Send in those submissions for the Bestofme Symphony and I'll make ya hot like you had enough!

Send your submissions to bestofme@jpeacock.net and they'll be in Monday's edition at The Owners Manual.

The only requirements are that you think the post is good and that it be at least 2 months old. It doesn't even have to be from your own blog! Can it get any easier? I don't think so!

The basics of the Bestofme Symphony.
Want to host a Symphony?
Get reminder emails.

Posted by: Jim at 03:22 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 95 words, total size 1 kb.

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE". Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the Plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories--those who are no longer accepting new patients and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the Plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the Plan and accepting new patients, has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 02:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 349 words, total size 2 kb.

Dateline - Oakbrook, IL

Ronald McDonald has gone into hiding since a mob of obese burger lovers attacked McDonalds Corporate Headquarters earlier today. The super sized protesters had gathered to peacefully complain about McDonald's decision to discontinue its Super Size Value Meal program but things quickly got ugly.

The rotund eaters were gathered on the headquarter's grounds either pacing slowly or relaxing in straining portable canvas chairs when several busses arrived and disgorged members of CEA (Competitive Eaters of America) and FaBELOS (Fat Bastards Eating Lots Of Stuff). While the two groups are often at loggerheads they had apparently united to demand the return of their beloved Super Sized fries and a Coke. The high energy gluttons incited the protestors who were already present with an end result of a waddling wave of jiggling flesh crashing into the building. Glass windows were shattered from the concussive force and several floors lost power.

Police and National Guard troops were called in to subdue the rampaging gastrophiles while Ronald McDonald, Grimace and at least one other company spokesman were smuggled out the back of the building and spirited away to safety. Ronald called later from a secluded location to make a statement on the attack.

"I have never been so terrified in all my life. The shear weight of the opposition was daunting. This is a monstrous burden but it is one I am prepared to bear. McDonalds will not bow to terrorist tactics and we are sticking with our decision to eliminate the Super-Size options as well as cancelling the proposed Monstro-Size and Garganto-Sizes. We are committed to helping create a healthy America." The distraught clown closed his statement with a plea. "Everybody come on - let's put a smile on."

Burger King, McDonald's chief adversary in the fast food field, voiced support of Ronald's decision but regretfully declined to follow suit with his own menu. According to Mr.King "While we respect and admire Ronald for standing by this difficult decision, our company works on a different basic premise. At our restaurants you get it your way and if your way is a pound and a half of tallow soaked potatoes washed down by a half gallon of carbonated sugar water then by God that's exactly what you'll get." When asked if he expected an increase in Burger King sales as high content eaters moved away from the lighter McDonalds menu he responded only with "Oh, I'm sure I'll be lovin' it."

Third rate competitor Dave Thomas was unavailable for comment.

Posted by: Jim at 08:58 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 428 words, total size 3 kb.

UPDATE: Results in the extended entry.

Want to know what it's about? See the Shamming/Sharing intro post.

Is this anecdote a share or a sham?

I did a certain amount of experimenting with drugs in my youth. Well, okay - a very limited amount of experimenting. I smoked weed a handful of times. Maybe two handfuls. That's not what this anecdote is about though. What I'm getting at is that I dropped acid too. Twice.

The first time was while drinking and smoking weed and either I was too messed up already from the other stuff or it was exceptionally weak stuff and I didn't notice any effect.

The second time was stupid. It was a Sunday. My previous experience made me discount the effects of acid. I had a hugemassivefantasticterrifyingunbelievable trip. It lasted through Monday. I was in Operating Tech School. I was performing surgeries on Monday. Scheduled ceasarian sections. I saw ants crawling out of a uterus and almost cut my own thumb off.

I never dropped acid again. Ever.

Current Standings:

One Correct
Helen
jim
Mike the Marine
Simon
Tiffani

Zero Correct
Everybody else more...

Posted by: Jim at 08:46 PM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
Post contains 337 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I've gotten more than one right...

Posted by: Tiffani at March 09, 2004 04:51 PM (xpNFK)

2 Just one this month, Tiffani. Only #5 and #6 are in the tally here.

Posted by: Jim at March 09, 2004 04:53 PM (IOwam)

3 oh crap...It looked so much better before

Posted by: Tiffani at March 09, 2004 05:06 PM (xpNFK)

4 I'm going with sham here. Your head's obviously screwed on far too tightly to be drawn into such an experience to freak-out levels. Now, my head, on the other hand...but a certain Omni REO Speedwagon concert is probably best left unmentioned.

Posted by: Brian Jones at March 09, 2004 05:55 PM (E4NcZ)

5 sham.

Posted by: MojoMark at March 09, 2004 07:05 PM (E+LQu)

6 SHAM!!!

Posted by: mitzi at March 09, 2004 07:23 PM (xGOKs)

7 I'm going Share for one reason - everyone else is saying sham. Plus some of the other posts on this blog now make a lot more sense in light of "flashbacks".

Posted by: Simon at March 09, 2004 08:52 PM (FUPxT)

8 big time sham

Posted by: Susie at March 10, 2004 12:14 AM (8giUV)

9 I'll say "small time sham", just to be different.

Posted by: jim at March 10, 2004 07:39 AM (lN8eP)

10 Share...

Posted by: Tiffani at March 10, 2004 08:54 AM (xpNFK)

11 sham.

Posted by: Sue at March 10, 2004 09:43 AM (rZmE1)

12 I say sham... You saw cockroaches, not ants...

Posted by: Mike the Marine at March 10, 2004 11:11 AM (5WFrz)

13 Sham. You can't see ants on acid. You need to take Belladonna to see ants. Or rats. Or dwarves

Posted by: Mutinousdoug at March 10, 2004 12:49 PM (8NrCY)

14 Share. Only because it's so unpopular.

Posted by: Jiminy at March 10, 2004 05:33 PM (v1F8A)

15 Sham sham sham sham sham!

Posted by: Rob at March 11, 2004 07:05 AM (kXZI6)

16 SHAM

Posted by: Jeremy at March 11, 2004 12:17 PM (FTWUX)

17 I'm going to have to say sham. I think if it was a share you would've elaborated more. Unless Simon has ruined the long entries for you

Posted by: Helen at March 12, 2004 05:59 AM (6dPV0)

18 Oh, too late Helen. This one closed last night. Did you just get back to your borrowed internet access?

Posted by: Jim at March 12, 2004 06:05 AM (saeHM)

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Lovely Wife will be going on hens' night this Saturday, leaving me all alone and at the mercy of the three spawn boys. This is cool for a couple of reasons.

First, she gets out and away from the kids to bleed off some of that accumulated kid rearin' pressure. Sure our kids are an unbearable trial great but she's got at least one of them 24 x 7 except for the rare occasions when she runs out to the store when I'm home. This lets her relax so the chance that she'll snap and just de-skin one of the buggers is dramatically reduced.

Second, she comes back with cool stories. Like the older lady that was trying to pick up The Godfather (part 1) when he was visiting from The Netherlands. Or the time she got touched by Bill Gentry (while she was wearing her galpal's shirt so she can't possibly give that shirt back now). Or even the infamous Purple Velvet Cowboy. Yes, an actual human type person went to a night club in a metropolitan area dressed in a purple velvet cowboy outfit. You just can't get stuff like this from a night at home.

Third, and most importantly, I get to watch movies. Don't get me wrong, we do watch movies together as well. It's just that those movies are ones that only she likes we both like. Ones from the Lifetime Network or Oxygen or The Oprah Channel or like The Usual Suspects or From Dusk Til Dawn. Pretty much anything that makes a temporary vagina grow on male viewers or ones that are mob, true crime or vampire related but not a lot else. Specifically, no sci-fi or fantasy or general horror.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to suggest movies for me to watch this Saturday evening. They should be very good ones that are available now on DVD and for the love of GOD, no chick flicks. They don't have to be recent ones - I sure haven't seen everything.

POINTS: Why the heck not? Five points if I end up watching the movie you suggest. Points awarded to the first suggester only.

Posted by: Jim at 01:46 PM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
Post contains 374 words, total size 2 kb.

I couldn't resist. I asked the Googlegods what they thought of my weblog.

sbd is the backbone of the allied air to ground
Support our troops!

sbd is still considered "under development"
There's always room for improvement.

sbd is a very real threat
Um...Dude, calm down. My writings tend towards humor, I'm not out to overthrow the government or anything like that. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:34 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 263 words, total size 2 kb.

More than just an exercise in existentialism, it's also a direct question for the Googlegods. Just what is Jim anyway?

jim is wrong
Frequently. Constantly. Currently.

jim is tired and formulaic
Okay, so content has been a bit spotty quality-wise lately. Give me a break here! I've been busy.

jim is seeking public input on matters affecting all cheshire
Because I am very concerned about matters affecting Cheshire.

jim is all confused
I'm getting there. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:02 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 338 words, total size 2 kb.

We're getting close. The 2004 Peacock Invitational starts this Sunday night (at midnight). We've got 5 people who are willing to pony up $100 if they smoke at any time for the year of the bet. Care to join us?

I started a bit early, having had my last smoke on Feb 27. That puts my quittin' stats at: One week, five days, 22 hours and 5 minutes. 258 cigarettes not smoked, saving $40.70. Life saved: 21 hours, 30 minutes. (Stats courtesy of this nifty little proggie I heard about from Tiger.)

Posted by: Jim at 09:38 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 100 words, total size 1 kb.

Most arcade game manufacturers go for racing, fighting or some sort of shooting galery concept. As far as I know the repeatedly ram a giant plastic finger into a virtual rectum milieu is virgin territory. Or it was until recently anyway.

The Boon-Ga Boon-Ga game allows the intrepid player to sodomize one of eight characters including ex-girlfriend, mother-in-law, prostitute and child molester. As you spank and invade the nether regions of your selected victim they scream in agony on the game screen. At the end of your session you get a card that gives you your sexual proficiency rating.

Although the game might seem a bit gratuitously violent (and otherwise disturbing) at least it is promoted by big soft cuddly characters. One is a giant version of the probing fist of doom and the other is a six foot tall shit monster.

I don't have anything else for this one. It's well beyond any satirical skills I may have previously possessed. I'm pretty much just stunned and running on at this point. Let me leave you with a portion of the game review from SeanBaby:

This game does more than threaten the future with an army of highly trained madmen proctologists, it shames America's industrial complex. First we lose the space race to the Commies, and now Japan and Korea have beaten us in the great Virtual Digital Rectal Stimulation Simulation race. And if you're anything like me, you've already asked yourself about the dangers of this ass technology being in the hands of two foreign powers known for giant radioactive monsters and nuclear weapons, respectively. And again, if you're like me, this train of thought quickly hits a wall when you realize that you're not an accredited expert on foreign colon-probing policies. So until one of us is, let's just assume that we're all going to die, but not quite as quickly if we stay far away from Boong-Ga Boong-Ga.

Amen, brother.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G, may he burn eternally for exposing me to this)

Posted by: Jim at 03:57 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 342 words, total size 2 kb.

A powered dish scrubber? I couldn't believe my eyes when i saw a commercial for this one. It's a powered screwdriver with a scrubber at the end! The commercial showed the happy housewife getting a bunch of fresh food residue off of otherwise squeeky clean plates, just like any other dishwashing commercial. The difference was she did it with this extrememly slowly rotating two and a half pound appliance.

There is no poor-man's dremel that is going to make dishwashing fun and easy and this seven dollar toy isn't going to do anything that some hot water and a sponge can't do faster and better.

It's a shame that Wal-Mart is going to sell a bajillion of these things and encourage some other dumbass to give birth to the next useless helper appliance.

Posted by: Jim at 12:50 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 147 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Heh, I won't waste my money on it. My "power dish scrubber" is named "Scott" and he only scrubs once a week. That disposable toilet brush? That I may invest in. I have coupons

Posted by: Tiffany at March 10, 2004 02:27 PM (rDyup)

2 haha.. I'm surprised they didn't call it the"kraft-matic power dish scrubber"!

Posted by: jim at March 10, 2004 03:42 PM (lN8eP)

3 You obviously didn't read how Bacchus over at Erosblog employed it. Apparently, it never came near a dish.

Posted by: Christine at March 11, 2004 08:52 AM (Q/NXM)

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I've got this love/hate thing with cats. Some are ultra cool. The cats living in my house are this type. Henk is a sexy black beast who thinks he's a dog. He comes when you call, wants to play and be petted constantly and gets along well with the canines in the house. Apple is a fat lazy thing and the only doglike quality she has is that she's a bitch. In other words, she's more of your typical cat. She's still cool though since she likes me and comes out specifically for a Jim petting when the mood strikes her.

I've lived with cats that I thoroughly hated as well. When I was in high school my sister had an evil black monster named Misty (which was also the name of one of my cousins and boy did I get a couple laughs out of that). She hated men. No matter how nice my dad and I tried to be with that cat it would hiss and run away and get its fur in a bunch just like those Halloween stereotype cats. I still kept making the overtures until one day when I got home from school and noticed a nasty smell in my bedroom. Specifically from my dresser. Because that spawn from hell had pissed on my clothes. It was open warfare after that and I took extreme glee in waging a guerilla campaign against that beast that made the last years of its life a frightening glimpse into the hell in which it would spend eternity.

So what has got me thinking about evil cats all of a sudden? The feral beasties that live around my house. I am sick of finding dead bird pieces in my yard. I'm sick of cat prints on my car. I am sick of cats shitting where my kids play. I have had enough of these half wild, half starved, vile, disease carrying felines. I am declaring war.
I am buying a pellet gun and any time I see any of the 8 or 9 miscreants anywhere near my property I am going to shoot the fucker. I'm going to shoot it as many times as I can before it gets out of my range. I'm going to teach Lovely Wife how to fire the gun so she can defend the castle when I'm at work.

And if that doesn't do the trick I'm going to escalate the conflict and get a paint ball gun. I'll put out cat traps. I'll go Carl Freakin' Spackler on their asses!

This is your notice, cats. I'm coming for you and there's not a damn thing your friends at PETA or in France can do about it.

POINTS: 2 points for the first person to source Carl Spackler. No searches, y'all.

Posted by: Jim at 12:22 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 473 words, total size 2 kb.

As long-time readers know I occassionally run out of new material (this never actually happens) or am just too lazy to come up with an interesting post (yup, that's the one). When this happens I delve into the deep, dark, recesses of my referral logs and find the oddities that all y'all are looking for when you find my site in the search engines. Some of these are funny, some are just...ewwwwwwwwwwww. Either way, they earn a comment from moi.

deodorant commercial
I can understand the attraction. I am also drawn to these vignettes of American culturalism like a moth to the flame. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. Indeed.

my pants r 0n fire
In the good way as in "I'm a horny skank" or in the bad way as in "I really need a fire extinguisher"? Either way, I'm sure you can make some money if you get it on video.

homemade melting cheese
Is this for real? Can I really make my own melting cheese at home? I am sooooo sick of supporting the cheese establishment and their militant cheese monkeys forcing me to pay my hard earned money for their crappy melting cheese. My life would be close to perfect if I could make melting cheese at home. Fight the power!!

chippendale's man video download
If I've said it once I've said it a hundred times. Works from my "artistic" phase are available only from my agent. I don't sell or distribute anything directly.

bloody penguins
Yeah! Stinkin' rot grubbers! Always eating their fish and waddling around all over the place without so much as a "how do you do" or a "nice day we're having". I hope they all get eaten by a bear!

dirty little whore stories
Ah, I never get tired of talking about Joe Theismann.

Posted by: Jim at 08:03 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 317 words, total size 2 kb.

Do I believe in Capitol Punishment? Damn in-deedly-deed-I-do! Pull the lever, flick the switch, hit the button, squeeze the trigger, repeatedly bludgeon with a blunt object, whatever it takes to kill this fucker.

Prince William County Circuit Judge LeRoy Millette Jr. made the decision after reviewing a jury's recommendation.

Millette said the jury correctly found that Muhammad, 43, would be a "continuing, serious threat to society" if allowed to live.

Millette said he looked at other cases in Virginia for comparison, and "there simply are no other crimes" of the same magnitude.

(I will return to a non-bloodthirsty state tomorrow.)

Posted by: Jim at 04:51 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 112 words, total size 1 kb.

Over at the ZeroIntelligence.Net site is my first ever original reporting article. Yup, that's all me there. Nothing taken from another site or found somewhere or picked up at another location. Took the raw info, made a news article. Wow.

I feel all empowered now. Cool.

Posted by: Jim at 03:14 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 58 words, total size 1 kb.

Beware the Ides of March indeed! Food beasts look out - March 15 is Eat An Animal For PETA Day. Michele's got some nifty posters and I've even made my own contribution.

Posted by: Jim at 11:14 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.

Kimberly Swygert of Number 2 Pencil is always entertaining and elucidating. Then there are the posts like this Nyquil induced beauty that take it to the next level and make me appreciate the unique benefits of a heavily medicated female mind.

Ahhh, Vampire Ninja Muslim Christians - whole families of 'em - working at Wal-Mart. In Texas. What grist for my Nyquil-induced dreams.

Hmmm...is Kimberly channeling LeeAnn?

Posted by: Jim at 11:00 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 87 words, total size 1 kb.

Arleen Mathers (23) got a tad angry when her boyfriend Brad Pulaski (27) erased her pirated stash of songs off her iPod. So mad that she beat him to death with the violated MP3 player.

According to law officers, Mathers was hysterical when police arrived and told them that she killed her boyfriend only after he accused her of illegally downloading music and erased about 2,000 of her MP3s. Mathers complained that it took 3 months to build her music collection.

See? Those people who download pirated music really are criminals!

According to AppleÂ’s website, the iPod is partially made of a hard metal plate thatÂ’s been praised for itÂ’s resistance to regular wear and tear, like drops and coffee spills.

Drops of blood and brain matter? I wonder how well the iPod worked after this. Did this count as inappropriate use and void the warranty? Inquiring minds want to know.

“It took him a while to die,” Dr. Klamut said. “She must have stabbed him 40 to 80 times with that iPod. His death was not instantaneous, that’s for sure”.

This is why I stay very far away from Lovely Wife's MP3 player and never so much as click near one of her files or folders. Safety first, know what I mean?

(Disclaimer - Don't bitch at me, I know it's a horrible thing that happened and a life has been lost and another effectively ended. It's also highly ironic and odd and I'm not going to be the first or last person to poke fun at it. In the words of somebody more famous than you: We laugh at the absurd and the morbid for our only other options are anger and tears.)

Posted by: Jim at 10:43 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 295 words, total size 2 kb.

Have you seen the commercials for these new Clearblue Easy Digital pregnancy tests? They're really neat. Instead of a line or colored mark that might or might not appear depending on whether you are or aren't pregnant, these give you your results in plain english on a digital display. The downside is that test results can be a bit irregular.

Posted by: Jim at 08:05 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 70 words, total size 1 kb.

Sorry, y'all. No new sham/share yet. Work was a collosal whore today and I'm hating on the computer right now. I got the caption contest finished but that's all I'm going to manage. Look for whatever I didn't get done today to be done tomorrow instead.

Posted by: Jim at 06:48 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 54 words, total size 1 kb.

Caption contest!

(Stolen from Speedscape)

RESULTS:

This was a riot. 17 contestants and a load of decent belly laughs among the submissions. Thanks for participating and congrats to the winners!

1st place (10 points)
Senator Kerry is told Howard Dean is re-entering the race. - Simon

2nd place (5 points)
GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW! - Tiffani

3rd place (2 points)
The power of GEE-ZUS commands you! - Susie

Honorable Mention (no points but a cheery hi-oh and a good day chap!)
The circle of life ended when Kerry dropped the baby lion. - tommy

Allegations of John Kerry's french-ness were proven today with this shot of the girlie-man attempting to catch an American football. - Clancy

POINTS: Hell, yeah. One point goes into the pool for each person who submits a caption and they'll be distributed 60/30/10 to the top 3 captioners. (So if 10 people submitted, the #1 caption would get 6 points, the #2 would get 3 and the #3 would get 1.)

Enter as many captions as you'd like.

Posted by: Jim at 06:44 PM | Comments (26) | Add Comment
Post contains 190 words, total size 1 kb.

1 NOT THE FACE, NO NOT THE FACE...Shit there goes the botox.

Posted by: Christine at March 04, 2004 02:57 PM (Q/NXM)

2 All I can think of when I see this is: GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO, GOTTA GO RIGHT NOW!

Posted by: Tiffani at March 04, 2004 03:02 PM (xpNFK)

3 The power of GEE-ZUS commands you!

Posted by: Susie at March 04, 2004 03:09 PM (W5F4d)

4 I missed the ball, and it's all Bush's fault! If he hadn't pre-emptively and unilaterally thrown the ball, I wouldn't be in this embarrassing situation that reveals how encredibly dorky I am!

Posted by: Ryan at March 04, 2004 03:48 PM (Sc71i)

5 This never happened when I served in Vietnam

Posted by: Clancy at March 04, 2004 04:31 PM (EGVPL)

6 Allegations of John Kerry's french-ness were proven today with this shot of the girlie-man attempting to catch an American football.

Posted by: Clancy at March 04, 2004 04:33 PM (EGVPL)

7 John Kerry celebrates the invention of "talkies".

Posted by: LeeAnn at March 04, 2004 04:55 PM (HxCeX)

8 Frankenkerry shows off his moves during rehersals for a remake of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video.

Posted by: MojoMark at March 04, 2004 05:12 PM (E+LQu)

9 The circle of life ended wheh Kerry dropped the baby lion.

Posted by: tommy at March 04, 2004 05:25 PM (MhJXW)

10 "I swear if Kerry does his '2K3 Panthers Superbowl performance' impression again, he's going down." -John Edwards (D)-NC

Posted by: tommy at March 04, 2004 05:30 PM (MhJXW)

11 In a moment that horrified SPCA representatives, Senator John Kerry lost control of his pet gerbil Dubya. Fortunately a group of west coast spelunkers who were at the campaign sight assisted in safely recovering Dubya and allowing Kerry to continue his campaign efforts without the distraction of a lost pet looming on his mind.

Posted by: Rex at March 04, 2004 06:54 PM (Q/NXM)

12 On this issue I have made my position perfectly clear. Footballs should be caught with eyes open.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at March 04, 2004 08:30 PM (CSxVi)

13 While trying to emulate his hero, John F Kennedy, by playing a little football in full view of the press, John Kerry came to the startling revelation that he's really much more of a "paper football" guy.

Posted by: Mike the Marine at March 04, 2004 09:29 PM (r8Ldc)

14 With the Texas Soul Choir singing onstage, Kerry tries to get in touch with his soul and let's the healing begin. I got to, got to, got to try a little TENDERNESS!

Posted by: Helen at March 05, 2004 01:56 AM (Xcg5b)

15 I was mis-led as to the location of the ball. When elected to office I will recall all our balls from Iraq.

Posted by: Simon at March 05, 2004 02:17 AM (GWTmv)

16 Oh, What A FEELING!!!

Posted by: Mitzi at March 05, 2004 07:33 AM (0ugnc)

17 If I catch this ball I win the election If I catch this ball I win the election If I catch this ball I win the election

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at March 05, 2004 07:38 AM (CSxVi)

18 ew ew ew ew EWWWWWW

Posted by: Jeremy at March 05, 2004 08:56 AM (FTWUX)

19 "Missed it by that much" as will go the election in November...

Posted by: Nate at March 05, 2004 11:48 AM (H27u0)

20 Aaiiiiiiiowwwww!!!! (doing his best Dean Scream) (Tacky theft: http://imao.us/sound/deanscream.wav )

Posted by: Clancy at March 05, 2004 01:11 PM (EGVPL)

21 Get off me, Smeagol!

Posted by: Jennifer at March 05, 2004 04:20 PM (DdBLw)

22 Senator Kerry is told Howard Dean is re-entering the race.

Posted by: Simon at March 06, 2004 10:58 PM (PzVmQ)

23 10 points! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!

Posted by: Simon at March 08, 2004 07:51 PM (GWTmv)

24 Yay!!

Posted by: Susie at March 09, 2004 12:10 AM (8giUV)

25 I found it interesting that the media didn't jump all over this pic and they didn't jump all over Kerry when wiped out on his snow ski's (blaming it on the secret service guy he ran into) or when he wiped out on his 10 speed (on an open paved road no less). He's even earned the nickname 'Lurch' from some Democrat rivals. Yet, for some reason the media seemed to think that Bush's bike crash during a 16 mile mountain bike ride (over rough terrain) was newsworthy enough to run for 4 days straight. GG liberal bias.

Posted by: Rooster at June 04, 2004 01:43 PM (AQn2N)

26 HI, DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY INFO. ON THE ORIGON OF THE JOHN KERRY FOOTBALL PHOTO??? I A INTERETSED IN USING IT BUT HAVE SOME CONCERNS ON COPYWRIGHT LAW. ANY HELP WOULD BE APPRECIATED. SCOTT

Posted by: SCOTT at August 24, 2004 06:15 PM (3iNdC)

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