When she's in California. Then she's just part of the crowd.

Smucker Sued Over '100 Percent Fruit' Label

A California woman with a "sensitive palate" has filed a proposed class-action lawsuit against the J.M. Smucker Co claiming that its familiar label is misleading since its spreadable jam is less than half fruit.

Tests on "simply 100 percent" strawberry jam revealed that the spread contained less than 30 percent actual strawberries and the blueberry version contained just 43 percent berries, the lawsuit said.

The premium jam also contains fruit syrup, lemon juice concentrate, fruit pectin, red grape juice concentrate and natural flavors, according to the Smuckers Web site.

Fruit syrup is from fruit, right? I mean it's right there in the name. Fruit syrup. As far as I know, lemons have not been declassified as fruits. Then there's fruit pectin. Again, the "fruit" right there in the name. Pectin is "any of various water-soluble substances that bind adjacent cell walls in plant tissues and yield a gel which is the basis of fruit jellies". In other words, this is the stuff that transforms fruit mush into preserves. Red grapes are fruit, yes? They don't say what the natural flavors are but I have a strange hunch that they might be something fruity.

So is this case being brought by:

1. A wacko who genuinely believes that she has been ripped off.


2. An idiot that doesn't understand the difference between 100% strawberry and 100% fruit.


3. Your average sue happy con looking for a quick buck in an overly litigious society.

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Swedish drinkers offered wider choice

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - Swedish drinkers should have a wider choice after the EU's executive ordered Sweden to make it easier to import wine, beer and spirits.

Commission spokesman Jonathan Todd said the main impact of the decision would be to increase choice rather than reduce prices. Importers will still have to pay Sweden's hefty alcohol duties.

In a completely fallacious interview (not "fellatious" - get your mind out of the gutter), Todd stated that "It was necessary that we take steps to make Europe in general and Sweden in particular more attractive to Helen. She's been outside Europe for only a few days but her absence is already having deleterious effects. Especially in France."

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No, that's not true at all. I love to say "I told you so". I lurve to say it. It's one of my all time favorite phrases.

Rejoice my brothers and sisters in arms. Straight from the horse's mouth, the pronunciation is crik.

Yes, it's spelled "creek" and the crEk pronunciation is also correct. The point is that crik is valid too.

To all of you people who throughout my entire life have told me that saying crik was colloquial and incorrect: The line to kiss my ass forms to the right. One at a time please and no cutting.

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1 "Yup, Boomer" Billy Bob said, chewing his straw into his cheek. "This here is a right good fishin'-hole." "Uh-uh, Billy Bob." Boomer daintily replies. "This here ain't no fishin' hole. This here is a crick." "Ah, yup." replies the dashing Billy Bob. "A crick it is, a right purty one. And I'm fixin' to pee in it." The South. Oozing with elegance.

Posted by: H at October 21, 2003 10:45 AM (mefTt)

2 Helen, I'm from the bay area in California. We say 'crick' too.

Posted by: Ted at October 21, 2003 03:14 PM (bov8n)

3 And my "crick" originates from Western New York. Hah!

Posted by: Jim at October 21, 2003 03:27 PM (fkewd)

4 I don't mean to call you out, but um, there are 2 ways of pronouncing that word. You even supplied the evidence.... - try this link: http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/audio.pl?creek001.wav=creek btw - I usually say crick too. It just depends on the company I'm with. I guess you could say I'm a reformed or recovering redneck.

Posted by: Clancy at October 22, 2003 01:11 PM (EGVPL)

5 Yup, that's what I was trying to say. There are two proper ways to say it. For the past thirtysomething years I've been castigated for pronouncing it "crick" when that is actually an acceptable pronunciation.

Posted by: Jim at October 22, 2003 01:41 PM (IOwam)

6 "And no cutting..." Is biting okay?

Posted by: Stevie at October 23, 2003 04:31 AM (TJwrL)

7 I just want to say that most modern dictionaries function as descriptive linguistic tools. That means they show the popular usage and pronunciation of words. Seems obvious? Well, the alternative is prescriptive linguistics which takes the right or wrong position on things and might suggest that one pronunciation is correct while the other is not. If you're looking for a prescriptive judgment on the pronunciation of a word, most dictionaries will not offer it to you. Cutting to the chase, just because Merriam Webster says it, just means that, yes, there are people out there who say it either way.

Posted by: Trey Givens at October 27, 2003 10:34 AM (yaMs/)

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The first round of the Great G Name Contest has concluded. Results:

G-Whiz (7)
G-Muse (7)
G-Stringer (3)
G-Riffic (4)
Golly-G (0)
Spot (5)
Zone (0)
Wingman (3)
Giblet (3)
Goober (1)

The second semi-final poll has been posted. The top two here (G-Whiz and G-Muse) will compete with the top two from the new poll in the final poll to saddle G with a nickname.

Let your voice be heard! Vote early and often!

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An old man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: Father, I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday I picked up two college girls hitchhiking. We went to a motel where I had sex with each of them three times.

Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?

Man: What sins?

Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?

Man: I'm Jewish.

Priest: Why are you telling me all this?

Man: I'm telling everybody!

(Hat tip G)

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Rubin Wants Middle Name 'Peace Activist'

SANTA MONICA, Calif. - Jerry Rubin, the region's indefatigable pacifist and former City Council candidate, went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court to challenge the city's refusal to print "peace activist" as his occupation on the ballot.

On Thursday, he filed for a legal name change so that he'll be known legally as Jerry Peace Activist Rubin. A Superior Court hearing on the request is set for Dec. 11, Rubin's 60th birthday.

And if the court says no to "Peace Activist" as a middle name he has others to try:

• Jerry Nut Bar Rubin


• Jerry Spacecake Rubin


• Jerry Attention Deprived Rubin


• Jerry I'm So Glad I Live In Cali Cause This Idiocy Wouldn't Be Tolerated Elsewhere Rubin

Posted by: Jim at 08:03 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Read Dong's very moving story about his battle with a high tech crapper.

*Bah-whooooosh!*

Whu-?
Why are the ones in the other stalls flushing? I'm the only human in here. They can't communicate, can they?

*Bah-whooooosh!*
*Bah-whooooosh!*
*Bah-whooooosh!*

Jesus. Hyenas do this... one hangs out near a watering hole, waits for a weak prey to show up and then it calls out to the pack.

And no, I haven't the slightest clue what I was trying to do with that title.

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We went to the park yesterday. The kids gather stones to throw into the crick (Yes, Lovely Wife, the term is "crick" and you will have to do more than withold favors to get me to utter that profanity of normalcy "creek". It's been "crick" since I was a wee lad on Aunt Evelyn's farm and "crick" it shall remain until my dying days. And I will polute our childrens' vocabulary with this anachronistic styling if it's the last thing I do. It is one of my missions in life.) and the canine does his best to add flavor to every tree, bush, fallen stick and clump of grass in the forest. more...

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It's finished but it won't be posted here. I was about to post part 2 when I had an idea. A perfectly wonderful, awful idea. Don't be saddened by my grinchy nature for in about a week my heart will grow three sizes and I'll let y'all know where to find it.

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Chip Maker Finds Bombs Among Potatoes

SALEM, Ore. - Workers at a Kettle Foods potato chip plant were feeding potatoes into a machine that sorts out stones and other debris this week when a 3-pound military bomb popped out.

General manager Marc Cramer said the shipment from a Pasco, Wash., farm also contained a second bomb.

Police determined they were dummy military ordnance left over from a time when the military used the farm as a practice bombing range.

Cramer said Kettle Foods has a painstaking inspection process to cull all debris from potatoes.

Maybe we should contract airport security to Kettle Foods?

Posted by: Jim at 11:29 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I am continuously amazed by the things people search for that get my blog as a match. Let's take a look: more...

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...shouldn't "denude" mean to put clothes on?

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No sign of Great Wall of China from space

BEIJING (Reuters) -- China's first man in space said the Earth looked beautiful from his orbiting capsule but he couldn't find the Great Wall.

No shit, Sherlock. You can't see most rivers from low Earth orbit, why do people think you can see a 20 foot wide wall?

Want a raise? Stand tall

MIAMI (Reuters) - Tall people earn considerably more money throughout their lives than their shorter co-workers, with each inch adding about $789 (472 pounds) a year in pay, according to a study.

I am SO going to start a class action suit.

Store Gives Free Clothes to Nude Shoppers

LISBON, Portugal - Dozens of young Portuguese stripped down to dress up Wednesday when a clothes store offered free designer wear for anyone shopping naked.

Why can't American stores come up with creative gimmicks like this? I'd even shop at Old Navy if I could catch an eye candy treat like this. Hey, Fran Drescher might have a voice like nails on a chalk board but she's got an ass that screams "Tag this!"

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It's time for some Cheddar X. more...

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You knew it was coming. I was nice enough to wait until after lunchtime to make sure I didn't ruin any appetites. Except for y'all out West who are 3 hours back of me. You may want to go chow down and then come back to this.

I took a crap at work today.

Hey, that sort of works with the Pearl Jam song "Jeremy". Let's try it out:

Jim is crappin' at work today
Jim is crappin' at work today

Clearly I remember
Sittin' on the can
Seemed a harmless little crap

But he unleashed a pile
Clenched his teeth
And bore down on his ass

How can I forget
He hit me with that surprise stench
My nose left hurtin
Eyes were burnin

Just like The Crew
That stinkin AM Crew

Okay, enough levity. It's time to recount my horror. By sharing this with you I increase the total amount of revulsion in the world, thereby decreasing my own revulsion relative to the mean. more...

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Ted Rall is a commie asshole!

Join the fun.

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