Lovely Wife sent me some gorgeous photos of sunsets and I'm going to use one of them for my desktop here at work. Problem is, I can't decide which to use.

That's where you come in! You get to make my difficult decision for me. Hey, I'm one step from the VP now. I'm learning the secret of delegation.

Take a look at these three and vote for your favorite:

Sunset one

Sunset two

Sunset three

Posted by: Jim at 11:23 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 #3 rocks, but since we're talking about work, I'd go with #1. At home, #3 might be a little hard to explain to the boys too...

Posted by: Clancy at November 18, 2004 12:51 PM (JxYJc)

2 Re: #3 - So... you just bought her a diamond? http://www.markehrlich.com/humor/debeers.htm Anyway, I like #1.

Posted by: Harvey at November 18, 2004 01:25 PM (tJfh1)

3 Number 2. Definitely. Number 1 looks so fake, and for some reason, Number 3 makes me think of my early 20's, not sure why.

Posted by: Helen at November 18, 2004 01:34 PM (AeGVs)

4 Fake or otherwise, I like #1. #2 deserves an honorable mention, though. #3 - Cute, but may require too much explanation.

Posted by: diamond dave at November 18, 2004 04:34 PM (QqpTI)

5 Dude! That should come with a warning label. I think #3 is quite suitable for work.

Posted by: DeAnna at November 18, 2004 07:56 PM (IdVP4)

6 i gotta go with #1. I'd LIKE to go with #3, can you get me her number? :-D

Posted by: tommy at November 18, 2004 09:43 PM (haOzA)

7 I like #1--it has religious overtones [as does # 3, now that I think about it ]

Posted by: Susie at November 20, 2004 12:37 PM (VR4G3)

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To the fellow in the Mazda this morning: The blinking yellow light means "proceed with caution". It does not mean "yield right of way to side street traffic". And just in case you decided to stop all of the traffic on the main road just to be nice to those folks making a left through their blinking red stop light please let me remind you that you are in Atlanta and during rush hour we are permitted to remove one of your appendages to discourage such displays of weakness.

To the punks using the second floor bathroom: That horizontal handle at the top left of the urinal? Yeah, go ahead and wiggle that sucker after you've taken a piss. We call this "flushing". It makes it much more pleasant for the next fellow plus keeps the urine reek in the bathroom to a minimum. And if you do it while Mr.Happy is still dangling free you'll get a delightful wash of cool air and a free spritzer. Try it, you'll like it.

Posted by: Jim at 03:53 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Hey now, if 'tweren't for the delightful reek of stale urine, what would be the fun of usin' public restrooms, anyway.

Posted by: Tig at November 17, 2004 10:49 PM (G5PGV)

2 That was you?

Posted by: Dave at November 17, 2004 11:37 PM (i9WeN)

3 I feel your pain. In spite of all my patience, kindness and charity, there are days that I am really tired of sharing my planet with all the stupid people.

Posted by: Cerberus at November 18, 2004 05:19 AM (nzIoS)

4 I think you reserve the right to remove their appendages and beat them with it... Oh wait. That's NYC. Atlanta is more civil...

Posted by: Boudicca at November 18, 2004 07:02 AM (XH1zZ)

5 Maybe you should consider awarding NDA's? I would type more but I'm off to try that MR Happy spritzer thing...

Posted by: Rob at November 18, 2004 07:20 AM (kXZI6)

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'Cause that's where I'm going thanks to our viewing selection on the boob tube last night. It was an HBO documentary on dwarfs. Little people, that is. The vertically challenged. I think it was called "Natural Born Carnies" but I can't be sure.

Damn, there it is again. You saw that? That's at least six years in purgatory for that carnie crack. I was horrific through the entire show. I think I'll get a few pokes with the pointy fork for corrupting Lovely Wife as well. Hmmm...maybe I can earn some time off for good behavior if I apologize.

Okay, let's try that. Let's see if I can remember some of my worst offenses here...

Regarding the dwarf girl who had lengthening surgery I apologize for the "Stretch Armstrong" crack. That was terribly unkind.

Regarding the dwarf pediatric surgeon I fully realize that there is really no great chance of him being mistaken for his own patient and I apologize for making that inference. My observation regarding his height compatibility with his dog was likely over the line as well.

Regarding the little person gal marrying the pixie dude, I'm very sorry that my response to Lovely Wife's observation "I wonder if they'll try to have kids" was "Yeah, they'll have midget dwarfs". I'm equally sorry that my response to her query about their future sex life included a quip along the lines of "Oh yeah, you can do a lot of cool things with a dwarf". I'm especially sorry that I gave Lovely Wife a knowing wink after that one. I also apologize profusely for my quip about the gal not needing any kneepads. Hey, at least I didn't make any "flat head" comments. Do I get any points for that?

In my defense I can only say that I am a materialist and there was just too much material thrown at me to resist. Before anybody casts stones please remember that age old maxim "If making fun of midgets is outlawed, only outlaws will make fun of midgets".

Posted by: Jim at 08:36 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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The inestimable Anna has resurfaced, just as overloaded with estrogen and injected with testosterone as ever.

(Credit to Nick for the redwings thing. I never come up with stuff that clever.)

Posted by: Jim at 01:25 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Rob is closing in on his 1000th comment, a milestone in the life of any blog. My money says that he'll get there today.

Go and proove me right! (There's a prize in it for one of you.)

UPDATE: Rob tripped his meter this morning. Yay! Now go harrass the Wetwired crew. They're closing in on 2,000 comments and Pylorns has promised to dance naked in front of the Savoy when they get there.

Posted by: Jim at 05:41 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 I just did the trackback - backwards. I didn't even see your trackback yet on Rob's site, but I added to his count and then came here... wierd.

Posted by: Clancy at November 16, 2004 07:52 AM (JxYJc)

2 I dont know about dacing naked, but fnliii promises to dance on video with his ipod like they do in the ipod commercials - to the coke music "i want to break free" which is actually Queen.

Posted by: pylorns at November 16, 2004 02:05 PM (FTYER)

3 Psst-I will hit the 7,000th comment tomorrow!

Posted by: Helen at November 16, 2004 05:17 PM (AeGVs)

4 Well, unless my post tomorrow well and truly sucks that is. Which, at this stage of my day, is entirely possible.

Posted by: Helen at November 16, 2004 05:18 PM (AeGVs)

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Nine-eye: A delay was caused by non-dog related issues. Nine-eye will be getting his shots next Saturday instead of the Saturday just past. Grooming planned for the Monday after the shots.

Kids: Bacon had the croup Thursday night through the start of the weekend. Thanks to our kick-ass neighbor we didn't have to buy a nebulizer or Albuterol. Burger got it Saturday and is still kicking it. Sleep was at a premium at our house over the weekend.

Pets: I've come to a conclusion regarding the relative evil of kittens and puppies. Specifically, why do kittens do so much more damage than puppies? I believe that both species have the same amount of total evil but because kittens are smaller their evil is much more concentrated. Incidentally when Stitch purrs it sounds like a warthog with asthma. She starts purring at midnight. Every night. Concentrated evil, I'm telling you.

International: Breaking news from the mid-east. Yassir Arafat is still dead! And there was much rejoicing. Yay!

Work: The new job is awesome. Totally and completely awesome. And busy. I'm currently working on four projects, heading two of them.

Posted by: Jim at 07:43 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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idiosyncrasy
Pronunciation: "i-dE-&-'si[ng]-kr&-sE
Function: noun
Etymology: "idio" from the French idiote meaning Belgian, "syncrasy" from the Russian synchronous meaning swimming in a group wearing stupid smiles and nose plugs

1 An oddity of manner or temperament : eccentricity : something that other people go "Ewww!" when they hear about it
2 An oddment that generally falls under the category of "too much information"

You know those lists of 100 things about me that are very popular with blogsters? Basically they're just a list of idiosyncrasies. But they are loooooong lists. Who came up with 100 for the goal anyway? Probably a fascist. Those lists must be a bitch to write and who really wants to read 100 things about somebody?

So you get three from me. Three is a number I can get a handle on. I mean, I can count that high with less than a handful of fingers. Plus it's mystical. The number three appears all over the place: the holy trinity, the Three Stooges, Kukla, Fran and Ollie, you get the picture.

1: I take my pants off when I poop. Comfort is king with me and I just don't feel comfortable with my ankles tied together while trying to squeeze out a stink pickle. Spread the legs wide on the seat and you'll be surprised how much better you flow. Trust me.

2: I sleep at the edge of the bed. Well, not right on the edge of the bed but at least touching it. If I don't have a hand or foot on an edge I can't sleep because I lose my orientation and position sense. Basically I have to be near the edge of the bed because if I'm in the middle of it I'm afraid I'll fall off.

3: If I ever get held up in classic style where the robber comes up behind and puts a gun to my head I will be dead. This is because I will totally freak the robber out when I am seized with paroxysms of laughter. The back of my head is so ticklish I will get tremors along my whole body when it is touched. Lovely Wife gets a kick out of this one.

4: I get a fierce enjoyment out of breaking rules, even my own.

Posted by: Jim at 12:27 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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It's hard not being a member of a political party. Hard and inefficient. When people talk politics they first establish their stances. This is very easy for a Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Green or Communist. When you know what party they support you immediately have a general idea of their political beliefs. You have an established starting point.

Now it's true that next to nobody embraces all of the party line but when you have that known starting point it is very easy to clarify your positions. "I'm a Republican but I support freedom of choice" or "I'm a Democrat but I think socialized medical care is the wrong way to go" or even "I'm a Libertarian but I have a sneaking suspicion that the complete elimination of government would be a bad move".

For those of us who can't identify enough with a party to claim membership it is very difficult to even get to a conversational starting point. Before our debate can begin we need to essentially outline our complete political viewpoint. How do you feel about abortion? How do you feel about welfare? How do you feel about progressive taxation? How do you feel about government subsidies, social security, proactive national defense, deficit spending, etceteras, etceteras, etceteras. It can take fifteen minutes of this before you're even at a point where you can start discussing issues. more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:15 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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On the commute home today I was pleasantly surprised to hear the radio announcer say "This traffic report is being brought to you by the Island of Aruba".

Can you imagine that? Atlanta traffic is so bad that they've heard about it in Aruba! Not only have they heard about it but the Island (the whole freaking island!) cares enough to sponsor traffic reports for us.

Wow. Just wow. I am so touched I can't adequately put my gratitude into words.

Thank you, Aruba. Thank you so much.

Posted by: Jim at 06:47 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Wishes of a happy Veterans Day to all of the men and women who have protected this great country in past and present. (Lovely wife says thanks too.)

I served in the Navy myself. Eight years as a Hospital Corpsman in the Reserves. A bit over two years of that was spent on active duty.

In the beginning I didn't have a specialty so was basically just a nurse's aide with EMT training. My unit became the foundation for a Mobile Fleet Hospital unit (like M*A*S*H except we didn't have dirt floors) so I was then trained as a Marine. Military logic, don't ask for an explanation please. During Desert Storm I was activated and sent to Oakland (motto: The New Jersey of the west coast) to become an Operating Room Technician. That's the guy who hands the surgeon the sponges and clamps and needles and blades and stuff. After eight years in medicine with some of the most expensive surgical training you could ask for I promptly got into computers.

All of that is a huge non-sequitir to the story I'm going to tell you today: How Jim Ended Up As A Corpsman

Part of the process of joining the military is taking the ASVAB test. That stands for Armed Service Vocational Aptitude Battery. They put you in a field and shoot cannons at you. If you dodge enough of them they let you join.

I jest. It's actually a fill-in-the-oval test like the SATs and is designed to determine what military billet you could eventually fill. Lots of math and geometry, physics principles, word comprehension, mechanical aptitude stuff, and at least ten or eleven questions that amount to "The answer is A. Darken the oval next to the letter A. No, you dumbass! The one next to that!" Being a math wiz who spent his formative years helping Dad fix cars and planes and only rarely being a dumbass this test was pretty much designed for me to make it my bitch.

And I did. It is an hour-plus timed test. I finished it in fifteen minutes or so and was too bored to double check my answers so I took a nap. My score was in the 98th percentile. Pretty awesome, right? I'd have my pick of billets, right? I could go and do just about anything I wanted to, right? more...

Posted by: Jim at 05:45 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Dopple-G here, everyone. I'm the source of much of Jim's inanity, but today I bring you a political rant all my own.

For the many who claimed that they were leaving the country if the challenger didnÂ’t win the presidential election, IÂ’d like to extend this opportunity to encourage them to follow through with that promise. more...

Posted by: Garret at 12:25 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Ilyka has an absolutely fantastic treatise on what it's like being in the middle between the big political parties. That's the Republicans and Democrats, for those of you playing along at home.

As good as that post is I must guiltily admit that the biggest kick I got out of it was her handling of a jackass commenter.

SHORT'NIN! SHORT'NIN! SHORT'NIN!

Go read, you'll thank me when you're done. Seriously - I expect all of you to come back here and thank me. I'll be quite distraught if you don't.

Posted by: Jim at 09:00 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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I've been seriously remiss with my blogroll lately. One of the things about using an RSS reader is that I don't use my own blogroll as a surfing point any longer. I add and subtract blogs in the reader, think "hey, I should update my blogroll" and then get distracted by something shiny.

I've finally taken a couple of minutes to make the blogroll actually match the blogs that I read. The list is a lot shorter than it used to be. The reasons why I trimmed blogs out are varied. Some had closed shop. Some had moved or modified and are there under their new guises. Some had changed considerably since I first started reading them and they just didn't peak my interest any longer. Some were just too profligate and I simply didn't have the time to invest in reading them any longer.

The saddest ones by far were the ones that were warped out of the zone of readability by politics. Blogs that I had picked up because they were informative and pointed became echo chambers of partisan rhetoric. Very, very harsh rhetoric. At a certain point I just couldn't read any more about how Bushitler is jackbooting all over the world or that Kerry was Sonny Bono reincarnate (only not as good looking and unable to carry a tune in a bucket with a Ziploc lid). I still followed those blogs for some time, judging by post titles whether I'd read the individual entries or not. Eventually it got to the point where I wasn't reading any of the posts so I removed the blogs from my aggregator.

Now my blogroll matches my actual blog reading and the horrible rent in space-time caused by that disparity is healing itself. When you don't get sucked into a parallel dimension tonight you can all thank me.

(I just realized that getting "sucked into a parallel dimension" could also be taken as a sexual metaphor, in which case it would be a very good thing and I hope it happens to you tonight.)

Posted by: Jim at 06:44 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Ilyka is exploring the age old question of what makes a person decide to be a Republican. For me it was pretty simple. When I was a young idealist (making no money) I was very much a Democrat, and proud of it. I thought that it was absolutely wonderful that the Democrats wanted to take care of all of my problems and fix all of the ills of the world. That was a concept I could really get behind!

But as I started to make more money I realized something. First, the Democrats didn't take care of my problems. Not a one. Zilch. Zero. Nada. I did it by myself. I realized something else. They didn't fix all of the ills of the world either. They really weren't fixing any of the world's ills.

But the government was taking my money. In larger and larger amounts. And the Democrats wanted to take even more to fund all of these wonderful problems that never helped me or mine and these other huge programs that never fixed the world's ills.

The more I made, the more they took. But no matter how much of my money they took they still weren't taking care of me and they still weren't fixing the world's ills.

I got pissed. I got Republican. They had loads of bogus promises too but the big one was that they didn't want to keep taking more and more of my money. They wanted a smaller government without so many useless programs that required less money out of my pocket to throw into the great bureaucratic black hole of incompetence. That rocked!

I've toned back quite a bit since then. By this time in my life I'm more of a lower case "l" libertarian than anything else. Perhaps a good description would be "moderate disestablishmentarianist". If the government was completely scaled back to the point where they didn't screw with my life at all unless I was in the process of screwing with somebody else, and vice versa, I'd be perfectly happy.

So long as they stopped taking my money of course.

Posted by: Jim at 06:29 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Everybody has seen the map of America with the red states and the blue states and it makes it look like the coasts versus everybody else. Get a bit more granular and a whole different picture emerges. We're all just shades of purple.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 06:18 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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While waiting for the elevator in the front lobby I overheard this conversation:

Old (very old) Lady: ...but he's NOT on the side of good. He's on the side of EVIL!

Security Guard: But he's...

Old (very old) Lady: (Interrupting) He's evil! You can't support something that's evil!

Security Guard: I don't think...

Old (very old) Lady: (Interrupting) I don't care if he did win the election. He'll never be my president!

Security Guard: It's not like you have a whole lot of choice at this point.

Old (very old) Lady: The hell I don't! I'm fighting for the side of good. I'll fight everything he does! And so will every other good Democrat!

Security Guard: (mutters)

I don't know what the muttering was but I can guess that it was along the lines of "Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of, you crazy old bat."

Thankfully this isn't a person I work with. From the looks of her she wandered in for a captive ear, knowing that the security guard couldn't leave the front desk area. My elevator got there at this point so I don't know how the security guard managed to end the conversation. They are armed with tasers and batons though so we can always hope...

(Credit for "Overheard" theme goes to Flibby. Here's a recent example of his handiwork in the arena.)

Posted by: Jim at 04:03 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Lovely Wife has it over here but it bears repeating. Thank you, thank you, thank you! The response to the Save Nine-eye fund drive has been outstanding. Special thanks to Boudicca, Jen, Susie, Ed Flinn and Dave Ferrell. They've all contributed to the Save Nine-eye fund either directly, through spreading the message or both. Thanks to y'all we've raised enough to get Nine-eye set up and legal. Yay!

But wait, there's more.

We turned a big corner this weekend with Nine-eye. He's letting us really pet him now. He let Lovely Wife put a slip lead on him, let me put a collar on him (A very studly leather collar. That's studly, not studded. He doesn't go that way, not that there's anything wrong with that.) and walked with Lovely Wife on a leash. That was Nine-eye on the leash, not Lovely Wife, just to clarify my syntax.

We've got a coupon for a very good local vet so we can get his shots, a full physical, worm check, the works. We should also have enough left over (since we don't need a trap after all) to get him groomed. Boy does he need some grooming. This guy's got long thick fur and there is some serious nastiness hiding out in there.

Nine-eye's legalization visit will be this Saturday. Hopefully the groomer as well. Since we can pet him now it would be nice to do that without worrying about just what that is that we're touching underneath that fur coat.

We'll keep you posted and thank you again!

Posted by: Jim at 01:47 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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(Click for supah-size)

Sorry, y'all. I couldn't resist.

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 12:03 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Lovely Wife and I have embarked on an ambitious project. We're going to help rehabilitate a homeless person. Well, okay, he's not precisely a person. He's a dog. I guess he's not exactly homeless either since he's welcome at our house and others in the neighborhood. He is in danger though and we want to make him safe.

Lovely Wife and I both recently wrote about Nine-eye, our neighborhood vagabond. Her post is here and mine is here. (She has more pictures than I do.) Our great worry is that Animal Control will get a hold of him and take him away. Following some great advice from Boudicca and Simon we went out and got some information and some help. As it stands now he would be gone forever if AC caught him. However, if we get him tagged and legal with his immunizations they would return him to us if he got picked up.

So that's what we're going to do - take him to the vet for shots and a check-up, get him some tags and make him AC proof. The problem we have is money. As you know we're sort of up against the wall with that at the moment. We're going to try to drum up some donations from the neighborhood. We're pretty sure that at least one family (the ones who keep a bed for him) will help. For our contribution we've got...um...well, we've got you.

We're not talking about a huge amount of cash. A trap to catch him is a $25 rental. The vet is $100. We've already got a high quality leather collar that was too big for Kota and the tags are something like $5. $130, less whatever we can scrounge from the neighbors isn't a whole lot to pay to keep our neighborhood mascot safe. Hell, just the piece of mind that it gives Lovely Wife would make it worthwhile for me.

So pardon be buddy, can you spare a dime?

The PayPal button in the sidebar there will be dedicated to the Save Nine-eye Fund until we've raised enough for his entry into polite society. Hit it. Or tell somebody else to hit it. Or both?

A huge thanks to Simon and Rob who've both donated funds to help us with our mortgage problem. You guys rock. Hard. And don't worry - that money is completely dedicated to the mortgage, it won't be used in the Nine-eye fund.

Also, anything we get beyond what we need to make Nine-eye legal will go to wards making up that mortgage payment, so all y'all don't have to be afraid to give too much.

Thank you, spread the word, and go hug your furry four footed friend for me. (Hopefully that will be an animal but for some of my regular readers I'm not too sure.)

Posted by: Jim at 04:11 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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So, the world's oldest terrorist lies in a coma and the world is waiting for him to breath his last. Anybody else thinking of this as an early Christmas present?

Don't get the wrong idea here. I'm not the sort that goes about wishing that people die or wishing bad things on anybody. Doing things like that tends to warp you. But that doesn't mean I can't be just as relieved as the next guy when the right person buys the farm.

Does that make me inhumane? Cold? Twisted? No, I don't think so. Look, if you have cancer do you cry when the surgeon excises it? If you've got a tick on your arm do you feel sorry for the tick when you're putting the lit match up against its shell and it pops like the world's smallest firecracker? Of course not.

Arafat is a parasite, just like that tick. Nobody got through to him with a lit match over the past decades but we can be just as happy when the bloated blood sucker dies naturally.

Israel and the Palestinians have serious problems. One of the worst of them is going away. For that I am very, very happy.

Side note: Anybody else notice that once again the French military is trying to keep an Arab dictator in power? Humanitarian aid, my ass.

Posted by: Jim at 06:52 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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