She must be, seeing as she's approaching the 100,000 visitor mark. Then again, that's according to Sitemeter which is notoriously bad at accurately counting visitors. My own unscientific studies show that it gets the numbers right about 40% of the time, making my estimate of Jen's actual visits somewhere near the quarter million mark.

A quarter million, y'all!

Wouldn't it be great to be the 250,000th visitor to Jen's site? You could be the unofficial quarter millionth visitor, as verified by the Sitemeter ticking off 100,000 in it's anemic style. Just think of the glory. The honor. Those little chocolate candies with the caramel in the middle. What are those called again? Oh, yeah - Rolos! I love Rolos. Not as much as Snickers of course, and they're a good distance behind Reese's Peanut Butter Cups but still - Rolos are pretty good.

Where was I? Track back here...Reese's...Snickers...boobs (hey, I don't write down everything I think of)...Rolos...anemia...oh, yeah - Jen's site. She's on pace to get her SiteMeterated official 100,000th visitor (actually around the 250,00th visitor) in a couple weeks but if everybody who reads this post goes to visit her she'll get there in an hour or two. Hehe. Just kidding. More like three hours.

So, to get you over there (those of you who aren't the mindless automatons who blindly obey my every command, damn I love those guys) I present:

Cool Stuff Jen Has Posted Recently*

Been a secret agent.
Interviewed shitloads of notable bloggers including me.
Posted a picture of herself without a stitch of clothing showing.
Identified the progressive stages of insanity.
Sent hope and joy throughout the world.
Out-googled J-Lo's ass.

And that's just the recent stuff. Go see for yourself. Hey, almost 100,000 to somewhere around 250,000 visitors can't all be wrong!

* Okay, the interviews aren't recent. So sue me.

Posted by: Jim at 04:05 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Next week I'll be in Chicago. A business trip, can you believe it? The last time work sent me out of town was three years ago but that was to Atlanta. Since I live in the suburbs of Atlanta and was only there for eight hours I don't think it technically qualifies as a business trip. The last actual business trip I was on was almost a decade ago.

To Chicago.

I lived in Chicago when I was just a lad. In fact, I wrote about some of my Chicago memories a time or two. You can take the boy out of Chicago but apparently you can't stop sending his ass back there.

So anyway, advance notice that there won't be much happening here next week. Hmmm...maybe I should leave y'all with a comment party post. It might help mitigate the damage frustration caused by my absence if I can lock y'all up in a secluded location give you a place to play and commiserate with each other.

Posted by: Jim at 12:45 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I really hate the after-effects of a good hurl. The pieces of vomit and goopy stomach acid that's stuck in your nose and sinuses. The reward for a stomach purge is two days of smelling puke with the occasional chunk of mucous and partially digested yesterday's dinner that works itself back into your throat or nose.

It's hard to look forward to shootin' the shoes when you know what's coming afterward. Makes me appreciate Mary-Kate's fortitude and commitment to bulimia, it does.

Posted by: Jim at 12:25 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Plyorns has posted the missing item in the Atlanta driver's mandatory equipment list. Ooh, I gotta get me some.

Posted by: Jim at 11:45 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Come up with a caption for this one. The person who submits the best one (as judged by a triumvirate of myself, a small child and a nutless canine) shall live in infamy get a handful of points. What they hey - another handful of points will be spread out amongst the losers winning-impaired.

Contest is open until Friday and you can submit multiple entries.

Posted by: Jim at 01:46 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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(with apologies to Rodgers & Hammerstein)

Democracies flourish and terrorists frying;
Consumers with money and Arafat dying;
Third world nations removing their kings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the news blows,
When the web slows,
When I'm feeling mad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Moore getting fatter and Dan Rathers' firing;
Peterson busted and WalMart is hiring;
Cutting off deadbeats from our apron strings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the French speak,
When my bones creak,
When I'm feeling mad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Football on TV and boobs in our faces;
Kerry defeated and panties with laces;
Politicians in oceans without water wings;
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the car stalls,
When the roof falls,
When I'm feeling mad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Posted by: Jim at 12:33 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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...where do you get all this time during the day to post stuff? If I weren't on vacation, I would be WAY too busy to post....

I replied with this short answer:

It all rattles around in my brain and I just disgorge it here. The physical typing happens in the early AM, lunchtimes and sometimes in the late PM.

But my answer has been bothering me because it's really superficial. So now I will entrap you in welcome you into the frightening maelstrom depths of my mind in search of the complete answer. more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:16 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Clancy sent me a note about a poll in yesterday's print edition of USA Today:

USA Today, print edition (I couldn't find it online, but I only looked for a few minutes) in the Life section - they have a mini-poll. Anyway, the results of the mini-poll say that 60% of the respondents don't hit the snooze button and thus have no idea what your blog is about...

I'm ever the optimist though. To me that says that 40% of respondents owe me fealty as well as numerous presents.

Of course a realist would just say that 100% of the respondents wasted several seconds of their life answering a meaningless poll but we'll ignore the realists but they'd no doubt have a similar comment about the people reading this post.

By the way, Clancy, your blog is looking as empty as Bill Clinton's bag of morals. 60% of your readers want some more stuff from GF. The other 40% are too busy taking polls to notice. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at 01:05 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Maculatus tried to regain his feet but failed. The blow had sent him flying and the landing dazed him severely. He craned his head and looked about him. The scene he saw was vivid but meaningless through the cloud of fog that seemed to have overcome his mind.

Cloud. Yes, that was a cloud there. A deadly cloud of poisonous gas that endangered his town and his beautiful queen. The queen he had been born to serve. Born and bred quite literally, as were all the warriors of Vespulica. The queen was in danger! The urgency of that thought banished the cobwebs from his mind and the last moments came back to him with frightening clarity and speed. more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:48 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Anna explains her lengthy absense and prepares us for another one.

Anna, you've got my best wishes and hopes pulling for you. I hope you'll be back when things straighten out a bit. We just don't have enough California blondes with yards of golden tresses in the Blogosphere.

All seriousness aside...no, wait a sec...all joking aside, you'll be missed (again) and I'll be eagerly awaiting your return. You make me laugh and that makes the world a little bit brighter.

Posted by: Jim at 10:20 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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And don't shit where you drink either. The Georgia Supreme Court denied Gwinnett County's permit to dump 40 million gallons of sewage into Lake Lanier.

Sewage has been dumped there since before there was a lake. This permit was axed because it would allow Gwinnett to dump sewage that was less clean than they already have the capability to process and would allow them to avoid the per instance fines for violating the sewage quality requirements.

Lake Lanier is the main drinking water source for Atlanta and the sole source for the 700,000 residents in Gwinnett County. That number includes the five local members of the Peacock clan. Poop water, ewwwww. Thank god for Britta filters.

Posted by: Jim at 08:12 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The holiday gluttony starts early in the blogosphere. Sate yourself with some crunchy appetizers at the 114th Carnival of the Vanities then pig out on the turkeys at the 73rd Bonfire.

What? No football?

Posted by: Jim at 07:56 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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They rape women and children, force people into prostitution, and run sex slave rings. It's all in a day's work for United Nations Peacekeepers.

The United Nations has dispatched two teams to investigate 150 charges of sexual exploitation and abuse by civilian and military personnel serving in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC), according to a senior UN official.

The allegations include criminal activity, paedophilia, rape and solicitation of prostitution, said Jane Holl Lute, an Assistant Secretary-General in the Department of Peacekeeping Operations (DPKO), at a press briefing Monday.

And people look to the UN as a proto-governing world body? It staggers the mind. That's like putting Clinton in charge of the secretary pool.

Now after these investigative teams come back with the results of their investigations the UN will issue recommendations. Yes, recommendations! They're not going to actually do anything about it at all. They're just going to go have a look-see and then say "Hey guys, please don't do that any more". Wanna know why? Because the UN has no authority over UN troops! Ain't that grand? There are 10,000 troops from fifty countries and each country is responsible for disciplining their own troops. If the boys from Stickitinmyassoslavia (that's a made up name, don't bother Googling it) don't have a problem with their troops raping kids and extorting sex from women then nothing at all happens.

Wow. Just...wow.

Posted by: Jim at 05:12 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The Georgia legislature has made the Department of Motor Vehicles subservient to the Georgia public school system. Schools may now tell the DMV to suspend student licenses for up to a year. The idea behind it is to give the schools another stick to threaten truant and disruptive kids with. The reality is quite frightening, especially when you consider how existing school legislation, zero tolerance laws and zero tolerance policies aggravate and interact with each other.

Much more on this at Zero Intelligence.

Posted by: Jim at 08:24 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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SBD News Service (Atlanta) - American Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery. It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

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But Flibbertigibbet does. Rather, he needs people to take his survey. It's for one of his school projects. He's going to school for a business degree. If he does well here he will very quickly become one of those mover/shaker type business moguls, supporting and growing our economy by his very presence. So go take the poll. Do it for Flibby. Do it for the USA. Do it because it's just a couple questions and you've got nothing better to do anyway.

Posted by: Jim at 08:21 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Getting a little ahead of ourselves, aren't we? The nominations for the 2004 Weblog Awards are open. Go and let Kevin and crew know what your favorite blogs are.

Incidentally, in case you were wondering, Snooze Button Dreams would be in the Best of the Top 500-1000 Blogs class for the Ecosystem ranking categories. You were wondering, weren't you?

Posted by: Jim at 08:13 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Snoozebob got the juice!

(Yanked off the Cheesemistress's quivering thighs.) more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:30 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 *making note of the foreplay remark so as to have actual useful proof it DOES exist, GM1, you lying bugger you* James, I am impressed. Particularly about the quivering thighs part... who told?

Posted by: LeeAnn at November 19, 2004 12:24 PM (vqSdN)

2 I'm a lecher with over 30 years experience, LeeAnn. I never miss a quivering thigh. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at November 19, 2004 01:13 PM (tyQ8y)

3 If the time in bed refers to sleeping, then this quiz is pretty darn accurate for me...

Posted by: diamond dave at November 19, 2004 04:35 PM (5qKGR)

4 It's a good one, but here's a little secret, gents: sometimes, we like a quickie. Oh yes. We love the men that go for hours. We love the marathon sessions. But sometimes, just stop drilling us and give us a raunchy 5 minutes. Really. It does the job just as well sometimes.

Posted by: Helen at November 20, 2004 03:29 AM (AeGVs)

5 Of course, I wouldn't trade my Sunday afternoons for anything. You know. Just in case someone was reading something into my post. There's a reason that women can scream like they do, after all. Good god, my comments are always raunchy. Sorry Jim

Posted by: Helen at November 20, 2004 03:30 AM (AeGVs)

6 Are you kidding me? Raunch is highly encouraged. I'm hunting traffic. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at November 22, 2004 08:49 AM (tyQ8y)

7 Helen, NEVER apologize... Ya know when I put in "Mike" it only gave me 1 hour and 49 minutes... Then I put in "Mike the Marine" and I got the correct answer: 6hrs 48mins Beat ya, Jim... WOOT!

Posted by: Mike the Marine at November 23, 2004 12:41 AM (PK/tF)

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What's cookin good lookin? Head over to Boudicca's Voice to find out. She's hosting the 14th Carnival of Recipes.

Don't mind me. I'm just going to sit here and salivate for a while.

Mmmmm...

Posted by: Jim at 12:03 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Lovely Wife sent me this very cool link: The World Sunlight Map

No more excuses for calling people at 3 in the morning and we can finally tell when Pixy is supposed to be awake without using a calculator or logarithms.

Posted by: Jim at 09:06 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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