My previous post got me thinking about superpowers. My favorite wouldn't really be the projectile dootie I linked to before. I'm not really sure what superpower I'd most like to have but it comes down to one of these three:

Polymorphic: That's a shapechanger for all y'all that's weak on your latin. That's like the blue naked lady in the X-Men movies. How cool would it be to look exactly the way you want to instantaneously? No more worries about bad hair days or having clean underwear. Just wake up, take a crap, poof into the look you want and you're out the door. Want to hang out at muscle beach? Poof, you're The Rock! Want to play runway model? Poof, you're Kate Moss! Want an ice cream but you left your wallet at home? Poof, you're a soulful eyed waif! In a fight with the Yakuza? Poof, you're superfast, superstrong, with skin harder than rhinocerous armor.

Flying: Yeah, I know it's common and trite but I've never lost my childhood desire to fly. This is the most common dream power I get, though I've gotten much slower as I've matured. A lot of times I'm really just gliding now. Still cool but I guess I'm feeling my age in my dreams.

Stopping Time: I used to have lots of fun imagining what it would be like to be able to stop time. This one has loads of opportunity for mischief (and outright criminal behavior). Sure, you could save the heroine by stopping the bullet inches before it hits her and moving her out of the way. Sure, you could save the four kids in the back seat of the runaway car just before it heads off of the bridge/cliff/parking ramp. But think of all the things you could do in your time off...every beach is a nude beach for the person who can stop time. And it's only the people you want to see nude who are nekkid. Money is no object. Well, I guess it's still an object it's just a really easy to reach object. Anything that you want is yours for the taking and as long as you're taking it from bad guys and jerk-offs your concience is clear, right? That is so sweet.

So, if you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Posted by: Jim at 10:07 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 395 words, total size 2 kb.

Dopple-G loves MUD games. That's Multi-User-Dungeon, like the famed Everquest and others. You buy the game and then buy time on their servers to play at the same time thousands of other people are playing. They're not called MUDs any longer but I don't know what the current term is. They aren't my cup of tea.

Anyway, Dopple-G is all excited over an upcoming MUD game called City of Heroes. You get to make up and play a super hero. What could be cooler than that? Who hasn't dreampt of having a superpower? Hell, in my imagination I've had dozens of them. Still, I'm not into the playing nicely with others gaming concept so I doubt I'll play City of Heroes.

Besides, I doubt they have the superpower that I'd want.

POINTS: 3 points to the first person who can name the hero who yelled out the title to this post. No searching, y'all!

Posted by: Jim at 08:30 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 166 words, total size 1 kb.

This week's Cheddar X is a special format. It's a word association thing where you're supposed to reply with the first thing that comes into your head when you read each word. Here goes!

Olympics = Olympics
Politics = Politics
John Kerry = John Kerry
George Bush = George Bush
Osama = Osama
Same-sex marriage = Same-sex marriage

What? Oh, the first thing that comes into my head besides the words given. Okay, let's try that again.

Olympics = games
Politics = games
John Kerry = Bill Clinton
George Bush = Kick Ass
Osama = fucktard
Same-sex marriage = Enough Already
Todd Bertuzzi = goon
Barry Bonds = cokehead
The Passion of the Christ = Enough Already
Beach = nude
Britney Spears = nude soon
Paris Hilton = Barry Bonds
Microsoft = All encompassing warmth, gratitude and security
France = Cheese eating appeasement monkeys
Hans Blix = ankle biter
Linux = Luxy
MTV = More (of) The View
Outsource = Profit
Hummer H2 = Poser Hummer
Honor = Harrington
Love = Ly Wife
Courtney Love = skank

Well, okay. Some of those weren't my real responses. The problem is that some of my actual responses blew. Okay, okay. The real responses are in the extended version. more...

Posted by: Jim at 04:33 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 342 words, total size 2 kb.

...I had this wierd drunken rambling incoherent thought. It rattled around in my skull for the better part of a couplefew hours without getting much farther than the initial concept stage. Basically, it's this: Political Correctness sucks.

Yeah, that's about as far as I got. Join with me as I mentally expound without actually organizing my thoughts prior to writing them down (this should be interesting or horrific, not sure which).

Political correctness sucks. Big time. I mean, I got ragged on the other day for saying "Oriental". You can't say "Oriental", you have to say "Asian" now. Well, I didn't mean "from Asia" I meant "from the Orient", therefore I used "Oriental" which was a perfect description for what I was talking about. Doesn't matter. You have to use "Asian" because persons of Oriental origin might be offended if you use the word "Oriental". So does that mean I should go shopping for "Asian" rugs now? No, apparently it's still okay to call rugs "Oriental". So now how do we call a person who is of formerly known as Oriental heritage so as not to confuse said person with somebody of Russian or Indian heritage? Well, you just use "Asian" and then everybody knows that you really mean "Oriental". more...

Posted by: Jim at 04:06 PM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
Post contains 578 words, total size 4 kb.

Y'all know Tiffani as a regular commentator and leading competitor in the Snooze Points race. That's her at the #3 spot on the Leader Board o'er yonder.

Well, with just a smidge of help from Yours Truly, Tiffani has launched her own weblog. Go ahead and visit her at Breakfast With Tiffani. Cool name, eh? more...

Posted by: Jim at 01:01 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 158 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Thanks big guy...

Posted by: Tiffani at March 18, 2004 01:35 PM (xpNFK)

2 No problemo.

Posted by: Jim at March 18, 2004 01:41 PM (IOwam)

3 A decent mouse only needs but one button.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at March 18, 2004 02:17 PM (CSxVi)

4 Ah, but if there is only a single button it is still the lefternmost button, is it not?

Posted by: Jim at March 18, 2004 02:21 PM (IOwam)

5 "A decent mouse only needs but one button." "decent" being the operative term. "Real" mice have two buttons.

Posted by: Clancy at March 18, 2004 03:49 PM (EGVPL)

6 and four legs and a tail ... I take it Stephen is either a minimalist or a macophile (and for the record my mouse has 8 buttons and I use every damn one of them)

Posted by: Rob at March 19, 2004 05:53 AM (kXZI6)

7 Hmm. Given that Tiffani already has 9 Munuvians blogrolled, wouldn't she save time by just ditching Blogspot and going MuNu? Jim, Tiffani, this is a hint. Hint hint.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at March 19, 2004 06:23 AM (+S1Ft)

8 My mouse has seven buttons and a scrollwheel that you can also click... And no tail at all. Manx mouse. My other mouse has three buttons. My other other mouse has no buttons!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at March 19, 2004 06:26 AM (+S1Ft)

9 With only one button, how do I distinguish between "open in current tab", "open in new tab", "open in new window" and "download"? Huh? Pfft!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at March 19, 2004 06:28 AM (+S1Ft)

10 Pixy... Jim did suggest mu.nu. later. I just wanted to feel out the whole blog thing. When I'm comfortable Jim said he'd talk to you.

Posted by: Tiffani at March 19, 2004 09:08 AM (xpNFK)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

It's been known for a long time that appeasement doesn't work. Kipling put it very eloquently a century ago.

It is always a temptation to an armed and agile nation,

To call upon a neighbour and to say:

“We invaded you last night—we are quite prepared to fight,

Unless you pay us cash to go away.”



And that is called asking for Dane-geld,

And the people who ask it explain

That youÂ’ve only to pay Â’em the Dane-geld

And then youÂ’ll get rid of the Dane!



It is always a temptation to a rich and lazy nation,

To puff and look important and to say:

“Though we know we should defeat you, we have not the time to meet you.

We will therefore pay you cash to go away.”



And that is called paying the Dane-geld;

But weÂ’ve proved it again and again,

That if once you have paid him the Dane-geld

You never get rid of the Dane.



It is wrong to put temptation in the path of any nation,

For fear they should succumb and go astray,

So when you are requested to pay up or be molested,

You will find it better policy to say:



“We never pay any one Dane-geld,

No matter how trifling the cost,

For the end of that game is oppression and shame,

And the nation that plays it is lost!”



Rudyard Kipling

(1865-1936)

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 11:33 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 237 words, total size 1 kb.

Did you ever have one of those times when you've got to take a leak super bad to the point where you can feel your bladder being constricted by your other organs and you finally get to the bathroom and drop trou as you get into position and you do the one armed lean in anticipation of the unbelievable satisfaction you are about to receive and you cut loose and sigh as the stream of urine cuts into the water like a Bali cliff diver and that delicious sound echoes about you but then you realize that despite these wonderful sensations you are experiencing the one critical one that you are not feeling is the sensation of having to urinate decreasing even the slightest iota and this strikes you as perplexing because how can you still feel like you have to take a piss while you're in the middle of pissing but then it hits you like a thunderclap.

You are asleep.

You are dreaming of peeing because the urge to pee is so bad it is invading your dreams.

And then you jolt awake in a horrific panic knowing, just KNOWING, that you are going to be laying in a pool of urine but thankfully the sheets are dry and the relief that washes over you quickly fades as you realize that your waking up in time on this particular occasion is no guarantee that you will wake up in time on future occasions and that maybe, just maybe, God really does have a sense of humor and this is his little finger in the ribs method to tell you that you'd better shape up or next time is going to be an even bigger relief but not in the way this one was.

No? Me neither.

Posted by: Jim at 10:41 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 302 words, total size 2 kb.

Students suspended over pornography

Twenty male students have been suspended from Murray Bridge High School for accessing pornographic video clips on personal computer files at school.

That first paragraph alerted me that the article was going to be frustrating and have huge holes where necessary information should have been. Articles where technology is a central topic really must be written or at least edited by somebody familiar with the technology. The terminology used by this author shows that she clearly does not grasp the concepts involved.

An Education Department spokesman yesterday confirmed the Year 9, 10 and 11 students were suspended for up to a week after a "routine audit" by an Information Technology technician uncovered the files. The school is investigating how the students obtained the material.

"The school will be looking at the possibility of the material being accessed outside of the school and brought to the site in the form of a CD-ROM," the spokesman said.

Posted by: Jim at 09:57 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 882 words, total size 5 kb.

[Click to biggerize]

What's your job like? Mine is a whole lot like that picture above. I take tools (in my case they are computer programs) and use them in ways that the designers never contemplated having them used. Anything that I can do is fair game. The designer never intended me to use my forklift to pick up another forklift that was picking up industrial tanks and lifting them way, wayway higher than allowed in any of the specs? Well, if the designer doesn't prevent me from doing that I'm going to do it 'cause you can be sure as hell that eventually a user is going to try to do it (the proof is in the picture).

Of course there is one big difference between how I abuse product and the way it's being done in that picture. They're stretching the limits in an attempt to get something constructive and necessary done. If it was me doing QA testing I'd be rocking that thing back and forth until something broke or crashed.

The moral of the story: I love my job.

Another moral of the story: It's probably a good thing that I work in software and not at a forklift manufacturer.

Posted by: Jim at 08:15 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 219 words, total size 2 kb.

Lovely Wife went out with her galpal last night to get nails done and do some kbitzing. That gave me just enough time for an abbreviated Guy's Movie Night. I decided to watch Underworld. I'd heard mixed reviews on it but since Susie recommended it I knew it had to be good (five points for Susie, by the way).

As far as vampire movies go it wasn't very good. As far as werewolf movies go it wasn't very good. As far as action movies go it was awesome. The vampire/werewolf thing was really just used as a story device and to add flavor and I thought it did really well as such. The action was excellent with lots of nifty Matrix-like effects. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:22 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 428 words, total size 3 kb.

Just how valuable is a single vote? Let's find out!

I am offering up my vote in the next general election to the highest bidder. This includes the Presidential race as well as any Congressional, Senatorial, State, County and Local elections, and any ammendments or resolutions that appear on my ballot. Items that are not on the ballot may also be included and I will think about those unavailable choices with simulated regret while voting for actual ballot items.

The above are offered up for sale in a mixed auction right on this very site. If you wish to bid silently you may send an email to votebid@jpeacock.net. If you would like to bid publicly you may do so right here in the comments to this post. Bidding rules are:

1. You may bid as many times as you wish.


2. Bid increments will be a minimum of $1.00.


3. All bids are in US Dollars.


4. Offers of goods or services will be accepted in lieu of cash. Auctioneer will be the sole arbiter of the cash value of goods or services offered. You may contact the auctioneer to receive an assessed value before bidding with goods or services or just go for it and the auctioneer will post the assessed value when he gets around to it.


5. Bidders will not refer to themselves in the third person. Third person personal referral is reserved solely for the auctioneer.


6. 3rd party goods or services may not be offered. For example, you may not bid "Sex with Kate Beckinsale" unless you yourself are Kate Beckinsale.


7. If you are Kate Beckinsale and you bid "Sex with Kate Beckinsale" you win.


8. Bid entry must include at least a Presidential vote choice and may include selections for all ballot choices available in Lawrenceville, Georgia.


9. Bids will be accepted through the end of the auction. Auction will end at some random point in the future when the humor potential of this post has petered out.


10. Hehehe. I said "petered". That was cool.

Good luck and may the wealthiest person with the loosest morals win!

Posted by: Jim at 09:14 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 351 words, total size 2 kb.

Helen's having a bit of a bother trying to open a bank account in merry old England. You know how it is - they want three forms of ID, utility bills, body fluids, firstborn child, etceteras.

I had a bank experience like that. It was back many a year when we were putting a new roof on my Dad's house. It was a lovely Saturday, just about 140 degrees on the roof (or near enough you couldn't tell the difference). We were pounding away and laying shingles when out of the house pops my step-mum. Normally this was a welcome occurence as she'd be bringing out iced tea or cool-aid, or perhaps sandwiches and a beer ration. Hopes for cool beverages or sustenance were crushed when a quick glance showed her hands to be empty.

Lo, she said unto me: "Jim, didn't you have to go to the bank today?" This struck me as an odd question. Of course I did. I had spoken of it quite specifically the night previous. My aquisition of my very first muscle car (a 1970 Mustang Grande) would be jeapordized were I to miss hitting the bank this day. A thought occured to me then and I asked her "Prithee, what time is it?" Her reply of "It is approximately 2 minutes before the bank closes. Or, using the New Math, it is exactly 42 seconds too late for you to get to the bank regardless of what you do to try to speed up your travel process" did not fill me with joyous feelings. However, I was always a polite lad and responded thusly. "Thank thee, m'lady. Wouldst thou care to remove thine self from my directeth patheth as I shall be travelling forthwith post haste?" more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:35 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 865 words, total size 5 kb.

Guinness bubbles really do sink!

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 10:47 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 29 words, total size 1 kb.

I was really sad that Spain elected a communist socialist government. I mean, hasn't the failure of the socialist system been more than amply proven? Seriously, name a socialist country that isn't bankrupt or rife with monetary problems.

Perhaps more apropos to America's interests, it also means that Spain will be pulling out from the Coalition of the Willing unless we turn over control of Iraq to the UN. As that's remarkably akin to turning over a gas pump to a pyromaniac I seriously doubt that Dubya is going to go that route.

Spain pulling out of the only organized anti-terrorist coalition in the world really struck me as bad. I mean, the terrorists are definitely going to be looking at this as a win. They blew up some trains, murdered a whole bunch of people and scared the Spaniards enough that they elected the Appeasement Party. Al Qaeda and the rest of those scum are going to look at this as proof that their terror tactics work. more...

Posted by: Jim at 09:26 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 750 words, total size 4 kb.

There once was a man from Iraq,
With holes down the side of his cock.
When he got an erection,
He'd play a selection,
From Johann Sebastian Bach.

What's your favorite dirty limmerick?

Posted by: Jim at 06:24 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 39 words, total size 1 kb.

The 2004 Peacock Invitational is now in progress. Our contestants are:

Me
Tiffany
Joey
Jeremy
Tiger

The five of us are now on our honor to not smoke until March 15 of 2005. That's no smoking, period. No taking a single puff off of a buddy's cig. No pipe or stogie in the champagne room. No chaw or other sneaky ways to get nicotine either*.

The penalty if anybody fails is to pay each of the other betters $25 each. That means that for all of us the next cigarette we smoke in the next year would cost us $100. If that's not an incentive not to suck on a butt then I don't know what is.

Good luck my compatriots. I sincerely hope I don't see a dime from any of you.

* Exceptions are valid quit-smoking aids like Nicorette Gum or the Patch.

Posted by: Jim at 04:05 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 149 words, total size 1 kb.

Shamming or Sharing (#

Update: Results are in the extended entry.

Want to know what it's about? See the Shamming/Sharing intro post.

Is this anecdote a sham or a share?

I wasn't always the sober and responsible person y'all know today. In my foolish youth I was quite a bit...wilder. No, that doesn't quite gather the feeling I'm looking for. I was more...reckless. No, that's not it either. Stupid! That's it! I was remarkably stupid.

For example, one evening out on the icy streets of Buffalo I lost control of my vehicle (it was a Chevette!) and crashed into a guard rail. That's not the stupid part - this sort of thing is an accepted part of living in Buffalo. I crushed my front left quarterpanel and snapped my front left spring in half. I took my tire iron out and pounded the folded metal out of the way, enlisted some friendly neighborhood types to get out of the snowbank and went on my merry way. That's not the stupid part either. You don't spend money to tow a winter beater car when you don't have to and half a front spring is still more than enough anyway. I drove it like that for the rest of the winter.

Very early that spring my step bro and I spent two entire days rebuilding that front end. I got a new panel from a junkyard, he found the spring really cheap somewhere, I got new rotors and calipers on sale (those weren't related to the crash damage) and we went to town. It was a bitch and a half. We didn't quite have the correct tools so we were doing crazy things like using a rope pulley for the wheel pulley (they're both pulley's, right?) and hammers and wedges where hammers and wedges have no business being and some rigged up contraption to compress the spring. This wasn't the stupid part either, though it probably would have qualified if that spring had let go.

The stupid part came about a week after that monumental effort of car fixing. After a night out with the lads I had a drop or fifty too much beverage in me and I spun out on the bridge near our house ("bridge surface may freeze before road" - those signs tell the truth). As the laws of karma demanded, the corner of the car that smashed into the guardrail was of course the same corner we had so recently spent pain, blood and tears fixing.

Current Standings:

Two Correct
jim
Mike the Marine

One Correct
Brian Jones
Helen
Jeremy
mitzi
MojoMark
Mutinousdoug
Rob
Simon
Sue
Susie
Tiffani

Zero Correct
Everybody else more...

Posted by: Jim at 03:16 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 554 words, total size 4 kb.

Update: Results at the end of the extended entry.

Here it is - Friday already. Sweet!

Let's start the day with a slice of Cheddar X. more...

Posted by: Jim at 02:18 PM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
Post contains 947 words, total size 5 kb.

The 15th Bestofme Symphony is up at The Owners Manual. This is the Bloggywood Squares Edition so get on over there and play along!

Hosting: Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note any you're in like Flynn.

Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.

Spread the word: Webloggers, please give Gary a hand by spreading the word. A little linky love goes a long way.

Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, join the mailing list. There's one email sent on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.

Posted by: Jim at 06:06 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 150 words, total size 1 kb.

As mentioned previously tonight was Guy's Movie Night. The festivities began with Die Unendliche Geschichte, more commonly known as "The Neverending Story" (and just what the hell is up with IMDB putting up a title like that as the primary one? Sheesh!). The boys loved it (the two older ones that is, the little guy didn't make it to movie time) and I appear to have been spared from anybody screaming over scary wolf nightmares (knock on wood). Helen gets the points for this one. She didn't just recommend it, she bought it for us. Helen, you're awesome beyond words' poor description.

Once the lads were abed the grownup fare came out. I watched Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. I'd been putting this one off for a long, long time. You see, Terminator is one of my all time favorite absolutely most loved and cherished movies in the universe. Terminator 2 is quite likely the first sequel I've ever seen that didn't totally piss me the fuck off. On the contrary, it rocked as much as the first one (although in a different way). So I've been terrified of watching #3. I mean, Cameron wasn't even involved in this one! What if it totally sucked? Or didn't totally suck but went all eXtreme and shit and pissed me off in those more subtle suckass ways? Well, it didn't. It wasn't the movie that 1 or 2 were but it wasn't that far behind and it most definitely didn't tarnish its predecessors. Once I started to relax (when I acknowledged that it wasn't sucking ass) I really started to enjoy it. Very excellent ending, too! So long as they keep Jerry Bruckheimer very very far away from it, I'll watch #4 too (you just know that there's going to be a #4 after an ending like that). Points for this recommendation go to Christine.

Honorable mention go to Underworld and Intolerable Cruelty (Susie and MojoMark, respectively). Those were my next choices and will probably fill my slate on the next Guy's Movie Night.

Posted by: Jim at 01:40 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 349 words, total size 2 kb.

1 My pleasure

Posted by: Helen at March 15, 2004 08:10 AM (6dPV0)

2 I just wanted to mention that I SAW that you also "rented" some kind of "erotic" type of movie on our beloved VOD. When will you EVER learn that the FREE ones SUCK!?! Hell,what am I saying?THANK GOD THEY ARE FREE! I just hope the boys didn't get to see it...I rather pay for them to see a GOOD one! :-)

Posted by: LW at March 15, 2004 11:00 PM (saeHM)

3 VOD kicks ass! Okay, so the free erotic movies don't have a plot or any decently graphic sex. They have boobs and asses and those are still fun to watch.

Posted by: Jim at March 16, 2004 05:09 AM (saeHM)

Hide Comments | Add Comment