find this as the top entry. At any rate, a much belated Merry Christmas to you (it's now the middle of May.) If you want to e-mail me back, you can do so at trig.net. With luck, I won't accidentally think you're sending me spam and delete the e-mail without reading it. Cheers, Christopher Calzonetti.

Posted by: ccalzone at May 21, 2004 08:24 PM (hyy2z)

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Lovely Wife is out with Dopple-G's wife and their friend from N'Orleans. I was sitting at the dining room table on the lap top (actually I'm doing it again right now!) working on a deliverable for tomorrow and the doorbell rang. I figured it was our next door neighbor and sauntered over to the door and opened it. It was not our next door neighbor.

It was a man. A man I've never seen before. On the tall side, good looking in that all-American quarterback slash valedictorian way. I opened the screen door to shake hands (it's a Southern thing) and said "Hi, what can I do for you?" He replied "I've got a special delivery here for the Peacock Family from a Secret Santa" with a huge and very friendly smile on his face.

Now my mind was in a tizzy at this point. First, when I'm in writing mode my brain tends to get into what I'm writing. Getting my brain functioning in the real world is not a "flick the switch back on" type of deal. Second, the doorbell never but never rings at night. Third, it's some guy who I've never seen at my doorstep. Fourth, there was a car that drove into our dead end street last night, parked across from my house (there are no houses on that side of the street), turned his lights off and sat there idling. After a few minutes he drove over to our side of the street, still with the lights off. Lovely Wife went inside citing the freakiness of the situation. I finished my smoke and started down the walk to see what was up. He drove off down the street with the lights still off.

So what glimmers are sparking in my mind at this moment have little similarity with the situation at hand. He seemed to catch on that I wasn't exactly catching on. With another smile he handed me an envelope. I recovered enough to say "Oh, who is it from?" He gave a friendly laugh and said "Can't say that. It's a secret." Well, duh, Jim. Secret Santa, hello? I thanked him and we exchanged happy holidays and he walked back to his car.

I walked back inside and opened up the envelope. It's a nice holiday card with money in it.

This is just amazing. A Secret Santa delivery to my house. From who? I can't imagine. Rather, I can't help but imagine. Is it someone out there? Thank you, if it is. Heck, thank you whether it's a reader or not. This is so completely unexpected that I'm just flabbergasted. Totally stunned.

Wow.

Posted by: Jim at 08:52 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Happy Anniversary, my Lovely Wife.

The five years that we have been together have been the most fantastic of my life. It hasn't all been roses of course; we've had our fights and disagreements, our problems to work out and things to fix. But for the first time in my life I am in a relationship so completing that there was never an option not to work it out or not to fix things. You are the other half of me and I can't even conceive of life being anything else but together with you.

You've motivated me, inspired me, shown me and guided me. I am so much of a greater person since you came into my life. Thank you for letting me be me but helping me to see just what "me" could be.

You've given me three children who I couldn't love more (despite the little one being so evil) and a life that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

You are my love and my life, my heart, my wife. Happy Anniversary, Sweetie.

*KISS* *HUG* *NIBBLE*

PS - Sorry about using your last Cubis thingy. Maybe you should try it again. And how is Topsy playing these days?

Posted by: Jim at 09:14 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 Jim & Lovely Wife~ Happy Anniversary!!! Have a wonderful day.

Posted by: Tiffani at December 19, 2003 09:38 AM (0i1dP)

2 That's sweet

Posted by: LeeAnn at December 19, 2003 10:29 AM (HxCeX)

3 Congrats! 5 years and 3 kids. You didn't waste any time did you?

Posted by: Clancy at December 19, 2003 11:31 AM (EGVPL)

4 And a few days ago you accused me of sucking up!!! Happy Anniversary!!!

Posted by: Phillip at December 19, 2003 12:11 PM (1hRqD)

5 Happy anniversary to you both. I love the line about letting me be me, but helping me to see what me could be. The hallmark of a good relationship, I think. But I'm mad 'cause Clancy beat me to my other comment.

Posted by: ilyka at December 19, 2003 01:05 PM (XEfQy)

6 Happy Anniversary! Have a great day, and many more wonderful years to come.

Posted by: Sue at December 20, 2003 12:59 AM (rZmE1)

7 Happy Anniversary! I think that was a lovely post. "(despite the little one being so evil)"...still laughing about that one.

Posted by: Helen at December 21, 2003 07:38 AM (FpuBY)

8 Thank you my dear hubby.:-) And same back at ya.:-)))))))) XXX

Posted by: LW at December 21, 2003 09:50 PM (fkewd)

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I loved my last job. I mean, it was a seriously kick ass job. I was the Executive Assistant and I set my own tasks, answered only to the President and supported the various Vice Presidents and company officers. I was also the Internal Sales Trainer and filled in at that position during the periods it was vacant. I was also the Network and Communications Assistant. The second part of that meant I managed the phone and email systems. The first part was a bit of a misnomer as the Network Admin was a Unix guy so I was the defacto Network Admin for the Windows computers, servers and supported systems. I also handled analysis and defect tracking for Quality Assurance, wrote apps and databases for QA, the Lab, Sales and Accounts Receivable in addition to scheduling and setting up the Christmas Party (yes, we had an actual Christmas party, not a non-denominational winter get together) and the summer picnic.

I know what y'all are thinking right now. An office of 10 people where I was the Jack of All Trades. No, my friends, it was a manufacturing company with a couple hundred employees and over $10 million in annual sales. I just worked like a dog in my many roles. And I loved it. There was always something to do and always something to learn. I was depended upon by the majority of the non-union staff and a goodly portion of the union boys (and gals) as well. It paid squat but we made do with the salary and I was compensated with just about any training class I could at least partially justify.

So why did I leave this job that I liked so well? I'm glad you asked. Partially it was because we were aiming to move down south. Partially it was because that meager salary was getting closer and closer to not quite covering things. Partially it was their fault. You see, they destroyed my faith in the management and direction of the company. They lied to me, y'all. more...

Posted by: Jim at 02:59 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Mine costs five and a half million.

Mom lives in Arizona. She used to live there with my Auntie and Dopple-G and his sister. I lived with them for a couple of months and visited other times. One of the cool things we would do was to drive up to Tortilla Flat. It was old and small and incredibly cool. The smallest town in America to have a Federal Post Office!

There was a song we made up about Tortilla Flat. Actually I think my cousin started it up (that's Dopple-G's sister, not Dopple-G himself. Let's just call her Dopplette-G to avoid confusion) and the rest of us just might have added bits to it. I can't remember much of it except there was a line about "They've got roaches in the corners" and the refrain was "If you don't know where you're at it's Tortilla Flat". No, there weren't any roaches and I always knew exactly where I was when we were there. There were only a couple of buildings so it was hard to get lost. It was a fun song though.

I remember there being dollars all over the walls and ceiling in the restaurant. It was like wallpaper. Tourists would write their name on a bill and the proprieter would tack it up. And they had the coolest stuff to buy (I was a kid then, remember). Rattlesnake heads, stuffed coyotes, cactuses. I bought an egg (like the pantyhose used to come in) with a pack of seeds in it and a picture of a giant suguaro cactus on it. Grew that thing for years and it got to about 2 inches high. I think I've still got the can of jackalope milk that I bought there too. Probably cheese by now.

We had a lot of fun there. A lot of memories were made. And now they're selling it.

Anybody got a couple million I could borrow?

(Warned of impending sale by this article)

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"Reflections" by Kurt Wenner in the extended entry. Hover your mouse over the picture if you can't figure out what's disturbing you about it. more...

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You've probably seen this poem before but it's such a good one that I'm posting it anyway.

This holiday season there are hundreds of thousands of servicemen and women who aren't with their families because they've chosen duty over comfort. I'm very grateful to the men and women of our armed forces for the work that they are doing and the sacrifices they are making for our protection and the benefit of the world. more...

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