Rob has a collection of discoveries from his journey through 3 consecutive days of Christmas parties. Words to live by. Here's my favorite:

2) Never EVER feel pressured into drinking Vodka just because you are at a Polish party and that's all there is to drink... they invented it and as such have the necessary genes to process it succesfully. Non-poles on the other hand do not have said genes and as such will wake up the following morning with a hangover that makes you want to rend your brain from your freshly splitting skull and gives you the distinct impression that, at some point the previous night, an elderly male moose mistook your mouth for a urinal...

Posted by: Jim at 09:19 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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It must be the heat coming off of the Bonfire of the Vanities.

Posted by: Jim at 09:00 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The Orgasmic Calculator

(Link from Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 08:02 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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If anybody knows how to set cookies for multiple websites please comment over here.

Thanks.

Posted by: Jim at 05:10 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Get your minds out of the gutter, people. I'm talking about her interview with Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live.

Jimmy: As we agreed we won't be discussing the scandal that's been in the papers these last couple of weeks.

Paris: Thank you Jimmy, I appreciate that.

Jimmy: We just want to find out about you, Paris Hilton. So, your family, the Hiltons, own hotels all over the world.

Paris: Yes, they're in New York, London, Paris...

Jimmy: So there's actually a Paris Hilton?

Paris: Yes, there is.

Jimmy: Is it hard to get into the Paris Hilton?

Paris: Actually, it's a very exclusive hotel...no matter what you've heard.

Jimmy: I hear the Paris Hilton is very beautiful.

Paris: I'm glad you heard that.

Jimmy: Do they allow double occupancy at the Paris Hilton?

Paris: No.

Jimmy: Is it roomy?

Paris: It might be for you, but most people find it very comfortable.

Jimmy: I'm a V.I.P.. I may need to go in the back entrance.

Paris: It doesn't matter who you are, it's not gonna happen.

Jimmy: Fair enough. Now, I throw a lot of events, do they have a ballroom there?

Paris: We do.

Jimmy: Great. I'd love to have my balls held by the Paris Hilton. I'd like to check into the Paris Hilton.

Paris: I don't think you can.

Jimmy: Really? Because I'll only be able to stay there like a minute and a half. Two minutes tops.

Paris: Good luck.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G who found it at Buzz Machine)

Posted by: Jim at 01:02 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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The auction is going well, thanks to a kick start from Clancy and Johnny Huh? putting it up on MetaFilter (which isn't taking new people at the moment, thank you very much, not that I feel slighted in the least, the dirt bags). At least one commenter has some serious need for Tidings.

Looking at the bidders I see some I recognize and a bunch I don't. We've got Clancy, Rob and Sue among the 9 bidders currently competing for my affections. Nah, that's not right. Y'all already have my affections. But they are competing for some genuine cheerful wishes and feature placement in a custom crafted story. Who couldn't use cheerful wishes?

By the way, if you are a member of the clueless masses or know somebody who is you can solve your problems right here.

Posted by: Jim at 11:45 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Not sure if you're trolling or just having a problem with the comments but I've gone ahead and banned you. If you were suffering from browser conniptions send me an email and I'll get you fixed up. If you were just jerking off on my weblog then fade quietly away please.

Posted by: Jim at 09:22 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Funniest war photo ever.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G) more...

Posted by: Jim at 07:44 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 06:55 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Vote for Snooze Button Dreams in the Most Egregious Ommission category of the 2003 Weblog Awards.

Everyone who votes for me will be wildly successful in life and win their local lottery. And I'm not talking the lottery where they sacrifice you to the corn god either!

Posted by: Jim at 06:25 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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I did it for my amusement and its humor factor but I was expecting at least a tiny bit of activity. I offer Tidings of Comfort and Joy at absolute rockbottom prices and nobody's interested? What's up with that?

There's real value in this auction, you know. The custom story by a fantastic and humble author has to be worth a quarter all by itself.

Now go and bid on my auction or I will pout like a little bitch.

Posted by: Jim at 08:48 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
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Welcome to the premiere performance of the Bestofme Symphony. Participation has been fantastic with 28 entries in this first edition. Like any good symphony, you'll find a lot of individual sounds that have been coalesced into one. I'm very happy to be offering some of the best stuff in the Blogosphere for your reading pleasure.

Comments on presentation and content, future Symphonies, etceteras are appreciated. If bloggers out there would link to this it would help enormously to get this meme launched in grand style and I'd be eternally grateful. Well, maybe not eternally, but at least until something really important pushed it out of the swiss cheese I like to call a brain.

Without further ado, the Symphony begins: more...

Posted by: Jim at 07:56 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Tonight at midnight EST is the deadline for inclusion in the very first Bestofme Symphony. Participation has been very good and the virgin performance is going to be great. Many thanks to all of the folks who spread the word and/or submitted entries.

If you miss the deadline, send in your submission anyway. It'll go in next week's Symphony.

Posted by: Jim at 03:13 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The family had to be based in freaking New York. Upright, uptight Atlantic state New York, a place of unbridled acceptance of general morality. My life could have been so much cooler if my family was from West Virginia. It's warmer, which is something I've really come to appreciate since moving to Georgia. Lots more scenery and nice mountains. Western New York has no mountains. They even frown upon hills there. And most importantly, in West Virginia they let you boff your cousins. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:41 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Keep the Sex R-Rated, N.Y.U. Tells Film Students

In October, a film student at New York University pitched an idea for her video-making class: a four-minute portrayal of the contrast between unbridled human lust and banal everyday behavior.

Sounds like a fair project to me. Washing dishes and bumping uglies. Wouldn't do well on the porn circuit but this is an "art" project so go for it. more...

Posted by: Jim at 07:28 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Things are looking up for the Cowboys.

Watch the clip and see if you can tell what is very, very wrong for a broadcast channel to have in a news report. If you don't see it, check in the extended entry for a hint.

(Still more from Dopple-G. Is that guy great, or what?) more...

Posted by: Jim at 06:59 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Coming Monday...a new site design from The Bartender at Madfish Willie's. It would be in place right now except I just discovered that I forgot to forward the files to myself at home so they're still on my PC at work. Feh.

And I'm still holding out for a face lift by Rob at Xset. If you haven't seen his site redesign you should go and check it out. Very sweet. Very clean. Hopefully he'll be caught up enough to play here soon. Then I'll have selectable skins just like the big boys. Woo hoo!

Posted by: Jim at 10:58 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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THIS is what I wanna be listening to.

(One more for Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 10:43 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Find out here.

(This one is Dopple-G's fault too.)

Posted by: Jim at 10:35 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Nope, it's just Steve Balmer being...unique.

Cube safe, unless you've got smello-vision.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 10:25 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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