This is Nine-Eye. He's our neighborhood mascot. Lovely Wife wrote about him yesterday. She's got more pictures in her post (I stole this one from her).

He's got a bit of urban legend about him. About a year ago the father of a teen down the street committed suicide. The next day Nine-Eye showed up. Animal control was called but he wouldn't let them near him. He's made his home in our neighborhood ever since.

He's an older dog with white showing up on his muzzle but he's still spry enough to play with the pups on our street, even our psychotic lab Kota. He is the low dog on the totem pole, deferring even to the mutant sausage dog from the end of the block. He's so timid that we're pretty sure he was seriously abused by his owners before escaping or being abandoned.

Several families in the neighborhood have adopted him. Some people feed him, others have set up sleeping areas in flower beds, everybody greets him with happy faces and kind words. In fact, I'm pretty sure that a couple of houses (including ours) feed him on a regular basis. He just goes from one to the next at each specific supper time.

When the kids are out playing Nine-Eye is there, a cautious distance apart but ready and willing to put himself between them and anybody dangerous. When the dogs are out he follows them around, plays and runs with them. When Lovely Wife and I go outside at night for some quiet and to enjoy the beautiful fall weather he's there, excited and happy to greet us. Early in the morning he waits with the kids at the bus stop next door and then he comes back to see me off to work.

I mentioned how shy he is but let me describe in greater detail. He won't eat near people or the other dogs. When you put food down he waits patiently until you walk well away from the bowl. It took quite a while but he'll now take a treat from my hand. He's incredibly gentle and if I don't release it right away he won't take it by force. Even on a successful transfer he walks well away before eating the treat. He's to the point where I can give him a little scratch or rub as he walks away and he won't run but that's the most contact that he'll allow.

Yesterday morning was special. I went outside with my coffee and my PDA to check my email and enjoy a beautifully warm, wet morning. He'd spent the night in our carport to stay dry and when I sat down he walked over and put his head on my leg. I scratched him behind the ears for a few seconds before he walked off. He sat down a short distance away (much closer than typical) and we spent the time in companionable silence. It was a great start to the day.

What's in the future for Nine-Eye? He seems to be in excellent health. He's mobile and active and has his own little niche in our community. Many of us welcome his presence, some don't, at least one neighbor is actively set against him. Will Animal Control get him one day? Are we making that more likely by teaching him to trust us?

There's no way to know what the future holds but I hope he's with us for a long time, and hopefully with ever increasing trust.

NOTE: There is a long line of people ready to kick the shit out of the person who beat this phobic timidity into this dog. Lovely Wife and I are at the front of the line.

Posted by: Jim at 09:21 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 629 words, total size 4 kb.

"We are not going to give up until the last vote is counted."

"We give up."

Okay, it was a cheap shot but I couldn't resist. Kerry could have protracted things and extended the exceptional division that has marked this election. After some time to look things over and examine the options and probable repercussions he chose not to do so. Now lets see if they can put those thousands of lawyers back into Pandora's box.

Posted by: Jim at 12:02 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 82 words, total size 1 kb.

We at the Flying Pig party would like to thank all of our supporters for the hard work they did during this exciting presidential campaign. It was a good run, hard fought, and dearly paid for.

The contest was close but our analysts tell us that it is statistically impossible for us to pull in Ohio. To avoid the trials and tribulations of a protracted and divisive struggle we are conceding the Presidential race. We will not contest ballots in heavily Piggish districts nor will we file lawsuit after lawsuit in a pathetic attempt to escape the inevitable.

This is a time for healing the self-inflicted wounds that split our country during this highly charged election. A time to make rational thought and cooperation our goals. A time to erase the tri-partisan nature of our politics and make our government simply partisan.

Don't lose heart my friends. The Flying Pig party is still strong and dedicated. We will be back again in 2008 when next these elections come around. In the meantime we fully intend to support President Nader in any way possible and encourage all Piggies to do the same.

Thank you for your support,
Jim Peacock
Former Vice Presidential Candidate, Flying Pig Party

Posted by: Jim at 08:55 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 211 words, total size 1 kb.

1 2008! If it weren't for our last-minute candidate change, we would have had this in the bag.

Posted by: Flibbertigibbet at November 03, 2004 12:59 PM (yaMs/)

2 You were robbed. You had at least one vote in Hong Kong, but it didn't show up on CNN.

Posted by: Simon at November 04, 2004 12:05 AM (OyeEA)

3 Well he had a vote from Israel also. I'm writing an angry letter off to fox and cnn. Heck, I'll just write off a whole lot of angry bitter letters. (can I run in 08? I'll let you get top billing!)

Posted by: Rachel Ann at November 04, 2004 05:35 AM (0uyki)

4 "to pull in Ohio". That means something very different to the English/Aussies/New Zealanders Are you trying to be elected, or get laid?

Posted by: Helen at November 04, 2004 06:15 AM (hT/v7)

5 Flibby - If only we hadn't lost Florida we would have had a chance. We'll get 'em next time. Simon - That's normal. Absentee ballots generally aren't counted for several after the election. I'm sure it'll show up in the final numbers. Rachel Ann - We can use all the help we can get and I'm sure we could find a cabinet level position for you. How does Secretary of State sound? Helen - Why not both? It worked for Clinton.

Posted by: Jim at November 05, 2004 05:42 AM (GCA5m)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Waiting time to vote this morning was close to two hours. Later in the day it was still an hour plus. I left work at 4:30 and got to my polling location at 5:15 (did I tell you that I'm a commuter now? Yay).

No line. None. I was in and out in just a couple of minutes. The handful of people there with me were laughing and joking, their fear of a lengthy wait dissipated and leaving them lighthearted and lightheaded.

I'm assuming there was a lot of lightheadedness in the 4th Congressional district where they elected the shame of Georgia Cynthia McKinney again.

The moral of the story? Procrastination pays.

Got a minute? Why not stop by the Flying Space Monkey's totally unscientific but still relatively impartial exit poll?

Posted by: Jim at 10:13 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 141 words, total size 1 kb.

Halloween was a blast this year. We made it a three day affair. On Friday we had a party and the kids dressed up in costume and pigged out on hot dogs and candy. Our boys were a trio of deadly pirates. Or maybe they were buccaneers. I never could tell the difference. Either way, they had a blast whacking each other and anything that did or didn't move with their cutlasses. The muskets were a bit of a disappointment, firing their rubber suction cup darts with almost enough force to stick on a glass window provided the barrel was no more than two inches from the target and the target was coated in tree sap. Then again, seeing what they managed to do with plastic swords this may have been a good thing.

After the kids were bounced to bed high on mountains of kiddie crack the grown-ups sat about the smoldering barrel fire (hey, I can't help it that we burned off all of the good wood over the past couple months - the massive log that served as the fire base smoked away slowly for three days) and talked shop. We all came to the conclusion that Tuesday couldn't come fast enough and we'd never seen an election with such incredible acrimony.

Cool spot of the evening - Trey's pumpkins. Holy cow, I've never seen pumpkins carved like that. They were a cow and a cowboy and they were built onto RC trucks so you could drive them around and have the cowboy chase the cow. Interactive pumpkins. Sweet.

Saturday we went to dinner at Trey's and took the kids trick-or-treating in his neighborhood. Secondary outfits were used for this official candy grabbing event. We had a Pikachu, a ninja and a Buzz Lightyear. Shut up, they were incredibly cute.

The jingle has changed a bit since my days of a youth:

Trick-or-treat smell my feet,
give me something good to eat.

If you don't I don't care,
I'll pull down your underwear.

We didn't have that second verse when I was a lad. It must be because we're a kinder, gentler nation now. We never used to give warnings of what we were going to do to the villains that provided improper or insufficient treats.

After trick-or-treating we retired to Trey's house where the kids hopped themselves up on sugary goodness and we grown-ups discussed the not-so-subtle undertones in GQ magazine. The ads (of which the magazine is 80% comprised) basically fall into two categories: flaming and smoldering. What happened to this magazine? I remember years ago you were almost guaranteed to get a couple decent boob shots per issue. Now you get male models in underwear and handcuffs being manhandled (I used that word on purpose - my subtlety is returning in spades) by the po-po. It was like opening up a Playboy and seeing two guys playing wang tag. Well, it differed in degree but the sense of betrayal was the same.

Sunday marked the closing of ceremonies for the holiday, capped off with another round of trick-or-treating in our own neighborhood. The neighbor kids came with us and we had an escort from the neighborhood stray. What a great dog - I'll have to tell you all about him in another post.

Little legs were failing by the time we finished our neighborhood but spirits were still high so we trucked over to the neighborhood behind us. This was a madhouse. Kids all over. Big kids. Kids who should not be trick-or-treating. I think it should be a rule that once you get your driver's license you should not go begging for candy. We saw one high school aged kid with no costume using a backpack for his goody bag just biking from house to house. If I ever get one of those at my place he's getting the hose.

We aborted that neighborhood and finished up with our own next door neighbors. For the third day the kids indulged in sugarfest. The choclavores were relentless in their consumption. After a suitably gluttonous period we removed the stimulants and enjoyed the show. Actual conversation snippet:

Bacon: I'm not hungry! I like chocolate! Hey! I think I'll go climb that tree!

When their buzz wore off sufficiently we packed them into bed. Being the responsible parent that I am, I was concerned about the amount of candy they had been eating over the past couple days. Having only my children's wellbeing in mind I filtered their pumpkins for the most dangerous candy - Snickers bars and M&Ms - and put them in a place where the poor lads wouldn't be tempted by them. Out of sight, out of mind, and in Daddy's desk drawer. Heh.

We then retired to the comfy chairs for a relaxing adult beverage and some blessed solitude. Halloween was over. At least until Tuesday...

I'll get some pictures in here too, as soon as I snag 'em from Lovely Wife's computer. The ones of the kids will need to include a uterine flutter warning - they really are that cute.

EPILOGUE

The kids learned several very important lessons this Halloween:

1) Signs that say "take one" on the abandoned bowl of candy at unattended houses are meant as a suggestion.
2) Sucky candy can be quickly disposed of by either trading it, giving it to the parents as no-cost presents or by licking it once and cleverly discarding it when throwing out the wrapper.
3) Halloween comes once a year but if properly exploited it can keep you in candy all the way to Easter.

Posted by: Jim at 11:26 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 947 words, total size 5 kb.

I was just a few weeks too late getting back to work. The book says we're short by about one mortgage payment. I contacted the lender and they've extended the pay date to the end of the month, which would help shitloads if there was magic money coming in before that. Drat.

The part that really sucks is that we'd be just fine if I had been able to collect unemployment for the time that I was unemployed. Y'all probably think that this is a reasonable thought. Once upon a time I was as deluded as you are. You see, unemployment is not based on being unemployed. It's based on being unpaid. Since my severance from my former job was parsed out instead of being paid as a lump sum I was disqualified from collecting unemployment for the entire time that I was receiving my severance.

Speaking about unemployment, I have a couple of bones to pick with them. First, what's with all of the jumping through hoops? I PAID for this. I gave many thousands of dollars over the past twenty years so I would have a cushion in case my job situation went bad. When I finally need it I find out that my pillow is one of those display models with a styrofoam core. Mandatory re-education classes? No benefits if I refuse any job? No benefits if I make $350 from any and all sources in any particular week? No benefits if I'm physically unable to work in any particular week? And if I do meet all of the criteria and jump when you tell me to you will reward me with a whopping $300 that I'm supposed to use to feed my family and pay my utilities, car and mortgage with?

Gee, color me unimpressed.

Privatize unemployment insurance. If I'd been paying into even a low-yield bond instead of into the black hole of bureaucratic inefficiency I would have had no problems whatsoever and would still have been problem free for quite a few more months. Unemployment insurance as it stands now is a joke, just another government handout program paid for by the working class but next to useless to the vast majority of people paying for it.

If I had my druthers I'd be sending my unemployment insurance premiums to Monster.com. It was their networking service that got my headhunter into contact with me and yielded a fantastic job.

Fuck unemployment insurance and fuck the Department of Labor.

[/rant]

Anyway (sheepish grin), if anyone would like to hit that button in the sidebar I wouldn't mind. Hell, screw that - you'd have my undying gratitude. I might even send you a picture of my hairy nipples. Or not, depending on your preference and tolerance.

UPDATE:

Wow, I'm a dumbass. I just looked back in the archives and realized I've been seriously remiss in some thank-yous. First off a bunch of folks hit my PayPal button when I first got the pink slip. They all had my personal thanks but they deserve some public love too. Many thanks to Harvey, Ilyka, Susie, Simon and Ed Flinn.

Secondly, thank you to all of you. Every single one of you. All of you who commented, emailed, cheered me on, commiserated with me, helped with my resume and cover letter, helped keep me focused or just helped keep me sane. The amount of support I got from you, my very extended, disparate and somewhat dysfunctional family, was absolutely unbelievable. You helped more than I can adequately relate to you now.

Thirdly, a special thankyou to Dopple-G. Cousin, friend, loanshark, bookmobile. Dopple-G came through when I needed to buy a new suit for the interview that landed this job. He also rocks on general purposes.

Lastly, but most importantly, thank you my Lovely Wife. You never lost faith in me, you supported me when I needed it, you kicked my ass when I needed that and you kept me believing in me. I love you my Sweetie.

Posted by: Jim at 05:55 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 687 words, total size 4 kb.

It's a complicated question. Actually, it's a simple question. I mean just look at it - six little words, maybe seven if you don't use the contraction. Can't get a whole lot simpler than that and still impart meaning. What I meant is that the answer is complicated. In fact, here it is:

A) Because his ass got fired and he wasn't in the mood any more.
B) Because his ass got fired and the time he used to spend on blogs was put towards finding a new job.
C) Because his ass got fired and he no longer car pools to work with his number one source of blog inspiration.
D) Because he had some nasty freaking serious health problems and had physical problems sitting in a chair.
E) Because the drugs he's on for the health problems have taken his inner muse, tied her up and put a ball gag on her.

So as you can see the simple question has a complicated answer. So what can we do here? How do we fix it? Well, getting a new job has corrected A and B. There's no way to fix C but I can try to substitute for Dopple-G with people at the new job as I meet them. D is way better than it was, to the point where I'm getting rid of E. I'm in the taper off phase and I can already feel my writing bug returning. Hell, I'm writing this now, aren't I?

As I get back into a morning routine for work I should be able to get back to the blog. Stay tuned for the entertaining and thought provoking commentary you've been missing, things like what condiments work best for masturbation and similar offerings.

And thank you to the 300 people a day who kept coming back even though the blog was sucking harder than a neophyte puffer. Y'all rock.

Posted by: Jim at 01:00 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 330 words, total size 2 kb.