You know that fence that Israel is building? The one that a certain [*cough* Arab *cough*] segment of the world population keeps crying about? The one that Israel says will save the lives of its civilians from Palestinian explodikazis but its detractors [*cough* United Nations *cough*] say is some sort of land grab? Yeah, that one.

Turns out it's working really well.

Which begs the question - would Israel be willing to help us to engineer a fence for Falluja?

(Hat tip to Meryl Yourish)

Posted by: Jim at 02:03 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 Ah, but YOU have "show comments", which pop up on the same page! You get a dispensation for that.... (Though I STILL hate having to go back again after I've commented....)

Posted by: Susie at May 18, 2004 03:05 PM (SmnTx)

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The Survivor site got a new facelift. Hell, it got whole-body cosmetic surgery including liposuction and all the botox that would fit.

The prize list is growing. Currently the winner will receive:

1. ($250) Hosting and design package from Amscray Hosting


2. ($70) Site design/redesign from pixelscripts.net


3. ($15) Gift certificate to Amazon from Wetwired


4. ($15) One month Blogads advertisement at ZeroIntelligence.net

$350 in prizes, and counting. If you want to be a player you need to email Pylorns to let him know. The only qualification is that you have an existing weblog.

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UPDATED: 18 May 2004
UPDATED: 17 May 2004
UPDATED: 16 May 2004

Comments have been closed.

My point has been made and I have no desire to keep dwelling on this particular horror. All of the crap being bandied about can be explained in reasonable terms without any conspiracy theory foolishness necessary.

If you have something that you believe proves something weird or odd or whatever other euphemism you choose to use then apply Occam's Razor to your supposition. If you cannot come up with a simple reason for whatever it is then contact the New York Times or a therapist. One or the other will be able to help you.

Sorry if this offends but I'm finding the continued curiosity to be somewhat macabre and disturbing and I want no part of it. more...

Posted by: Jim at 10:35 AM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
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WHAT TYPE OF WILD CREATURE ARE YOU? (New Pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

(Snagged from the Proto Monkey)

Posted by: Jim at 10:08 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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If alcohol is your passion, then clearly you are underage. Alcohol should be like an old friendly woman that you fuck. You know just how far you can go, just how much you can take, and sometimes, after spending too much time with her, you never want to see her again, but you always come back because it turns out you donÂ’t have anything else to do that night. ThereÂ’s no passion, just a nice mutual comfort. ThatÂ’s true commitment to alcohol, folks, so donÂ’t act like you love it unless you really do.

(Hat tip to Dopple-G)

Posted by: Jim at 04:29 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I couldn't believe it either but just look at this stuff:

Last night I decided to have some signs printed up to hang above the urinals in public restrooms. They would read “What would you do if someone stole your wallet right now? Something to think about.”

I mean, it’s not like you’re going to turn around and give chase. Yeah, running full speed through a crowded bar with your wrinklebeast hanging out, spraying urine haphazardly on unsuspecting patrons while you yell “Someone grab that guy!”

ThatÂ’ll work.

Wrinklebeast. I could have thought of that! Damn, I feel so small now.

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The 24th Bestofme Symphony is up at Blown Fuse. Our host Tiffany takes us on a tour of the best in the Blogosphere and gets the cleaning up done too.

Hosting: Would you like to host the Symphony? Send me a note and I'll get you on the schedule.

Submit to the Symphony: Want to be a part of next week's edition? Check out this post for submission help. Entries should always be sent to bestofme@jpeacock.net regardless of who the Symphony host is.

Spread the word: Webloggers, how about some linky love? Tiffany would appreciate it and just think of how happy your readers would be if you gave them such a treat. Plus, there's a nice leg shot in the post just prior to the Symphony - you know your readers are going to be mad if they miss that.

Email Reminders: If you'd like to be sent a reminder about the Symphony, join the mailing list. There's one email sent on Thursday or Friday to remind you to submit for the next Symphony and one on Monday with the location of the newly posted Symphony.

Posted by: Jim at 08:34 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Charter sucks. That's our cable company. If you're in the market for video on demand that cuts out constantly or high speed access that's as reliable as AOL was in the olden days then Charter is the company for you.

We lost our internet access on Friday. A call to tech support could not fix the problem - a service call to replace the cable modem was to be made on Saturday. Saturday came and went with no call from the friendly Charter technicians. We were at a graduation party for the latter half of the day so did not contact Charter about it again until Sunday.

Yesterday morning (bright and early riser that I am) I called Charter again. Where the hell was my new modem? Well sir, that service call was changed because when the trouble ticket was reviewed they noted a couple more things to try. But nobody called us to try them. Wankers.

Completely erasing the modem's configuration file and downloading a new one actually got the modem working again. I was happy.

Until noon. That's when the modem failed again. No more service. A call to Charter determined that a new modem really was needed but not to worry, it would be there before the end of the day. Do I really need to say what (didn't) happen next?

Okay, for the record then...no new cable modem arrived. Another call to Charter let me know that the service call bringing the new modem on Sunday was rescheduled to first thing Monday morning. Again nobody had called the customer. They rescheduled an appointment without telling one half of the people involved in said appointment.

This now qualifies them as fucknuts.

They are supposed to contact my Lovely Wife first thing this morning to arrange a time to bring the new modem. I am not holding my breath.

Fucking monopolies fucking suck.

Posted by: Jim at 08:26 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Get your submissions in for the next Bestofme Symphony. Send them to bestofme@jpeacock.net and they'll be in Monday's edition at Blown Fuse.

Please note that the autoresponse you are used to receiving isnÂ’t working. The emails themselves are getting through, itÂ’s just not sending out the confirmations.

The only requirements are that you think the post is good and that it be at least 2 months old. It doesn't even have to be from your own blog. It just can't get any simpler!

The basics of the Bestofme Symphony.
Want to host a Symphony?
Get reminder emails.

Posted by: Jim at 02:28 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Every once in a while I'll get curious about what people who find this site were looking for. I'll put on my rubber gloves and my thickest apron and check in the referral logs. Here, for your amusement, are some of the most recent search phrases that have brought people to Snooze Button Dreams. As always, my smarmy comments follow.

do you bite your thumb
No. And I stopped sucking on it months ago.

there's a party in my pants
Am I invited?

rape stories written by authors
I think that if it's written it sort of has to be by an author. Can you have a rape story written by a non-author? more...

Posted by: Jim at 11:39 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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So, is £115.00 a lot to pay for an empty X-Box box? The winner of that auction seems to think so:

never buy anything from this f**king w**ker £120 for a box

The seller has little sympathy for the careless bidder and, strangely enough, neither do I. May the buyer beware!

Posted by: Jim at 08:46 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Bill over at Bloviating Inanities has a sweet story about a teen who is getting her facial deformity corrected with the help of Operation Smile. Go read Bill's post. You'll be glad you did.

Posted by: Jim at 03:37 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Even our racist assholes have some redeeming qualities.

Six Men Sentenced in Cross Burning

ROME, Ga. (AP) -- A federal judge sentenced six men to prison terms ranging from six months to 46 months Friday for burning a cross in the yard of a woman whose daughter was romantically involved with a black man.

Jerrell Timothy Garner, Stacy Paul Jones, Steven Garland Jones, Jeremy Ray Sims, Eric Shane Sullivan and Billy Richards Wells -- all of Trenton -- pleaded guilty Feb. 23 to conspiracy to deprive civil rights.

They still burn crosses? What's up with that? I never understood how a supposedly militant christian could rationalize torching the symbol of their church. Anyway, the redeeming part is here:

Sims and the Jones brothers made the cross and placed it at the foot of Eva Hurst's driveway in Sand Mountain on Nov. 5. They lit the cross and left, then worried that the flames might spread to a nearby tinder-dry forest, so Sullivan called 911.

I'm not sure if the redeemable part is that they were concerned enough about the possibility of a fire to turn themselves in to prevent it or that they were so stupid that they turned themselves in when they had gotten away scott free. Given that they lit up the cross next to the tinder dry forest in the first place I'm going to go with the "stupid" option for now.

(Hat tip to Lovely Wife)

Posted by: Jim at 03:28 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I did. Fortunately for me, I've got Dopple-G here to send me a smile maker when needed. Fortunately for you, you've got me to do the same.

Click here if you need a smile.

Posted by: Jim at 03:02 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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The latest in a long line of inanity:

Vision is the art of seeing things not visible.

I could be kind and say that I understand what the author was going for here. He wants to say that being able to recognize possibilities is what being a visionary is all about. But I'm not kind to people who obscure their meanings behind foolish pedantry so I'm calling "bullshit" here.

The premise itself is bunk. These sayings are supposed to be supportive or indicative of successful business culture. In business you do have true visionaries - they are the guys in the white coats down in the lab who tinker with doodads, gizmos and whatsits. They are markedly different from the people with corporate vision who assign budgets, verify cost and yield figures and do market analysis for the new product lines.

The real success of a business is not in seeing possibilities but in recognizing probabilities. In other words it is much more important to see what's directly in front of your face. Steve Wozniak was a visionary. Bill Gates had corporate vision.

Posted by: Jim at 11:24 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 "Vision is the art of seeing things not visible" It was written by someone who is an indirect person.

Posted by: pylorns at May 13, 2004 11:55 AM (FTYER)

2 Seeing things not visible is, I believe, called hallucinating...

Posted by: Susie at May 13, 2004 03:28 PM (xxMEB)

3 Bill Gates had corporate vision... and an inate abilty to pinch the ideas of visionarys!

Posted by: Rob at May 13, 2004 06:01 PM (BWDMP)

4 See? Rob understands the difference!

Posted by: Jim at May 13, 2004 07:07 PM (saeHM)

5 Vision isn't even art.

Posted by: Trey Givens at May 14, 2004 01:10 PM (JmLrk)

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For all y'all that missed it, I was participating in corporate scholastics this Monday and Tuesday. Specifically, I was getting training on distribution replenishment from a lady who knows more about it than everybody else. This might not sound all that exciting until you remember that replenishment efficiency equals profit and profit equals money. Money is always interesting.

1. There are lots of little things wrong with our product that we don't see because we aren't using it and people aren't telling us, probably because they're the little niggling things that aren't really "wrong", they're just irritating or not as good as they could be. We need a way to discover these things. They are generally very easy to change and can make a great difference in the usage experience of our customers. User Interface really is important, y'all.


2. Our demo data is pooched. It's usable, technically, sort of. You just can't actually simulate the workings of an actual business with it. We need somebody to fix this. Somebody who isn't me of course.


3. If you go to a class at a corporation and you don't really know the subject that is being discussed, don't wear bright orange nail polish. In fact, just as a general theory for life, don't wear bright orange nail polish. Thanks.


4. Supplier efficiency is what kills distributors. WalMart really does kick ass. They are bigger because they really are better.


5. Scan the bathroom before the students/customers have the opportunity to go potty. If one of the Morning Crew has left reading material on the back of the shitter, go ahead and toss it in the garbage. Reading material in the john says things about your company that you really want to have kept in the family.


6. Especially when that reading material is a paperback copy of The Exorcist.


7. eBay really is the new sales paradigm. Of the three distributors in my class, two were using eBay heavily to reduce overstock as well as clear inventory and make it economically feasible to order special items that come in standard packs. eBay is letting them give better supply service and helping them to run a leaner ship. eBay rocks like WalMart.


8. In a customer-centric situation like this training class all company titles are swapped for "Salesperson" as you pass through the door. I think I sold three upgrades just by talking about the items in the latest product version. Do I get commission on that?

Posted by: Jim at 10:41 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 Now, now -- WalMart is the spawn of satan, and you know it, corporate reprogramming ...er, *education* week or not.

Posted by: Claire at May 14, 2004 10:09 PM (l1oyw)

2 It was only two days so my soul is still intact.

Posted by: Jim at May 15, 2004 07:42 AM (saeHM)

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Are you pissed about the murder of Nick Berg? Me too. So is everybody I know (and yes, I mean everybody). So what do we do when we see evil of such a primal barbarian nature? What can you and I, common everyday people, possibly do? Alan at Command Post has the answer. Fight evil by strengthening the good.

Well, IÂ’ve decided what to make of it all, and what IÂ’m going to make is some good. Susan Tom is a hero Â… one of millions Â… waking each day with a commitment to make the lives of others better through love. Hers is an example to which humanity should aspire. So my response to the murder of Nick Berg and the inhumanity it represents is to use it as motivation to give to Susan Tom and the humanity she represents.

...

For the next three days, between the time stamp of this post and Midnight EDT Friday night, Michele and I will contribute all donations made to The Command Post PayPal account (the buttonÂ’s below this post and also over in the right-hand column) to the Tom Family Education Trust.

So far they've raised over $5,000 toward their goal of $10,000. Now THAT is a statement!

(Alan has a nice brief on Susan Tom at the post linked up top, as well as a collection of links about her and the Tom Family Education Trust.)

Posted by: Jim at 08:26 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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You jerk off for two days and make your readers work the site for you and then on the day everybody is expecting you back (perhaps with some sort of entertaining anecdote from two days of corporate scholastics?) you play the bastiche again and go AWOL. What gives?

I received the email above (in slightly altered form) and would like to take this time to say "bite me" "sorry y'all". I took the day off yesterday to attend Bear's graduation from Pre-K and had an awesome family day. I didn't take time on the PC to do anything except scan emails and the news aggregator occasionally. I'm back now so keep your panties on. (Or don't. I'm good either way.) more...

Posted by: Jim at 07:26 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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All has been settled. Copious points have been handed out and freebie codes sent to Rob and Simon.

This was pretty neat but I think that next time it'll be just a day long. With two days in a row the second day didn't seem to get much attention. Also, I'll see about getting the word out ahead of time so people will know what's coming up.

What do y'all think? Better than crappy post day? Worse? Would you rather have a pencil shoved in your ear than read just about anything on this site? You tell me. I want to know.

Posted by: Jim at 08:12 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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You thought it was over after whatsisname proposed to whatsername, won the girl and lost the prize, right? Wrong! That was just the (continuously ironically termed) reality TV show. We don't need no stinkin' TV show!

Blogosphere Survivor is back! June first will be the official start date for Game 2. Pylorns is running it from the start this time and he's looking for some help. Specifically, he needs players, ideas for challenges and game improvements, promotion from fans and some prizes. If you can provide any of the above, comment at the post I linked above or email pylorns-at-wetwired-dot-org.

See you on the island!

Posted by: Jim at 08:07 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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