Okay, so I'm getting pretty experienced with pain management. The crap I've got requires some form of external medication in order for me to function like a relatively normal person. I say relatively because, let's just face facts here, I ain't never gonna be accused of being normal. Hehe.

Anyway, the specialist I saw (the last doc I saw about whatever I've got) gave me Vioxx. This worked pretty well. When i was taking Vioxx I was pretty much back to regular function. General lack of pain, free body movement, wrestling with the kids, lifting heavy objects, stuff like that. The only thing it didn't really tackle was my feet. Still, it worked and I was in better shape for using it.

Then Vioxx was recalled because it kills people. People on Vioxx have a higher risk of heart attacks and strokes.

Fuck.

I kept taking it anyway, seeing as I didn't have that many left and am not in any particular risk category for heart problems. I looked forward to the day when I could see the doc again and get a prescription for Celebrex, which was the drug that Vioxx users were being switched to (in the majority).

In the meantime I needed something of the over-the-counter variety. I went to my old friends acetaminophen and acetylsalicylic acid. They'd carried me through many a hangover and headache. They sucked. Didn't really get rid of the pain at all. I tried ibuprofen. That worked pretty well but not for a very long time and I had to take a pretty large dose for it to work. It also started to make me violently ill.

Enter naproxen sodium. More commonly known as Naprox or Aleve. Aaaaaahhh!!! (<--- Angels singing)

It worked. Really well. Maybe not quite so well as Vioxx but well enough to function and no stomach problems, no need to overdose. I was happy and relieved that I had found something that worked to take me through to when I could get Celebrex.

Then late last week some problems surfaced regarding Celebrex. It seems that it kills people. People on Celebrex have a higher risk of heart attacks and strokes.

Fuck!

What the hell is up here? Now the FDA is looking into the entire class of drugs and it's possible that they might all be classified as unsafe. The entire class of drugs! This is the class of drugs specifically designed to get rid of the pain I've got.

Fuck!!

But wait, there's more. On my ride into work this morning I heard about a test that is being aborted because the drugs being tested were greatly increasing the risks of patient's suffering heart attacks and strokes. The drugs involved? Celebrex and naproxen.

Fucking Aleve, which has been on the market for 30 years, over the counter for more than a decade, regarded by all as one of the safest pain killers available, is suddenly found to increase risk factors for heart attacks and strokes but this isn't discovered until I need it?

Fuck you, universe!

Posted by: Jim at 11:59 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I've got a new blogson and blogdaughter. Go say hello to the dynamic duo at Loggerheads. Or @Loggerheads? Whatever, just go say hi.

Actually, I don't know if I get to claim paternity. They were both established bloggers before. I just helped them get a modicum of anonymity for their newest venture. Harvey, can i get a ruling?

Posted by: Jim at 04:26 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I don't think fear of heights is properly characterized as a phobia. I think it lies more along the lines of "proper appreciation for gravity". It's really misnamed anyway - isn't it really a fear of falling to a painful and grizzly death? What could be more rational than that?

My life would probably have been a lot safer if I had that common sense response. Unfortunately for my insurance company I'm one of those freaks who likes falling. That tickling feeling you get when you look down from a height? The one that happens when your stomach is trying to invert itself and crawl behind your kidneys for protection? I love that feeling. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:57 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I've been laughing myself silly at Boudicca's rodent adventures (Parts I, II, III, IV, V and Conclusion). She had a mouse move into her mini-van and she tells the story in fine style. Somebody was listening to my laughter. Karma, as they say, must balance.

Saturday eve I was standing in the carport waiting for man's best friend to finish her business and return to the domicile. It was cold. Damned cold.* I was shivering so hard my balls thought they were epileptics. My mind wandered a bit and I thought about what I'd do if I got locked outside of the house. I decided I'd be forced to skin Kota for her fur as I'd need something to wrap around myself for warmth once her body cooled and the blanket of entrails (a la Luke Skywalker in Empire) no longer sufficed.

I was brought out of my reverie by a skrinching sound. A sound remarkably similar to the noises that the homestead's resident rodent** makes when traveling about his cage. A sound of tiny claws on a hard surface. This sound was similar but had a different timbre. It included a bit of that nails down the chalkboard cringe inducing noise.

Tiny claws on metal. more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I think of the odds against our meeting. What are the odds that the ICQ random chat button that you hit would come up with me? What if I hadn't had a funny tagline in my profile that caught your eye? What if you hadn't had the courage to cross an ocean for me, or if The Godfather hadn't been there to help you? The odds against us ever getting together mean we're statistically luckier than a PowerBall winner.

I think of the things we've faced. Family frictions, culture shock, enduring terrible solitude, relocating, hard pregnancies and health problems. The list of things that tried to break us apart is monstrous but we defeated or dealt with every one.

And then I think of the things we've built together. Trust, love, passion, friendship, a family, a home (and one freaking huge menagerie of pets). And that's when I thank you for the one hundred eighty nine million presents you've given me, because I treasure every moment with you like the gift that it is.

Happy Anniversary my Lovely Wife.

*KISS* *HUG* *NIBBLE*

Posted by: Jim at 09:57 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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This was a good one. What else would you expect when you use a picture of a guy with a pole through his ass?

Grand Prize: 5 points
John returned the pogo stick to Toys R Us the very next day.
Simon

First runner up: 3 points (selected by a dedicated (medicated?) team of hippies)
So am I going to need a tetanus shot doc? I hate needles.
Kenny

Second runner up: 2 points (selected by "enabler" Karl Rove)
Bob soon realized anal sex isn't all it's cracked up to be!
DeAnna

Third runner up: 1 point (selected by an elite team of French commandos)
New this fall on ABC ......Extreme Makeover/Monster Garage
Frick

Posted by: Jim at 01:23 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Posted at Protomonkey.

Posted by: Jim at 12:51 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Bad: The Dear Any Servicemember mail service I mentioned yesterday is apparently suspended. :-(

There are security concerns about anonymous items (anthrax, etc) being sent directly to the frontline troops. The anonymous nature of Any Servicemember made this a dangerous and uncontrollable vector for anybody who wanted to harm the troops.

Good: There are other ways to send smiles to our boys and girls overseas. :-)

Operation Dear Abby was started many a year ago to allow people to write letters to our troops overseas. The modern (security conscious) system allows you to send a note that can be read by any servicemember with internet access. Posts can also be printed off by division personnel with internet access to distribute to troops who aren't online.

For a more personal touch, join SlagleRock's Letters to the Troops campaign. A friend of Slagle's is being deployed to Iraq and will hand carry letters that bloggers post on their sites. Just write a letter and trackback to Slagle's post linked above and they'll take care of the rest. Be quick about it though - the deadline is today!

(My letter follows in the extended entry.) more...

Posted by: Jim at 12:18 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I've got some friends who would love to receive one. Here are their addresses:

ANY SAILOR

USS NIMITZ CVN 68

FPO AP 96620-2820

ANY SAILOR
USS RONALD REAGAN CVN 76
FPO AP 96616-2876

ANY SAILOR
USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN CVN 72
FPO AP 96612-2872

ANY SAILOR
USS HARRY S TRUMAN CVN 75
FPO AE 09524-2875

These are the carriers currently on deployment in the Pacific Ocean and Persian Gulf. Make a sailor's day - send 'em a card.

If you're afraid of the water you could adopt a platoon, or if you'd prefer a more direct contact consider adopting a soldier.

The little things mean so much more when far from home. Send a card to a serviceman overseas and you can make two people smile with each one. (One of those people is you.)

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Protomonkey is reborn!

Protomonkey was my attempt to goad myself into writing more and better. Being the stubborn SOB that I am, I was unable to force myself to do so and the site languished. It has now risen like the monkey from the flames, changed into a new and stronger site.

What, you might ask me, is this wonderful new concept? Well, I say to you, it is now a group blog. It will be a collective home for any creative writing. Short stories, anecdotes, essays, you name it, it's welcome. For a more complete (and dare I say humorous) introduction see the FAQ.

Joining is simple. Just comment in the FAQ thread or send me an email and mention that you'd like to be a contributor. If you don't have my email address you can get it from the sidebar here or just contact your friendly neighborhood spammer. Apparently they've all got it.

So what are you waiting for? Get over there and look around. My short stories are posted over there and there's already a second protomonkey churning out goods for you.

Posted by: Jim at 08:21 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I don't say that very often. In fact I don't think I've ever said it, so you know I'm not crying wolf.

Almost three years ago we almost lost little Burger. It was a fantastic collision of poor diagnosis, entrenched medical establishment and insurance company hell. Lovely Wife has written up the whole story.

When you're done over there you might want to read about the other medical calamity we went through. I wrote about that one last year.

Posted by: Jim at 04:13 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Way back in the early days of 2004 I began the Tactlessly Correct movement with a rant about political correctness. The discussion in that post is still continuing.

The current debate centers on the replacement of "Oriental" with "Asian". That's got me thinking. I have a goodly bit of Asian blood in me (1/4th of the total amount, if my math is correct). Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Laub immigrated from Byelorus. Sure they were caucasian but Byelorus is most definitely in Asia. I'm going to start checking the "Asian" box now whenever the "heritage" question comes up on the government forms.

I wonder how that will work out. I'm as white as the pure driven snow but I can genuinely claim to be of Asian descent.

Actually, now that I think of it I'm not quite as white as the pure driven snow. I'm actually only as white as the snow the day after it falls since I can claim Indian heritage as well. Nana was 1/2 Iroquois after all and that makes me 1/8th native. Maybe I'll alternate between "Asian" and "Native American" on those forms.

Or maybe I'll just start selecting "Other" and put down "American". Claiming anything else as my "heritage" is just sophistry.

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 I think Asian and Native American are the same thing. Didn't you guys walk across the now sunken bridge between Asia and Alaska and populate North, Central and South America? If I were you I'd be pissed. You weren't even considered for best Asian blog. As far as the 1/2 Iroquios goes, I wish I could say that. Man, I'd be playing that up big. Aside from the cool factor, you could probably start a casino in your basement.

Posted by: Paul at December 15, 2004 02:31 PM (vbP6L)

2 As an aside, the Oriental comes from latin, orien. It means to rise, or the diection of the sunrise. In other words, Orient means East. Oriental is a person from the East. I can't see anytone being upset by that unless they were a WestCoast rapper.

Posted by: Paul at December 15, 2004 02:43 PM (vbP6L)

3 Georgia clay. No basement. Then again our crawl space runs the full length of the house. Maybe a casino that caters to dwarfs?

Posted by: Jim at December 15, 2004 03:01 PM (tyQ8y)

4 You could also move to the reservation,tell the US government to go fuck themselves,pay no longer taxes or live by US laws and simply sell cigarrets....live in a t railer,become an alcoholic and bitch about the white man and his fire water all day...you could be THE steretype of ALL stereotypes!

Posted by: LW at December 15, 2004 03:42 PM (GCA5m)

5 I could do better than that. I could meld and combine all of the stereotypes from the Indians, the Irish, the English, the German and the Byelorus. Do the Byelorus have any stereotypes? Any Asians in the audience who could help out here?

Posted by: Jim at December 15, 2004 03:46 PM (tyQ8y)

6 i'm asian and personally, i find the term "oriental," when used in reference to people, to be offensive and distasteful. i was just reading the following and it sums up my feelings about the issue better than i could: " a) it brings up bad history. the terms "Orient" and "oriental" were popular in the heyday of Western colonialism. usage of the term is an automatic cue for references to the British Raj, the Opium War, the occupation of the Phillipines, and other events and periods in which the inhabitants of Asian countries were enslaved, victimized, or otherwise mistreated by Europeans (and later, Americans). b) it has problematic racial and political connotations. while "Orient" translates simply as "The East," over time, an ideological paradigm emerged that spun itself around the term: The Orient was seen as the farthest point from civilization (i.e. Europe) and thus a region of barbarism, exotic custom, and strange delight. "Orientals" were conceived of as mysterious and inscrutable, with traditions and beliefs so different as to be inhuman - and thus requiring of either speculative study or religious evangelism. As social historian Edward Said detailed in his seminal book of that name, the intent and result of orientalism was the objectification of cultures in Asia and the Middle East, providing a rationale for colonial subjugation, missionary conversion, and military adventure, it later also created a context for domestic racism and xenophobia. It's nonspecific. As perceived by Western Europeans, "The Orient" included all of Turkey, the Middle East, Asia and to a lesser extent the Pacific Islands. An Iranian was therefore just as "Oriental" as a Chinese person, though in contemporary times, the term is never used in that manner. While "Asian" is not much more specific, it at least is a term bounded by geography, rather than paradigm. It would be difficult to argue that "Orientals" shared anything in common, other than in the feverish minds of European orientalists. c) It doesn't have an appropriate counterpart. The most subtle yet invidious problem with the term "Oriental" is that it stands alone: No one refers to Europeans as "Occidentals." Consider the term "Orient" only has meaning in the West; in the East, it is the Americas and Europe that are foreign and "outside," and most Asian cultures have similar but inverted conceptions referring to "The West." Hemispheric definitions are always problematic, since the world is, after all, round; but at least the terms East and West don't come loaded with imagery and history of "Orient" and "Occident." d) It's more appropriately used for inanimate objects. The establishment of trade routes linking the nations of Asia and the Middle East (which occurred long before the opening of Asia to the West) meant that commodities and other goods were regularly transmitted between cultures. As a result, when one refers to Oriental spices or rugs, one has a stable rationale from which to speak: spices and rugs are among the only things that the mixed bags of peoples known as "Orientals" actually had in common. In general, the use of the adjective in relation to inanimate objects or abstract concepts has largely been considered acceptable, if not embraced (there are people who still prefer speaking of Asian spices, or breaking down rugs into Persian, Indian, and Chinese carpets).

Posted by: mamazilla at December 15, 2004 05:39 PM (3Hc1Z)

7 mamazilla, I can't sepak for anyone else, but thanks for posting that. I always wondered what the rationale was for that. I think I was belwildered mostly because the term 'Oriental' doesn't really hold any negative connotation with me. I doubt that many Americans do, but I'm sure you're correct when it comes to Europe. I don't understand why inanimate objects can be classified that way, though. It seems consistent to call spices and rugs Asian spices or Asian rugs. Go figure. On an unrelated note... Since we're talking about politically correct references, I prefer to be referred to as a Buccaneer-American instead of 'dirty pirate', thank you very much.

Posted by: Garret at December 16, 2004 07:44 AM (IOwam)

8 mamazilla, a) The terms were popular since regular trade was established between Europe and the Orient. I myself am not cued to the Raj, any wars, occupations, enslavement, victimization or other mistreatment by the terms and I have yet to meet anybody who is. When you hear "Oriental" do you think of a fat Brit on a howdah? No, you think of a somewhat short person with dark hair and epicanthic folds. b) Edward Said is to social history what Michael Moore is to documentary. While the original connotation may have included Turkey and the Middle East even your quote says that this is not longer so. Orientals do share things in common including general similarity in body build and facial characteristics as well as social constructs like writing styles (symbolic characters). To say these don't exist is either wishful thinking or an outright lie. Grouping terms do not imply that all described members are the same, only that they share a set of characteristics. The French are culturally dissimilar to the Scots yet they are both European. The Ethiopians and Zulu have almost no societal common ground but are both African. The Pawnee and Iroquois have exceptional differences in every aspect of their society but are both Indian tribes. c) Oriental has perfect counterparts. I listed several of them in section "b". You do not need to define an opposite to have counterparts. What is the opposite of blue? There isn't one, though red, orange, yellow, green, indigo and violet are its counterparts in the visible spectrum of light. Oriental is not used as a hemispherical description so I'm not sure why that argument was made. Oriental doesn't mean "not here", it refers to a people and area in the general southeast of Asia. d) Once again this argument says that the peoples we think of as Oriental have nothing in common (except rugs). That simply is not true. But I think you've missed the entire point of my post, which is likely my fault as I didn't develop the post nearly as well as I should have. Oriental, caucasian, hispanic, african, et al are all descriptions of the appearance of groups of people. I for one am sick of being classified and counted based on what I look like. I am especially sick of this color-casting being done under the guise of "heredity". I'm American. My heredity is American for several generations. The whole "I'm checking the 'Asian' box" thing was to expose the skin-tone seeking bullshit for what it is. (And to have a bit of fun with it, of course.) My point is that I will be answering "American" any time I am asked what my heredity is even though (especially though) I know that what they want to ask for is my pantone number.

Posted by: Jim at December 16, 2004 12:56 PM (tyQ8y)

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Why did the Founding Fathers (tm) use the phrase "several states" in the Constitution? Why "several"?

The term is used all over the document. It appears in the sections on formation and powers of the Congress, powers of the President, and the powers and responsibilities of the states themselves. It also appears in the 5th (amending the Constitution), 6th (supremacy of the Constitution), 14th (Citizenship rights), 16th (income tax), 18th (prohibition), 20th (Presidential, Congressional terms), 21st (prohibition repealed), and 22nd (Presidential term limit) amendments.

What does "several states" mean? It isn't hard to find out. The first definition of "several" at Miriam-Webster is this:

separate or distinct from one another : individually owned or controlled

Separate. Distinct. A union of individual entities.

The balance between Federal and State powers has shifted grotesquely since the Constitution was written. It is both sad and dangerous that the states have traded their riding crops for a federal yoke.

Posted by: Jim at 11:55 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Audio only:

Sultry female: Hey, what's that you're holding?

Studly fella: A little something I call 'total happiness'.

Sultry female: Well you got some total happiness on your shirt.

Now what are you thinking right now? Yeah, that's what I though. You dirty, dirty bird.

With video:

Female suit walks up to an office building security desk.

Female suit: Hey, what's that you're holding?

Security guard sits up from his half-reclined position, holding a 12" meatball sub in his hands.

Security guard: A little something I call 'total happiness'.

Security guard smiles goofily.

Female suit gets the "what a jackass" look on her face.

Female suit: Well you got some total happiness on your shirt.

Security guard looks down at his shirt while the goofy smile turns into the "I'm such a jackass" look.

Switch to close up of sub on Subway wrapper.

Sometimes less is more.

(Lovely Wife pointed this one out to me.)

Posted by: Jim at 11:50 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Trey's comments are busted so I, the proverbial swinging monkey of commenters, shall fling the feces of my verbosity from afar.

Congratulations!
Trey finished with the scholastic requirements for his Masters of Business Administration. You may now call him a "suit" and tremble before him. Seriously though Trey, a big virtual high five from Snoozeland.

My deepest sympathies
Please pass my regards and condolences to The Good Doctor.

How fitting
I can't think of a more fitting name for a town that volunteers to subsidize inflated prices than "Dorking". In fact, wouldn't it be just nifty if this practice itself became known as "dorking"?

Posted by: Jim at 10:21 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Update: Trey has a related post about the general welfare clause in the preamble.

This started out as a comment at Random Pensees but got too big. As a rule of thumb, if your comment goes past 3 paragraphs you should consider making a post out of it.

RP gives a brief recap of how we ended up with our Constitution, pointing out that our country was not set up with a strong central government. Even when the Constitution was adopted the federal government was severely limited in scope and power. The Constitution specifically grants the states all rights not specifically designated to the federal government or not specifically prohibited to them.

RP uses the example of unfunded mandates to point out the failure of this protection of states' rights. I couldn't agree more. Actually, I could and do agree more. Y'all probably expected that, knowing me for the radical reactionary that I am.

The Federal government has been systematically reducing the rights of the several states since the adoption of the Constitution. Well, maybe not right after the adoption but definitely within a generation. There was one very notable pushback (the Civil War) but since then the Fed's stripping of State powers has been a legislative steamroller.

Like RP, I have a serious problem with unfunded mandates. I'll go further than that though. I have a serious problem with all mandates. The founding fathers were familiar with the idea - it's essentially the same as taxation without representation. We make the rules, you follow them and shut up about it.

The vast majority of federal laws could not pass a true constitutional litmus test. Oh, I know that they all have a line or two saying that they are crafted to address a concern of interstate commerce but that's just political hogwash for the most part. Federal laws are not crafted with the intent to regulate interstate commerce, they are crafted for agendas and then adjusted to give lip service to the interstate commerce requirement.

The most visible proof of the loss of state power is the election just past. Think about the television coverage you endured. How much of that was devoted to your state legislature, local mayor or even your governor? Not a drop in the bucket compared to the attention given to federal congressional and senate races. There is no attention given to state races because the balance of power is so far to the federal side that even the most powerful state position is just an also-ran.

Posted by: Jim at 05:19 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I think it might be possible that our children have been replaced with evil clones. Or perhaps the natural evil aura of the kitten has infected them? Maybe alien implants. Whatever the source, we're talking pint sized packs of evil.

Don't believe me? Ask Bear. He's been warning us for the past couple months, saying "My brothers are evil". He also says that about the kitten, lending credence to the evil infection theory.

They talk in tongues too. It started with Burger and a nonsense phrase he was happily babbling to himself while riding his bike. From out of nowhere we heard "dar dar dar dar dar dar". Of course we thought this was hilarious. Our attempts to learn the source of "dar dar dar" have met a blank wall. We chalked it up to being a Burgerism.

Then it started to spread. At any time you might hear any of our kids or the neighbor's kids doing the "dar dar dar dar" chant. Just an innocent Burgerism? I'm beginning to think it's like the "beep" warning you get when your smoke detector battery is running low. Time for the aliens to recharge the brain implants, or something like that.

Not that the evil quotient seems to be reduced by any measure.

At the dinner table the other night Burger was doing the "dar dar" chant when he hit a clear patch of vocabulary with “I’m the fucking baby around here” followed smoothly by another round of “dar dar dar dar dar”. It was so smooth that Lovely Wife and I couldn’t be sure that we had heard what we thought we heard. So we asked him. And he proudly repeated it with an angelic smile upon his face.

I regret to say that discipline was spotty as both of us had gut aches from laughing so hard.

Evil. Cute, but definitely evil.

Posted by: Jim at 12:55 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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An announcement came over the intercom this morning. We are scheduled to have a fire drill. An actual fire drill. As in, stop working, walk down the stairs, go outside until they say we can come back inside.

It's just like being back in school! Just like in school they've waited to the coldest day of the year, too.

Oh, another announcement just came on. We can carry personal items but nobody is allowed to carry beverages down the stairs. It's a violation of the code. The code of what? A couple people just took their coffee and went down into the lobby via the elevators. I guess the code says that it is okay to bring beverages into the elevators.

I think the anti-beverage code must be a part time thing because I don't recall any signs or warnings on the doors or stairs themselves warning against carrying beverages. I use the stairs every day (going down only - the ground floor stairwell is locked from the outside so people can't sneak in the back door and go upstairs without passing security) but I guess it's possible that I missed a sign. If there's no sign there I'm going to put in an official request for one. Safety first you know, and who wants to be a code breaker?

I'm currently fighting a powerful urge to pull the fire alarm. What better time? Everybody's expecting it so nobody would panic but you still get all the benefit of sticking it to the man!

This will be my first fire drill since 1987. I thought that graduating from high school meant I had proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that I knew how to exit a building.

Off to the pisser now. Nothing worse than standing around in freezing weather with a full bladder.

[Twenty minutes later]

Damn, that thing was loud! Annoyingly loud. And it was indeed cold outside. Very, very cold. And they kept us outside for over ten minutes. Sons of bitches.

Did I mention that I don't generally wear a coat? I don't really need one seeing as I go from the house to the car then the car to the building. Fucking cold.

Well, the building administrators can now rest assured that several hundred mature (to varying degrees) adults know how to walk down stairs and mill about smartly.

Posted by: Jim at 11:57 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 You know they did it on purpose. You would, I would. Why wouldn't they?

Posted by: Paul at December 14, 2004 01:02 PM (vbP6L)

2 That thought did cross my mind. I cringed from it. Life could be bad if there were people like me in charge of me.

Posted by: Jim at December 14, 2004 01:21 PM (tyQ8y)

3 Did anyone ever tell them that using THE ELEVATOR during a drill is AGAINST CODE?LOL Or during any fire therefor.....LOL

Posted by: LW at December 14, 2004 02:12 PM (GCA5m)

4 Oh, they knew that. They went down in the elevator before the fire drill started. Very clever people 'round here.

Posted by: Jim at December 14, 2004 02:16 PM (tyQ8y)

5 "Did I mention that I don't generally wear a coat? I don't really need one seeing as I go from the house to the car then the car to the building." And I thought I was the only one. Actually, I wear a coat from the house to the car, but I leave it in the car to walk the 20 steps to the door at work. Reason being that the coat closet is inconveniently located, and it's a pain to go fetch the damn thing at lunch. Plus it would make me stay an extra 30 seconds or so at the end of the day, which is 30 seconds too damn long in MY book.

Posted by: Harvey at December 15, 2004 12:25 AM (ubhj8)

6 Harvey lives in Wisconsin. Jim lives in Georgia. Who's the real man here?

Posted by: Susie at December 15, 2004 07:30 AM (3nS88)

7 Hey now. I spent my formative years in Little Antarctica (aka Buffalo, NY). I got the street cred.

Posted by: Jim at December 15, 2004 08:04 AM (tyQ8y)

8 We have so many fires where I work that we don't need to drill for it. In the year I've been at this place we have had 3 fires, plus the transformer at the end of the block blew up. We are starting to know the firemen by name.

Posted by: Machelle at December 15, 2004 03:33 PM (ZAyoW)

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Jen has almost reached the magical 100,000 visitor mark. In tru diabolical fashion she is offering a bribe to the blogger who refers the magic visitor. In similar fashion (if you can't copy Jen, who can you copy?) I'll do the same. If you're the 100,000th visitor and you get there from my site I'll win the bear and you'll win your choice of either 5 Snooze Points or 1 month of free advertising at Zero Intelligence*.

So what are you waiting for? Get on over there! Don't you understand that I could win a freakin' bear? I already got an award today; winning that bear would make this a banner day.

* Yes, I realize I just established a market value of $2 for a Snooze Point. Does this qualify as an IPO?

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The contest will be open until some time on Friday. Best caption gets 5 points with another handful thrown around to the rest of the best.

Click for big size. Presented as a thumnail to protect the wussies squeamish.

Posted by: Jim at 12:13 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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